Where is Pinoy Pride? I’ll tell you where…

SOMEONE named Tess Underwood uploaded a question in “Yahoo! Answers” that’s very demeaning to Filipinos. Here’s a copy:

Here’s the actual page: CLICK THIS.

The problem with this entry is that if you Google “Pinoy Pride”, it comes out as the second item in the Google search list (right after the Pinoy Pride Network site).

This negative opinion has become the second reference material for Pinoy Pride searches on line.

Which is quite unfair to all Filipinos and the Philippines.

I got so pissed, I wanted to give my Yahoo answer but the page has closed.

Tess has accepted and gave a high rating to an answer that affirms her distorted beliefs (you can see it there).

So, I’ve decided to post my answer, my scanned thoughts, here.

I am proud to be a Filipino and I will try to answer ALL her opinions one by one to enlighten her on what being a Filipino is really about:

Opinion 1: Filipinos always brag to be part Chinese, part American, part Dutch, part Korean, part Japanese, part Spanish. I have yet to meet one that says they are proud to be….Filipino.

My answer: If you know about the rich history of the Filipinos, you would not even ask this question. Filipinos are part African, Indonesian, Malaysian, Chinese, Spanish, American, Japanese, Arab, Korean, Australian and European.

The original “Filipinos” were the dark-skinned Negritos who walked all the way from Africa when the Pangaea continent still existed (we still have some of these ethnic Filipinos in Subic; you also see them in Manila during Christmas). Next to come were the Indones (from Indonesia) who brought their culture and language to our land, that’s why we have a lot of similar customs and traditions with them (our ancient handwriting, a lot of Filipino words, the the musical instruments angklung and gamelan). Last were the Malays (from Malaysia) who brought the Muslim religion to Southern Philippines. Later the Chinese traders came, who passed in our islands to trade with the Indones and Malays. When we were colonized by Spain, they gave our islands the collective name “Islas Filipinas” and the island natives were called “Filipino” after King Philip of Spain. That’s why Rizal—who is Filipino—is also half-Chinese.

So, even before the Spaniards came in the 1500s, we have been a rich mixture of different races; that’s what makes us different. That’s why we are also one of the most beautiful races in the world. That’s why the Westerners, the Arabs and other Asian countries fall in love with our Pinay beauties, court them and later marry them for keeps. That’s also why we have the Fil-American-Arab-European-Korean-Japanese children who are all products of post WW II inter-racial marriages brought about by war/ tourism/business/jobs abroad.

Remember, these are very open-minded foreigners who have chosen to marry Pinays against the accepted norms of their own societies. So, it’s a sacrifice for both husband and wife; it’s also a bit confusing for us, the products of these unions. However,  we have to be proud of this fact—that being Filipino is being part of another race– that we were able to survive all those challenges in our history to produce a racial breed that is culturally, beautifully, intellectually, creatively mixed and diverse.

Only Nazis would strictly tolerate a society of pure breeds. And you should know how that idea ended.

Read up:  http://philippines-timeline.com/spanish.htm

Opinion 2: 100% of the ‘famous Filipino’ actors and models, are only 1/4th Filipino.

My answer: This is a baseless generalization. You need to give specific names of these “famous Filipinos” before you insinuate that your statements are factual. What is true in the context of Philippine show business today is that a lot of these “famous actors and models” use the term Filipino because they are trying to work in the Philippines as actors and models or would want to get a fan base in the Philippines. If they present themselves as foreigners, they might not get hired, because by then the Department of Foreign Affairs would require them a work permit which will cost them and their employers a lot of money. Certainly the common Pinoy Fan wouldn’t want to idolize them for being too-Hollywood. So, it’s not about Pinoy Pride; it’s more about show-Business. I guess if you think they don’t deserve to be called Filipinos, the best way for you to handle your personal baggage against them is to boycott whatever products or programmes they endorse. Otherwise just let them earn a living.

Here’s a better list of certified “famous Filipino” celebrities:

http://www.famousfilipino.com/content/view/263/138/

Opinion 3: All the products in the Philippines say “export quality”. That means it’s so good, it’s good for foreigners. Shouldn’t it say ‘Pinoy quality’?

My answer: If you are going to talk about products from the Philippines from a business perspective and you would want to successfully market that product internationally, the term “export quality” would be the best description. You need to use words that everybody in the world would understand so that they would buy your product. Also remember, most of these exports are produced and marketed in a free market system that involves plenty of sharing of ideas, raw materials and investments from our partner countries, so why should Pinoys take all the credit? You should think globally if you’re selling to a global market.

From  http://www.philexport.ph/philippines-economy

“The Philippines exports continue with its upward trend throughout 2012. While US and Japan have remained the country’s two largest export markets, China and ASEAN countries have grown in importance. Other key markets include Hong Kong, Germany, Netherlands, South Korea, France and India.”

Opinion 4: Almost all of the products have Japanese, Chinese, English, or Korean writing. Giving the impression that these products are exported. With the exception of San Miguel products, Philippines products ARE NOT exported. It is mere faux Japanese, and faux Chinese.

My answer: If these are “faux Japanese and faux Chinese”, then the manufacturers have just wasted a large amount of their printing budget. Do you think any businessman would spend for something that will not have any purpose? In advertising, the more text and colour you put in the label design the more production cost you incur. I think you should be happy when you see foreign words in the items you consume because it means you have been being given an opportunity to taste what the rest of the world are having. These are authentic products for export—usually they are production overruns (sobra). So, some of them end up in the local markets even if they’re not supposed to.

From http://www.foodexport.org/Resources/CountryProfileDetail.cfm?ItemNumber=1030

“The Philippines is fast becoming a regional staging area for foreign food manufacturers that seek to penetrate the lucrative East and South East Asian market for processed products. This country has been identified for the ability of its workforce to manufacture high quality, differentiated or niche-market, and high valued products using both domestic and duty-free imported raw materials.”

Opinion 5: Courtship, Filipino style: If Filipinos had pride, then why do the girls here scream and beg to be with any foreigner who happens to walk down the street? Why does everyone here offer their niece, daughter, sister, grand daughter, etc. for marriage to a total stranger, so long as he is foreign? Even if the girl is a teenager, and the foreigner is a 200 kilo, 73 year old in a wheelchair? Why do people offer their children for sex, as young as 5?

My answer: If you’re talking about prostitution and sex trade, why are you focussing only on Filipinos? This “system” is legal in 50% of all countries in the world. It is even illegal in the Philippines! Do not generalize that everyone in the Philippines does it. If you’re talking about our 101,833,938 Filipino citizens nationwide, how much of that number do you think “scream and beg to be with any foreigner who happens to walk down the street”?

Prostitution—the oldest profession in the world– is a common story in all countries where poverty is very high and strict traditions are followed. It’s even worst in Eastern Europe (with their economy going to the dumps). It’s been happening in the Arab world, Africa, India, Japan and China for centuries (with their arranged marriages to privileged men in exchange for land and cattle). Even the crack addicts in the United States are doing the same thing (most of the time they don’t even get married—they just sell sex, later to buy drugs). It’s not the country, its poverty. And there are a lot of poor people all over the world, not only in the Philippines, if no one has told you yet.

Read up:

http://prostitution.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=000772#afghanistan

Opinion 6: If they have pride, then why do they charge dishonest prices at the wet market?

My answer: It’s not dishonest. It’s called price mark-ups. In the business of selling, you need capital to buy or create your product. To be able to make a profit out of that product you need to sell it at a price that is more than your capital. Some prices are intentionally high at wet markets because it’s also a common practice to haggle with the customer to come up with an acceptable price for both the vendor and the buyer. And yes, like all your previous assumptions, it does not only happen in the Philippines. If you think, its way overpriced, then go to the nearest police station or barangay hall or a DTI Office and have the vendor arrested.

Watch one man’s experience in Bali, INDONESIA:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLTfyjUk3mQ

Opinion 7: Where is the pride, when, if a foreigner goes out in public, everyone smiles, points, stares, and shouts at them. Tries to pawn off stolen goods, or over-priced goods. Or yells rude, inappropriate things?

My answer: Clearly you’ve never been to New York City, USA where illegal vendors, who are also irritating to the public is a big problem:

Click this source>> http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20120608/soho/city-should-overhaul-complex-street-vendor-laws-police-say

Or INDIA, where everyone in the market place “smiles, points, stares, and shouts…tries to pawn off stolen goods, or over-priced goods. Or yells rude, inappropriate things”.

Click this proof >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDBoyX17QBM

Again—Not only in the Philippines!!!

Opinion 8: Finally, If the Philippine is so great, then why is it everyone’s dream to get out, and move to another country? The Philippines is a tiny nation, yet 50,000, FIFTY THOUSAND, migrate to the USA alone, PER YEAR. That’s just one nation. Let alone Australia, UK, Japan, etc. 2,500 Filipinos migrate out of their country-PER DAY. That’s over a MILLION per yer. If the Philippines is the best place on Earth, why leave?

My answer: Where did you get this stupid information? 50,000 people a year?! How? The Philippines is not even on the global list of countries with the highest migration rate. In Qatar, only 10% of their citizens are staying in their country to work. 90% of the Qataris are staying out of their country. Does that mean they don’t like being in their country?

Click this source:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_net_migration_rate

Do you know why were not on the list? It’s actually very hard for Filipinos to leave the country with all the paperwork alone (legal or otherwise), not to mention the enormous cost.  Migrating is very expensive. And do you know how hard it is for Filipinos to change citizenship abroad? If you speak to all the Filipinos who are now abroad, if given a choice, they would rather come back and die old in the Philippines. But why do the eager ones leave? It’s because we get higher salaries abroad. Why, because we Filipinos have a highly regarded international reputation as very hardworking, loyal and intelligent. We leave to work and get paid well, but surely we will be back home again.

Opinion 9: There. Only a few things to look at. I’m not racist, nor political. I just think it would be better if Filipinos said “okay, this place sucks, but…..”. Instead of making it seem like the paradise that it’s not.

I am really quite curious about this. ‘Pinoy Pride’ is something in-yo-face every day here, but where is it REALLY? Any constructive feedback? Salamat po!

My answer: If indeed you are Filipino (as you claim to be), and you love your country (as you seem to insinuate) then you should be proud of your country and your countrymen. We should always say WE ARE PROUD OF THE PHILIPPINES because in the end, even if you say “it sucks” it’s the only country we have. It’s the only home for the Filipinos. It’s the only paradise for Proud Filipinos.

Truth be told, you will never feel totally accepted anywhere else in the world except in your own country. You will never be treated as an equal by another race in their own country. Ask anyone who have been abroad.

Sad to say– you are racist, political and very ignorant.

But it’s not too late.

I hope I have helped you change your mind set about your country and your countrymen.

If I haven’t, then shame on you.

And everyone else who agree with you.
MABUHAY ANG PILIPINAS!

MABUHAY ANG MGA PILIPINO!

(aLJI, June 2012)

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Hunyo 15, 2012. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. Mag-iwan ng puna.

WHAT is HAPPENING in JAPAN’S nuclear PLANT?

IF you still DON’T UNDERSTAND what’s going on in Japan right now…

CLICK the video BELOW

and start PRAYING for the people in Fukushima.

Additional links (please click, too) :

THE UNSUNG HEROES

NO LOOTING AT ALL

Marso 18, 2011. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . ALAM ba News?. Mag-iwan ng puna.

HOW TO Appreciate… a RAINBOW

SOMETIMES when you feel

that the world is not a good place to be

with all its complicated problems

and all your own problems

all mixed up with everyone else’s,

we are reminded that

there is always joy in the simplest of things.

That at the end of the day

the only thing that matters is

trusting that there is Someone in charge

who will take care of all our worries

and make everything alright.

CLICK THE VIDEO BELOW

and see what real happiness is all about 🙂

(Video’s loading too slow? CLICK>> THIS)

Whenever I bring clouds over the earth

and a rainbow appears in the clouds,

I will remember my covenant between me and you

and all living creatures of every kind.

Never again will the waters become

a flood to destroy all life.”

(Genesis 9:15-16)

Agosto 28, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Pilosopo PHILOSOPHY, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 4 mga puna.

“Age” by Larry Miller

(by ely m.) WHILE digging into some more email trash that’s been clogging my yahoo account (been doing this for a couple of months now– I’m sure you’ve noticed if you’re a regular “scannedthoughtero”), I came across this classic philosophical chainmail disguised as internet goobledigook. The thing is, this one actually makes a lot of sense.

And having all the time in the world, I Googled for more info about it: about George Carlin mainly, because it was attributed to this late, great standup comic. Turns out, Carlin was not the author of this standup classic. It was actually Larry Miller.

We all know who George Carlin is (yes, he’s the ponytailed  “Rufus”  in “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure“).

But who the hell is Larry Miller?

He’s the gay guy from “Princess Diaries 1 and 2“– the one who did the makeover for hottie Anne Hattaway.

So, this blog will help hopefully in setting the record straight: That Larry Miller is THE MAN!

And George Carlin had a totally diferent take on “Ageing”.

Here’s the whole Classic Email:

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?

If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. ‘How old are you?’

‘I’m four and A HALF!’

You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

‘How old are you?’

 ‘I’m GONNA be 16!’

You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life ! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony.

“You BECOME 21. Yesss!!! “

But then you

TURN 30.

Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21

 You TURN 30

then you’re PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away.

Before you know it,

you REACH 50

and your dreams are gone.

 But wait!!!

 You MAKE it to 60.

 You didn’t think you would!

  So you

BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

 You’ve built up so much speed

 that you HIT 70!

 After that it’s a day-by-day thing;

you HIT Wednesday!

 You GET INTO your 80’s

and every day is a complete cycle;

you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn’t end there.

Into the 90s, you start going backwards;

‘I WAS JUST 92.’

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.

‘How old are you?’

‘I’m 100 AND A HALF!’

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

(Here’s the actual video of Larry doing this bit.)

Here’s George Carlin’s:

And here’s the source that definitely prove where the confusion started:

Case closed.

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Abril 19, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Pilosopo PHILOSOPHY, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 4 mga puna.

The WISDOM of UP Professors

FROM an antique e-mail. Still inspiring. Still very funny.

ON GRADES

“Oo, nagpapa-ulan ako ng Uno… baket? Aaanhin ko ba ’yun? ‘Di naman ako yayaman du’n.”

–Sir Atoy Navarro, Hist

 

Professor habang binubuksan ang isang box ng colored chalks:

“Ano ba naman ito?!” (sabay hagis sa table ng mga dark colored chalk)

Class: (Tahimik na nagmamasid)

Professor: “Class, sulatan n’yo ang manufacturer ng chalk na ito. Sabihin ninyong tanggalin na ang mga walang kuwentang kulay na ito: Brown, Green at Violet. Alam ba nilang hindi ito nakikita sa board? Convince them!”

Class: (Tahimik at nagulat)

Professor: “Sino man ang magsusulat  +.25 sa Final Grade!”

Class: “Yahoooo!!!”

Isang Valentine’s Day:

“Ano ba ‘yan? Students ba kayo ng UP? Bakit ang bababa ng scores ninyo? Siguro wala kayong date ngayong Valentine’s kaya ganito kayo? Losers!!! When I was your age, I had a date. Hindi ba naapektuhan ng UP Fair euphoria ang grades ninyo? Parang hindi kayo masaya…” (sabay tapon ng quiz papers sa sahig). “I won’t record this. Go and find a date.” (sabay walk out ng classroom)

—Sir Doliente, BA.

 

Student: “Sir, nagbibigay po ba kayo ng partial points?”

Professor: “Hmmm… if I see partial wisdom.”

ON EXAMINATIONS

Professor to Class:

“I don’t give surprise long exams. All exams are announced. Kaya today I’m announcing, ‘Class, mag-e-exam tayo! NGAYON NA!’”

–Ma’am Chei

 

“Don’t take the Bar Exam and yourselves too seriously. Baka mabalitaan na lang naming, nag-o-oral summation kayo sa Luneta. O lumulutang-lutang sa Pasig River. Enjoy yourselves. Relax. At habang nag-re-relax kayo, read at least 15 hours a day. Mag-relax ka habang nag-babasa. Mag-relax ka habang nagme-memorize.”

“’Pag nananaba ka sa oras ng exams, ibig sabihin hindi ka papasa.”

–Anonymous Prof

 

“Kahit magpakamatay ka pa, ‘di mo masasagot ‘yang problem set na ‘yan—dahil wala ‘yang sagot. Hahahaha!”

“Mamatay na ang mangopya… at ang hindi maka-100—BOBO!”

–Hist Prof

 

Professor habang umuulan sa labas during a hard final exam:

“Ang lakas ng ulan. Ayos ‘yan, at least hindi halata ‘pag umiiyak.”

–Sir Agapito

ON STUDYING

Commenting on a thesis of a Senior Student:

“’Yang thesis mo… mamamatay ka! Mamamatay ka!!!”

–Dr. Llanes, UPM

 

Professor: “O, meron na ba sa inyong nakapunta sa pinakabagong Mall ng Metro Manila?”

Class: (Super-tahimik)

Professor: “Anoooo?! Puro na lang ba kayo aral? Aral lang kayo nang aral—wala kayong kapupuntahan sa kaaaral n’yo!”

In a class with one meeting left in the Term:

“Okay class, next week, we start the lecture proper.”

–Ma’am Vitriolo

 

Professor to Student:

“Running ka ba for Summa?—Mapapagod ka lang.”

Professor to Grad Student during a Thesis Defense: “Are you familiar with the book written by (name of the author)?”

Grad Student (kinakabahan): “Y-yes, Sir.”

Professor: “Okay. Ano ang kulay ng cover ng book na ‘yun?”

 

ON LOUSY STUDENTS

“Anong molars? You don’t say molars, because it’s an adjective! Do you say ‘Beautifuls’?”

–Ma’am Liao commenting on a student’s grammar

Professor to a freshman who would not stand up during recitation:

“Stand up, Miss —  so that we might see the contours of your body. (Student stands) … Wow! Rape-able!”

 

 “Sa mga taga-UP lang ako bilib, eh. Papasok sila sa Law School na hindi disoriented. Bilib ako sa study habits ng mga batang iyan. Some of them look like they eat kamote three times a day. Pero ang utak nila, hindi ututin!”

Professor to a noisy class:

“Bakit napakasaya ng klase n’yo?! Pwede bang maging sad naman kayo? 5 minutes of sadness—starting right now!”

 

Professor to a class na ayaw mag-recite:

“Wag kayong mahiya. You have nothing to lose but your face!”

–Geo11 Prof

“It’s okay to smoke in my class. As long as you don’t breathe it out.”

–Dr. Obsioma, Biodiversity

 

Professor to a student with braces:

“Ayan, hindi ka na makasagot. ‘Yung bakal sa ipin mo, naapektuhan na ‘yung pagsasalita mo.”

–Sir Tiamson, Span 11

After the first hour of a three hour lecture on Taxonomy:

“Class, gising pa ba kayo? Mukhang inaantok na kayo, ah. I understand… pati nga ako, inaantok na rin.”

–Dr. Gapud

 

Professor after giving a joke related to his lecture topic:

“’Yung mga hindi natawa sa joke ko, REPEATERS kayo ano? Narinig n’yo na kasi ‘yang joke na ‘yan. Sorry kayo. ‘Yan lang ang joke ko.”

 ON BEING HUMAN

“The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala kayong kasaysayan lahat. ‘Pag may kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG KA LANG!”

– Dr. Recio

 

“Try everything once, except incest.”

–Sir U Eliserio during a Creative Writing Class

“Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube. Kaya kung gusto ninyong magka-anak ng asawa ninyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo habang gumagawa.”

–Ma’am Maggie, Zoo 10

 

“Yes, class—I AM GAY! I’m so gay I could show you my penis because it is but an accessory to my body.”

–Jean Navera, spcm 1

“Look at me. I’m 43 years old pero ang lakas-lakas ko pa. Kung walang gulay kakain ako ng damo. Kung walang tubig, mag-iipon na lang ako ng laway.”

 

“Birds of the same feather, FLOCK together… don’t forget the ‘L’”.

–SocSci Prof

ON RELATIONSHIPS

First day of Classes:

“Kung may boyfriend o girlfriend kayo na hindi taga-UP, hiwalayan n’yo na ngayon pa lang. Walang kapupuntahan ‘yang relasyon n’yo. Dahil hindi kayo magkakaintindihan. ‘Tapos ‘yung mga anak n’yo, magiging bobo. Gusto n’yo ba ‘yun?”

 

“And girls, ‘wag kayong kukuha  ng boyfriend diro sa UP. Pare-pareho tayong mahirap dito. 80% of the child’s intelligence comes from the mother naman, eh. And guys, ‘wag kayong kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo pa rin ang mga anak n’yo.”

 ON POWER

Professor : “Many people believe that we psychology professors can read minds… (Silence). Actually, we can.

Students: “Weh… sample…

Professor: “Right now, you think I’m bluffin.”

–Ma’am Chei Billedo, Psych

 

“Nu’ng freshie ako, atheist ako. Pero ‘pag nasa bahay, nagro-rosary kami ng nanay ko. Eh, kung magalit sa ‘kin ‘yun.”

–Socio 11 Professor

“Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English. So, when you’re here in my class, magsalita kayo ng English. Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda na ako, at ako ang teacher!”

 

Prof to a student asking if he can sit in:

“We only accept members of a certain minority group in this class. For example, gays are part of a minority group. Bakla ka ba? If you admit that you are, then I’ll let you sit in.”

–Prof. “Hail to the Chair”

“The more wisdom you obtain, the more you should shut your mouth. This is because the more you learn, the more you realize that there are even more things that you do not know. The true mark of an idiot is a loudmouth. The true mark of a wise man is humility.”

–PI100. Puta, Best Prof sa CAL

 

 ON OTHERS

 Professor commenting on other Universities:

“Class, kaya ang mahal ng bayad sa mga professors sa ibang school kasi ang bobobo ng mga estudyante du’n. I used to teach in XXXXX at lumuluha talaga ako ng dugo bago maintindihan ng mga students ‘yung mga sinasabi ko. Ang mahal nga ng bayad, magkakasakit ka naman sa panga sa kauulit ng lessons. ‘Wag na lang. Dito na lang ako sa UP, et least, nagkakaintindihan tayo, ‘di ba?”

–Dr. David

Student: “Sir, pwede po bang maki-sit in ‘yung friends ko?”

Professor: “From what school are they?”

Student: “St. Scho po.”

Professor: “Go ahead. So they’ll realize what they’re missing.”

 

“Class, Chinatown is not in China. And Ateneo De Manila University is not… a university.”

–Prof name withheld upon request

“Si Mirriam, crush ko ‘yun dati. Muntikan na kaming maging kami. Kaso nasiraan siya ng ulo kaya ‘yun iba ang napangasawa ko.”

–Old UP Prof.

 

“Bilib ka kay Alan Peter Cayetano? Eh, ang bababa ng grades nu’n?!

–Ex-Prof ni Alan

ON LEAVING

 “When you graduate, then you begin to live!”

–Dr. Jimenez, Psych 118

 

“To tell you the truth, I don’t much. I only know enough to teach my classes.”

–UP Socio Prof

 

thank you kay http://bonggaboom.multiply.com/journal/item/35
at sa photo ng http://www.worldendeavors.com/main/programbrochure/programid/38

Abril 6, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Pilosopo PHILOSOPHY. 3 mga puna.

The 12 Apostles: Skinned, Stoned, Sawed, Burned and Beheaded

(LjI) AS we remember the Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ this Holy Week, have you ever wondered what happened to the 12 Apostles after Jesus died on the cross? We all know that the Romans and the powerful Jewish leaders in Jerusalem were all looking for them for being guilty “by association”.

This source tells us that the Apostles (except, of course, Judas Iscariot) “… locate a ship and sailed away” to another city, leaving Jerusalem for fear of being arrested. They only came back to Jerusalem– after all the excitement and controversy quieted down– during Pentecost (originally a Jewish festival celebrating grain harvest and commemorating Moses receiving the Ten Commandments). But, according to Acts 2:1:4, while the Apostles gathered for the feast:

“…Suddenly there was a noise from heaven like the sound of a mighty wind. It filled the house where they were meeting. Then they saw what looked like fiery tongues moving in all directions, and a tongue came and settled on each person there. The Holy Spirit took control of everyone, and they began speaking whatever languages the Spirit let them speak.”

That’s how they received the Holy Spirit—and soon after, they courageously left their hiding place and started preaching and performing miracles, in the name of Jesus Christ, right in the streets of Jerusalem and in different languages!

Try to imagine the simplest, most quiet and easily intimidated man you know (most of the Apostles were fishermen, remember) suddenly speaking out like the smartest university professor you admire or a veteran politician on a reelection campaign trail—and you’ll get the idea on how miraculous this was.

During that time according to this source, “many religious Jews from every country in the world were living in Jerusalem … they were hearing everything in their own languages.”

The noise and activity attracted a huge crowd and the Apostle Peter preached a sermon to the crowd with great effectiveness that “On that day about three thousand believed his message and were baptised…” (Acts 2:41) establishing a solid and unstoppable Christian group in Jerusalem.

And as Jesus asked of them in Mark 16:14:

“Go yea into all the world and preach the good news to every creature.”

SO THEY DID.

But where did they go?

What did they do?

And what happened to them?

Let us use Da Vinci’s “Last Supper” (photo above) as our starting point:

Bartholomew (skinned alive and beheaded)—Preached the Gospel in Mesopotamia (Iraq), Persia (Iran), Turkey, Armenia and India. He was skinned alive and beheaded at Derbent (Azerbaijan, near Russia) on the Caspian Sea by order of a local king after a majority of the people of Derbent converted to Christianity. Some of Bartholomew’s skin and bones are still kept in The Basilica of St. Bartholomew in Rome, a part of his skull is in Frankfurt, Germany and an arm is venerated at the Canterbury Cathedral in England.

James, the Lesser (stoned and clubbed-to-death)—Believed to have preached in Damascus (Syria) and acknowledged as the first bishop of the Christians in Jerusalem (Israel). Historians say he was sentenced to be stoned-to-death by the Jews for challenging Jewish Laws and for convincing some of members of the Jewish community to convert to Christianity. James died when during the stoning, one person from the crowd approached him and bashed his head with a fullers club (a piece of wood used for bashing-washing clothes). He was buried on the spot where he died, somewhere in Jerusalem.

Andrew (crucified upside down on an X-shaped cross)—Preached in Georgia (Russia), Istanbul (Turkey), Macedonia and finally Greece. There in Patros, Greece, the Governor Aegiatis was angered by the apostle’s preaching and the conversion of his own family to Christianity. He ordered Andrew to renounce his faith in front of a tribunal. When Andrew resisted, the governor ordered that Andrew be crucified. He was tied upside down to an X-shaped cross with thick, tight ropes but Andrew kept preaching to spectators. He was able to convince many to accept Christianity just before he died after suffering for three days. Parts of his remains are in Constantinople (Turkey), Scotland (United Kingdom), but his skull is kept in Patras to this day.

Judas Iscariot (suicide, death by hanging)—Best known as the apostle who betrayed the Lord by divulging His location, leading to His arrest and persecution. He received 30 pieces of silver from Jewish priests for the information he gave. Prior to this, Judas served as the treasurer of the 12 Apostles; in charge of keeping the group’s budget/money. Sources could not agree on how he died. There are three accepted versions: (1) he committed suicide by hanging himself to a tree, (2) he accidentally fell on a field– head first (3) he was crushed by a passing chariot (4) he was stoned-to-death by the other 11 Apostles. But all four agree that “his bowels gushed out” (Ewwww!) on all four accounts. Authors and scholars also agree that his guilt was a major part of the cause of his death.

Peter (crucified upside down)—Recognized as the head of the original Christian community in Jerusalem (Israel), he left the city when King Herod Agrippa I started to persecute all Christians in Jerusalem and ordered the beheading of the Apostle James (the Great) . After escaping from Jerusalem, Peter preached in Judea (originally Palestine) and in Antioch (Syria) where he is historically considered as the first patriarch (bishop) of the Orthodox Church. After staying in Antioch for some time, Peter went to Rome and converted thousands into Christianity. The emperor at the time, Nero, did not like the idea of Romans becoming Christians and used the new members of the group for his amusement (e.g. feeding them to lions or wild dogs, and then burning them at stake in Rome’s coliseum—yes, the tourist spot– if they do not renounce their faith). Peter was one of the most prominent victims of this persecution. He was captured and crucified upside-down at his own request, because he said he was not worthy to be crucified the same way as our Lord. St. Peter’s body lies below the altar of St. Peter’s Basilica at the Vatican City, in Rome.

John (thrown into boiling oil, but survived)—For most of his labours, John was with Peter in Jerusalem up until the persecution of Herod Agrippa I. During this period, scholars agree that Johh escaped and preached for sometime in Asia Minor (an area around Turkey). Years later, scholars have traced that he went to Rome where it was believed he was persecuted with other Christians and was thrown into a cauldron of boiling oil—he miraculously survived. The Roman emperor at the time, Dominitian, decided after the incident to banish John to the island of Patmos (in Greece). When Dominitian died, John went back to Ephesus (in Turkey) where he spent the rest of his days. He died a very old man, the only Apostle to do so.

Thomas (impaled by a spear)—Called by most Christians as the “Doubting Thomas” for disbelieving the Lord’s Resurrection. But after his doubts were erased by touching Jesus’ wounds, he became a fearless preacher of the Gospel and builder of churches. He was the only Apostle who witnessed the Assumption of Mary and the one of the first Apostles who preached outside the boundaries of the vast Roman Empire (out of Europe). He preached in Babylon (present day Iraq) and established its first Christian church. Then he went to Persia (Iran) and travelled as far as China and India. He was martyred in Mylapore, India when a local king named Masdai condemned Thomas to death. The Apostle angered the Brahmins (high ranked priests/scholars who served as the king’s advisers) who thought Christianity disrespected India’s Caste System. Thomas was brought to a nearby mountain and was stabbed-to-death with a spear. He is believed to be buried around the suburb of Madras, in India.

James, the Great (beheaded)—Brother of the Apostle John. He decided to preached the Gospel in Iberia (around Spain) and be the first to build a Christian foundation in the area. But according to some scholars, the Virgin Mary appeared to James and told him to return to Judea (around Israel) to help the other Apostles. He was captured and condemned to die by Herod the Agrippa 1 to please Jewish leaders who were furious at the rapid growth of the Church. James’ chief accuser was later convinced that the Apostle was indeed blessed by the Lord, he himself requested to be beheaded with James. After this, James’ body was brought back to Spain by his disciples and was buried in the area where the cathedral of Santiago de Compostela is located, which is now considered as a major religious site.

Phillip (crucified)—Preached in Greece, Syria and in Turkey (in the cities of Galatia, Phrygia and Hierapolis). Philip partnered with Bartholomew in his missions. Like all Apostles, Philip became an exceptional speaker. According to sources “Through his miraculous healing and preaching, Philip converted the wife of the Preconsul of the city” of Hierapolis. Of course, this event angered the Preconsul and ordered that both Philip and Bartholomew be tortured and crucified upside down. While on the cross, Philip continued to preach and he was able to convince the crowd and the Preconsul to release Bartholomew, while insisting that he (Philip) remained crucified. Bartholomew was released but Philip died on the cross and was later buried somewhere within the city.

Matthew (burned-to-death?)—Was a rich tax collector and the most educated among the Apostles. Christian tradition says he preached in Ethiopia (in Africa), Judea (Israel today), Macedonia, Syria and Parthia (northeast Iran). Bible scholars have different versions on how he died. Some say he was either killed with a sword in Parthia or he died a natural death in Ethiopia. The most interesting and dramatic story appeared here, where it says Matthew came to a city (unnamed) and was able to convert the family of the local king to Christianity. This angered the king and ordered his soldiers to capture Matthew. In front of a huge crowd, they nailed him unto a bed, covered his whole body with paper, oil, brimstone, asphalt and brushwood and then they set him ablaze. Matthew was able to endure the torture while praising and preaching, but eventually died “a happy death”. Everyone who touched the burnt bed after was miraculously healed and converted into Christianity, including the king who asked for forgiveness and became a staunch Christian believer.

Jude Thaddeus (sawed or axed to death?)—the Patron Saint of Desperate Cases and Lost Causes was a farmer before becoming an Apostle. He was a partner of Simon the Zealot and together they preached and converted non-believers in Judea (Israel), Persia (Iran), Samaria (Israel), Idumaea (near Jordan), Syria, Mesopotamia (Iran) and Libya. It is also widely believed that Jude travelled and preached in Beirut, Lebanon. He also helped Bartholomew in bringing Christianity to Armenia. The cause of his death in unclear because of the existence of two versions: (1) He was crucified in Edessa, Turkey; (2) He was clubbed-to-death and his body was either sawed or axed in pieces after (together with Simon the Zealot). Some sources say he was buried either in Northern Persia or the most accepted version that his remains are buried in a crypt at St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome.

Simon the Zealot (sawed or axed-to-death?)—Before becoming an apostle, Simon was a member of the “Zealots”, a political movement rebelling against the Roman occupation of Jerusalem. Identified by some as the second Bishop of Jerusalem after James the Lesser (who was beheaded). He’s also believed to have preached in the Middle East, North Africa, Egypt, Mauritania and even Britain. His martyrdom is being debated by scholars and historians who claim Simon might have been crucified by the Romans in Lincolnshire, Britain, crucified in Samaria (Israel) after a failed revolt or sawed-to-death in Suanir, Persia with Jude Thaddeus.

Sources:

http://www.biblepath.com/peter.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/12_apostles#The_Twelve_Apostles
http://www.damascusfriends.org/Revelation/Revelation04.htm
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/01117a.htm
http://books.google.com/
 http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/newtestament/section5.rhtml

Marso 29, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . tribal TRIVIA, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 15 mga puna.

Ang Sikreto ng MAHABANG BUHAY: USE your 9 HOLES everyday!

(ni Ely M.) MARAMING bagay sa mundo ang nadidiskubre nang hindi sinasadya. Karamihan sa mga discovery na ito ay napakahalaga, gaya ng Gravity, DNA, X-rays, Atoms at ‘yung katotohanang hindi pala planeta ang Pluto.

 Pero may mga bagay ring mahalaga na hindi pa nadidiskubre. Gaya ng sikreto ng mahabang buhay. Wala pa raw nakakaalam kung ano talaga ito. “Raw?”

 Akala lang ‘yun ng mga eksperto.

 Ang totoo, alam ko na kung ano ang sikreto ng mahabang buhay: BUTAS!

 Minsang nagbibisikleta ako, nabutas ang gulong ng aking makalumang sasakyan. May pakong-ligaw na tumusok sa gulong nito at nagulat akong bigla nang pumutok ito nang napakalakas. Tumalon ako mula sa bisikleta at nalaglag sa kanal sa tabi ng kalye.

Akala ko baril.

 Naglakad ako sa kahabaang ng kalyeng ‘yun na basang-basa ang aking white walking shorts kunsaan bakat na bakat ang aking yellow walking briefs. Malalim ‘yung kinahulugan kong kanal at maamoy.

Ano nga ba ang tawag sa malalim at mabahong kanal?

 Ah, imburnal.

 Kahit basa, kailangan kong makakita ng vulcanizing shop. Alangan namang kargahin ko ang bisikleta ko nang limang kilometro pabalik sa amin.

 Makaraan ng mga dalawang kilometro, nakakita rin ako ng vulcanizing shop at ang tumulong sa akin na ayusin ang butas kong gulong ay isang matandang Indonesian.

 Kamukha niya si Gandalf ng Lord of the Rings. Brown Gandalf version nga lang. Paika-ika siya at medyo sakang kung lumakad. Pero kakaiba ang kanyang sigla at lakas. Binuhat niya ang bisikleta ko. Tinanggal niyang mag-isa ang gulong. Nilubog sa isang drum ng tubig para makita ang singaw. Pinatsehan ng goma at rugby ang butas. Binombahan ng hangin. Umupo siya sa bisekleta ko at sinubok niya itong i-pedal. Nagpaikut-ikot siya sa vulcanizing shop sakay ng bisikleta. Nag- bunny hop, wheelie at bar spin. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa eksenang iyon.

 Mukhang beterano ng 1934 X-Games ni Lolo. Kung may X-games na nga noon.

 Habang naghihintay ako ng aking sukli, tinanong ko siya. “Berapa umurmu?” (roughly translated: “How old are you?”) Sagot niya: “Saya seratus-tiga tahun.”

Nalaglag ang basa kong walking shorts sa sagot niyang ‘yun. Hinatak ko agad pataas bago niya makita ang SpongeBob briefs ko. “I em 103 yers old?!” ulit niya.

 Dito nagsimula ang isang “teachable moment” (words ni Oprah). Ipinasa sa akin ni “Gandalf the Brown” sikreto ng kanyang mahabang buhay:

 “Maximize the 9 holes of your body!”

Gamitin mo ang 9 na butas mo sa katawan araw-araw.

 Ito ang payo ni Lolo Antok (tunay niyang pangalan, hindi pala Gandalf), isang Indonesian na 103 years old na ngayon, may-ari ng isang vulcanizing shop 5 kilometro mula sa bahay namin.

 Tahimik akong nagbilang nang marinig ko ang kanyang payo: 2 ang butas ng mata, 2 sa tainga, 2 sa ilong, 1 sa bibig, 1 sa pwet at 1 sa ari.

Siyam nga.

 Nangiti naman si Lolo ng pilyong ngiti.

 Ipinaliwanag niya ang kanyang pilosopiya (ita-translate naming in Taglish):

 “Ang walong butas ng katawan ang pinaka-sensitibo, “ simula niya habang nakatingin sa malayo na parang may mamumuong luha sa kanyang mata.

 “Mata ang sense of sight. Ilong ang sense of smell. Bibig ang sense of taste. At ang pwet at ari naman ang pinaka-sensitive sa touch.

 “Kung nama-maximize mo ito, nama-maximize mo ang kung papaano mabuhay sa araw-araw.

 “Nama-maximize mo ang pagiging tao.

 “Naaamoy mo ang lahat, mabango man o mabaho.

 “Nalalasahan mo ang lahat: tamis, alat, asim, at pakla.

 “Nakikita mo ang lahat: kabutihan at kasamaan, kagandahan at kapangitan.

 “Naririnig mo ang lahat: musika, ingay, tsismis, katotohanan at kasinungalingan.

 “Nararamdaman mo ang sakit, sarap at hapdi ‘pag may papasok o lalabas man sa iyong katawan.

 “‘Yan ang halaga ng pagiging tao. Hindi ka dapat umiwas o magpanggap na hindi nag-e-exist ang mga damdaming ito.

 “‘Yan ang buhay. At kung buhay ka ngang talaga dapat mong maramdaman iyan nang balanse– araw-araw. Balanse dahil lahat ng sobrang paggamit sa mga butas na ito ay nakakasama sa katawan.

 “Kaya ang bibig, kung gagamitin mo sa pagsasalita, dapat gamitin mo rin ang tainga mo sa pakikinig sa sinasabi ng iba. Hindi puwedeng ikaw lang ang salita nang salita.

 “Ang tainga dapat nakikinig sa lahat ng anggulo ng isang idea o usapin. Hindi puwedeng ang pinakikinggan mo lang ay ang mga bagay na gusto mong marinig at paniwalaaan.

 “Ang ilong, kung puro baho lang ang inaamoy mo, masama rin ito sa katawan. Maghanap ka rin ng mga bagay na nagpapabango sa paligid dahil laging meron nito.

 “Ang ari dapat gamitin mo sa tamang paraan at sa tamang panahon. Tandaan mo na hindi lang ito nagbibigay ng sarap, kailangan mo rin ito sa paglalabas ng mga dumi sa katawan. Kaya umihi ka kung naiihi ka. Ilabas mo kung lalabasan ka.

 “Ang pwet ay basically ay para lang sa pag-ebak. Kung gagamitin mo ito sa ibang paraan– do it at your own risk. At huwag ka ring tae nang tae or sex nang sex. Almoranas ang resulta nang sobrang paggamit nito. Mahirap ngang dumurugo ang pwet araw-araw. At mahal ang hemorroidectomy.”

 So, I supposed sa buong 103 years ni Lolo Antok  sa mundong ito, hindi siya nakaranas ng almoranas?

 Ngumiti lang siya sa biro namin. Bumaba sa bisekleta, tumalikod at naglakad nang pa-ika-ika papalayo.

 Napangiti rin ako nang matitigan  ko ang bakas ng dugo sa likuran ng kanyang salawal.

 Napansin ko ring nag-iwan siya ng ilang patak nito sa upuan ng aking bisikleta.

 What a discovery.

 Naintindihan ko na ang ibig niyang sabihin.

Pebrero 15, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Pilosopo PHILOSOPHY. 2 mga puna.

Ang NAWAWALANG photos sa ELLAGANDA.COM

(ni Ely M.) MAY isang blogger na nagtanong:

AANHIN PA ANG DAMO KUNG PATAY NA ANG KABAYO?” << < click!

(strangely, hindi ma-download ang photos ni ella sa site niya. kaso kumalat na sa emails– see below)

May isang presidente na sumagot:

“LUZON RELIEF CARAVAN’S DELAY IRKS ARROYO” << < click!

May presidential-alalay na nagngitngit:

“DSWD CRIED FOUL OVER ALLEGATIONS OF HOARDING.” <<< click!

‘Yung mga biktima???

NAGDASAL NA LANG. <<< click!

So, where’s the…

PHOTOS (they did not want you to see) AND CAPTIONS BY ELLAGANDA?

Ito po– kayo na ang humusga:

NOTE from ELLA: “Pinagbawalan kaming kumuha ng photos. I wonder why…”

parang haunted warehouse ang dating copy“Parang haunted warehouse ang dating…”

kahit na daig pa ang tindahan sa divisoria sa dami ng kaldero ng naka-stack copy“Daig pa ang Divisoria sa dami nang naka-stack na kaldero…”

halos matakpan na ang bintana sa dami ng mga kahon copy

“Halos matakpan na ang bintana sa dami ng mga kahon…”

umabot na hanggang kisame ang stack ng mga kahon-- coleman camp beds from the USA ang mga ito-- hindi siya kasama sa mga nire-repack for victims copy

“Umabot na hanggang kisame ang stack ng mga kahon… Imported Coleman Camp Pads from the USA… Hindi ito kasama sa mga ni-repack namin.”

mahiwagang mga kahon from Japan Aid hindi rin ito kasama Imported are not included we concluded copy

“Mahiwagang mga kahon from Japan Aid… Hindi rin ito kasali for repacking… ‘Imported’ is not included we concluded….”

Imported pork and beans from spain hindi rin kasama siyempre copy

“Imported pork and beans from Spain… Sorry hindi pa rin included…”

lets take a look at what the victims will get from dswd copy“Let’s take a look at what a victim will get… Kaldero ang unang ilalagay sa sako. Sabong panglaba at sampung lata ng sardinas sa ilalim. Siyam na sabon sa gilid ng kaldero. LOCAL GOODS lahat siyempre…”

daming kumot

“Tapos papatungan ng tuwalya, SANITARY napkin. Tatlong rolyo ng kumot. Blue water jugs (see first photo). Last but not the least, lalagyan ng dalawang banig.”

at marami pa copy

“Wow! May bagong shipment na naman…”

Sana eleksyon na…

Sana Pasko na…

Para mapunta na sa mga biktima

‘Yung matagal nang ibinigay para sa kanila.

Oktubre 31, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation. Mag-iwan ng puna.

‘Di ba ‘pag “PHILIPPINE” dapat PILIPINO?

Blog Awards

(visualfrompinoydoglover.com)

(ni Ely M.) ANG katagang “Philippine” sa Tagalog ay katumbas ng katagang “Pilipinas”.

Sa Pilipinas pinakamarami ay ‘yung nagta-Tagalog, kaya ‘pag sinabing–salita ng “Pilipino” – Tagalog ang ibig sabihin niyan.

Kahit sa abroad ‘pag sinabi nilang “Oh, you’re Filipino—you speak TahGAlogk!”

Karamihan din kasi sa mga Pilipino o Filipino (pagsamahin na natin: F/Pilipino) sa pagkakaalala ko, nagkakaintindihan lang sa salitang Tagalog kahit na saan pang probinsiya ang pinanggalingan nila.

Eklat lang kadalasan ‘yung “You know, I speak in English because my Tagalog is not good.”

Ganu’n din ‘yung iba ‘pag nagsusulat:  “You know, I write in English because my Filipino is not good.”

Yeh,  yur PILIPINO is not good, but who kers?

Nag-isip ako—meron bang nagba-Blog in Fee-lee-pee-know “because their F/Pilipino is good”?

Hinanap ko ang pinakamagagaling na Pinoy Blogs sa Internet.

Kaya nag-Google ako. Tinayp ko: Best Pinoy Blogs…or Best Pilipino Blogs… or Best Filipino Blogs

Pinindot ko ‘yang lahat… isa-isa.

(Wala kasi akong magawa.)

Nadismaya ako.

Wala ni isang best site na nagpi-Pilipino.

Wala ni isang best site na nagta-Tagalog.

Ang huli kong pag-asa:

“The 2009 Philippine Blog Awards.”

Ito raw ang listahan ng pinakamagagaling na F/Pilipino Bloggers sa Pilipinas at sa ibang bansa!!!

‘ETO ang listahan ng mga nanalo.

Pinuntahan ko lahat ng site ng winners.

Magagaling silang lahat–  walang argumento riyan.

Ang mas nadismaya ako…

Bukod sa tuyongtintangbolpen.blogspot.com…  (nanalo ng “Best Post”)

Lahat ng winners hindi nagpi-F/Pilipino.

Lahat  ng winners hindi nagta-Tagalog.

Parang may mali.

Sa dinami-rami ng F/Pilipino bloggers na pagpipilian sa bawat sulok ng mundo na may Pinoy

… isa lang ang nakalusot?!

Para sa akin ngayon, si bolpen ang “Best Blogger of the Philippines.”

Tunay na Pilipino na nagta-Tagalog… nagpi-Filipino… nagpi-Pilipino…

(Teka—hindi ko kilala si Tuyong Tinta Ng Bolpen.

Wala rin akong intensyong makipagkilala.

Wala rin akong intensyon sa kontes na ‘to.

Natutuwa lang ako at pinili siya.)

Sana sa susunod—malamang hiling MO rin ito, oo IKAW na nagbabasa ngayon—

 Mas marami sanang blogs na Tagalog – F/ Pilipino ang manalo.

Para mas maging makatotohanan ‘yung katagang “Philippine” na nakasabit sa mga katagang “Blog Awards”

Dahil ang katotohanan…

Pilipino rin lang naman ang TUNAY  na makakaintindi ng mga pinagsusulat natin.

At kahit mag-type pa tayo ng patiwarik habang nagba-blog in English

puro Pinoy pa rin naman ang pabalik-balik na magbabasa ng mga bagay

at kaisipang tungkol sa Pilipinas at pagiging-Pilipino.

Tama ba ‘ko?

Oras na para i-click

ang “Reply”, “Puna” o “Komento”

Oktubre 30, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation. 5 mga puna.

Bagong QUALIFICATIONS for PRESIDENTIAL candidates

presidentiables ryanericsongcanlas

(by Ely M.) ANO ba ang kuwalipikasyon para mag-presidente ng Pilipinas?

According sa konstitusyon natin:

“In order to serve as the President of the Philippines one must be…

“A Filipino citizen by birth

“Able to read and write

“A registered voter

“A resident of the Philippines 10 years prior to the elections

“At least 40 years of age.”

Kaya pala ang mga batang musmos noon, ‘pag tinatanong sila

“Ano’ng gusto mong maging paglaki mo?

Sagot nila kadalasan: “Gusto kong maging presidente ng Pilipinas!”

Eh, kasi, madali lang talaga.

Pagkapanganak mo pa lang, qualified ka na sa Criteria Number 1.

Magtapos ka lang ng grade three, qualified ka na sa Criteria Number 2.

Bago matapos ang pagka-teenager mo, parehistro ka lang sa COMELEC, qualified ka na sa Criteria Number 3.

‘Wag ka lang mag-ambisyon na mag-abroad, qualified ka na sa Criteria Number 4.

At tumambay ka lang sa kanto hanggang tumanda ka, qualified ka na sa Criteria Number 5.

Kadali, ‘di ba?

Pero sa takbo ng situwayon ngayon dapat na yatang baguhin ang limang criteria na ito.

‘Eto na dapat:

“In order to serve as the President of the Philippines one…

“Must be a political clan member by birth or by ambition

“Must be able to hire  family members or family friends to read and write on his/her behalf

“Must be able to pay 200 to 500 pesos per registered voter to win.”

“Must return to the Philippines after spending half-a-lifetime abroad as a double-citizenship cardholder 10 years prior to the elections. Must also be able to flee to his/her mansions abroad during worst case scenarios.

“Must be a self-righteous, self-centered, stubborn adult who’s quite familiar with menopause, mid-life crises and showbusiness.

“And must be able to break Philippine laws and get away with it.”

 (photo from ryanericsongcanlas)

Oktubre 23, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation. 2 mga puna.

BAHA, BUBONG at BOBONG pulitiko

(ni Ely M.) TINA-type ko ito habang nakikinig sa OFW Secret RADYO .

Binaha ang Metro Manila today, September 26, 2008.

Maraming tao ay nasa bubong dahil lubog na ang mga bahay nila.

Lahat sila sumisigaw ng …

“Saklolo!”

AFP photo(AFP photo)

“Sagipin n’yo kami!”

from flicker3                                                                                 (photo from luisandthepolice@flicker)

“Malulunod na kami!”

from bostondotcom                                                                                                                  (from www.boston.com)

“Nagugutom na kami!”

from flicker2                                                (photo from mylesgj@flicker)

Sagot ng mga autoridad:

“Konti ang rubber boats natin– hindi kayang sagipin ang lahat.”

“Naka-deploy na lahat ng trucks– antabay lang po.”

“‘Wag kayong mag-attempt na lumusong para hindi kayo malunod.”

“Hindi kayo mamamatay sa gutom kung hanggang bukas.”

“Konting hintay lang at paumanhin po.”

Hanggang sa dumilim na.

Tigil daw muna ang rescue para sa ilang lugar.

“Paano kami kung isang dangkal na lang lubog na ang ulo namin sa baha…

…kahit nasa bubong na kami?” sigaw ng mga tao.

Walang sagot.

Si Baranggay Captain, walang sagot.

Si Mayor, walang sagot.

Si Governor, walang sagot.

Si Congressman, walang sagot.

Si Senador, walang sagot.

Si Presidente, walang sagot.

Walang sagot.

Lagot.

(simulan na ang sisihan)

Setyembre 26, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation. 6 mga puna.

IT’S so KORNY it’s FUNNY

 STRAIGHT from my Yahoo inbox. Isang email na nakapagpasaya sa araw ko.

THE MARK OF…

zorrolegendlogo

MISTER: “Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si ZORRO!”

MISIS: “Eh, ako, sino?”

MISTER: “Ikaw si DACOS!”

MISIS: “Dacos? Sino ‘yun?”

                                   MISTER: “DA COS of all my ZORROs!”

JOB INTERVIEW:

boss

BOSS: “Ano ba’ng alam mo?”

APLIKANTE: “Ah, eh… alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis n’yo at kung saan nakatira ang kabit n’yo.”

BOSS: “Congratulations. Tanggap ka na!”

PROJECT

father and son

ANAK: “‘Tay, penge ng pera. May project kami, bibili ako ang ‘cocomban’.

TATAY: “Ano ka ba naman, anak. Hanggang ngayon ‘cocomban’ pa rin ang tawag mo.”

ANAK: “Ano po ba ang tama?”

TATAY: “Bomb paper.”

HEARING AID

OLD_MEN001

LOLO PEDRO: “Galing ako sa doktor. Nakabili na ako ng hearing aid. Grabe! Ang linaw ngayon ng pandinig ko!”

LOLO JUAN: “Wow! Galing! Magkano ang bili mo sa hearing aid?”

LOLO PEDRO: “Kahapon lang!”

PUSA

cat

MISIS: “Dear, iligaw mo nga itong pusa. Naka-sako na. Dalhin mo sa malayo.”

MISTER: “Okey, dear.”

(Pagkaraan ng anim na oras)

MISIS: “O, bakit ka ginabi? Nailigaw mo ba ‘yung pusa?”

MISTER: “Bwisit na pusang ‘yan! Kundi ko siya sinundan, ‘di na ko nakauwi.”

TATLONG TANGA, NAGSISIKSIKAN SA KAMA

guys bed

TANGA No. 1: “Pare, ‘di tayo kasya. Bawas tayo ng isa. Sa lapag na lang matulog.”

(Bumaba si TANGA No. 2)

TANGA No. 3: ‘”Ayan pare. Maluwag na. Akyat ka na dito!”

PUZZLE

puzzle

ELY: “Yahoo! Ang bilis kong nabuo ‘tong puzzle!”

JULIO: “Talaga? Gaano kabilis?”

ELY: “5 months!”

JULIO: “Ang tagal naman.”

ELY: “Matagal ba ‘yun? Eh, nakalagay nga rito sa kahon: ‘For 3 years and up!'”

KAPE

coffee-cartoon-copyright3

MISIS: “Ano ba’ng hinahanap mo riyan sa supot ng 3-in-1 coffee? Kanina ka pa silip nang silip diyan?”

MISTER: “Hinahanap ko ‘yung libreng asukal. Nakasulat kasi sa karton, ‘SUGAR FREE’!”

KABAYO

horse

PROCOPIO: “Sobrang tabatsoy ng misis ko kaya gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang. Nag-horseback riding siya.”

JACK: “Ano’ng resulta?”

PROCOPIO: “Nabawasan ng sampung kilo ‘yung kabayo!”

(visuals courtesy of google images)

Setyembre 23, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation. 3 mga puna.

Paano kung mali para sa ‘yo si MR. RIGHT?

girl with binoculars

(LJI) LAHAT ng lalaki na nanliligaw—nambobola rin.

Madali lang magsabi ng “I love you” pero mahirap pangatawanan ng salitang ito.

So—tanong ng isa kong kaibigang babae—ano ang pagkakaiba ng sinungaling sa seryoso?

Kung babae ka, sampung tanong lang ang dapat mong sagutin kung gusto mo talagang malaman kung totoong mahal ka nga ng syota mo.

Una: Nabigyan ka na ba niya ng bulaklak?

Kung hindi ka niya kayang bigyan ng napakasimpleng halaman (na puwedeng pitasin kahit sa tabi ng kalye), ano pa ang maaasahan mong maibibigay niya sa iyo?

Pangalawa: May naibigay na ba siya sa iyong “lovenote”?

Importante ang “lovenote” (sa papel man o sa text) kasi he’s putting his feelings in black and white, na puwede ring i-printed. In any court case, legal document na ito as proof of his undying love.

Pangatlo: Kaya ka ba niyang titigan nang matagal habang sinasabi ang “I love you.”

Maraming lalaki na sasabihing korni ang pag-a-“I love you”. Kung hindi niya kayang mag-exert man lang ng effort na sabihin ito sa harap mo, magduda ka na. Baka nga hindi ka niya mahal.

Pang-apat: Naipakilala ka na ba niya sa parents niya?

‘Eto ang secret girls—‘yung mga totoong mahal lang ng mga lalaki ang ipinapakilala nila sa mga magulang nila. Bihira itong gawin ng boys kasi, mahirap na kada buwan e iba ang ipinapakilala mo sa parents mo. Kahit ako, sa dinami-dami ng naging syota ko (ehermm…), ‘yung naging misis ko lang ang nakarating sa amin.

Panglima: Naaalala ba niya ang “monthsary” n’yo?

Kung lagi niya itong kinakalimutan ngayon pa lang, mas marami siyang makakalimutan sa darating pang panahon. Ang masama baka ikaw na ang kasunod na ma-erase sa memory niya.

Pang-anim: Nililibre ka ba niya tuwing date n’yo?

Kung ikaw ang laging gumagastos sa date n’yo, ganito rin ang mangyayari kung sakaling magkatuluyan kayo. Ikaw ang magtatrabaho at gagastos for your future family—believe me.

Pangpito: Nagho-holding hands ba kayo in public?

Ang PDA (Public Display of Affection) ang pinakakongretong  katunayan na proud siya na kasama ka. Na nawawala siya sa sarili niya tuwing magkatabi kayo. Na ikaw lang ang mahalaga sa moment na ‘yun. Kung hindi niya kayang gawin ito, natatakot ‘yan na baka may makakita sa inyo—malamang ‘yung iba pa niyang girl friend o mga kaibigan ng girl friend niya, o ‘yung mismong misis niya..

Pangwalo: Madalas mo ba siyang kasama sa loob ng isang linggo?

Kung once a week mo lang nakakasama ang boyfriend mo, don’t expect na uuwi ‘yan sa bahay n’yo everyday kung sakaling kasal na kayo. ‘Yung mga ganitong lalaki, laging nasa lakwastahan, kabarkada o trabaho (kunyari). Kung uuwi man ‘yan, gabi na palagi kung kelan tulog ka na.

Pangsiyam: Nasigawan ka na ba niya?

‘Eto ang pinakamasama na puwedeng gawin ng boyfriend mo sa iyo. Kahit matagal na kayong mag-on, he has no right na sigawan ka niya dahil wala siyang karapatan. Legally speaking, he’s a stranger shouting at you. Wala kayong binding agreement na puwede ka niyang talakan or mag-feeling superior. Just imagine kung mister mo na ‘yan—baka hindi lang sigaw ang aabutin mo. Leave this kind of guy as soon as possible.

Pangsampu: Mas madalas ka bang umiiyak o tumatawa ‘pag kasama ka?

Ang love dapat nagpapasaya sa iyo. Kung mahal ka ng lalaki, dapat gagawin niya ang lahat para mapasaya ka niya. Kung puro problema, pasakit at sama ng loob lang ang ibinibigay niya sa iyo—DO NOT EXPECT THIS SITUATION TO CHANGE. Isa itong sneak preview ng magiging buhay mo kung magkakatuluyan nga kayo as husband and wife.

Sabi nga ng kasabihan, pakasalan mo ‘yung taong minamahal ka kahit hindi mo masyadong feel at ‘wag yung taong mahal na mahal mo na hindi ka naman feel.

At ituring mo na napakalaking blessing kung suwerte kang mahal ka rin ng minamahal mo dahil bihira na nga itong mangyari.

 (visual from brendapool.com)

Agosto 3, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . LOVE or kamunduhan. 9 mga puna.

How Will You Remember MICHAEL JACKSON?

michael-jackson1

(LJI)

LOVE him or hate him, he’s definitely led one very interesting life.

I just need to ask you this question:

If you think there are other words to describe MJ, feel free to comment.

Hunyo 28, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . SHOO! biz. 4 mga puna.

P35 Lang ang Sweldo ng Isang Senador?!!

HINDI ako ang nagsulat nito.

Galing ito sa isang kaibigan ng kapitbahay ng pinsan ng kinakapatid ng katulong ng isang manunulat pampulitika. Sa sobrang dami ng pinagpasahan, nakalimutan na nga ang pangalan ang author. Eniwey, ang mensahe naman ang mas mahalaga. Ire-relay ko na lang nang buo.

At sabay-sabay tayong magmura sa ending.

telembang

MAGANDA rin naman ang naidudulot ng pagiging prangka ni Senador Miriam Defensor-Santiago. Sa isang episode ng Correspondents sa ABS-CBN sabi ni Senator Santiago, marami ang tumatakbong Senador dahil sa laki ng budget na ibinibigay sa kanila kada buwan.

Lumalabas na ang

P35,000 suweldo nila monthly ay pakitang-tao lang sa milyun-milyong budget ng bawat senador.

Ang totoo, kada buwan ay may

P2 Milyon Fixed Monthly Budget (meaning: panggastos) ang bawat Senador.

Para sa opisina pa lang nila ay humigit-kumulang na

P500,000 ang budget nila for Maintenance and Operating Expenses (Rental, Utilities, Supplies at Domestic Travels) at

P500,000 para sa Staff at Personal expenses (personal use, ‘eka nga). Kaya para makatipid ang ibang Senador, kaunti lang ang staff na kinukuha nila. Kadalasan mga kamag-anak din nila ito. Nagtataka ka pa kung bakit mayroong mga Ghost Employees?

Bukod diyan, may

P760,000 allowance pa sila kada buwan para naman sa Foreign Travel (biyaheng abroad for whatever dahil madali namang gumawa ng dahilan). At ang masakit pa nito, hindi na kailangang i-liquidate ang mga resibo ng mga gastusin ‘yan kundi Certification lang ang Requirement. Meaning OK lang kahit walang resibo.

Heto pa, lahat sila ay Chairman ng mga Komite sa Senado. Ang Committee Chairman ay tumatanggap din ng budget na sinlaki ng tinatanggap ng isang Senador na humigit-kumulang

 P1 Milyon din! — ahehe! Nadudoble ‘ika nga ‘pag chairman ka.

Hindi sila mawawalan ng Komite dahil 24 lang ang ating mga Senador at 37 naman ang Committee sa Senado. There’s food for everybody ‘ika nga! Lumalabas na doble ang kanilang benepesiyo at kita kapag sila ay nabiyayaan ng Committee Chairmanship.

P200 milyon ang Budget para sa Pork Barrel ng mga Senador bawat taon, awtomatikong may 10% na S..O.P. o kita ng Senador na

P20 milyon. Ito ang porsiyento na ibinibigay ng mga kontratista sa mga Senador na nagbibigay sa kanila ng mga Infrastructure at Livelihood Project.

Bago matapos ang termino ng isang Senador, kumita na siya ng

P100 milyon sa Pork Barrel pa lang. Yung ibang Senador mas gahaman, hindi lang 10% kundi 20 – 30% ang komisyon ang hinihingi sa mga kontratista. Ito rin ang dahilan kung bakit napakaraming palpak proyekto ang gobyerno. Naibibigay kasi lagi ang kontrata sa pinakabobong kontraktor na pinakamalaking maglagay.

Pansinin niyo na lang ang pagbabago ng buhay ng ilan sa ating mga Senador simula nang manungkulan sa puwesto. Kung dati ay simple lang ang kanilang pamumuhay ngayon ay nakatira na sila sa mga eksklusibong subdivision, maraming bahay sa Pilipinas at abroad at mahigit lima ang sasakyan.

Ngayon nagtataka ka pa ba kung bakit gumagastos ng daan-daang milyong piso ang mga Senador sa kampanya para sa isang posisyon na P35,000 lang ang suweldo kada buwan?

Bawing-bawi pala ang gastos kapag naupo na!

ANG SARAP MAGING SENADOR! ! ! ”

PLEASE COPY AND FORWARD to as many of your friends and let the whole country know na sa mga KUPAL lang napupunta ‘yung mga tax na kinakaltas sa suweldo natin tuwing kinsenas at katapusan.

Haaay, nako.

(telembangfrom)

Hunyo 18, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation. 6 mga puna.

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