LOVE LETTER
Dear Koya,
IT was jazz an ordinary day. The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw! Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie nya. Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako, nakipila na rin ako. Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng :
“Indaaayyyyy….”
Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now? “Dodong!” sigaw ko. Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be loud and proud.” Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the crowd.
“Kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open?” tanong nya.
“Bihira lang, Dodong. I’m just droppings by. Ethnic ang schedule ko eh” sabi ko. Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortez. He’s every woman’s dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat namin. Naging kami for a while then after that were not an item anymore.
“Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?” tanong ni Dodong. “I don’t mine,” sagot ko.
Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter. “What’s your odor sir?” sabi nung waiter kay Dodong. “Do you have porkshop?” tanong ni Dodong. “Yes sir” sabi nito. “Our porkshop with a resistance to the teeth of boast of our chef. Domestic careful selection of pork with little fat of female liking is used. The exquisite cooking which repeated trial and error and was completed. It also has healthy vegetables with salad feeling fully,” dagdag pa niya.
“And you mam?” sabay tingin naman sa akin. Hmmm.. Mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I’m cutting down on my carbon kaya pinigilan ko. “I’ll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh,” sagot ko.
Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is going too far. Besides, it’s a long, long, way to run. “Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I’m happily married” pagmamalaki ko. “Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn’t expect you still have more feelings than I expected. I don’t want you getting the way. Past is fast. Therefore, cause and defect.” dagdag ko pa. Tumahimik sya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na rin sya.
“I don’t care less!” sigaw ni Dodong.
Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To think it’s his other woman that caused our separation to part. Kinabahan na ako. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita ako ng security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong. “Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?” sabi ko sa mamang guard. “Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure.” sagot niya. “Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got lost in my eyes.” “Diretso lang.”sabi niya. “Then turn right anytime with care.” “Thanks for your corporation” sabi ko. Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala kanina ang pag-disappear nya. “Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you go, there you are!” pananakot nya.
Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world started falling afar. Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, it’s all over. I’m out of arm’s way. “Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you.?” bago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya “I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout but at first I didn’t give it a thought. Pero nang makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then I give it a thought. I know something is a missed.”
Prom then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn’t even sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga. Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa ngayon, open na kami sa isa’t isa at walang exhibitions.
I feel I’m on cloud line.
Same to you,
INDY
The WISDOM of UP Professors
FROM an antique e-mail. Still inspiring. Still very funny.
ON GRADES
“Oo, nagpapa-ulan ako ng Uno… baket? Aaanhin ko ba ’yun? ‘Di naman ako yayaman du’n.”
–Sir Atoy Navarro, Hist
Professor habang binubuksan ang isang box ng colored chalks:
“Ano ba naman ito?!” (sabay hagis sa table ng mga dark colored chalk)
Class: (Tahimik na nagmamasid)
Professor: “Class, sulatan n’yo ang manufacturer ng chalk na ito. Sabihin ninyong tanggalin na ang mga walang kuwentang kulay na ito: Brown, Green at Violet. Alam ba nilang hindi ito nakikita sa board? Convince them!”
Class: (Tahimik at nagulat)
Professor: “Sino man ang magsusulat +.25 sa Final Grade!”
Class: “Yahoooo!!!”
Isang Valentine’s Day:
“Ano ba ‘yan? Students ba kayo ng UP? Bakit ang bababa ng scores ninyo? Siguro wala kayong date ngayong Valentine’s kaya ganito kayo? Losers!!! When I was your age, I had a date. Hindi ba naapektuhan ng UP Fair euphoria ang grades ninyo? Parang hindi kayo masaya…” (sabay tapon ng quiz papers sa sahig). “I won’t record this. Go and find a date.” (sabay walk out ng classroom)
—Sir Doliente, BA.
Student: “Sir, nagbibigay po ba kayo ng partial points?”
Professor: “Hmmm… if I see partial wisdom.”
ON EXAMINATIONS
Professor to Class:
“I don’t give surprise long exams. All exams are announced. Kaya today I’m announcing, ‘Class, mag-e-exam tayo! NGAYON NA!’”
–Ma’am Chei
“Don’t take the Bar Exam and yourselves too seriously. Baka mabalitaan na lang naming, nag-o-oral summation kayo sa Luneta. O lumulutang-lutang sa Pasig River. Enjoy yourselves. Relax. At habang nag-re-relax kayo, read at least 15 hours a day. Mag-relax ka habang nag-babasa. Mag-relax ka habang nagme-memorize.”
“’Pag nananaba ka sa oras ng exams, ibig sabihin hindi ka papasa.”
–Anonymous Prof
“Kahit magpakamatay ka pa, ‘di mo masasagot ‘yang problem set na ‘yan—dahil wala ‘yang sagot. Hahahaha!”
“Mamatay na ang mangopya… at ang hindi maka-100—BOBO!”
–Hist Prof
Professor habang umuulan sa labas during a hard final exam:
“Ang lakas ng ulan. Ayos ‘yan, at least hindi halata ‘pag umiiyak.”
–Sir Agapito
ON STUDYING
Commenting on a thesis of a Senior Student:
“’Yang thesis mo… mamamatay ka! Mamamatay ka!!!”
–Dr. Llanes, UPM
Professor: “O, meron na ba sa inyong nakapunta sa pinakabagong Mall ng Metro Manila?”
Class: (Super-tahimik)
Professor: “Anoooo?! Puro na lang ba kayo aral? Aral lang kayo nang aral—wala kayong kapupuntahan sa kaaaral n’yo!”
In a class with one meeting left in the Term:
“Okay class, next week, we start the lecture proper.”
–Ma’am Vitriolo
Professor to Student:
“Running ka ba for Summa?—Mapapagod ka lang.”
Professor to Grad Student during a Thesis Defense: “Are you familiar with the book written by (name of the author)?”
Grad Student (kinakabahan): “Y-yes, Sir.”
Professor: “Okay. Ano ang kulay ng cover ng book na ‘yun?”
ON LOUSY STUDENTS
“Anong molars? You don’t say molars, because it’s an adjective! Do you say ‘Beautifuls’?”
–Ma’am Liao commenting on a student’s grammar
Professor to a freshman who would not stand up during recitation:
“Stand up, Miss — so that we might see the contours of your body. (Student stands) … Wow! Rape-able!”
“Sa mga taga-UP lang ako bilib, eh. Papasok sila sa Law School na hindi disoriented. Bilib ako sa study habits ng mga batang iyan. Some of them look like they eat kamote three times a day. Pero ang utak nila, hindi ututin!”
Professor to a noisy class:
“Bakit napakasaya ng klase n’yo?! Pwede bang maging sad naman kayo? 5 minutes of sadness—starting right now!”
Professor to a class na ayaw mag-recite:
“Wag kayong mahiya. You have nothing to lose but your face!”
–Geo11 Prof
“It’s okay to smoke in my class. As long as you don’t breathe it out.”
–Dr. Obsioma, Biodiversity
Professor to a student with braces:
“Ayan, hindi ka na makasagot. ‘Yung bakal sa ipin mo, naapektuhan na ‘yung pagsasalita mo.”
–Sir Tiamson, Span 11
After the first hour of a three hour lecture on Taxonomy:
“Class, gising pa ba kayo? Mukhang inaantok na kayo, ah. I understand… pati nga ako, inaantok na rin.”
–Dr. Gapud
Professor after giving a joke related to his lecture topic:
“’Yung mga hindi natawa sa joke ko, REPEATERS kayo ano? Narinig n’yo na kasi ‘yang joke na ‘yan. Sorry kayo. ‘Yan lang ang joke ko.”
ON BEING HUMAN
“The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala kayong kasaysayan lahat. ‘Pag may kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG KA LANG!”
– Dr. Recio
“Try everything once, except incest.”
–Sir U Eliserio during a Creative Writing Class
“Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube. Kaya kung gusto ninyong magka-anak ng asawa ninyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo habang gumagawa.”
–Ma’am Maggie, Zoo 10
“Yes, class—I AM GAY! I’m so gay I could show you my penis because it is but an accessory to my body.”
–Jean Navera, spcm 1
“Look at me. I’m 43 years old pero ang lakas-lakas ko pa. Kung walang gulay kakain ako ng damo. Kung walang tubig, mag-iipon na lang ako ng laway.”
“Birds of the same feather, FLOCK together… don’t forget the ‘L’”.
–SocSci Prof
ON RELATIONSHIPS
First day of Classes:
“Kung may boyfriend o girlfriend kayo na hindi taga-UP, hiwalayan n’yo na ngayon pa lang. Walang kapupuntahan ‘yang relasyon n’yo. Dahil hindi kayo magkakaintindihan. ‘Tapos ‘yung mga anak n’yo, magiging bobo. Gusto n’yo ba ‘yun?”
“And girls, ‘wag kayong kukuha ng boyfriend diro sa UP. Pare-pareho tayong mahirap dito. 80% of the child’s intelligence comes from the mother naman, eh. And guys, ‘wag kayong kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo pa rin ang mga anak n’yo.”
ON POWER
Professor : “Many people believe that we psychology professors can read minds… (Silence). Actually, we can.
Students: “Weh… sample…
Professor: “Right now, you think I’m bluffin.”
–Ma’am Chei Billedo, Psych
“Nu’ng freshie ako, atheist ako. Pero ‘pag nasa bahay, nagro-rosary kami ng nanay ko. Eh, kung magalit sa ‘kin ‘yun.”
–Socio 11 Professor
“Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English. So, when you’re here in my class, magsalita kayo ng English. Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda na ako, at ako ang teacher!”
Prof to a student asking if he can sit in:
“We only accept members of a certain minority group in this class. For example, gays are part of a minority group. Bakla ka ba? If you admit that you are, then I’ll let you sit in.”
–Prof. “Hail to the Chair”
“The more wisdom you obtain, the more you should shut your mouth. This is because the more you learn, the more you realize that there are even more things that you do not know. The true mark of an idiot is a loudmouth. The true mark of a wise man is humility.”
–PI100. Puta, Best Prof sa CAL
ON OTHERS
Professor commenting on other Universities:
“Class, kaya ang mahal ng bayad sa mga professors sa ibang school kasi ang bobobo ng mga estudyante du’n. I used to teach in XXXXX at lumuluha talaga ako ng dugo bago maintindihan ng mga students ‘yung mga sinasabi ko. Ang mahal nga ng bayad, magkakasakit ka naman sa panga sa kauulit ng lessons. ‘Wag na lang. Dito na lang ako sa UP, et least, nagkakaintindihan tayo, ‘di ba?”
–Dr. David
Student: “Sir, pwede po bang maki-sit in ‘yung friends ko?”
Professor: “From what school are they?”
Student: “St. Scho po.”
Professor: “Go ahead. So they’ll realize what they’re missing.”
“Class, Chinatown is not in China. And Ateneo De Manila University is not… a university.”
–Prof name withheld upon request
“Si Mirriam, crush ko ‘yun dati. Muntikan na kaming maging kami. Kaso nasiraan siya ng ulo kaya ‘yun iba ang napangasawa ko.”
–Old UP Prof.
“Bilib ka kay Alan Peter Cayetano? Eh, ang bababa ng grades nu’n?!
–Ex-Prof ni Alan
ON LEAVING
“When you graduate, then you begin to live!”
–Dr. Jimenez, Psych 118
“To tell you the truth, I don’t much. I only know enough to teach my classes.”
–UP Socio Prof
thank you kay http://bonggaboom.multiply.com/journal/item/35
at sa photo ng http://www.worldendeavors.com/main/programbrochure/programid/38
The 12 Apostles: Skinned, Stoned, Sawed, Burned and Beheaded
(LjI) AS we remember the Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ this Holy Week, have you ever wondered what happened to the 12 Apostles after Jesus died on the cross? We all know that the Romans and the powerful Jewish leaders in Jerusalem were all looking for them for being guilty “by association”.
This source tells us that the Apostles (except, of course, Judas Iscariot) “… locate a ship and sailed away” to another city, leaving Jerusalem for fear of being arrested. They only came back to Jerusalem– after all the excitement and controversy quieted down– during Pentecost (originally a Jewish festival celebrating grain harvest and commemorating Moses receiving the Ten Commandments). But, according to Acts 2:1:4, while the Apostles gathered for the feast:
“…Suddenly there was a noise from heaven like the sound of a mighty wind. It filled the house where they were meeting. Then they saw what looked like fiery tongues moving in all directions, and a tongue came and settled on each person there. The Holy Spirit took control of everyone, and they began speaking whatever languages the Spirit let them speak.”
That’s how they received the Holy Spirit—and soon after, they courageously left their hiding place and started preaching and performing miracles, in the name of Jesus Christ, right in the streets of Jerusalem and in different languages!
Try to imagine the simplest, most quiet and easily intimidated man you know (most of the Apostles were fishermen, remember) suddenly speaking out like the smartest university professor you admire or a veteran politician on a reelection campaign trail—and you’ll get the idea on how miraculous this was.
During that time according to this source, “many religious Jews from every country in the world were living in Jerusalem … they were hearing everything in their own languages.”
The noise and activity attracted a huge crowd and the Apostle Peter preached a sermon to the crowd with great effectiveness that “On that day about three thousand believed his message and were baptised…” (Acts 2:41) establishing a solid and unstoppable Christian group in Jerusalem.
And as Jesus asked of them in Mark 16:14:
“Go yea into all the world and preach the good news to every creature.”
SO THEY DID.
But where did they go?
What did they do?
And what happened to them?
Let us use Da Vinci’s “Last Supper” (photo above) as our starting point:
Bartholomew (skinned alive and beheaded)—Preached the Gospel in Mesopotamia (Iraq), Persia (Iran), Turkey, Armenia and India. He was skinned alive and beheaded at Derbent (Azerbaijan, near Russia) on the Caspian Sea by order of a local king after a majority of the people of Derbent converted to Christianity. Some of Bartholomew’s skin and bones are still kept in The Basilica of St. Bartholomew in Rome, a part of his skull is in Frankfurt, Germany and an arm is venerated at the Canterbury Cathedral in England.
James, the Lesser (stoned and clubbed-to-death)—Believed to have preached in Damascus (Syria) and acknowledged as the first bishop of the Christians in Jerusalem (Israel). Historians say he was sentenced to be stoned-to-death by the Jews for challenging Jewish Laws and for convincing some of members of the Jewish community to convert to Christianity. James died when during the stoning, one person from the crowd approached him and bashed his head with a fullers club (a piece of wood used for bashing-washing clothes). He was buried on the spot where he died, somewhere in Jerusalem.
Andrew (crucified upside down on an X-shaped cross)—Preached in Georgia (Russia), Istanbul (Turkey), Macedonia and finally Greece. There in Patros, Greece, the Governor Aegiatis was angered by the apostle’s preaching and the conversion of his own family to Christianity. He ordered Andrew to renounce his faith in front of a tribunal. When Andrew resisted, the governor ordered that Andrew be crucified. He was tied upside down to an X-shaped cross with thick, tight ropes but Andrew kept preaching to spectators. He was able to convince many to accept Christianity just before he died after suffering for three days. Parts of his remains are in Constantinople (Turkey), Scotland (United Kingdom), but his skull is kept in Patras to this day.
Judas Iscariot (suicide, death by hanging)—Best known as the apostle who betrayed the Lord by divulging His location, leading to His arrest and persecution. He received 30 pieces of silver from Jewish priests for the information he gave. Prior to this, Judas served as the treasurer of the 12 Apostles; in charge of keeping the group’s budget/money. Sources could not agree on how he died. There are three accepted versions: (1) he committed suicide by hanging himself to a tree, (2) he accidentally fell on a field– head first (3) he was crushed by a passing chariot (4) he was stoned-to-death by the other 11 Apostles. But all four agree that “his bowels gushed out” (Ewwww!) on all four accounts. Authors and scholars also agree that his guilt was a major part of the cause of his death.
Peter (crucified upside down)—Recognized as the head of the original Christian community in Jerusalem (Israel), he left the city when King Herod Agrippa I started to persecute all Christians in Jerusalem and ordered the beheading of the Apostle James (the Great) . After escaping from Jerusalem, Peter preached in Judea (originally Palestine) and in Antioch (Syria) where he is historically considered as the first patriarch (bishop) of the Orthodox Church. After staying in Antioch for some time, Peter went to Rome and converted thousands into Christianity. The emperor at the time, Nero, did not like the idea of Romans becoming Christians and used the new members of the group for his amusement (e.g. feeding them to lions or wild dogs, and then burning them at stake in Rome’s coliseum—yes, the tourist spot– if they do not renounce their faith). Peter was one of the most prominent victims of this persecution. He was captured and crucified upside-down at his own request, because he said he was not worthy to be crucified the same way as our Lord. St. Peter’s body lies below the altar of St. Peter’s Basilica at the Vatican City, in Rome.
John (thrown into boiling oil, but survived)—For most of his labours, John was with Peter in Jerusalem up until the persecution of Herod Agrippa I. During this period, scholars agree that Johh escaped and preached for sometime in Asia Minor (an area around Turkey). Years later, scholars have traced that he went to Rome where it was believed he was persecuted with other Christians and was thrown into a cauldron of boiling oil—he miraculously survived. The Roman emperor at the time, Dominitian, decided after the incident to banish John to the island of Patmos (in Greece). When Dominitian died, John went back to Ephesus (in Turkey) where he spent the rest of his days. He died a very old man, the only Apostle to do so.
Thomas (impaled by a spear)—Called by most Christians as the “Doubting Thomas” for disbelieving the Lord’s Resurrection. But after his doubts were erased by touching Jesus’ wounds, he became a fearless preacher of the Gospel and builder of churches. He was the only Apostle who witnessed the Assumption of Mary and the one of the first Apostles who preached outside the boundaries of the vast Roman Empire (out of Europe). He preached in Babylon (present day Iraq) and established its first Christian church. Then he went to Persia (Iran) and travelled as far as China and India. He was martyred in Mylapore, India when a local king named Masdai condemned Thomas to death. The Apostle angered the Brahmins (high ranked priests/scholars who served as the king’s advisers) who thought Christianity disrespected India’s Caste System. Thomas was brought to a nearby mountain and was stabbed-to-death with a spear. He is believed to be buried around the suburb of Madras, in India.
James, the Great (beheaded)—Brother of the Apostle John. He decided to preached the Gospel in Iberia (around Spain) and be the first to build a Christian foundation in the area. But according to some scholars, the Virgin Mary appeared to James and told him to return to Judea (around Israel) to help the other Apostles. He was captured and condemned to die by Herod the Agrippa 1 to please Jewish leaders who were furious at the rapid growth of the Church. James’ chief accuser was later convinced that the Apostle was indeed blessed by the Lord, he himself requested to be beheaded with James. After this, James’ body was brought back to Spain by his disciples and was buried in the area where the cathedral of Santiago de Compostela is located, which is now considered as a major religious site.
Phillip (crucified)—Preached in Greece, Syria and in Turkey (in the cities of Galatia, Phrygia and Hierapolis). Philip partnered with Bartholomew in his missions. Like all Apostles, Philip became an exceptional speaker. According to sources “Through his miraculous healing and preaching, Philip converted the wife of the Preconsul of the city” of Hierapolis. Of course, this event angered the Preconsul and ordered that both Philip and Bartholomew be tortured and crucified upside down. While on the cross, Philip continued to preach and he was able to convince the crowd and the Preconsul to release Bartholomew, while insisting that he (Philip) remained crucified. Bartholomew was released but Philip died on the cross and was later buried somewhere within the city.
Matthew (burned-to-death?)—Was a rich tax collector and the most educated among the Apostles. Christian tradition says he preached in Ethiopia (in Africa), Judea (Israel today), Macedonia, Syria and Parthia (northeast Iran). Bible scholars have different versions on how he died. Some say he was either killed with a sword in Parthia or he died a natural death in Ethiopia. The most interesting and dramatic story appeared here, where it says Matthew came to a city (unnamed) and was able to convert the family of the local king to Christianity. This angered the king and ordered his soldiers to capture Matthew. In front of a huge crowd, they nailed him unto a bed, covered his whole body with paper, oil, brimstone, asphalt and brushwood and then they set him ablaze. Matthew was able to endure the torture while praising and preaching, but eventually died “a happy death”. Everyone who touched the burnt bed after was miraculously healed and converted into Christianity, including the king who asked for forgiveness and became a staunch Christian believer.
Jude Thaddeus (sawed or axed to death?)—the Patron Saint of Desperate Cases and Lost Causes was a farmer before becoming an Apostle. He was a partner of Simon the Zealot and together they preached and converted non-believers in Judea (Israel), Persia (Iran), Samaria (Israel), Idumaea (near Jordan), Syria, Mesopotamia (Iran) and Libya. It is also widely believed that Jude travelled and preached in Beirut, Lebanon. He also helped Bartholomew in bringing Christianity to Armenia. The cause of his death in unclear because of the existence of two versions: (1) He was crucified in Edessa, Turkey; (2) He was clubbed-to-death and his body was either sawed or axed in pieces after (together with Simon the Zealot). Some sources say he was buried either in Northern Persia or the most accepted version that his remains are buried in a crypt at St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome.
Simon the Zealot (sawed or axed-to-death?)—Before becoming an apostle, Simon was a member of the “Zealots”, a political movement rebelling against the Roman occupation of Jerusalem. Identified by some as the second Bishop of Jerusalem after James the Lesser (who was beheaded). He’s also believed to have preached in the Middle East, North Africa, Egypt, Mauritania and even Britain. His martyrdom is being debated by scholars and historians who claim Simon might have been crucified by the Romans in Lincolnshire, Britain, crucified in Samaria (Israel) after a failed revolt or sawed-to-death in Suanir, Persia with Jude Thaddeus.
Sources:
http://www.biblepath.com/peter.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/12_apostles#The_Twelve_Apostles
http://www.damascusfriends.org/Revelation/Revelation04.htm
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/01117a.htm
http://books.google.com/
http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/newtestament/section5.rhtml
PASKO: Noong Unang Panahon
Disyembre 18, sa isang Elementary School:
(ni aLJI) PAGDATING pa lang ni Utoy sa eskuwelahan, napansin na niyang kakaiba ang hitsura ng kuwarto ng Section 4. Halatang hindi agad umuwi kahapon si Miss Kurdapiya, ‘yung titser niyang payat at nakasalamin ng makapal. Nagkabit muna ito ng mga Pamaskong dekorasyon: May maliit na Belen ngayon sa isang sulok na ang katawan ng mga karakter ng Bibliya ay gawa sa nirolyong papel na nagkorteng Mayon Volcano at ang mga ulo nila ay gawa sa isang buong balat ng nilagang itlog na dinisenyuhan ng colored marker para magkaroon ng mukha. Meron ding mga papel na letrang nakasabit sa itaas ng blackboard na nagsasabing “Maligayang Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon” na puno ng iba’t ibang kulay. Nakapalibot sa buong kuwarto ang napakahabang kabit-kabit na Christmas lights, gaya ng sikat na kabaret sa may tumana na paboritong puntahan ng tatay niya. At sa kabilang sulok naman, may nakatayong Christmas Tree na gawa sa nakataob na walis tingting. Nakasuksok ang tingting sa isang malaking lata ng Milo na pinuno ng buhangin mula sa ginagawang bagong school building sa tabi. Binalutan naman ang bawat patpat ng tingting ng puting crepe paper at sinabitan ng mga plastic na bolang palawit sa dulo nito. Mukhang pagod nga ang masungit na mukha ni Ma’am, pero may kakaibang ngiti siya nu’ng araw na ‘yun.
Hindi naman magpapatalo si Utoy kay Mis Kurdapiya kung Pasko din lang ang pag-uusapan. Nagtulong sila kahapon ng tatay niyang gumawa ng parol para madala niya sa eskuwelahan. Assignment nila ‘yun. Bilib nga siya sa tatay niya dahil habang gumagawa ito ng parol, panay rin ang tagay nito mula sa isang bilog na Ginebra. Matapos maubos ang pulutang limang isaw at limang paa ng manok, sampung mahahabang patpat na pang-barbecue ang natira. Kinayas ito ng tatay ni Utoy para lumambot. Pinagtali-tali. At parang magic, nakabuo ng korteng bituin si Mang Kanor. Nakatulog na rin ito sa papag nila pagkatapos.
Ilang sandali pa ng paghilik ni Mang Kanor, dumating na ang nanay ni Utoy galing palengke. Bumili ito ng mga papel de hapon na kulay puti. Panay ang sermon nito sa tatay ni Utoy habang binabalot ng papel ang iskeleton na bituin. Ewan ni Utoy kung bakit panay ang talak ng nanay niya, eh, tulog na tulog si Mang Kanor sa mga sandaling ‘yun. Nanay rin niya ang gumawa ng dalawang buntot ng parol na parang dalawang palda na pang-Kastila na may kakaibang patterns. Ikinabit ito ng nanay niya sa mga kanto ng parol na kaiga-igayang tignan lalo na pag-ihip ng hangin. “Eto na anak, may parol ka na,” sabi ni Aling Lidia na parang bumait bigla nang kausapin ang anak. “Ingatan mo para maisabit din natin sa bahay pagkatapos ng Christmas Party n’yo sa eskuwela.” Hinaplos ni Aling Lidia ang buhok ng anak na ikinangiti nilang pareho.
Lahat ng mga kaklase ni Utoy ay ganito rin ang kuwento; merong mga dalang parol kinabukasan na iba-iba ang kulay. Iba-iba ang laki. Iba-iba ang disenyo. Lahat ito gawa ng mga tatay at nanay nila– ng pamilya– dahil ang mga tunay na parol hindi naman nabibili sa tindahan, ginagawa lang bahay.
Ang pinakahihintay ni Utoy sa araw na ito ay ang bunutan para sa “monito-monita”. Gumupit si Miss Kurdapiya ng maliliit na papel at isinulat niya rito ang pangalan ng bawa’t estudyante niya. Umikot sa buong kuwarto si Miss at pinabunot ang bawa’t kaklase ni Utoy sa isang kahon. “Ang mabubunot n’yo ay magiging monito o monita ninyo!” tili ni Miss Kurdapiya na ikinangiwi ng bawat batang nakarinig.
May hiling si Utoy: Sana mabunot niya ‘yung “crush” niyang si Jocelyn. Maputi, mabait at nasa Row 1 dahil pangalawa sa pinakamatalino sa klase nila. Sa tradisyon kasing ito, may pagkakataon si Utoy na magregalo sa monita niya ng kung anu-anong bagay sa buong isang linggo bago ang Christmas Party. Bawat araw may theme na ibibigay si Teacher: “Sa Lunes, mamimigay kayo ng ‘Something Sweet’ sa kung sino man ang mabubunot ninyo,’” nakakabinging sabi ni Miss habang papunta sa Row 4, sa tabi ng basurahan, sa upuan ni Utoy.
Isip ni Utoy agad, “Ah! Chocolate ang ibibigay ko kay Jocelyn! Choc-nut! …Isang plastic!..???
—Mahal yata.–Tatlo na lang, para ‘I Love You.’”
“May sinasabi ka, Utoy?” tanong ni Miss Kurdapiya. “Nagmumura ka na naman?”
“Ah, hindi po ma’am.”
“Bumunot ka na, bago kita mapingot.”
Pumikit si Utoy. Bumunot habang nagdarasal: “Jocelyn…Jocelyn.”
Binuksan niyang dahan-dahan ang nakatuping papel… at napabulong siya ng mahinang “Putang ina…”
Hindi nga lahat ng pangarap natutupad.
Nabunot niya ang pangalan ni Miss Kurdapiya.
“Something sweet… para kay Ma’am?
“Alam ko na:
“PANUTSA!
“…Putsang buhay ‘to, o.”
(parol photo: marexflores.net )
Paano kung mali para sa ‘yo si MR. RIGHT?
(LJI) LAHAT ng lalaki na nanliligaw—nambobola rin.
Madali lang magsabi ng “I love you” pero mahirap pangatawanan ng salitang ito.
So—tanong ng isa kong kaibigang babae—ano ang pagkakaiba ng sinungaling sa seryoso?
Kung babae ka, sampung tanong lang ang dapat mong sagutin kung gusto mo talagang malaman kung totoong mahal ka nga ng syota mo.
Una: Nabigyan ka na ba niya ng bulaklak?
Kung hindi ka niya kayang bigyan ng napakasimpleng halaman (na puwedeng pitasin kahit sa tabi ng kalye), ano pa ang maaasahan mong maibibigay niya sa iyo?
Pangalawa: May naibigay na ba siya sa iyong “lovenote”?
Importante ang “lovenote” (sa papel man o sa text) kasi he’s putting his feelings in black and white, na puwede ring i-printed. In any court case, legal document na ito as proof of his undying love.
Pangatlo: Kaya ka ba niyang titigan nang matagal habang sinasabi ang “I love you.”
Maraming lalaki na sasabihing korni ang pag-a-“I love you”. Kung hindi niya kayang mag-exert man lang ng effort na sabihin ito sa harap mo, magduda ka na. Baka nga hindi ka niya mahal.
Pang-apat: Naipakilala ka na ba niya sa parents niya?
‘Eto ang secret girls—‘yung mga totoong mahal lang ng mga lalaki ang ipinapakilala nila sa mga magulang nila. Bihira itong gawin ng boys kasi, mahirap na kada buwan e iba ang ipinapakilala mo sa parents mo. Kahit ako, sa dinami-dami ng naging syota ko (ehermm…), ‘yung naging misis ko lang ang nakarating sa amin.
Panglima: Naaalala ba niya ang “monthsary” n’yo?
Kung lagi niya itong kinakalimutan ngayon pa lang, mas marami siyang makakalimutan sa darating pang panahon. Ang masama baka ikaw na ang kasunod na ma-erase sa memory niya.
Pang-anim: Nililibre ka ba niya tuwing date n’yo?
Kung ikaw ang laging gumagastos sa date n’yo, ganito rin ang mangyayari kung sakaling magkatuluyan kayo. Ikaw ang magtatrabaho at gagastos for your future family—believe me.
Pangpito: Nagho-holding hands ba kayo in public?
Ang PDA (Public Display of Affection) ang pinakakongretong katunayan na proud siya na kasama ka. Na nawawala siya sa sarili niya tuwing magkatabi kayo. Na ikaw lang ang mahalaga sa moment na ‘yun. Kung hindi niya kayang gawin ito, natatakot ‘yan na baka may makakita sa inyo—malamang ‘yung iba pa niyang girl friend o mga kaibigan ng girl friend niya, o ‘yung mismong misis niya..
Pangwalo: Madalas mo ba siyang kasama sa loob ng isang linggo?
Kung once a week mo lang nakakasama ang boyfriend mo, don’t expect na uuwi ‘yan sa bahay n’yo everyday kung sakaling kasal na kayo. ‘Yung mga ganitong lalaki, laging nasa lakwastahan, kabarkada o trabaho (kunyari). Kung uuwi man ‘yan, gabi na palagi kung kelan tulog ka na.
Pangsiyam: Nasigawan ka na ba niya?
‘Eto ang pinakamasama na puwedeng gawin ng boyfriend mo sa iyo. Kahit matagal na kayong mag-on, he has no right na sigawan ka niya dahil wala siyang karapatan. Legally speaking, he’s a stranger shouting at you. Wala kayong binding agreement na puwede ka niyang talakan or mag-feeling superior. Just imagine kung mister mo na ‘yan—baka hindi lang sigaw ang aabutin mo. Leave this kind of guy as soon as possible.
Pangsampu: Mas madalas ka bang umiiyak o tumatawa ‘pag kasama ka?
Ang love dapat nagpapasaya sa iyo. Kung mahal ka ng lalaki, dapat gagawin niya ang lahat para mapasaya ka niya. Kung puro problema, pasakit at sama ng loob lang ang ibinibigay niya sa iyo—DO NOT EXPECT THIS SITUATION TO CHANGE. Isa itong sneak preview ng magiging buhay mo kung magkakatuluyan nga kayo as husband and wife.
Sabi nga ng kasabihan, pakasalan mo ‘yung taong minamahal ka kahit hindi mo masyadong feel at ‘wag yung taong mahal na mahal mo na hindi ka naman feel.
At ituring mo na napakalaking blessing kung suwerte kang mahal ka rin ng minamahal mo dahil bihira na nga itong mangyari.
(visual from brendapool.com)
MICHAEL JACKSON FAREWELL– replays HERE!
Malinaw na live video– as it happened July 7, 2009– for those of you who missed it.
CLICK the LINK BELOW:
Growing Up With MICHAEL JACKSON
(LJI) MATAWA na kayong lahat, aamin ako today, I’m a big Michael Jackson fan. Kung magkakaroon kasi ng music playlist ang henerasyong kinabibilangan ko, malamang puro awitin ni Michael and pupuno dito. It was such a long time ago but I feel I need to write this down.
1. Give Love On Christmas Day (released 1970)
Sabi ng mga elders ng pamilya namin, noong mga bata pa raw kami, dinala nila kami sa isang concert ng Jackson 5 sa Araneta Coliseum diyan sa may Cubao, QC. Pero wala nga akong naaalala dito. Basta ang alam ko, isa sa senyales na malapit na ang Pasko sa bahay namin o sa buong Pilipinas ang pagpapatugtog till your ears bleed ng Christmas classic na “Give Love On Christmas Day” ng Jackson 5. At kung hindi n’yo pa alam, isang 12 year old Michael Jackson ang nagbu-vocals dito. At magpahanggang ngayon, required na chorus after ng linyang “…Taking time to be kind to one and all…” ang “hooo-hooo-hooo…”
2. She’s Out Of My Life (released 1979)
Hindi ko ‘to makakalimutan dahil kinanta ito ng isang babaeng classmate ko nu’ng high school para sa isang lalaking classmate ko rin. Sabi niya before singing, “This is dedicated to Neil…” at gaya nga ni Michael humihikbi din ‘yung girl at the end of the song dahil ayaw siyang pansinin si Neil. Natatawa naman si Neil dahil “HE’S out of my life” daw dapat ang tamang linya kung para sa kanya nga ‘yung dedication. Loko.
3. Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough (released 1979)
Sa sobrang kasikatan ng kantang ito ni Michael, may nag-translate nito in Tagalog. Ang kinalabasan ng linyang “Keep on with the force don’t, don’t stop till you get enough…” ay “Kaya John, magsumikap… dapat magsumikap ka…” at ginawa itong theme song ng “John En Marsha” ni Dolphy sa lumang Channel 9.
4. Someone In The Dark (special edition, released 1982)
Kasama ang kantang ito sa isang special album na ni-release to promote the movie “E.T. (the Extra Terrestrial) ” na dinirek ni Steven Spielberg. Hindi ko alam ‘yun dahil sa VCD ko na napanood ang E.T. after 10 years from its original showing dahil ayaw ni Spielberg mag-release ng video version. Pero 10 years ko nga itong ginigitara dahil masarap siyang kantahin. Sabi ni E.T. sa gitna ng kanta “Thaaaaaank you” kay Michael. Sana sumagot si Michael nang “Your Wehhhhhhhhllcome.”
5. Billie Jean (released as a single 1983)
The 1984 Grammy Awards was the first one I ever watched on TV sa Channel 9 (again). Sa TV plug kasi nito, nominated si Michael for several Grammy Awards including Best R&B Song for Billie Jean. Laking pasalamat ko dahil it was truly an historic night. He ended up with a record 8 Grammy Awards. Kinabukasan na-realize ko naging Jackson fanatic akong bigla nang napansin kong ginagaya ko na ‘yung Jackson walk sa intro ng Bilie Jean video habang ini-imagine kong umiilaw ‘yung tiles ng sahig namin sa bawat hakbang ko. Later on, ‘yung isang best friend ko named his first child “Billy” after the song. Joke namin, para ‘pag malaki na si Billy puwede siyang utusang bumili ng alak ng tatay niya with the words, “Billy– bili Gin.”
6. Beat It (released as a single 1983)
This was the song that kept playing in my head everyday while walking to school. Walking to the beat, ‘eka nga. I love the guitar solo sa song na ito at kung meron ngang list ng best guitar solos in a pop song, ‘yung guitar solo dito sa “Beat It” ang No. 1 ko. At bakit nga hindi siya magiging hayup sa galing – si Eddie Van Halen (ng rock band na Van Halen) ang nag-solo dito. Hindi nga lang guitars ang magaling sa song. Hayup din ang choreography at dance moves ni Michael sa video. During this time I discovered dancing. I hated dancing. But it became a guilty pleasure. Sabi nga ni Madonna sa kantang “Into the Groove“…lock the doors so no one else could see…” Siyempre kasama na porma namin ‘yung pormang Michael: konting “S” na palawit ng buhok sa may bandang noo—a la Superman at secretly pagdadala ng sequined glove in my pocket. ‘Pag may nagtatanong kung bakit may sequined glove ako, sagot ko “Nagta-trapik ako dyan sa kanto.”
7. Thriller (released as an album 1982)
If you’re a child of the ‘80s, I’m sure you know some of the dance moves from this classic song and video. Naglabas ng “The Making of Thriller” noon at ang ginagawa namin ng mga barkada ko, sino-slow motion naming ‘yung video para lang ma-imitate every dance move. Dito nga naming napatunayan na possible palang umikot nang pitong beses gaya ni Michael kung naka-Blah Blah kang sapatos. Sa sobrang familiar nga ng choreography nito, may nag-perform nito perfectly sa high school field demo namin nu’ng 1984. So, ‘yung mga bilanggo na nagti-Thriller sa Youtube, sorry to say, hindi sila ang original.
8. I Just Can’t Stop Lovin You (released 1987)
College student ako na naglalakad pauwi sa loob ng SM North Edsa (hindi pa siya “City” noon) nu’ng marinig ko ang kantang ito. Sabi ko, “Kaboses ni Michael? It’s been 5 years mula nu’ng na-release ang “Thriller”—may bago kaya siyang album? Lo and behold, sa harap ng record store (Odyssey yata) naroon nga ang poster ng album na “Bad”! Unti-unti akong nangiti. Nagbalik sa aking alaala ‘yung teenage Michael Jackson phase ko “Here we go again,” isip ko. Pero habang tinititigan ko ‘yung poster napansin ko, nag-iba na rin ang mukha ni Michael: mahaba ang buhok, maputi na may cleft chin at iba na naman ang kanyang ilong. He looked bad. Parang hindi kasi bagay ‘yung physical changes. Kaso sabi nga sa kanta, “I just can’t stop lovin you… Michael.” Nag-moonwalk ako happily the rest of my way going home na ikina-pudpod ng suot kong Chuck Taylor.
9. Smooth Criminal (released 1987)
“Moonwalker” ang title ng movie at dito pinagsama-sama ang lahat ng video ng album na “Bad”. Pinalabas ito sa isang movie theatre sa Recto kung saan malapit ang university namin. Buong tropa ko sa college nag-cut classes para lang manood nito at magsasayaw sa loob ng sinehan, especially during the extended video ng “Smooth Criminal”. It was the nearest thing to a Michael Jackson concert. Alam namin lahat ng kanta, alam naming ang dance moves at nagkabistuhan na na saan ka man lupalop ng Pilipinas lumaki, imposibleng hindi naimpluwensiyahan ang pagkabata mo ng musika ni Michael. Favorite dance move namin after watching “Bad” ay ang “crotch hold” (o hawak betlog). Dahil kay Michael hindi ka na nga mahihiya mag-adjust ng kargada mo in public kung kinakailangan.
HISTORY WORLD TOUR—December 10 1996 Asia World, Paranaque.
After 15 looooong years, nangyari nga ang imposible. Nagkaroon ng concert schedule si Michael Jackson sa Pilipinas. Nagtatrabaho na ako by this time sa isang showbiz magazine. At parang pinagtagpo nga ng panahon dahil nakakuha ang editorial office namin ng invites para sa press launching ng concert sa Manila Hotel. First time ko sa Manila Hotel at napakaengrande ng “ambulance” sa loob, siyempre engrande din ang concert (‘eto ‘yung same video na ipinakita during the launch). Dahil sa excitement na na-build up in me during the press launch, hindi nga ako na-satisfy sa free tickets na bigay sa press na pinauupo ka sa pinakalikod ng reclaimed land are ng Asia World, sa tabi ng naglalakihang metal cargo containers na ginawa nilang pader. Bumili ako ng tatlong middle seat audience tickets worth 3 thousand pesos each, mapalapit sa aking idol. One for me, one for another friend na MJ fan din and one for my future-misis. Ubos ang laman ng credit card ko only for this once in a lifetime chance to get close to my childhood idol.
10. Childhood (released 1995)
Among the 30 songs na included sa double album na “HIStory” ito ang nas-stick sa mind ko. Sabi sa first line ng kanta, tinatanong tayo ni Michael: “Have you seen my childhood?” Only then I finally understood kung ano nga ba si Michael, ano siya sa buhay ko. Sa buhay natin.
Siya ‘yung nagpapaalala nu’ng mga masayang Pasko sa Pilipinas nu’ng musmos pa tayo sa “Give Love On Christmas Day”; ‘yung teenage loneliness nu’ng wala ka pang girlfriend sa “Someone In The Dark” ; falling totally in love sa “I Just Can’t Stop Lovin You”; makagunaw mundong teenage heartbreaks natin sa “She’s Out Of My Life”; mga kalokohan ng tropang high school sa “Thriller”, “Beat It” at “Billie Jean” at goodtime sa college while listening to “Bad” at “Smooth Criminal”. Hindi lang pala nakadugtong si Michael sa ilang highlights sa buhay natin kundi naka-link din siya sa mga taong nakasama at nakilala natin habang pinapatugtog ang mga awitin niya sa radio o sa mga cassette at CD players noon. Kaya nga ‘pag nakikinig tayo ng iPod today ng illegally downloaded nating Michael Jackson song at ipipikit natin ang ating mga mata, nakikita natin muli ‘yung mga taong ‘yun at bumabalik lahat ng feelings from our own childhood.
After feeling like a child again during the two hour concert na ‘yun kung saan nakita ko ang 38 year old na si Michael nang malapitan, of course he looked old–er. May tiyan na—parang maliit beer belly. Parang nagli-lipsynch na. At parang hindi na niya kayang mag-spin seven times. But the same energy, the same passion and the same commitment to entertain us, hindi nawala. The crowd of 90,000 na nanood with us showed the same energy, passion and commitment kahit nga naghintay kami ng 15 years to get to that moment.
Pagkatapos ng concert, naglakad lahat ng audience from Paranaque hangang Manila bago makasakay ng taxi. Puno ang buong Roxas Blvd ng mga taong naglalakad: puyat, pagod, paos pero lahat nakangiti. Kami lalo dahil kung nakalimutan ko na nga ‘yung supposedly Jackson 5 concert sa Araneta nu’ng kamusmusan ko nu’ng late ‘70s—‘etong 1996 concert na ito ni Michael Jackson nagbalik muli for a moment ang “wonder in my youth”.
The next morning we all grew up and finally moved on (LJI).
How Will You Remember MICHAEL JACKSON?
(LJI)
LOVE him or hate him, he’s definitely led one very interesting life.
I just need to ask you this question:
If you think there are other words to describe MJ, feel free to comment.
CyberSex Anyone?
(LJI)
Ayon sa Wikipedia ang cybersex ay…
…Synonymous to “computer sex”, “internet sex” or “net sex”. It is a “virtual sex encounter” in which two or more persons connected remotely via a computer network send one another sexually explicit messages describing a sexual experience. It is a form of role-playing in which the participants pretend they are having actual sexual relations to arouse each other. Cybersex can be accomplished through the use of Usernames in a multiuser software environment, like YM, MSN, wordpress (i’m kidding!) or any internet website chatroom.
SEXAMPLE (translated from bash.org):
GalitnasiPedro: Hi, Lakambini. ASL?
Lakambini: 20 F Pasay. Kaw?
GalitnasiPedro: 22 M Makati. Private Message?
Lakambini: K
GalitnasiPedro: (in PM mode) What do you look like?
Lakambini: (in PM mode) 5’3” in height. Nakapula akong silk blouse ngayon, maong na mini-skirt at black high heels. 36-24-36 ang measurements ko sabi ng gym instructor ko. Ikaw?
GalitnasiPedro: I’m 6’2″. 280 pounds. Cute ako kaso I wear thick glasses. Naka-pajama ako ngayon at T-shirt na natapunan ng ketchup. Kumain kasi kami ng galunggong kani-kanina lang dinner. LOL
Lakambini: LOL. R u feelin hot? Wanna cyber?
GalitnasiPedro: Ah, OK
Lakambini: Isipin mo nasa bedroom tayo. May lovesong na tumutugtog sa CD player. Dim light kasi scented candles lang ang ilaw. I’m looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
GalitnasiPedro: Ambilis mo naman. Napalunok ako. Pinagpapawisan nang malamig.
Lakambini: I’m pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
GalitnasiPedro: Now I’m unbuttoning your blouse. Nanginginig ang mga braso ko.
Lakambini: I’m moaning softly.
GalitnasiPedro: Dahan-dahan kong inaalis ang malambot mong blouse.
Lakambini: I’m throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I’m rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
GalitnasiPedro: Napa-igwas ako dahil sa kiliti… Ay! napunit ko ang blouse mo. Sorry.
Lakambini: Ok lang. Mura lang naman ang bili ko diyan. Lmao.
GalitnasiPedro: Bayaran ko na lang.
Lakambini: Don’t worry about it. I’m wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder.
GalitnasiPedro: Ah, e… HIndi ko mabuksan ang bra mo. Mahigpit ang lock. May gunting ka ba dyan?
Lakambini: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I’m reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
GalitnasiPedro: How did you do that? Yumuko ako.. para pulutin ang bra mo sa sahig. Tinitignan ko kung paano mo nabuksan?
Lakambini: I’m arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
GalitnasiPedro: I’m dropping the bra. Now I’m licking your… you know, breasts. Hihi. They’re nice!
Lakambini: I’m running my fingers through your hair. Now I’m nibbling your ear.
GalitnasiPedro: I suddenly sneezed. Your breasts are now covered with spit and phlegm.
Lakambini: What?
GalitnasiPedro: I’m so sorry. Ganu’n kasi ako ‘pag nahahatsing.
Lakambini: I’m wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
GalitnasiPedro: I’m taking the wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop… puno nga talaga ito ng plema at dura. Eeww.
Lakambini: OK. I’m pulling your pajamas down and rubbing your hard tool.
GalitnasiPedro: Eeeeeeeeee!!!! Napatili ako. Malamig ang kamay mo!
Lakambini: I’m pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
GalitnasiPedro: I’m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you…umm… Wait… wait a minute.
Lakambini: What’s the matter?
GalitnasiPedro: I’ve got a pubic hair caught in my throat. Kaahhk! KaaahhKK!! << choking
Lakambini: Are you OK?
GalitnasiPedro: Kaaahhkk!! Khaaakh!! Ubo! Ubo! Cough! Cough!
Lakambini: Can I help?
GalitnasiPedro: Napatakbo ako sa kusina. Kailangan ko ng tubig. Kaaahhk!!! Saan mo nilalagay ‘yung mga baso n’yo?
Lakambini: ????
GalitnasiPedro: I’m drinking a glass of water. There, that’s better.
Lakambini: Come back to me, lover.
GalitnasiPedro: Teka, huhugasan ko muna ang baso. Nakakahiya naman.
Lakambini: I’m on the bed arching for you.
GalitnasiPedro: Pinupunasan ko muna ang baso at ibabalik sa cabinet. Baka magalit nanay mo. And now I’m walking back to the bedroom. TekA, I’m lost. Where’s the bedroom nga ulit?
Lakambini: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
GalitnasiPedro: I found it.
Lakambini: I’m tuggin’ off your pants. I’m moaning. I want you so badly.
GalitnasiPedro: Me too.
Lakambini: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
GalitnasiPedro: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. Dinidiinan mo ang salamin ko. It hurts.
Lakambini Why don’t you take off your glasses?
GalitnasiPedro: OK, but I can’t see very well without them. Oh, well. Hinubad ko ang salamin ko at inilagay sa side table.
Lakambini: I’m bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
GalitnasiPedro: Teka, teka.. iihi muna ako. Gumegewang-gewang akong nagmamadali papunta sa banyo. I can’t see well. Sa’n na nga ba salamin ko?
Lakambini: Hurry back, lover.
GalitnasiPedro: I find the bathroom and it’s dark. I’m feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Lakambini: I’m waiting eagerly for your return.
GalitnasiPedro: Madlim sa banyo. Hindi ko Makita ang ilaw. Ihing-ihi na ako! Ahhhh… ditto na lang… Oooops.
Lakambini: What’s the matter now?
GalitnasiPedro: Naihian ko ‘yung laundry hamper mo. Sorry ulit. HIndi ko napigil. Akala ko bowl.
Lakambini: Mmm, OK. Come on.
GalitnasiPedro: OK, now I’m going to put my…you know …Pedro…in your…you know…alam mo na.
Lakambini: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
GalitnasiPedro: I’m touching your smooth pwet. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I’m having a little trouble here.
Lakambini: I’m moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can’t stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
GalitnasiPedro: Teka… teka… lumambot.
Lakambini: What?!!!<< asar na
GalitnasiPedro: Lumambot si Pedro… ayaw nang tumayo…
Lakambini: I’m standing up and turning around; Nakakainsulto naman ‘yan.
GalitnasiPedro: I’m getting sad. Tumayo na ako sa kama. Kukunin ko ang salamin ko para tignan nang malapitan si Peds.
Lakambini: No, never mind. I’m getting dressed. I’m putting on my underwear. Now I’m putting on my wet nasty blouse na puno ng plema mo!
GalitnasiPedro: No wait! Kinakapa ko kung saan ko pinatong ang salamin ko… kapa… kap…Nasagi ko ang scented candles mo… natumba… papunta sa…
Lakambini: I’m buttoning my blouse. Nagbibihis na ako. Now I’m putting on my heels.
GalitnasiPedro: I’ve found my glasses. I’m putting them on. OH, NOOO! ‘Yung kandila… nasusunog ang kurtina ng kuwarto… Ahhhhh!!!! Suuunoooggg!!!.
Lakambini: Go to hell. Putangina mo! I’m logging off. Loser!!!
GalitnasiPedro: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo! Helllppp!!!! Nanaangkupooo!!!
LAKAMBINI HAS JUST SIGNED OUT
WARNING: Never Kiss With Your Eyes Closed!
(LJI)
MASARAP humalik.
Minsan sa sobrang sarap napapapikit ka. Bakit ka napapapikit? Mas dumudoble daw ang sense of touch kapag walang sense of sight. Kaya nga nakaka-survive ang mga bulag, ‘di ba? Kaya rin siguro may kasabihang “Love is Blind” kasi tuwing kasama mo ‘yung mahal mo, para kang nakapikit palagi– wala kang nakikita. Pero ramdam na ramdam mo ang lahat nang nangyayari sa inyo.
Masama rin siyempre ang “Love is Blind” dahil mahirap na hindi nakikita ang mga nangyayari sa inyo. Lalo na sa IYO. Kasabihan nga, usually you’re the last to know, the last to notice, the last na nagtitiis. Until you remove your blinders to see the truth.
This video is a WARNING. Isang dahilan kung bakit masama ang maging bulag sa pag-ibig at bulag sa katotohanan na minsan iba ang sinasabi ng napakasarap na sense of touch, kesa sa mas totoong sense of sight.
CLICK THE VIDEO BELOW and enjoy the feeling of those very soft, wet, lying lips.
How To Pick-up Girls-Boys-Bakla-Tomboys (sort of)
BIBIGYAN ko kayo ng step-by-step na instructions based from experience kung papaano makipagkilala sa bar, club, mall, party, saklaan, peryahan, etc. Remember, boy , girl, veykla o tibs ka man applicable ang teknik na ito. This will get you the “keys to the VIP” (Vilibid In Prison-ahehe!).
1. MAKIPAGTITIGAN –Mag-beautiful eyes ka muna sa tina-target mong babae/lalaki: Ayon sa barkada kong Japayuki, isa sa pinakaayaw ng girls ay ‘yung may bigla na lang sumusulpot sa likuran nila at nagsasabi ng napakalakas na “MISS, PWEDE BANG MAKIPAGKILALA?! Kahit ikaw rin, kung may complete stranger na lalapit sa ‘yo at nagulat ka, magsususpetsa ka rin agad na masamang tao ito. Kaya umaayaw daw kaagad sila. At oo, tumatakbo nga ‘yung iba at nagsusumbong sa baranggay.
2. MAGPAPANSIN—Kung hindi tumitingin sa iyo ang target girl, magpapansin ka: Tumawa ka nang malakas at magsalita ka nang malakas (siguraduhin mo lang na may kausap ka kung gagawin mo ito. Baka mapagkamalan kang may topak kung mag-isa ka lang). Magpatawa ka, madapa ka, umubo ka nang malakas. Or magsayaw ka nang kakaiba: kung nagbe-breakdance sila sa dancefloor, mag-cha-cha ka bigla. Anything na makakatawag nang pansin, para mapatingin siya sa iyo.
3. MAGPAKIPOT—Kung sa pagpapapansin mo ay mapatingin nga siya, tumingin ka rin lang muna sa kanya ‘tapos biglang iwas ng tingin. Kunwari, hindi mo napansin na nakatingin siya sa iyo. Patikim-tikim lang. ‘Wag ka munang lalapit o magre-react at either natatakot pa rin ‘yan sa iyo o iniisip niyan, KSP ka (dahil malakas kang magsalita), certified loser ka (dahil nadapa ka), may TB ka (dahil malakas kang umubo) o isa kang weirdo (dahil hanggang ngayon cha-cha pa rin ang alam mo). So, take it easy, build-up sexual tension first and wait for the best moment to attack.
4. MAKIPAG-NGITIAN–Pagkatapos ng Step 1 and 2, I’m sure titingin ‘yan ulit, guaranteed. Dagdagan mo ngayon ng ingredient ang sexual tension na ito: Ngumiti ka sa kanya or tumango (parang slight bow, head only), kumindat, mag-double raised eyebrow, o kahit anong movement na mag-a-acknowledge na nakita mong nakatingin din siya sa iyo. Kung gusto ka rin niyan, titingin siya ulit; hindi siya ngingiti pero titingin ‘yan ulit… at ulit… at ulit. Importanteng tandaan mo, never exaggerate: ‘Wag kang magbu-blow ng kiss, or aarte na parang binabaril mo siya with your pointed finger and thumb tapos hihipan mo ‘yung forefinger mo dahil kunwari may usok na lumabas.
5. MAGBILANG— lang beses ka ba niyang tiningnan? Ilang beses mo ba siyang nginitian? Dito mo mage-gauge kung maitataas mo pa ang level ng relasyon ninyong dalawa. Next questions: Ngumingiti ba siya kung tumitingin siya? (Ibig sabihin: “Ang bagal naman nito? Hindi pa ako lapitan.”) Nakasimangot ba siya kung tumitingin ka? (Ibig sabihin: “Ang kapaaaal ng mukha nito? Feeling nito like ko siya.”) May ibinubulong ba siya sa mga kasama niya? (Ok lang kung babae ang kasama niya, pero kung bumubulong ‘yan sa mga kasama niyang lalaki, tumakbo ka na at ipapabugbog ka na niyan.)
6. MAGLAKAD— … papalapit sa target girl/boy. Kung ngumiti rin ang babae sa iyo (hindi sa lalaki sa likuran mo ha.)– three or more glances are GOOD– ito na ang senyales na binibigyan ka niya ng permiso na makipagkilala. Lumapit ka at maglakad nang diretso, show confidence. Keep smiling. Keep your eyes looking straight at her eyes habang iniiwasan mong madapa, mabunggo ang ibang tao o lamesa or worse, maluha ang mga mata mo sa kakatitig. Pwede namang kumurap.
7. MAGSALITA—Tumigil ka half-an-arms length (28.2 cm—yes, I measured it) from her. Dapat nakangiti ka pa rin at hindi tumutulo ang laway mo dahil ngawit ka na sa kakangiti. Kung may laway ka, punasan mo muna. Pagkatapos, ito na ang perpektong pagkakataon para sabihin ang magic words (a) In Tagalog: “Hi, ako si…” (b) In English: “Hi, I’m…” or (c) Just mention your name: “Procopio Halibaybay…” habang iniaabot mo ang iyong kanang kamay para makipagkamay. DAPAT kang makipagkamay! Touching her hand is FIRST BASE.
Kung hindi mo alam ang sasabihin, CLICK THIS.
The rest is up to you, Valentino (or Valentina– ke may ahas ka sa buhok o wala).
WARNING: Never say, “Pwede bang makipagkilala…” dahil ‘pag sumagot yan nang “HiNdE!” sayang ang effort mo na magpa pa-cute at sinayang mo lang ang oras ko sa pagta-type nito.
scanned thoughts 