MAHILIG ka bang MAGHUBAD sa FACEBOOK?

KUNG sa tingin mo sexy ka… kaya ka nagpo-post ng bikini/underwear pictures mo sa facebook?

"I'll be popular after this!"

Panoorin mo ito:

AFTER mo’ng mapanood ‘yung video sa itaas, sa tingin mo makakalusot ka ‘pag tinanggal mo na ‘yung mga pa-sexy mong litrato sa facebook?

"Oh, NO! What have I done?!!"

Panoorin mo ito:

Remember, you will eventually GROW OLD and will probably have kids.

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Oktubre 28, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . LOVE or kamunduhan. 5 mga puna.

When I’m Alone I *bleep* Myself…

HERE’S my favorite song this week:

 

You know that I am called THE COUNT

Because I really love to *bleep*

Sometimes I sit and *bleep* all day

Sometimes I get carried away

**REFRAIN:

I *bleep* slowly, slowly, slowly getting faster

Once I start *bleep-ing* it’s very hard to stop

HEY!

Faster, faster, it is so exciting

I could *bleep* forever

*Bleep* until I drop– Hah!

1…2…3…4 — 1,2,3,4 — 1,2,3,4 —

1, 2… I love *bleep-ing* whatever the amount

Hah-hah!

 1,2,3,4… Hey-yeh-yeh-yeh…. hey-yeh-yeh-yeh

1,2,3,4… 1,2– that’s the song of the Count

I *bleep* the spiders on the wall

I *bleep* the cobwebs on the hall

I *bleep* the candles on the shelf

When I’m alone I *bleep* Myself

Repeat **REFRAIN

(AND NOW FOR THE MELODY, CLICK THE VIDEO BELOW)

Tired of Waiting? … CLICK THIS INSTEAD.

Setyembre 22, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . LOVE or kamunduhan. 4 mga puna.

Mahilig ka ba sa PWET?

GUESSING game ito.

Guess mo kung kaninong pwet ito?

A. Action Star Ronnie Ricketts

B. ABS-CBN Newbie Gerald Anderson

C. GMA-7 Talent Dingdong Dantes

D. Anonymous Blogger Bob Ong

For the answer click THIS.

To play the rest of the game:

JUST CLICK ALL THE “NEXT” and “BACK” ARROWS on that page.

Have fun clicking. 🙂

Enero 4, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . tribal TRIVIA. 2 mga puna.

PHOTOSHOP vs. PORNO

priscilla

I’VE always wanted to be a collector but I couldn’t decide what to collect.

I do have a criteria:

Should be cheap. 

Should be something I like.

Should be worth more than what I paid for in the future (at least to some ignorant fool).

I wanted to collect comicbooks at first (I just love ’em covers) but they are so expensive. Plus you meet these collectors who look at you like “Who the hell are you trying to ask for X-Men No. 1? You don’t even look like you can afford it!”

 Well, they’re right. I did look like the ignorant fool. Good thing they didn’t like me, though. At least it prevented me from being a member of a society of men who cling on to pre-adolescent obsessions. So, I moved on to a more mature preoccupation: Adult Magazines.

 It’s definitely a toss up between Hefner’s Playboy or Flynt’s Hustler. Both get my tick mark for being “something that I like” and might be “worth more than what I paid for in the future.” But just like having a mistress from a whorehouse, maintaining this kind of erotica collection will be hard to sustain financially. They’re like hot coal in your pants, burning a hole in your pocket at first, then giving your thigh a third degree.

 Living in a third-world country sometimes limits your choices to third-rate materials. Yes, compared to the first two, FHM isn’t really scorching hot. But it’s still warm enough for those cold, rainy nights. And when I started my old collection, around the first months of 2000 AD, believe it or not, back then it had a retail price of 100 pesos (roughly 2 USD before the recession)– unbelievably cheap like your friendly neighborhood pokpok. FHM didn’t burn my pocket but filled its corners with something else. Like an old Van Morrison song, it filled my heart with gladness and took away all my sadness. Because like it or not, being an FHM subscriber meant I am now officially a collector. (Hah!)

I enjoyed being a collector. Nothing beats getting your freshly printed, plastic covered copy every month before mere mortals who buy their copy from the newsstands. I enjoyed the freebies you get in between the pages, like beer coasters, bookmarkers, and once, even a CD of Patricia Javier’s first and last attempt to get a singing career going.

I enjoyed reading all the informative articles it provided, the friendly banter between the editor Eric Ramos, FHM’s intelligent readers (like me, I assumed) and the people who think publishing a magazine like this is a big slap to Filipino values. At least, I thought, a little spanking will help some of us remember that we did have some. Values, I mean.

I also enjoyed the ladies of FHM. I’d be an obvious fag if I didn’t mention this. It’s really like having a different girlfriend every month. A girlfriend who’s a 10, but willing to take her clothes off just to please lil’-ol’-loser-me.

My relationship with my FHM girlfriends (coupled by my sudden fascination with anything Nivea) went on, and on and on… until.

I noticed something peculiar: All my girlfriends in between the pages of my one and only collection are missing their… nipples?!

I couldn’t believe it myself. But then, if a girl’s chest is covered only with an actual fisherman’s fishing net, logic says there should be a prune or two showing in between the strands somewhere–yet, there was none!

A picture of a model in dripping wet t-shirt should at least have a shadow of a black sago, right? Wrong. The sago, nor its shadow is disappointingly not there. I’m no expert in CG but I’ll know a photoshop layer- masking trick if I see one.

Like what my Science teachers have taught me… I therefore conclude that the nipples have been erased! (Duh?)

To support this hypotheses, I started scanning the rest of my collection and discovered that the missing nipples mystery started only in the last quarter issues of FHM 2000. Meaning, the first batch were yummier than the last batch which tasted a bit stale if you ask me.

That’s when I decided I had to stop collecting repressed versions of my fantasies. Who would want a censored version of a supposed attempt at erotic art. It definitely violated FHM press freedom, the models’ freedom of expression, and of course, my human rights. Also, my human lefts. For there were times I did use both right and left.

The December 2000 ish was the last time I held an FHM mag. I wanted to write to Eric Ramos to tell him the jig was up. But he resigned before I got to writing a scathing letter. I think he was as principled as I am that a man’s magazine has got to do what a man’s magazine should do: tickle our funny bone and boner. To this single act of courage against the powers that be, I salute Eric Ramos for blazing the trail and starting a revolution in men’s magazine.

The FHM year 2000 started with a bang with Eric and ended up with a ffttt with a wannabe. The fire blazed, fizzled and then it was gone too soon.

My FHM January to December 2000 collection of nipple-less models has now started its own collection of… dust.

It looks cheap.

I don’t like it anymore.

 And you might see it on Ebay next week. (aLjI08)

Nobyembre 13, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . LOVE or kamunduhan, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 4 mga puna.

The FLYING HERMAPHRODITE

(Ely M.) PUNTA kami sa Bali Island ng Indonesia nu’ng July 2009. Alam na ng international community na maganda ang isla at puno ng “culture and tradition”. Ang nakakasorpresa ay ‘yung mga estatwa na nakakalat sa buong isla. May maliit. May malaki. Pero ang nakakagulat, marami sa kanila walang saplot (ahi-hi-hi!).

Sabi sa mga kuwento, bago sinakop ng mga taga-Netherlands ang Indonesia (same time na sinakop naman ang ‘Pinas ng mga Kastila), naka-topless din ang mga tao dito—gaya ng mga tao noon sa Banaue ng Baguio at mga tambay-kalye  ngayon sa bawat kanto. At kung may “Barrel Man” nga ang Baguio, bagyo naman ang mga designs ng estatwa sa Bali. Medyo may pagka-wild.

Isa lang sa pinagtataka ko, mas maraming aring-lalaki ang naka-display sa mga estatwa nila at kokonti ang aring-babae. Ire-research ko nga kung bakit for later blogs.

In the meantime, here are some proof of what I’m talking about:

tongue_edited-1

“HABA LA DILA” statue (above): Kuha ito sa Monkey Forest, called as such dahil nagkalat ang mga unggoy sa loob ng kagubatan. Think Subic’s monkey forest but times three ang dami ng mga tsonggo sa loob. Mahalay tignan but it is in fact a religious statue. Nakita ko ito sa labas ng isa sa mga Balinese temples doon kung saan nag-aalay ang mga tao ng pagkain sa “Monkey King”. Transgender ang motif pero naisip ko, ke babae o lalaki siya, ang sarap siguro niyang maging syota.

Sa Pilipinas ‘pag ganito kahaba ang dila mo, malamang habulin ka ng taongbayan dahil pagkakamalan kang manananggal na humihigop sa tiyan ng mga buntis mula sa bubong ng mga bahay.

lilypad1_edited-1

“WATER-WATER LILY” SCULPTURE (above):  Nakita ko ito sa pond ng Bebek Bengkil, isang restaurant doon famous for serving the best roasted duck in Bali. Perfect partner ang picture na ito ng “mananaggal photo” sa itaas. Hindi dahil sa refreshing ang foliage sa background kundi ‘yung nakakatuwang maliit na statue in the pond. Kung mahaba nga ang dila sa first picture, ito naman, mahaba ang…

Look closely…

lilypad2_edited-1

Ito ba ay estatwa ng… (a) isang cobra na handang tukain ang isang lalaki,  (b) security guard sa Bebek Bingkil hawak ang kanyang batuta, (c) hita ng paa sa aktong nagpa-fying kick, (d)  malaking buntot na mali ang tubo?

“BREAST MILK IS STILL BEST FOR BABIES” SCULPTURE (below): ITO nakaka-amuse din. Kuha ko ito sa loob ng isang souvenir shop sa lugar na tinatawag nilang Ubud. Para siyang advertisement for a breastfeeding campaign. Sarap na sarap ‘yung baby sa masustansiyang  boobs ng nanay niya.

sculpture_edited-1

Pero on secandthought… hindi naman mukhang bata ‘yung dumedede dahil halos magkasing-laki lang sila nung may-ari ng boobs. At hindi naman yata nakakandong sa babae ‘yung dumedede kundi naka-“scissors” ang legs nila. Nu’ng na-realise ko ito, napalitan ang aking pagka-amuse ng pagka-arouse.

Ang sarap sanang mag-imagine.

Kaso, nu’ng tumingala ako…

‘Eto ang nakita ko.

Ang diyosa ng mga bading…

jarna_edited-1

THE FYING HERMAPHRODITE!

Nagtatakbo ako pabalik sa hotel sa takot.

Baka habulin niya ako at sibatin sa puwet.

Setyembre 1, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . I THOUGHT utot. 5 mga puna.

CyberSex Anyone?

chat

(LJI)

Ayon sa Wikipedia ang cybersex ay…

…Synonymous to “computer sex”, “internet sex” or “net sex”. It is a “virtual sex encounter” in which two or more persons connected remotely via a computer network send one another sexually explicit messages describing a sexual experience. It is a form of role-playing in which the participants pretend they are having actual sexual relations to arouse each other. Cybersex can be accomplished through the use of Usernames in a multiuser software environment, like YM, MSN, wordpress (i’m kidding!) or any internet website chatroom.

SEXAMPLE (translated from bash.org):

GalitnasiPedro: Hi, Lakambini. ASL?

Lakambini: 20 F Pasay. Kaw?

GalitnasiPedro: 22 M Makati. Private Message?

Lakambini: K

GalitnasiPedro: (in PM mode) What do you look like?

Lakambini: (in PM mode) 5’3” in height. Nakapula akong silk blouse ngayon, maong na mini-skirt at black high heels. 36-24-36 ang measurements ko sabi ng gym instructor ko. Ikaw?

GalitnasiPedro: I’m 6’2″. 280 pounds. Cute ako kaso  I wear thick glasses. Naka-pajama ako ngayon at T-shirt na natapunan ng ketchup. Kumain kasi kami ng galunggong kani-kanina lang dinner. LOL

Lakambini: LOL. R u feelin hot? Wanna cyber?

GalitnasiPedro: Ah, OK

Lakambini: Isipin mo nasa bedroom tayo. May lovesong na tumutugtog sa CD player. Dim light kasi scented candles lang ang ilaw. I’m looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

GalitnasiPedro: Ambilis mo naman. Napalunok ako. Pinagpapawisan nang malamig.

Lakambini: I’m pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

GalitnasiPedro: Now I’m unbuttoning your blouse. Nanginginig ang mga braso ko.

Lakambini: I’m moaning softly.

GalitnasiPedro: Dahan-dahan kong inaalis ang malambot mong blouse.

Lakambini: I’m throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I’m rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

GalitnasiPedro: Napa-igwas ako dahil sa kiliti… Ay! napunit ko ang blouse mo. Sorry.

Lakambini: Ok lang. Mura lang naman ang bili ko diyan. Lmao.

GalitnasiPedro: Bayaran ko na lang.

Lakambini: Don’t worry about it. I’m wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder.

GalitnasiPedro: Ah, e… HIndi ko mabuksan ang bra mo. Mahigpit ang lock. May gunting ka ba dyan?

Lakambini: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I’m reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

GalitnasiPedro: How did you do that? Yumuko ako.. para pulutin ang bra mo sa sahig. Tinitignan ko kung paano mo nabuksan?

Lakambini: I’m arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

GalitnasiPedro: I’m dropping the bra. Now I’m licking your… you know, breasts. Hihi. They’re nice!

Lakambini: I’m running my fingers through your hair. Now I’m nibbling your ear.

GalitnasiPedro: I suddenly sneezed. Your breasts are now covered with spit and phlegm.

Lakambini: What?

GalitnasiPedro: I’m so sorry. Ganu’n kasi ako ‘pag nahahatsing.

Lakambini: I’m wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

GalitnasiPedro: I’m taking the wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop… puno nga talaga ito ng plema at dura. Eeww.

Lakambini: OK. I’m pulling your pajamas down and rubbing your hard tool.

GalitnasiPedro: Eeeeeeeeee!!!! Napatili ako. Malamig ang kamay mo!

Lakambini: I’m pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

GalitnasiPedro: I’m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you…umm… Wait… wait a minute.

Lakambini: What’s the matter?

GalitnasiPedro: I’ve got a pubic hair caught in my throat. Kaahhk! KaaahhKK!! << choking

Lakambini: Are you OK?

GalitnasiPedro: Kaaahhkk!! Khaaakh!! Ubo! Ubo! Cough! Cough!

Lakambini: Can I help?

GalitnasiPedro: Napatakbo ako sa kusina. Kailangan ko ng tubig. Kaaahhk!!! Saan mo nilalagay ‘yung mga baso n’yo?

Lakambini: ????

GalitnasiPedro: I’m drinking a glass of water. There, that’s better.

Lakambini: Come back to me, lover.

GalitnasiPedro: Teka, huhugasan ko muna ang baso. Nakakahiya naman.

Lakambini: I’m on the bed arching for you.

GalitnasiPedro: Pinupunasan ko muna ang baso at ibabalik sa cabinet. Baka magalit nanay mo. And now I’m walking back to the bedroom. TekA, I’m lost. Where’s the bedroom nga ulit?

Lakambini: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

GalitnasiPedro: I found it.

Lakambini: I’m tuggin’ off your pants. I’m moaning. I want you so badly.

GalitnasiPedro: Me too.

Lakambini: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

GalitnasiPedro: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. Dinidiinan mo ang salamin ko. It hurts.

Lakambini Why don’t you take off your glasses?

GalitnasiPedro: OK, but I can’t see very well without them. Oh, well. Hinubad ko ang salamin ko at inilagay sa side table.

Lakambini: I’m bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

GalitnasiPedro: Teka, teka..  iihi muna ako. Gumegewang-gewang akong nagmamadali papunta sa banyo. I can’t see well. Sa’n na nga ba salamin ko?

Lakambini: Hurry back, lover.

GalitnasiPedro: I find the bathroom and it’s dark. I’m feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Lakambini: I’m waiting eagerly for your return.

GalitnasiPedro: Madlim sa banyo. Hindi ko Makita ang ilaw. Ihing-ihi na ako! Ahhhh… ditto na lang… Oooops.

Lakambini: What’s the matter now?

GalitnasiPedro: Naihian ko ‘yung laundry hamper mo. Sorry ulit. HIndi ko napigil. Akala ko bowl.

Lakambini: Mmm, OK. Come on.

GalitnasiPedro: OK, now I’m going to put my…you know …Pedro…in your…you know…alam mo na.

Lakambini: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

GalitnasiPedro: I’m touching your smooth pwet. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I’m having a little trouble here.

Lakambini: I’m moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can’t stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
GalitnasiPedro: Teka… teka… lumambot.

Lakambini: What?!!!<< asar na

GalitnasiPedro: Lumambot si Pedro… ayaw nang tumayo…

Lakambini: I’m standing up and turning around; Nakakainsulto naman ‘yan.

GalitnasiPedro: I’m getting sad. Tumayo na ako sa kama. Kukunin ko ang salamin ko para tignan nang malapitan si Peds.

Lakambini: No, never mind. I’m getting dressed. I’m putting on my underwear. Now I’m putting on my wet nasty blouse na puno ng plema mo!

GalitnasiPedro: No wait! Kinakapa ko kung saan ko pinatong ang salamin ko… kapa… kap…Nasagi ko ang scented candles mo… natumba… papunta sa…

Lakambini: I’m buttoning my blouse. Nagbibihis na ako. Now I’m putting on my heels.

GalitnasiPedro: I’ve found my glasses. I’m putting them on. OH, NOOO! ‘Yung kandila… nasusunog ang kurtina ng kuwarto… Ahhhhh!!!!  Suuunoooggg!!!.

Lakambini: Go to hell. Putangina mo! I’m logging off. Loser!!!

GalitnasiPedro: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo! Helllppp!!!! Nanaangkupooo!!!

LAKAMBINI HAS JUST SIGNED OUT

(imagefrom:cartoonstock)

Hunyo 23, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . LOVE or kamunduhan. 2 mga puna.

WARNING: Never Kiss With Your Eyes Closed!

(LJI)

MASARAP humalik.

Minsan sa sobrang sarap napapapikit ka. Bakit ka napapapikit? Mas dumudoble daw ang sense of touch kapag walang sense of sight. Kaya nga nakaka-survive ang mga bulag, ‘di ba? Kaya rin siguro may kasabihang “Love is Blind” kasi tuwing kasama mo ‘yung mahal mo, para kang nakapikit palagi– wala kang nakikita. Pero ramdam na ramdam mo ang lahat nang nangyayari sa inyo.

Masama rin siyempre ang “Love is Blind” dahil mahirap na hindi nakikita ang mga nangyayari sa inyo. Lalo na sa IYO. Kasabihan nga, usually you’re the last to know, the last to notice, the last na nagtitiis. Until you remove your blinders to see the truth.

This video is a WARNING. Isang dahilan kung bakit masama ang maging bulag sa pag-ibig at bulag sa katotohanan na minsan iba ang sinasabi ng napakasarap na sense of touch, kesa sa mas totoong sense of sight.

CLICK THE VIDEO BELOW and enjoy the feeling of those very soft, wet, lying lips.

Hunyo 22, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . LOVE or kamunduhan. 2 mga puna.

YOUtube ME, I tube YOU (Ah, Saraaaap!)

youtube

(LJI)

DIYASKENG YouTube.

Nagkaroon ako bigla ng bagong addiction bukod sa panonood ng cable, pagkain at pag-ebak, I can’t stop myself from ‘YouTubing’. Mula nu’ng maikabit ‘yung bagong ‘interweb’ connection namin dito sa aming tree house, hindi ko na mapigil ang sarili kong mag-online. I became an obsessed YouTube community member.

What’s my purpose? I’m in the process of stumping the site: ‘Ano’ng video kaya ang WALA sila?’ Halos lahat kasi ng topic naka-upload dito. Eh, ultimo ‘yung kasal ni Queen Elizabeth nu’ng 19kopongkopong, meron. Speech ni Ninoy Aquino nu’ng buhay pa siya–meron. Pati ‘yung hindi maintindihang report ni Michael Fajatin sa Saksi ng GMA7, nandu’n. At ‘yung Wowowee contestant na nagpasalamat sa Eat Bulaga, naroon din. Hmm?

So, I tried typing ‘At Seventeen’, ‘yung ’70s love song classic ni Janis Ian — my favorite kasi laging pinapatugtog sa Mellow Touch DWLL nu’ng kabataan ko. Mahirap, ‘di ba? Una luma na. Pangalawa, kanta siya at wa’ pang mTV nu’n. Pangatlo, sino na nga ba si Janis Ian? So, hintay ako ng mga 3 seconds… meron pa rin! 10 video-versions nu’ng kanta. Sampu maniwala ka– mula nu’ng ’70s na kumakanta si Janis sa isang tv show (girly pa siya dito), hanggang sa isang vid na 2000ish sa isang revival concert (lesbiana na si Janis dito and very old– the face and gender have changed but her sweet voice remained the same). And the video thread began right there. (Click ALL the BLUE links in this blog to understand what I mean).

A few seconds later, pinapanood ko na si Barry Manilow, kumakanta ng ‘Mandy‘ at age 20ish yata–pogi at lalaki pa. Si Robin Williams, David Letterman at Jay Leno nagsta-standup nu’ng ’80s– all long-haired and I just realized, long din pala ang baba nilang tatlo. ‘Tapos sina Tito, Vic and Joey sa isang ’70s Coke commercial mimicking Freddie Aguilar and Mike Hanopol. MERON din sila!?

Sa thread nina TVJ may nakita akong video entries titled ‘sexy commercials’ so I clicked it. Engrossing. Mga sexy ladies endorsing different products from beers to–sex? Nu’ng nakita ko ‘yung title na ‘sex’ , tumayo ang… balahibo ko. Totoo kaya? So I clicked it. I ended with a 7 minute very sexy video titled ‘Seducing a Maid’ from Spain– two girls kissing like there are no men on earth (Ha-ha! “Nakaisa” ako! No links this time. It’s all up to you to look for it.). To my surprise (ka-ching!) it’s an ad for a porno site pala. And YouTube allowed it. Kina-cut lang ‘pag magpapakita na ng nipples ‘yung mga ‘actresses’. But with or without the nips, pwede na rin.

The porno ad was very convincing…so, after a few more “accidental” clicks, aside from my membership to YouTube I also became an instant member of YouTubeMe.com (or Tubuhin Mo Ako). And it’s not a site for plumbers.

Diyaske.

(youtubephotofrom)

Hunyo 19, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . I THOUGHT utot. 2 mga puna.