Where is Pinoy Pride? I’ll tell you where…

SOMEONE named Tess Underwood uploaded a question in “Yahoo! Answers” that’s very demeaning to Filipinos. Here’s a copy:

Here’s the actual page: CLICK THIS.

The problem with this entry is that if you Google “Pinoy Pride”, it comes out as the second item in the Google search list (right after the Pinoy Pride Network site).

This negative opinion has become the second reference material for Pinoy Pride searches on line.

Which is quite unfair to all Filipinos and the Philippines.

I got so pissed, I wanted to give my Yahoo answer but the page has closed.

Tess has accepted and gave a high rating to an answer that affirms her distorted beliefs (you can see it there).

So, I’ve decided to post my answer, my scanned thoughts, here.

I am proud to be a Filipino and I will try to answer ALL her opinions one by one to enlighten her on what being a Filipino is really about:

Opinion 1: Filipinos always brag to be part Chinese, part American, part Dutch, part Korean, part Japanese, part Spanish. I have yet to meet one that says they are proud to be….Filipino.

My answer: If you know about the rich history of the Filipinos, you would not even ask this question. Filipinos are part African, Indonesian, Malaysian, Chinese, Spanish, American, Japanese, Arab, Korean, Australian and European.

The original “Filipinos” were the dark-skinned Negritos who walked all the way from Africa when the Pangaea continent still existed (we still have some of these ethnic Filipinos in Subic; you also see them in Manila during Christmas). Next to come were the Indones (from Indonesia) who brought their culture and language to our land, that’s why we have a lot of similar customs and traditions with them (our ancient handwriting, a lot of Filipino words, the the musical instruments angklung and gamelan). Last were the Malays (from Malaysia) who brought the Muslim religion to Southern Philippines. Later the Chinese traders came, who passed in our islands to trade with the Indones and Malays. When we were colonized by Spain, they gave our islands the collective name “Islas Filipinas” and the island natives were called “Filipino” after King Philip of Spain. That’s why Rizal—who is Filipino—is also half-Chinese.

So, even before the Spaniards came in the 1500s, we have been a rich mixture of different races; that’s what makes us different. That’s why we are also one of the most beautiful races in the world. That’s why the Westerners, the Arabs and other Asian countries fall in love with our Pinay beauties, court them and later marry them for keeps. That’s also why we have the Fil-American-Arab-European-Korean-Japanese children who are all products of post WW II inter-racial marriages brought about by war/ tourism/business/jobs abroad.

Remember, these are very open-minded foreigners who have chosen to marry Pinays against the accepted norms of their own societies. So, it’s a sacrifice for both husband and wife; it’s also a bit confusing for us, the products of these unions. However,  we have to be proud of this fact—that being Filipino is being part of another race– that we were able to survive all those challenges in our history to produce a racial breed that is culturally, beautifully, intellectually, creatively mixed and diverse.

Only Nazis would strictly tolerate a society of pure breeds. And you should know how that idea ended.

Read up:  http://philippines-timeline.com/spanish.htm

Opinion 2: 100% of the ‘famous Filipino’ actors and models, are only 1/4th Filipino.

My answer: This is a baseless generalization. You need to give specific names of these “famous Filipinos” before you insinuate that your statements are factual. What is true in the context of Philippine show business today is that a lot of these “famous actors and models” use the term Filipino because they are trying to work in the Philippines as actors and models or would want to get a fan base in the Philippines. If they present themselves as foreigners, they might not get hired, because by then the Department of Foreign Affairs would require them a work permit which will cost them and their employers a lot of money. Certainly the common Pinoy Fan wouldn’t want to idolize them for being too-Hollywood. So, it’s not about Pinoy Pride; it’s more about show-Business. I guess if you think they don’t deserve to be called Filipinos, the best way for you to handle your personal baggage against them is to boycott whatever products or programmes they endorse. Otherwise just let them earn a living.

Here’s a better list of certified “famous Filipino” celebrities:

http://www.famousfilipino.com/content/view/263/138/

Opinion 3: All the products in the Philippines say “export quality”. That means it’s so good, it’s good for foreigners. Shouldn’t it say ‘Pinoy quality’?

My answer: If you are going to talk about products from the Philippines from a business perspective and you would want to successfully market that product internationally, the term “export quality” would be the best description. You need to use words that everybody in the world would understand so that they would buy your product. Also remember, most of these exports are produced and marketed in a free market system that involves plenty of sharing of ideas, raw materials and investments from our partner countries, so why should Pinoys take all the credit? You should think globally if you’re selling to a global market.

From  http://www.philexport.ph/philippines-economy

“The Philippines exports continue with its upward trend throughout 2012. While US and Japan have remained the country’s two largest export markets, China and ASEAN countries have grown in importance. Other key markets include Hong Kong, Germany, Netherlands, South Korea, France and India.”

Opinion 4: Almost all of the products have Japanese, Chinese, English, or Korean writing. Giving the impression that these products are exported. With the exception of San Miguel products, Philippines products ARE NOT exported. It is mere faux Japanese, and faux Chinese.

My answer: If these are “faux Japanese and faux Chinese”, then the manufacturers have just wasted a large amount of their printing budget. Do you think any businessman would spend for something that will not have any purpose? In advertising, the more text and colour you put in the label design the more production cost you incur. I think you should be happy when you see foreign words in the items you consume because it means you have been being given an opportunity to taste what the rest of the world are having. These are authentic products for export—usually they are production overruns (sobra). So, some of them end up in the local markets even if they’re not supposed to.

From http://www.foodexport.org/Resources/CountryProfileDetail.cfm?ItemNumber=1030

“The Philippines is fast becoming a regional staging area for foreign food manufacturers that seek to penetrate the lucrative East and South East Asian market for processed products. This country has been identified for the ability of its workforce to manufacture high quality, differentiated or niche-market, and high valued products using both domestic and duty-free imported raw materials.”

Opinion 5: Courtship, Filipino style: If Filipinos had pride, then why do the girls here scream and beg to be with any foreigner who happens to walk down the street? Why does everyone here offer their niece, daughter, sister, grand daughter, etc. for marriage to a total stranger, so long as he is foreign? Even if the girl is a teenager, and the foreigner is a 200 kilo, 73 year old in a wheelchair? Why do people offer their children for sex, as young as 5?

My answer: If you’re talking about prostitution and sex trade, why are you focussing only on Filipinos? This “system” is legal in 50% of all countries in the world. It is even illegal in the Philippines! Do not generalize that everyone in the Philippines does it. If you’re talking about our 101,833,938 Filipino citizens nationwide, how much of that number do you think “scream and beg to be with any foreigner who happens to walk down the street”?

Prostitution—the oldest profession in the world– is a common story in all countries where poverty is very high and strict traditions are followed. It’s even worst in Eastern Europe (with their economy going to the dumps). It’s been happening in the Arab world, Africa, India, Japan and China for centuries (with their arranged marriages to privileged men in exchange for land and cattle). Even the crack addicts in the United States are doing the same thing (most of the time they don’t even get married—they just sell sex, later to buy drugs). It’s not the country, its poverty. And there are a lot of poor people all over the world, not only in the Philippines, if no one has told you yet.

Read up:

http://prostitution.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=000772#afghanistan

Opinion 6: If they have pride, then why do they charge dishonest prices at the wet market?

My answer: It’s not dishonest. It’s called price mark-ups. In the business of selling, you need capital to buy or create your product. To be able to make a profit out of that product you need to sell it at a price that is more than your capital. Some prices are intentionally high at wet markets because it’s also a common practice to haggle with the customer to come up with an acceptable price for both the vendor and the buyer. And yes, like all your previous assumptions, it does not only happen in the Philippines. If you think, its way overpriced, then go to the nearest police station or barangay hall or a DTI Office and have the vendor arrested.

Watch one man’s experience in Bali, INDONESIA:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLTfyjUk3mQ

Opinion 7: Where is the pride, when, if a foreigner goes out in public, everyone smiles, points, stares, and shouts at them. Tries to pawn off stolen goods, or over-priced goods. Or yells rude, inappropriate things?

My answer: Clearly you’ve never been to New York City, USA where illegal vendors, who are also irritating to the public is a big problem:

Click this source>> http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20120608/soho/city-should-overhaul-complex-street-vendor-laws-police-say

Or INDIA, where everyone in the market place “smiles, points, stares, and shouts…tries to pawn off stolen goods, or over-priced goods. Or yells rude, inappropriate things”.

Click this proof >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDBoyX17QBM

Again—Not only in the Philippines!!!

Opinion 8: Finally, If the Philippine is so great, then why is it everyone’s dream to get out, and move to another country? The Philippines is a tiny nation, yet 50,000, FIFTY THOUSAND, migrate to the USA alone, PER YEAR. That’s just one nation. Let alone Australia, UK, Japan, etc. 2,500 Filipinos migrate out of their country-PER DAY. That’s over a MILLION per yer. If the Philippines is the best place on Earth, why leave?

My answer: Where did you get this stupid information? 50,000 people a year?! How? The Philippines is not even on the global list of countries with the highest migration rate. In Qatar, only 10% of their citizens are staying in their country to work. 90% of the Qataris are staying out of their country. Does that mean they don’t like being in their country?

Click this source:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_net_migration_rate

Do you know why were not on the list? It’s actually very hard for Filipinos to leave the country with all the paperwork alone (legal or otherwise), not to mention the enormous cost.  Migrating is very expensive. And do you know how hard it is for Filipinos to change citizenship abroad? If you speak to all the Filipinos who are now abroad, if given a choice, they would rather come back and die old in the Philippines. But why do the eager ones leave? It’s because we get higher salaries abroad. Why, because we Filipinos have a highly regarded international reputation as very hardworking, loyal and intelligent. We leave to work and get paid well, but surely we will be back home again.

Opinion 9: There. Only a few things to look at. I’m not racist, nor political. I just think it would be better if Filipinos said “okay, this place sucks, but…..”. Instead of making it seem like the paradise that it’s not.

I am really quite curious about this. ‘Pinoy Pride’ is something in-yo-face every day here, but where is it REALLY? Any constructive feedback? Salamat po!

My answer: If indeed you are Filipino (as you claim to be), and you love your country (as you seem to insinuate) then you should be proud of your country and your countrymen. We should always say WE ARE PROUD OF THE PHILIPPINES because in the end, even if you say “it sucks” it’s the only country we have. It’s the only home for the Filipinos. It’s the only paradise for Proud Filipinos.

Truth be told, you will never feel totally accepted anywhere else in the world except in your own country. You will never be treated as an equal by another race in their own country. Ask anyone who have been abroad.

Sad to say– you are racist, political and very ignorant.

But it’s not too late.

I hope I have helped you change your mind set about your country and your countrymen.

If I haven’t, then shame on you.

And everyone else who agree with you.
MABUHAY ANG PILIPINAS!

MABUHAY ANG MGA PILIPINO!

(aLJI, June 2012)

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Hunyo 15, 2012. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. Mag-iwan ng puna.

STRIP DART



NAALALA KO minsang nag-iinuman kami ng tropa at batung-bato na sa mga kuwentuhang paulit-ulit lang ang topic — may nag-suggest na maglaro kami ng kakaibang laro:

 STRIP DART.

 Simple lang ang rules na on-the-spot lang pinagkasunduan ng lahat:

  1. Iinom muna ng isang basong beer ang taong titira sa dart board.
  2. Tapos, babato ng tig-dalawang darts.
  3. Ia-add ang total points ng dalawang throws.
  4. One turn bawat player.
  5. Ang pinakamababang score pagkatapos ng isang round ng batuhan ay dapat mag-aalis ng isang saplot na nakasuot sa katawan.

Ala-una ito ng madaling araw. Nasa labas kami ng isang bahay. Sa isang garahe sa tabi ng kalyeng madalas daanan ng mga tao. Dahil puro lasing na, walang paki na pumayag ang lahat. Mga walo kaming tipsy na kasali sa ka-istupiduhang ito.

 Unang round: Unang bato ng darts, ‘yung mga mababa ang score, nagtanggalan na ng relo, singsing, kuwintas, cellphone at sapatos. Easy.  Umalingawngaw ang tawanan at alaskahan sa katahimikan ng gabing iyun.

 Round two: Next na inalis ng mga natalo ay t-shirts, medyas, sinturon. Ang tawanan ang napalitan ng halakhak.

 Pangatlong round: Titira na ang unang biktima na may pinakamababang iskor. Delikado ang lagay niya dahil halos hubad na siya at nakapantalon na lang– kaya ‘pag mababa ulit ang score niya, pantalon na ang susunod na matatanggal. Tawanan sa excitement ang mga naghihintay sa tira niya. Inalaska na siya nang todo.

At mahirap nga ang maging bobo sa dart.

Pagtapos ng round na ‘yun, siya na naman ang pinakamababa ang puntos. Lagot.

“Hubad naaaa! Hahaha!” sigawan ang lahat ng may mataas na iskor. Parang naging beerhouse na may illegal boldshow ang garahe.

 Susunod kaya si Low Scorer sa pinagkasunduan? Sa kanya nakasalalay ang tagumpay ng palaro. Kung aayaw siya, siguradong wala nang maghuhubad na susunod.

 Ang kanyang last words: “’Ta**-ina n’yo– ‘pag hindi kayo sumunod, yari kayo sa akin!”  sabay hubad ng kanyang kupas na jeans.

Halakhakan ang lahat sa pagkagulat!

Sumunod sa pinagkasunduan ang loko! Tahulan din ang mga aso sa labas na parang nakikitawa dahil sa hitsura ng kawawang talunan: Maluwag ang brief niya,  tabatchoy, mabalahibo na parang pinaghalong Al Tantay at Apeng Daldal ang dating.

Round four and five: Ewan kung dahil ba sa sobrang alcohol, lahat ay wiling-wili na naghuhubaran. Naka-underwear na lang ang players by this time.

Maginaw na ang hangin. Nanginginig na ang ilan sa lamig pero tawanan pa rin. Alaskahan tungkol sa mga bilbil sa tiyan, mga hindi pantay-pantay na kulay ng balat dahil sa sinag ng araw, mga nakatagong galis at mga parte ng katawang maraming balahibo kahit hindi dapat.

 Round six: May taong sumisigaw sa gate! “Tao poooo! Tao poooo!”

 Si Mang Cando, isa sa  pinakarespetadong lasenggo ng baranggay. Pagkatapos niyang mag-“Tao Po” bigla na lang siyang pumasok  sa gate gaya nang nakagawian niya tuwing naghahanap siya ng libreng alak.

Akala ni Mang Cando mga kumpare niya ‘yung mga nag-iinuman. Tatagay sana siya.

Napatigil si Mang Cando. Napatigil din kami.

Nagkatitigan ang lahat at nagtatanong sa isip: “Paano na?”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Mang Cando sa nakita niya.

Hindi na kami nakapag-damit.

Apat  na naka-brief.

At dalawang labas ang pwet.

Mga machong-lasing na nakangiti at nakatingin kay Mang Cando.

Hubad.

Puro kami lalaki.

“YAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” nagsisigaw siyang tumakbo palabas ng gate.

 “Pu****-ina! Mga bakla! BAKLAAA!!! Patawarin kayooo!!!”

Malayo na siya dinig pa rin naming lahat ang kanyang takot na takot na pagsigaw.

 Nabalitaan namin, mula noong gabing ‘yun, hindi na muling uminom ng alak si Mang Cando.

 Hindi na rin kami … nag-darts.

Pero tuwing nakakasalubong namin si Mang Cando,

kinikindatan namin siya.

 Sabay tawa.

(LjI0508)

Pebrero 11, 2011. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Unang LIBRO. 4 mga puna.

MANNY PACQUIAO sings “IMAGINE”… could you imagine?!

IN this day and age, impossible things happening are quite possible.

“Black” Obama is now living in the White House.

Ninoy’s Noynoy got elected in the Philippines.

State Communism disappeared, individual terrorism appeared.

The most Perfect Tiger in the history of golf wasn’t as perfect as everybody thought.

A Time Traveler from the 21st Century was caught on film in Charlie Chaplin’s 1928 movie.

And now this:

MANNY PACQUIAO DOES A DUET WITH COMEDIAN WILL FERRELL!!!

Go, Manny!!!

PAC THEM ALL!

Nobyembre 3, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . SHOO! biz. 5 mga puna.

Noong Unang Panahon Part 3

photo: Leon B. Dista

I FOUND one more post about the good ol’ days credited to some anonymous netizen called “Oldie” whose sentimentality touched the hearts of even the ’80s and ’90s Generation. Based on this website it was first posted on 11 February 2007 titled “Born in the ’40s, ’50s, ’60s, ’70s?” before getting popular in the email circuit. Somebody (obviously a Filipino) later changed it’s western context and adapted it to the lifestyle of a Pinoy-kid in the ’70s and ’80s.

Here’s “Noong Unang Panahon Part 3”:

“First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne and drank San Miguel Beer while they carried us. While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, ate isaw, and didn’t worry about diabetes.

“Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints, pati na yung walker natin, matigas na kahoy din at wala pang gulong. We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang at ‘pardible’ o safety pins).

“When we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads , sometimes wala pang preno yung bisikleta.

“As children, we would ride in hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (yung JD bus na pula), or cars with no airconditioning & no seat belts (ngayon lahat may aircon na).

“Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat. Ngayon hindi na nakakakita ng kalabaw ang mga bata.

“We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle purchased from 7-11 (minsan straight from the faucet or poso). We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE actually died from his. Or contacted hepatitis. We ate rice with star margarine, drank raw eggs straight from the shell, and drank sofdrinks with real sugar in it (hindi diet coke), but we weren’t sick or overweight kasi nga……

“WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!!

“We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on.

“Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso , habulan at taguan. No one was able to reach us all day (di uso ang cellphone , walang beepers). And yes, we were O.K.

“We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (yung bearing ang gulong) or plywood slides out of scraps and then ride down the street , only to find out we forgot the brakes! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (seweage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands .

“We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD’s, no cell phones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, no Facebooks, and no Friendsters. ……

BUT WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them!

“We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words..’Masakit ba?’ Pero pag galit yung kalaro mo,,,,ang sasabihin sa iyo..’Beh buti nga!’

“We played marbles (jolens) in the dirt , washed our hands just a little and ate dirty ice cream & fish balls. we were not afraid of getting germs in our stomachs.

“We had to live with homemade guns ‘ gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakitan. .Pero masaya pa rin ang lahat.

“We made up games with sticks (syatong ), and cans (tumbang preso) and although we were told they were dangerous, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay. Paminsan minsan may nabubukulan lang.

“We walked, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!

“Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala yang mga childhood depression at damaged self esteem ek-ek na yan. Ang pikon, talo.

“That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO’s, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.

“The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way.

“You might want to share this with others who’ve had the luck to grow up as real kids. We were lucky indeed. And if you like, forward it to your kids too, so they will know how brave their parents were.”

More reminiscing…

PHOTO by Leon B. Dista (visit his site!)

Oktubre 2, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel. 4 mga puna.

The WISDOM of UP Professors

FROM an antique e-mail. Still inspiring. Still very funny.

ON GRADES

“Oo, nagpapa-ulan ako ng Uno… baket? Aaanhin ko ba ’yun? ‘Di naman ako yayaman du’n.”

–Sir Atoy Navarro, Hist

 

Professor habang binubuksan ang isang box ng colored chalks:

“Ano ba naman ito?!” (sabay hagis sa table ng mga dark colored chalk)

Class: (Tahimik na nagmamasid)

Professor: “Class, sulatan n’yo ang manufacturer ng chalk na ito. Sabihin ninyong tanggalin na ang mga walang kuwentang kulay na ito: Brown, Green at Violet. Alam ba nilang hindi ito nakikita sa board? Convince them!”

Class: (Tahimik at nagulat)

Professor: “Sino man ang magsusulat  +.25 sa Final Grade!”

Class: “Yahoooo!!!”

Isang Valentine’s Day:

“Ano ba ‘yan? Students ba kayo ng UP? Bakit ang bababa ng scores ninyo? Siguro wala kayong date ngayong Valentine’s kaya ganito kayo? Losers!!! When I was your age, I had a date. Hindi ba naapektuhan ng UP Fair euphoria ang grades ninyo? Parang hindi kayo masaya…” (sabay tapon ng quiz papers sa sahig). “I won’t record this. Go and find a date.” (sabay walk out ng classroom)

—Sir Doliente, BA.

 

Student: “Sir, nagbibigay po ba kayo ng partial points?”

Professor: “Hmmm… if I see partial wisdom.”

ON EXAMINATIONS

Professor to Class:

“I don’t give surprise long exams. All exams are announced. Kaya today I’m announcing, ‘Class, mag-e-exam tayo! NGAYON NA!’”

–Ma’am Chei

 

“Don’t take the Bar Exam and yourselves too seriously. Baka mabalitaan na lang naming, nag-o-oral summation kayo sa Luneta. O lumulutang-lutang sa Pasig River. Enjoy yourselves. Relax. At habang nag-re-relax kayo, read at least 15 hours a day. Mag-relax ka habang nag-babasa. Mag-relax ka habang nagme-memorize.”

“’Pag nananaba ka sa oras ng exams, ibig sabihin hindi ka papasa.”

–Anonymous Prof

 

“Kahit magpakamatay ka pa, ‘di mo masasagot ‘yang problem set na ‘yan—dahil wala ‘yang sagot. Hahahaha!”

“Mamatay na ang mangopya… at ang hindi maka-100—BOBO!”

–Hist Prof

 

Professor habang umuulan sa labas during a hard final exam:

“Ang lakas ng ulan. Ayos ‘yan, at least hindi halata ‘pag umiiyak.”

–Sir Agapito

ON STUDYING

Commenting on a thesis of a Senior Student:

“’Yang thesis mo… mamamatay ka! Mamamatay ka!!!”

–Dr. Llanes, UPM

 

Professor: “O, meron na ba sa inyong nakapunta sa pinakabagong Mall ng Metro Manila?”

Class: (Super-tahimik)

Professor: “Anoooo?! Puro na lang ba kayo aral? Aral lang kayo nang aral—wala kayong kapupuntahan sa kaaaral n’yo!”

In a class with one meeting left in the Term:

“Okay class, next week, we start the lecture proper.”

–Ma’am Vitriolo

 

Professor to Student:

“Running ka ba for Summa?—Mapapagod ka lang.”

Professor to Grad Student during a Thesis Defense: “Are you familiar with the book written by (name of the author)?”

Grad Student (kinakabahan): “Y-yes, Sir.”

Professor: “Okay. Ano ang kulay ng cover ng book na ‘yun?”

 

ON LOUSY STUDENTS

“Anong molars? You don’t say molars, because it’s an adjective! Do you say ‘Beautifuls’?”

–Ma’am Liao commenting on a student’s grammar

Professor to a freshman who would not stand up during recitation:

“Stand up, Miss —  so that we might see the contours of your body. (Student stands) … Wow! Rape-able!”

 

 “Sa mga taga-UP lang ako bilib, eh. Papasok sila sa Law School na hindi disoriented. Bilib ako sa study habits ng mga batang iyan. Some of them look like they eat kamote three times a day. Pero ang utak nila, hindi ututin!”

Professor to a noisy class:

“Bakit napakasaya ng klase n’yo?! Pwede bang maging sad naman kayo? 5 minutes of sadness—starting right now!”

 

Professor to a class na ayaw mag-recite:

“Wag kayong mahiya. You have nothing to lose but your face!”

–Geo11 Prof

“It’s okay to smoke in my class. As long as you don’t breathe it out.”

–Dr. Obsioma, Biodiversity

 

Professor to a student with braces:

“Ayan, hindi ka na makasagot. ‘Yung bakal sa ipin mo, naapektuhan na ‘yung pagsasalita mo.”

–Sir Tiamson, Span 11

After the first hour of a three hour lecture on Taxonomy:

“Class, gising pa ba kayo? Mukhang inaantok na kayo, ah. I understand… pati nga ako, inaantok na rin.”

–Dr. Gapud

 

Professor after giving a joke related to his lecture topic:

“’Yung mga hindi natawa sa joke ko, REPEATERS kayo ano? Narinig n’yo na kasi ‘yang joke na ‘yan. Sorry kayo. ‘Yan lang ang joke ko.”

 ON BEING HUMAN

“The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala kayong kasaysayan lahat. ‘Pag may kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG KA LANG!”

– Dr. Recio

 

“Try everything once, except incest.”

–Sir U Eliserio during a Creative Writing Class

“Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube. Kaya kung gusto ninyong magka-anak ng asawa ninyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo habang gumagawa.”

–Ma’am Maggie, Zoo 10

 

“Yes, class—I AM GAY! I’m so gay I could show you my penis because it is but an accessory to my body.”

–Jean Navera, spcm 1

“Look at me. I’m 43 years old pero ang lakas-lakas ko pa. Kung walang gulay kakain ako ng damo. Kung walang tubig, mag-iipon na lang ako ng laway.”

 

“Birds of the same feather, FLOCK together… don’t forget the ‘L’”.

–SocSci Prof

ON RELATIONSHIPS

First day of Classes:

“Kung may boyfriend o girlfriend kayo na hindi taga-UP, hiwalayan n’yo na ngayon pa lang. Walang kapupuntahan ‘yang relasyon n’yo. Dahil hindi kayo magkakaintindihan. ‘Tapos ‘yung mga anak n’yo, magiging bobo. Gusto n’yo ba ‘yun?”

 

“And girls, ‘wag kayong kukuha  ng boyfriend diro sa UP. Pare-pareho tayong mahirap dito. 80% of the child’s intelligence comes from the mother naman, eh. And guys, ‘wag kayong kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo pa rin ang mga anak n’yo.”

 ON POWER

Professor : “Many people believe that we psychology professors can read minds… (Silence). Actually, we can.

Students: “Weh… sample…

Professor: “Right now, you think I’m bluffin.”

–Ma’am Chei Billedo, Psych

 

“Nu’ng freshie ako, atheist ako. Pero ‘pag nasa bahay, nagro-rosary kami ng nanay ko. Eh, kung magalit sa ‘kin ‘yun.”

–Socio 11 Professor

“Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English. So, when you’re here in my class, magsalita kayo ng English. Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda na ako, at ako ang teacher!”

 

Prof to a student asking if he can sit in:

“We only accept members of a certain minority group in this class. For example, gays are part of a minority group. Bakla ka ba? If you admit that you are, then I’ll let you sit in.”

–Prof. “Hail to the Chair”

“The more wisdom you obtain, the more you should shut your mouth. This is because the more you learn, the more you realize that there are even more things that you do not know. The true mark of an idiot is a loudmouth. The true mark of a wise man is humility.”

–PI100. Puta, Best Prof sa CAL

 

 ON OTHERS

 Professor commenting on other Universities:

“Class, kaya ang mahal ng bayad sa mga professors sa ibang school kasi ang bobobo ng mga estudyante du’n. I used to teach in XXXXX at lumuluha talaga ako ng dugo bago maintindihan ng mga students ‘yung mga sinasabi ko. Ang mahal nga ng bayad, magkakasakit ka naman sa panga sa kauulit ng lessons. ‘Wag na lang. Dito na lang ako sa UP, et least, nagkakaintindihan tayo, ‘di ba?”

–Dr. David

Student: “Sir, pwede po bang maki-sit in ‘yung friends ko?”

Professor: “From what school are they?”

Student: “St. Scho po.”

Professor: “Go ahead. So they’ll realize what they’re missing.”

 

“Class, Chinatown is not in China. And Ateneo De Manila University is not… a university.”

–Prof name withheld upon request

“Si Mirriam, crush ko ‘yun dati. Muntikan na kaming maging kami. Kaso nasiraan siya ng ulo kaya ‘yun iba ang napangasawa ko.”

–Old UP Prof.

 

“Bilib ka kay Alan Peter Cayetano? Eh, ang bababa ng grades nu’n?!

–Ex-Prof ni Alan

ON LEAVING

 “When you graduate, then you begin to live!”

–Dr. Jimenez, Psych 118

 

“To tell you the truth, I don’t much. I only know enough to teach my classes.”

–UP Socio Prof

 

thank you kay http://bonggaboom.multiply.com/journal/item/35
at sa photo ng http://www.worldendeavors.com/main/programbrochure/programid/38

Abril 6, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Pilosopo PHILOSOPHY. 3 mga puna.

Pardon My TAGALOG

I WAS so pissed with a lot of people this past week that I’ve been doing different versions of cursing in all it’s cognitive, affective and psychomotor versions. Then it got me thinking that you can actually go through the whole dictionary of these curse words and feel better after saying all of them (of course while looking at the person you hate the most).

The best dirty words are the ones done in your own native language. I’m Pinoy so I think we have the funniest one’s that do not sound as offensive as their English translations.

If your not from my beloved Philippines you won’t understand a third of what you’re going to read from hereon, but then,  this is for actually for you.

Memorize them and use them later in anyway you want and because hopefully no one will understand, just smile while you say it, then have a barrel of laughs as soon as the person you’re talking to turns his back. 

Just make sure you’re not speaking to a Filipino.

We eat tongues for pulutan.

1. “Putang ina mo!” is of course at the top of the list. It’s a reference to mothers, which is internationally recognized as the most offensive link you can give to your enemy to insult them. In English it means “Your mom’s a whore!” It has variations, meaning you shorten the phrase as much as you can: ‘Tang ina mo, ‘Tangna mo, ‘Na mo. ‘Mo!

2. “Anak ka ng puta!” if your sworn enemy doesn’t budge with our No. 1, try this direct approach, literally meaning, “You’re the son / daughter of a whore,” or “You son / daughter of a bitch.” If that doesn’t work, be more precise: “Puta ka!” or “You bitch!”. Its variation: “Puta!” is self explanatory.

3. “Anak ka … ng pating… ng tupa..  ng tatay / teteng… ng nanay mo!”– For other choices, and if just want to sound cute while swearing, you can compare your enemy to being the son / daughter of … pating (shark), tupa (sheep), tatay / teteng (father), nanay (mother). You can also make your own “Anak ka ng… (blank)… mo,” variation by adding any animal or fantasy name. The more effective ones are of course the ones in Tagalog. Like “Anak ka ng Dwende!” (You son of a dwarf!)

3. “Tarantado ka!”- As far as I understand, the root word is “taranta” which in English means “being startled” or “reacted in a surprise / excited manner”. So if you’re a man, you’re “Tarantado”. If you’re a woman, you’re “Tarantada”. Yeah, I don’t really know what this one means. But it has that comfortable sliding of the tongue when you say it, that’s why most Pinoy like to say it. Variations: ‘Tado ka’ and ‘Tado’.

3. “Hudas! Barrabas! Hestas!” — made famous by the comedian Donya Delilah (Dely Atay-Atayan, yes it means kidney-kidneys!) referring to some infamous Biblical characters. It’s like cursing your enemy into eternal damnation in hell where I think these characters are still are. Not that effective for people who belong to sects and cults.

4. “Ngarat mo!” in English this refers to fornicating. It’s best done with hand signals (four fingers down, except the middle finger). The root word (‘Ngarat’ came from ‘Burat’) is much funnier. It refers to the male genetalia.

5. “Tae mo!”– the English version (“Syet!… Sheyt!… Shoot!”) is a favorite among the young ones but it sounds dirtier in Tagalog. It means what it sounds like (or smell like). Poop. Defacate. Tae. It’s usually used to address a liar or if you don’t believe what a person is saying to you. Meaning the information he’s sharing is plain crap.

To recap: Look straight into your monitor and say to me: “Tae mo!”

               Then I’ll answer: “Ngarat mo! Puta ka.”

               Then you should say: “‘Tang na mo rin!”

               Very Good.

               Now you’re learning.

Wanna hear how it sounds like?

Pump up your speakers then click THIS if you’re 18 years old and above.

 (Don’t say I didn’t warn you).

mickey photo from: http://spiiderweb.blogspot.com

Marso 18, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . I THOUGHT utot, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 3 mga puna.

BAKIT may KRISIS sa negosyo?

NAGBABAWAS ako ng emails na pinorward sa akin ng  kung sinu-sino.  Unti-unti kong ilalagay ang lahat dito sa “scannedthoughts” ‘yung mga ita-trash ko na.

 ‘Eka nga, “Reduce, Reuse and Recycle.”

This entry ay listahan ng mga entrepreneurial attempt ng ilan nating kababayan.

Listahan ng business names ng mga negosyong either sarado na ngayon o patuloy na  nalulugi.

Obvious naman siguro ang dahilan:

 
  1. A parlor in San Juan is named “Cut & Face”.
  2. Wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: “Starduck”.
  3. Fast food eatery in Nueva Ecija: “Violybee”
  4. Internet cafe opened among squatters named “Cafe Pindot”.
  5. In Manila , there’s a laundry named, “Summa Cum Laundry”.
  6. Petshop in Ortigas: “Pussies and Bitches”.
  7. A pet shop in Kamuning: “Pakita Mo Pet Mo”.
  8. Bakery: “Bread Pit”.
  9. Bank in Alabang: “Alabank”.
  10. Restaurant in Pampanga named, “Mekeni Rogers”.
  11. Restaurant in Pasig : “Johnnny’s Fried Chicken: The ‘Fried’ of Mrikina”.
  12. A boxing gym: “Blow Jab”.
  13. A tombstone maker in Antipolo: “Lito Lapida”.
  14. A copy center in Sikatuna Village called “Pakopya ni Edgar”.
  15. A beerhouse in Cavite called, “Chickpoint”.
  16. Laundromat in Sikatuna: ” Star Wash : Attack of the Clothes”.
  17. Internet cafe in Taguig named, “n@kopi@”.
  18. Name of a kambingan, “Sa Goat Kita”.
  19. A salon somewhere, “Curl Up And Dye”.
  20. A lugawan in Sta. Maria, Bulacan: “Gee Congee”.
  21. A water refilling station in Dapitan named “Wa-Thirst”.
  22. A store selling feeds for chickens: “Robocock”.
  23. Shoe repair in Marikina : “Dr. Shoe-Bago”.
  24. Shoe repair store along Commonwealth, “SHOEPERMAN: we will HEEL you, save your SOLE, and even DYE for you”.
  25. Petshop: “Petness First”
  26. Flower shop: “Susan’s Roses”.
  27. Taxicab: “Income Taxi”.
  28. A 2nd hand watch store: “2nd Time Around”.
  29. A squid stall in a wet market: “Pusit to the Limit”.
  30. A shrimp store: “Hipon Coming Back”.
  31. A gay lawyer’s extension office: ” Nota Republic “.
  32. A ceiling installer: ” Kisame Street “.
  33. A car repair shop: “Bangga ka ‘day?”
  34. An aquatic pet store in Malolos: “Fish Be With You”.
  35. A fishball cart named, “Poke-Poke”.
  36. A beauty salon: “Saudia Hairlines”.
  37. A bakery: “Anak Ng Tinapay”.
  38. A resto along Mayon road in Manila : “May-Lisa Eatery”.
  39. Laundry shop: “Wash Your Problem”.
  40. This mobile massage business name isn’t funny, but
their slogan is: “Asian Mobile Massage Service: Massage only, God is watching”.
  41. Ice cream parlor: “Dila Lang Ang Katapat”.
  42. Chicharon store: “Chicha Hut”.
  43. Neighborhood pizza store: “Pizza Hot”.
  44. A fishball cart near UST: “Eat My Balls”.
  45. A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: “Pinoy Big Barber”.
  46. A Resto: “The Last Supper”.
  47. A goto resto: “Goto Ko Pa!”
  48. A peanut vendor’s cart with a funny name: “Mani ni Mama”.
  49. A gym in Malolos: ” Gaymann Fitness Center “.
  50. My brother’s party needs business: “Balloon-Balloonan”.
  51. A Chinese restaurant in Pasig : “Lah-Fang”.
  52. A store selling fresh chicken, owned by woman named Dina: “Dina Fresh Chicken”.
  53. An actual bait and tackle shop in U.S. : “The Master Baiter”.
  54. Panaderia: “Trimonay Bakeshop”.
  55. Salon: “Hair Dot Comb”.

Dadagdagan ko na ng mga nakita ko kamakailan…

56. Carenderia sa QC: “Cooking ng Ina Mo!”

57. Lugawan sa Cabanatuan: “Hilton” (dahil ‘yung mga tindero HILa nila ‘yung kariTON)

58. Sastre sa Pasig: “James Tailor”

59. Manghuhula sa Quiapo: “Deep Truth”

60. Xerox shop sa Las Pinas: “Fax Me”

 

 

DISCLAIMER:

 photo: Google Images

text and idea: Nos. 1-55,  definitely NOT MINE. All the rest is original.

Marso 15, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation. 3 mga puna.

GROCERY ng mga BALIW

(ely m.)–  SA pagpasok ng 2010, maraming mga bagay na dapat nang ibahin, alisin at itapon kasama ng 2009.

Sa paborito naming grocery, sinadya kong kausapin ang may-ari upang bigyan siya ng suhestiyon tungkol sa ilang produkto na kanyang ibinebenta sa kanyang tindahan.

Sabi ko sa kanya, mas makakatulong kung iibahin, aalisin at itatapon na niya ang mga ito sa mula sa kanyang grocery dahil hindi ito nakakatulong sa pagpaparami ng kanyang mga kliyente.

Muntik na nga naming i-boycott ang kanyang tindahan dahil marami sa paninda niya ang nakakainsulto.

Ito ang ilan sa mga produktong sa tingin ko’y nararapan na niyang tantanan:

FIESTA POKPOK (breaded chicken)– Binatukan ako ng isa kong kaibigan nang iregalo ko ito sa kanya noong nakaraang Pasko. Nainsulto raw siya. Ano raw ba ang gusto kong palabasin. Nakalimutan ko kasing dati nga pala siyang Japayuki. Hangang ngayong Enero hindi pa kami nag-uusap.

GERY SALUUT (chocolates) — Hindi lang ang kaibigan kong Japayuki ang nagagalit sa akin ngayon, kundi lalo na ang bestfriend kong si Gery. Laking pagkakamali ko nga nang ito ang iniregalo ko sa kanya sa aming exchange gift last December dahil pagkatanggap na pagkatanggap niya nito, nagkaroon bigla ng epidemic ng Bird Flu sa baryo nila. Siya nga ang sinisisi ngayong nagdala ng virus sa liblib na lugar na ‘yun pagkatapos niyang ipamigay ang mga tsokolateng ito sa mga kapitbahay nila.

BIG SHEET (dried sea weeds)– Noong binili ko ito, tuwang-tuwa ako at masarap naman talaga siyang papakin. Nakatatlong pakete yata ako. Laking gulat ko na lang dahil pagkatapos noon, tatlong araw din akong sinumpong ng constipation– hindi nga ako matae. Bakit? Kasi hindi magkasya ang size ng ebs ko papalabas sa butas ng pwet ko. Importante talagang intindihin ang “title” ng bawat kinakain natin.

POO (chips) — Ito ang nakita kong solusyon sa aking constipation problems dahil sa pagkain ng “Big Sheet”. Isang linggo akong kumakain ng “Poo”, mula Pasko hanggang Bagong Taon. Epektib naman ang produktong ito. Mula nang kumain ako ng “Poo”, hindi ko na nga kinakailang umire tuwing ako ay magpu-“poo”. Kusa na siyang lumalabas. Parang bukas na gripo. Advice ko lang matapos ninyong kumain nito, bumili na rin kayo ng maraming Modess at Whisper at mahirap ngang pigilan ang “cycle” ‘pag nagsimula na siyang tumulo.

BAWAL (kainin) — AT LEAST, sa fish section ng grocery naging honest ang may-ari to advice us kung ano ang pwede at “BAWAL” kainin. Nilampasan ko na nga ang area na ito at naghanap na ako ng ibang mabibili.

BULL FROG — Wala kaming mabiling Chicken or Ham noong New Year’s Eve kaya ito na lang ang ti-nurbo namin. Masarap pala kumain ng palaka habang umiinom ng Kopi Luak. What is Kopi Luak? Click THIS.

TRANSMORPHERS 2 — Sino ba naman ang hindi nase-sexy-han kay Megan Fox? Si Megan nga lang ang dahilan kung bakit ko pinanood ang “Transformers”. At inabangan ko talaga ang pagpapalabas ng Transformers 2. Kaya nang makita ko ito, binili ko agad. Kaso, hindi na naman nga ako nagbasa ng label– ibang pelikula pala ito. After wasting two hours watching this piece of sheet waiting for Megan Fox to appear, noon ko lang naintindihan ang ibig sabihin ng tag line na nasa cover ng (pirated) Blu-Ray Disc na ito: “Even the most dedicated Bad Movie fans will have difficulty slogging through this one”. And worst– wala nga si Megan sa pelikula.

AIR CORPSE (t-shirt) — IREREGALO ko sana ito sa kaibigan naming kapitan sa US Air Force. Mabuti na lang may nakapansin sa diyaskeng spelling na itinatak sa t-shirt. Imaginin n’yo na lang, idedestino siya sa Middle East at nakasuot siya ng ganito?

SUMMER VACATION (tour package) — SINO nga ba naman ang hindi matutuwa sa regalong ganito: Isang Summer Vacation Tour Package going to Singapore? Okey na sana, kaso ang sama ng mensahe sa ibaba ng poster. Kayo ba magpapa-schedule pa sa “departed” date na naka-post on this summer trip? Bagay na bagay nga ang package tour na ito kung balak ninyong bilhin at isuot ‘yung AIR CORPSE t-shirt sa itaas. Hahaha!

J.CO’s J.PoPs “Has Born” ! — PAGLABAS namin sa Grocery ng mga Baliw, napadaan kami sa isa J.Co Doughnut Store.  May bago pala silang produkto: ang “baby donuts”. Nang mabasa namin ang tag line sa display shelves nila, naengganyo na kaming bumili. Tamang-tama itong pansalubong sa bagong taon  — dahil 2010 Has Born!

Happy New Year sa lahat ng readers ng scannedthoughts!

Let’s continue scannedthoughting each other in 2010!

Enero 2, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . I THOUGHT utot. 10 mga puna.

PASKO: Noong Unang Panahon

Disyembre 18, sa isang Elementary School:

(ni aLJI) PAGDATING pa lang ni Utoy sa eskuwelahan, napansin na niyang kakaiba ang hitsura ng kuwarto ng Section 4. Halatang hindi agad umuwi kahapon si Miss Kurdapiya, ‘yung titser niyang payat at nakasalamin ng makapal. Nagkabit muna ito ng mga Pamaskong dekorasyon: May maliit na Belen ngayon sa isang sulok na ang katawan ng mga karakter ng Bibliya ay gawa sa nirolyong papel na nagkorteng Mayon Volcano at ang mga ulo nila ay gawa sa isang buong balat ng nilagang itlog na dinisenyuhan ng colored marker para magkaroon ng mukha. Meron ding mga papel na letrang nakasabit sa itaas ng blackboard na nagsasabing “Maligayang Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon” na puno ng iba’t ibang kulay. Nakapalibot sa buong kuwarto ang napakahabang kabit-kabit na Christmas lights, gaya ng sikat na kabaret sa may tumana na paboritong puntahan ng tatay niya. At sa kabilang  sulok naman, may nakatayong Christmas Tree na gawa sa nakataob na walis tingting. Nakasuksok ang tingting sa isang malaking lata ng Milo na pinuno ng buhangin mula sa ginagawang bagong school building sa tabi. Binalutan naman ang bawat patpat ng tingting ng puting crepe paper at sinabitan ng mga plastic na bolang palawit sa dulo nito. Mukhang pagod nga ang masungit na mukha ni Ma’am, pero may kakaibang ngiti siya nu’ng araw na ‘yun.

Hindi naman magpapatalo si Utoy kay Mis Kurdapiya kung Pasko din lang ang pag-uusapan. Nagtulong sila kahapon ng tatay niyang gumawa ng parol para madala niya sa eskuwelahan. Assignment nila ‘yun. Bilib nga siya sa tatay niya dahil habang gumagawa ito ng parol, panay rin ang tagay nito mula sa isang bilog na Ginebra. Matapos maubos ang pulutang limang isaw at limang paa ng manok, sampung mahahabang patpat na pang-barbecue ang natira. Kinayas ito ng tatay ni Utoy para lumambot. Pinagtali-tali. At parang magic, nakabuo ng korteng bituin si Mang Kanor. Nakatulog na rin ito sa papag nila pagkatapos.

Ilang sandali pa ng paghilik ni Mang Kanor, dumating na ang nanay ni Utoy galing palengke. Bumili ito ng mga papel de hapon na kulay puti. Panay ang sermon nito sa tatay ni Utoy habang binabalot ng papel ang iskeleton na bituin. Ewan ni Utoy kung bakit panay ang talak ng nanay niya, eh, tulog na tulog si Mang Kanor sa mga sandaling ‘yun.  Nanay rin niya ang gumawa ng dalawang buntot ng parol na parang dalawang palda na pang-Kastila na may kakaibang patterns. Ikinabit ito ng nanay niya sa mga kanto ng parol na kaiga-igayang tignan lalo na pag-ihip ng hangin. “Eto na anak, may parol ka na,” sabi ni Aling Lidia na parang bumait bigla nang kausapin ang anak. “Ingatan mo para maisabit din natin sa bahay pagkatapos ng Christmas Party n’yo sa eskuwela.” Hinaplos ni Aling Lidia ang buhok ng anak na ikinangiti nilang pareho.

Lahat ng mga kaklase ni Utoy ay ganito rin ang kuwento; merong mga dalang parol kinabukasan na iba-iba ang kulay. Iba-iba ang laki. Iba-iba ang disenyo. Lahat ito gawa ng mga tatay at nanay nila– ng pamilya– dahil ang mga tunay na parol hindi naman nabibili sa tindahan, ginagawa lang bahay.

Ang pinakahihintay ni Utoy sa araw na ito ay ang bunutan para sa “monito-monita”. Gumupit si Miss Kurdapiya ng maliliit na papel at isinulat niya rito ang pangalan ng bawa’t estudyante niya. Umikot sa buong kuwarto si Miss at pinabunot ang bawa’t kaklase ni Utoy sa isang kahon. “Ang mabubunot n’yo ay magiging monito o monita ninyo!” tili ni Miss Kurdapiya na ikinangiwi ng bawat batang nakarinig.

May hiling si Utoy:  Sana mabunot niya ‘yung “crush” niyang si Jocelyn. Maputi, mabait at nasa Row 1 dahil pangalawa sa pinakamatalino sa klase nila. Sa tradisyon kasing ito, may pagkakataon si Utoy na  magregalo sa monita niya ng kung anu-anong bagay sa buong isang linggo bago ang Christmas Party. Bawat araw may theme na ibibigay si Teacher: “Sa Lunes, mamimigay kayo ng ‘Something Sweet’ sa kung sino man ang mabubunot ninyo,’” nakakabinging sabi ni Miss habang papunta sa Row 4, sa tabi ng basurahan, sa upuan ni Utoy.

Isip ni Utoy  agad, “Ah! Chocolate ang ibibigay ko kay Jocelyn! Choc-nut! …Isang plastic!..???

—Mahal yata.–Tatlo na lang, para ‘I Love You.’”

“May sinasabi ka, Utoy?” tanong ni Miss Kurdapiya. “Nagmumura ka na naman?”

“Ah, hindi po ma’am.”

“Bumunot ka na, bago kita mapingot.”

Pumikit si Utoy. Bumunot habang nagdarasal: “Jocelyn…Jocelyn.”

Binuksan niyang dahan-dahan ang nakatuping papel… at napabulong siya ng mahinang “Putang ina…”

Hindi nga lahat ng pangarap natutupad.

Nabunot niya ang pangalan ni Miss Kurdapiya.

“Something sweet… para kay Ma’am?

“Alam ko na:

“PANUTSA!

“…Putsang buhay ‘to, o.”

(parol photo: marexflores.net )

Disyembre 18, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel. Mag-iwan ng puna.

“BAGETS” baduy but BELOVED

PARA sa akin ang pelikulang “Bagets” ng Viva Films ang pinakakorning pagsusuma ng buhay-tinedyer noong Dekada ’80. Sa sobrang kakornihan nito, natatawa kami ng misis ko tuwing napapanood namin ito sa cable TV. Natatawa pero nagno-nostalgia. Guilty pleasure, ‘eka nga.

 Sunod usong-Bagets din kasi kami noong 1984 (edad-kinse kami noon). At unti-unti kong nadi-discover sa mga kuwentuhang-inuman kasama ng mga kaedad ko ngayon (kuwarenta na kami) na nasaan ka man naroon sa ‘Pinas noong pinalabas ito sa sinehan, malamang pa-bagets-bagets ka rin.

 ‘Eto ang “Ultimate Bagets Quiz” . Kung alam mo ang karamihan sa mga sagot sa tanong na ito, itanggi mo man, ikaw din ang magbibisto sa tunay mong nakaraan: (ANSWERS are at the end of this piece.)

 1. Sino ang kumanta ng theme song ng “Bagets” na may linyang “… I’m growing up, getting down, putting my both feet on the ground…”? Diabetic siya.

 2. Sino sa limang castmembers ng “Bagets” ang nakasalamin? Vice Mayor na siya ngayon.

 3. Sino ang pinakamatandang miyembro ng cast “Bagets” na sa tunay na buhay ay pinakasalan ang ka-love team niya sa pelikulang ito?

 4. Sino ang ka-loveteam ni JC Bonnin sa pelikula?

 5. Ano ang title ng dance anthem ng pelikula? Sinasayaw ito sa pamamagitan ng pagse-shake ng isang nakataas na braso, closed fist ( a la flying Superman), at ang isang kamay naman ay nakatapat sa tenga?

 6. Ano ang sinasakyan ni Herbert Bautista noong nakilala niya si Jobelle Salvador?

 7. Paano namatay ang karakter ni Yayo Aguila?

 8. Anong kanta ni Raymond Lauchengco ang background music sa date sequence nila ni Eula Valdes?

 9. Dalawa sa limang “Bagets” ang walang ka-date sa prom night sequence ng pelikula. Sino sila?

 10. Sinong foreign singer ang ina-idolize ni Aga Muhlach sa movie?

MGA SAGOT:

 1. Sino pa, di si Gary Valenciano. At kung alam mo ang title nito– “Growing Up” — malamang alam mo rin ang buong lyrics.

 2. Si Quezon City Vice-Mayor Herbert Bautista.

 3. Si William Martinez. Kinailangan siyang isama dahil siya ang pinakasikat na heartthrob noon. Malaking risk kasi ang pelikulang puro bago ang artista kaya hiniram siya from Regal Films. Ka-loveteam niya ang misis niya ngayong si Yayo Aguila.

 4. Si Chanda Romero. May-December affair ang drama nila.

 5. “Just Got Lucky” ng Joe Boxers. Hanggang ngayon ito pa rin ang isa sa most identified dance step ‘pag Dekada ’80 ang topic.

 6. Bisekleta ang sinasakyan ni Bistek nu’ng makita niyang nagdidilig ng halaman si Jobelle. Nahulog pa siya nang ma-love at first sight siya sa dalaga. Falling in love, literally.

 7. Namatay sa car crash ang karakter ni Yayo. Nakipag-drag race kasi si William habang angkas siya sa kool na kool nilang dune buggy.

8. Ang walang kamatayang “So It’s You”. Highlight ng sequence na ito ang pagkanta ni Raymond na naka-black tux siya at si Eula naman nasa gitna ng isang malaking staduium (Rizal Memorial?) at nakasuot ng pang-Santacruzang gown. Surreal.

 9. Sina Aga (dahil may asawa na ang love interest niya rito na si Baby Delgado) at si Herbert (dahil sa ending pa ng pelikula niya mapapasagot si Jobelle dahil akala niya boyfriend nito si Mon Alvir– pinsan pala).

 10. Sino pa, si Michael Jackson. Sumayaw pa si Aga ng “Wanna Be Starting Somethin” na tuluyan nang nagpabaduy kay Michael Jackson sa mga Pilipino.
REFLECTION:

Kung napangiti ka ng 8 out of 10 questions dito at alam mo ang sagot mentally (kahit ayaw mong sabihin verbally), naki-“Bagets” ka rin pala noon. At malamang hanggang ngayon, naggi-gel ka pa rin. May nakatago kang Topsiders na pang-driving (lame excuse). At ‘pag natutuwa ka sa sinabi ng isa mong kausap, sasagot ka ng “Nice one! (Sabay apir.)

Kung napag-isip ka ng 5 out of 10 questions dito at habang sinasabi mong “Oo nga, no. Naalala ko na,” closet-“Bagets” ang tawag sa’yo. Pilit mong kinakalimutan ang ’80s. Kasi siguro wala kang kabarkada noon. O wala kang naging boy friend o girl friend. In short, kulang sa pagkabata.

Kung wala kang alam (0 ang score mo), you need to see this flick.

You’re either too young or chromosome ka pa lang noong pinalabas ito:

part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fpftOPjJ3I&feature=related

part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PfzlII0L4Y&feature=related

part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=johse1ryNh8&feature=related

part 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VJ4JKRXPOs&feature=related

part 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGtDqN0gvo0&feature=related

THE REST OF THE MOVIE: Kayo na ang maghanap sa YouTube

(at magpasalamat tayo kay JONETTE salamat sa pag-a-upload ng klasik na ito)

Para maunawaan mo kung bakit may mga pag-uugaling baduy ang parents mo or mga nakakatanda mong kapatid, panoorin mo ito dahil ganito sila noon. Baduy na talaga… pero kool.

Nice one!!! Apppiiir!

(aLjI05)

Nobyembre 9, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel. 2 mga puna.

Ang NAWAWALANG photos sa ELLAGANDA.COM

(ni Ely M.) MAY isang blogger na nagtanong:

AANHIN PA ANG DAMO KUNG PATAY NA ANG KABAYO?” << < click!

(strangely, hindi ma-download ang photos ni ella sa site niya. kaso kumalat na sa emails– see below)

May isang presidente na sumagot:

“LUZON RELIEF CARAVAN’S DELAY IRKS ARROYO” << < click!

May presidential-alalay na nagngitngit:

“DSWD CRIED FOUL OVER ALLEGATIONS OF HOARDING.” <<< click!

‘Yung mga biktima???

NAGDASAL NA LANG. <<< click!

So, where’s the…

PHOTOS (they did not want you to see) AND CAPTIONS BY ELLAGANDA?

Ito po– kayo na ang humusga:

NOTE from ELLA: “Pinagbawalan kaming kumuha ng photos. I wonder why…”

parang haunted warehouse ang dating copy“Parang haunted warehouse ang dating…”

kahit na daig pa ang tindahan sa divisoria sa dami ng kaldero ng naka-stack copy“Daig pa ang Divisoria sa dami nang naka-stack na kaldero…”

halos matakpan na ang bintana sa dami ng mga kahon copy

“Halos matakpan na ang bintana sa dami ng mga kahon…”

umabot na hanggang kisame ang stack ng mga kahon-- coleman camp beds from the USA ang mga ito-- hindi siya kasama sa mga nire-repack for victims copy

“Umabot na hanggang kisame ang stack ng mga kahon… Imported Coleman Camp Pads from the USA… Hindi ito kasama sa mga ni-repack namin.”

mahiwagang mga kahon from Japan Aid hindi rin ito kasama Imported are not included we concluded copy

“Mahiwagang mga kahon from Japan Aid… Hindi rin ito kasali for repacking… ‘Imported’ is not included we concluded….”

Imported pork and beans from spain hindi rin kasama siyempre copy

“Imported pork and beans from Spain… Sorry hindi pa rin included…”

lets take a look at what the victims will get from dswd copy“Let’s take a look at what a victim will get… Kaldero ang unang ilalagay sa sako. Sabong panglaba at sampung lata ng sardinas sa ilalim. Siyam na sabon sa gilid ng kaldero. LOCAL GOODS lahat siyempre…”

daming kumot

“Tapos papatungan ng tuwalya, SANITARY napkin. Tatlong rolyo ng kumot. Blue water jugs (see first photo). Last but not the least, lalagyan ng dalawang banig.”

at marami pa copy

“Wow! May bagong shipment na naman…”

Sana eleksyon na…

Sana Pasko na…

Para mapunta na sa mga biktima

‘Yung matagal nang ibinigay para sa kanila.

Oktubre 31, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation. Mag-iwan ng puna.

‘Di ba ‘pag “PHILIPPINE” dapat PILIPINO?

Blog Awards

(visualfrompinoydoglover.com)

(ni Ely M.) ANG katagang “Philippine” sa Tagalog ay katumbas ng katagang “Pilipinas”.

Sa Pilipinas pinakamarami ay ‘yung nagta-Tagalog, kaya ‘pag sinabing–salita ng “Pilipino” – Tagalog ang ibig sabihin niyan.

Kahit sa abroad ‘pag sinabi nilang “Oh, you’re Filipino—you speak TahGAlogk!”

Karamihan din kasi sa mga Pilipino o Filipino (pagsamahin na natin: F/Pilipino) sa pagkakaalala ko, nagkakaintindihan lang sa salitang Tagalog kahit na saan pang probinsiya ang pinanggalingan nila.

Eklat lang kadalasan ‘yung “You know, I speak in English because my Tagalog is not good.”

Ganu’n din ‘yung iba ‘pag nagsusulat:  “You know, I write in English because my Filipino is not good.”

Yeh,  yur PILIPINO is not good, but who kers?

Nag-isip ako—meron bang nagba-Blog in Fee-lee-pee-know “because their F/Pilipino is good”?

Hinanap ko ang pinakamagagaling na Pinoy Blogs sa Internet.

Kaya nag-Google ako. Tinayp ko: Best Pinoy Blogs…or Best Pilipino Blogs… or Best Filipino Blogs

Pinindot ko ‘yang lahat… isa-isa.

(Wala kasi akong magawa.)

Nadismaya ako.

Wala ni isang best site na nagpi-Pilipino.

Wala ni isang best site na nagta-Tagalog.

Ang huli kong pag-asa:

“The 2009 Philippine Blog Awards.”

Ito raw ang listahan ng pinakamagagaling na F/Pilipino Bloggers sa Pilipinas at sa ibang bansa!!!

‘ETO ang listahan ng mga nanalo.

Pinuntahan ko lahat ng site ng winners.

Magagaling silang lahat–  walang argumento riyan.

Ang mas nadismaya ako…

Bukod sa tuyongtintangbolpen.blogspot.com…  (nanalo ng “Best Post”)

Lahat ng winners hindi nagpi-F/Pilipino.

Lahat  ng winners hindi nagta-Tagalog.

Parang may mali.

Sa dinami-rami ng F/Pilipino bloggers na pagpipilian sa bawat sulok ng mundo na may Pinoy

… isa lang ang nakalusot?!

Para sa akin ngayon, si bolpen ang “Best Blogger of the Philippines.”

Tunay na Pilipino na nagta-Tagalog… nagpi-Filipino… nagpi-Pilipino…

(Teka—hindi ko kilala si Tuyong Tinta Ng Bolpen.

Wala rin akong intensyong makipagkilala.

Wala rin akong intensyon sa kontes na ‘to.

Natutuwa lang ako at pinili siya.)

Sana sa susunod—malamang hiling MO rin ito, oo IKAW na nagbabasa ngayon—

 Mas marami sanang blogs na Tagalog – F/ Pilipino ang manalo.

Para mas maging makatotohanan ‘yung katagang “Philippine” na nakasabit sa mga katagang “Blog Awards”

Dahil ang katotohanan…

Pilipino rin lang naman ang TUNAY  na makakaintindi ng mga pinagsusulat natin.

At kahit mag-type pa tayo ng patiwarik habang nagba-blog in English

puro Pinoy pa rin naman ang pabalik-balik na magbabasa ng mga bagay

at kaisipang tungkol sa Pilipinas at pagiging-Pilipino.

Tama ba ‘ko?

Oras na para i-click

ang “Reply”, “Puna” o “Komento”

Oktubre 30, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation. 5 mga puna.

Bagong QUALIFICATIONS for PRESIDENTIAL candidates

presidentiables ryanericsongcanlas

(by Ely M.) ANO ba ang kuwalipikasyon para mag-presidente ng Pilipinas?

According sa konstitusyon natin:

“In order to serve as the President of the Philippines one must be…

“A Filipino citizen by birth

“Able to read and write

“A registered voter

“A resident of the Philippines 10 years prior to the elections

“At least 40 years of age.”

Kaya pala ang mga batang musmos noon, ‘pag tinatanong sila

“Ano’ng gusto mong maging paglaki mo?

Sagot nila kadalasan: “Gusto kong maging presidente ng Pilipinas!”

Eh, kasi, madali lang talaga.

Pagkapanganak mo pa lang, qualified ka na sa Criteria Number 1.

Magtapos ka lang ng grade three, qualified ka na sa Criteria Number 2.

Bago matapos ang pagka-teenager mo, parehistro ka lang sa COMELEC, qualified ka na sa Criteria Number 3.

‘Wag ka lang mag-ambisyon na mag-abroad, qualified ka na sa Criteria Number 4.

At tumambay ka lang sa kanto hanggang tumanda ka, qualified ka na sa Criteria Number 5.

Kadali, ‘di ba?

Pero sa takbo ng situwayon ngayon dapat na yatang baguhin ang limang criteria na ito.

‘Eto na dapat:

“In order to serve as the President of the Philippines one…

“Must be a political clan member by birth or by ambition

“Must be able to hire  family members or family friends to read and write on his/her behalf

“Must be able to pay 200 to 500 pesos per registered voter to win.”

“Must return to the Philippines after spending half-a-lifetime abroad as a double-citizenship cardholder 10 years prior to the elections. Must also be able to flee to his/her mansions abroad during worst case scenarios.

“Must be a self-righteous, self-centered, stubborn adult who’s quite familiar with menopause, mid-life crises and showbusiness.

“And must be able to break Philippine laws and get away with it.”

 (photo from ryanericsongcanlas)

Oktubre 23, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation. 2 mga puna.

The OFW secret RADYO

radio

(by Ely M.)“BANGUN!” ang malakas na sigaw ng radio namin kaninang umaga. For a second akala ko nagising akong bigla na nasa Pilipinas ako at nakikinig ng DZRH. Kaso ang karugtong, eh: “Apa kabar, Bapak-bapak dan Ibu-ibu?” (roughly translated “How are you, Gentlemen and Ladies?”). Nanlaki ang tenga ko habang nakangiwi. Nasa Indonesia pa rin pala ako. Indonesian radio pa rin ang umaalingawngaw. OFW pa rin ako.

Pareho lang nga pala ang meaning ng “bangun” in Tagalog at Indonesian. So, ‘yun na nga ang ginawa ko; bumangon na ako at na-miss ko na naman ang Pinas.

Habang nagkakape, bigla kong naisip, “Alangan namang walang online radio ang DZRH?

I’m one believer that the Internet was created by the Supreme Being to make His people happy-er. Kaya imposibleng wala, ‘di ba?

Humangos akong nakangiti papunta sa aking laptop at nanginginig na nag-type sa Google ng keyword na “DZRH “.

Among the Top 3 na lumabas, ito ang nakatawag ng atensyon ko:

DRZH– 666 AM Manila – Listen Online <<< CLICK THIS NOW!

May word doon saying “LISTEN”.

I clicked it.

At maluha-luha ako sa tuwa: MAY DZRH NGA ONLINE! Streaming in Live Tagalog! Loud and Clear!

Hindi lang ‘yun. In the same website you can get all other AM and FM Radio Stations!

http://radiotime.com/region/c_101036/Manila.aspx << < CLICK THIS, TOO!

Sa FM. I tried NU107, RX93, MAGIC 89.1 at DWLL–  Works fine!

Sa AM, sinubok ko rin ang DZMM (Kapamilya) at siyempre, DZBB (Kapuso) para balanced news. Ayus rin!

“Is this my lucky day?” asked the cheapskate in me.

Hmmm… Meron kayang free live streaming ng Philippine TV Shows? (ang mahal kasi ng TFC at GMA Pinoy TV ‘kala n’yo)

Naghahanap pa rin ako.

So far, wala.

But, I found these sites:

http://www.pinoyonline.tv/2009/07/gma-online-live-streaming.html << CLICK THIS QUICK for GMA-7!!!

http://www.pinoyonline.tv/2009/07/kapamilya-online-tv-streaming-abs-cbn.html<< CLICK THIS QUICK for ABS-CBN 2!!!

Works like Tivo.

From A-Z. ‘Yung past shows ng Dos (from Agimat Series: Tiyagong Akyat to Wowowie) at Siyete (from 24 Oras, Eat Bulaga, hanggang Zorro)  meron sila. You have got to try it.

But also promise to keep these sites a secret for the sake of your kababayans abroad.

Alam n’yo naman kung gaano kahigpit ang corporate side ng mga istasyong ito.

‘Pag nagkabistuhan: Bye-bye Freebies!

At tuwing umaga mabubuwisit na naman ako sa sigaw na “Bangun” in another language.

Setyembre 25, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . I THOUGHT utot. 2 mga puna.

IT’S so KORNY it’s FUNNY

 STRAIGHT from my Yahoo inbox. Isang email na nakapagpasaya sa araw ko.

THE MARK OF…

zorrolegendlogo

MISTER: “Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si ZORRO!”

MISIS: “Eh, ako, sino?”

MISTER: “Ikaw si DACOS!”

MISIS: “Dacos? Sino ‘yun?”

                                   MISTER: “DA COS of all my ZORROs!”

JOB INTERVIEW:

boss

BOSS: “Ano ba’ng alam mo?”

APLIKANTE: “Ah, eh… alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis n’yo at kung saan nakatira ang kabit n’yo.”

BOSS: “Congratulations. Tanggap ka na!”

PROJECT

father and son

ANAK: “‘Tay, penge ng pera. May project kami, bibili ako ang ‘cocomban’.

TATAY: “Ano ka ba naman, anak. Hanggang ngayon ‘cocomban’ pa rin ang tawag mo.”

ANAK: “Ano po ba ang tama?”

TATAY: “Bomb paper.”

HEARING AID

OLD_MEN001

LOLO PEDRO: “Galing ako sa doktor. Nakabili na ako ng hearing aid. Grabe! Ang linaw ngayon ng pandinig ko!”

LOLO JUAN: “Wow! Galing! Magkano ang bili mo sa hearing aid?”

LOLO PEDRO: “Kahapon lang!”

PUSA

cat

MISIS: “Dear, iligaw mo nga itong pusa. Naka-sako na. Dalhin mo sa malayo.”

MISTER: “Okey, dear.”

(Pagkaraan ng anim na oras)

MISIS: “O, bakit ka ginabi? Nailigaw mo ba ‘yung pusa?”

MISTER: “Bwisit na pusang ‘yan! Kundi ko siya sinundan, ‘di na ko nakauwi.”

TATLONG TANGA, NAGSISIKSIKAN SA KAMA

guys bed

TANGA No. 1: “Pare, ‘di tayo kasya. Bawas tayo ng isa. Sa lapag na lang matulog.”

(Bumaba si TANGA No. 2)

TANGA No. 3: ‘”Ayan pare. Maluwag na. Akyat ka na dito!”

PUZZLE

puzzle

ELY: “Yahoo! Ang bilis kong nabuo ‘tong puzzle!”

JULIO: “Talaga? Gaano kabilis?”

ELY: “5 months!”

JULIO: “Ang tagal naman.”

ELY: “Matagal ba ‘yun? Eh, nakalagay nga rito sa kahon: ‘For 3 years and up!'”

KAPE

coffee-cartoon-copyright3

MISIS: “Ano ba’ng hinahanap mo riyan sa supot ng 3-in-1 coffee? Kanina ka pa silip nang silip diyan?”

MISTER: “Hinahanap ko ‘yung libreng asukal. Nakasulat kasi sa karton, ‘SUGAR FREE’!”

KABAYO

horse

PROCOPIO: “Sobrang tabatsoy ng misis ko kaya gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang. Nag-horseback riding siya.”

JACK: “Ano’ng resulta?”

PROCOPIO: “Nabawasan ng sampung kilo ‘yung kabayo!”

(visuals courtesy of google images)

Setyembre 23, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation. 3 mga puna.

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