Pardon My TAGALOG
I WAS so pissed with a lot of people this past week that I’ve been doing different versions of cursing in all it’s cognitive, affective and psychomotor versions. Then it got me thinking that you can actually go through the whole dictionary of these curse words and feel better after saying all of them (of course while looking at the person you hate the most).
The best dirty words are the ones done in your own native language. I’m Pinoy so I think we have the funniest one’s that do not sound as offensive as their English translations.
If your not from my beloved Philippines you won’t understand a third of what you’re going to read from hereon, but then, this is for actually for you.
Memorize them and use them later in anyway you want and because hopefully no one will understand, just smile while you say it, then have a barrel of laughs as soon as the person you’re talking to turns his back.
Just make sure you’re not speaking to a Filipino.
We eat tongues for pulutan.
1. “Putang ina mo!” – is of course at the top of the list. It’s a reference to mothers, which is internationally recognized as the most offensive link you can give to your enemy to insult them. In English it means “Your mom’s a whore!” It has variations, meaning you shorten the phrase as much as you can: ‘Tang ina mo, ‘Tangna mo, ‘Na mo. ‘Mo!
2. “Anak ka ng puta!” – if your sworn enemy doesn’t budge with our No. 1, try this direct approach, literally meaning, “You’re the son / daughter of a whore,” or “You son / daughter of a bitch.” If that doesn’t work, be more precise: “Puta ka!” or “You bitch!”. Its variation: “Puta!” is self explanatory.
3. “Anak ka … ng pating… ng tupa.. ng tatay / teteng… ng nanay mo!”– For other choices, and if just want to sound cute while swearing, you can compare your enemy to being the son / daughter of … pating (shark), tupa (sheep), tatay / teteng (father), nanay (mother). You can also make your own “Anak ka ng… (blank)… mo,” variation by adding any animal or fantasy name. The more effective ones are of course the ones in Tagalog. Like “Anak ka ng Dwende!” (You son of a dwarf!)
3. “Tarantado ka!”- As far as I understand, the root word is “taranta” which in English means “being startled” or “reacted in a surprise / excited manner”. So if you’re a man, you’re “Tarantado”. If you’re a woman, you’re “Tarantada”. Yeah, I don’t really know what this one means. But it has that comfortable sliding of the tongue when you say it, that’s why most Pinoy like to say it. Variations: ‘Tado ka’ and ‘Tado’.
3. “Hudas! Barrabas! Hestas!” — made famous by the comedian Donya Delilah (Dely Atay-Atayan, yes it means kidney-kidneys!) referring to some infamous Biblical characters. It’s like cursing your enemy into eternal damnation in hell where I think these characters are still are. Not that effective for people who belong to sects and cults.
4. “Ngarat mo!” — in English this refers to fornicating. It’s best done with hand signals (four fingers down, except the middle finger). The root word (‘Ngarat’ came from ‘Burat’) is much funnier. It refers to the male genetalia.
5. “Tae mo!”– the English version (“Syet!… Sheyt!… Shoot!”) is a favorite among the young ones but it sounds dirtier in Tagalog. It means what it sounds like (or smell like). Poop. Defacate. Tae. It’s usually used to address a liar or if you don’t believe what a person is saying to you. Meaning the information he’s sharing is plain crap.
To recap: Look straight into your monitor and say to me: “Tae mo!”
Then I’ll answer: “Ngarat mo! Puta ka.”
Then you should say: “‘Tang na mo rin!”
Very Good.
Now you’re learning.
Wanna hear how it sounds like?
Pump up your speakers then click THIS if you’re 18 years old and above.
(Don’t say I didn’t warn you).
mickey photo from: http://spiiderweb.blogspot.com
BAKIT may KRISIS sa negosyo?
NAGBABAWAS ako ng emails na pinorward sa akin ng kung sinu-sino. Unti-unti kong ilalagay ang lahat dito sa “scannedthoughts” ‘yung mga ita-trash ko na.
‘Eka nga, “Reduce, Reuse and Recycle.”
This entry ay listahan ng mga entrepreneurial attempt ng ilan nating kababayan.
Listahan ng business names ng mga negosyong either sarado na ngayon o patuloy na nalulugi.
Obvious naman siguro ang dahilan:
1. A parlor in San Juan is named “Cut & Face”.
2. Wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: “Starduck”.
3. Fast food eatery in Nueva Ecija: “Violybee”
4. Internet cafe opened among squatters named “Cafe Pindot”.
5. In Manila , there’s a laundry named, “Summa Cum Laundry”.
6. Petshop in Ortigas: “Pussies and Bitches”.
7. A pet shop in Kamuning: “Pakita Mo Pet Mo”.
8. Bakery: “Bread Pit”.
9. Bank in Alabang: “Alabank”.
10. Restaurant in Pampanga named, “Mekeni Rogers”.
11. Restaurant in Pasig : “Johnnny’s Fried Chicken: The ‘Fried’ of Mrikina”.
12. A boxing gym: “Blow Jab”.
13. A tombstone maker in Antipolo: “Lito Lapida”.
14. A copy center in Sikatuna Village called “Pakopya ni Edgar”.
15. A beerhouse in Cavite called, “Chickpoint”.
16. Laundromat in Sikatuna: ” Star Wash : Attack of the Clothes”.
17. Internet cafe in Taguig named, “n@kopi@”.
18. Name of a kambingan, “Sa Goat Kita”.
19. A salon somewhere, “Curl Up And Dye”.
20. A lugawan in Sta. Maria, Bulacan: “Gee Congee”.
21. A water refilling station in Dapitan named “Wa-Thirst”.
22. A store selling feeds for chickens: “Robocock”.
23. Shoe repair in Marikina : “Dr. Shoe-Bago”.
24. Shoe repair store along Commonwealth, “SHOEPERMAN: we will HEEL you, save your SOLE, and even DYE for you”.
25. Petshop: “Petness First”
26. Flower shop: “Susan’s Roses”.
27. Taxicab: “Income Taxi”.
28. A 2nd hand watch store: “2nd Time Around”.
29. A squid stall in a wet market: “Pusit to the Limit”.
30. A shrimp store: “Hipon Coming Back”.
31. A gay lawyer’s extension office: ” Nota Republic “.
32. A ceiling installer: ” Kisame Street “.
33. A car repair shop: “Bangga ka ‘day?”
34. An aquatic pet store in Malolos: “Fish Be With You”.
35. A fishball cart named, “Poke-Poke”.
36. A beauty salon: “Saudia Hairlines”.
37. A bakery: “Anak Ng Tinapay”.
38. A resto along Mayon road in Manila : “May-Lisa Eatery”.
39. Laundry shop: “Wash Your Problem”.
40. This mobile massage business name isn’t funny, but
their slogan is: “Asian Mobile Massage Service: Massage only, God is watching”.
41. Ice cream parlor: “Dila Lang Ang Katapat”.
42. Chicharon store: “Chicha Hut”.
43. Neighborhood pizza store: “Pizza Hot”.
44. A fishball cart near UST: “Eat My Balls”.
45. A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: “Pinoy Big Barber”.
46. A Resto: “The Last Supper”.
47. A goto resto: “Goto Ko Pa!”
48. A peanut vendor’s cart with a funny name: “Mani ni Mama”.
49. A gym in Malolos: ” Gaymann Fitness Center “.
50. My brother’s party needs business: “Balloon-Balloonan”.
51. A Chinese restaurant in Pasig : “Lah-Fang”.
52. A store selling fresh chicken, owned by woman named Dina: “Dina Fresh Chicken”.
53. An actual bait and tackle shop in U.S. : “The Master Baiter”.
54. Panaderia: “Trimonay Bakeshop”.
55. Salon: “Hair Dot Comb”.
Dadagdagan ko na ng mga nakita ko kamakailan…
56. Carenderia sa QC: “Cooking ng Ina Mo!”
57. Lugawan sa Cabanatuan: “Hilton” (dahil ‘yung mga tindero HILa nila ‘yung kariTON)
58. Sastre sa Pasig: “James Tailor”
59. Manghuhula sa Quiapo: “Deep Truth”
60. Xerox shop sa Las Pinas: “Fax Me”
DISCLAIMER:
photo: Google Images
text and idea: Nos. 1-55, definitely NOT MINE. All the rest is original.
scanned thoughts 
