STRIP DART



NAALALA KO minsang nag-iinuman kami ng tropa at batung-bato na sa mga kuwentuhang paulit-ulit lang ang topic — may nag-suggest na maglaro kami ng kakaibang laro:

 STRIP DART.

 Simple lang ang rules na on-the-spot lang pinagkasunduan ng lahat:

  1. Iinom muna ng isang basong beer ang taong titira sa dart board.
  2. Tapos, babato ng tig-dalawang darts.
  3. Ia-add ang total points ng dalawang throws.
  4. One turn bawat player.
  5. Ang pinakamababang score pagkatapos ng isang round ng batuhan ay dapat mag-aalis ng isang saplot na nakasuot sa katawan.

Ala-una ito ng madaling araw. Nasa labas kami ng isang bahay. Sa isang garahe sa tabi ng kalyeng madalas daanan ng mga tao. Dahil puro lasing na, walang paki na pumayag ang lahat. Mga walo kaming tipsy na kasali sa ka-istupiduhang ito.

 Unang round: Unang bato ng darts, ‘yung mga mababa ang score, nagtanggalan na ng relo, singsing, kuwintas, cellphone at sapatos. Easy.  Umalingawngaw ang tawanan at alaskahan sa katahimikan ng gabing iyun.

 Round two: Next na inalis ng mga natalo ay t-shirts, medyas, sinturon. Ang tawanan ang napalitan ng halakhak.

 Pangatlong round: Titira na ang unang biktima na may pinakamababang iskor. Delikado ang lagay niya dahil halos hubad na siya at nakapantalon na lang– kaya ‘pag mababa ulit ang score niya, pantalon na ang susunod na matatanggal. Tawanan sa excitement ang mga naghihintay sa tira niya. Inalaska na siya nang todo.

At mahirap nga ang maging bobo sa dart.

Pagtapos ng round na ‘yun, siya na naman ang pinakamababa ang puntos. Lagot.

“Hubad naaaa! Hahaha!” sigawan ang lahat ng may mataas na iskor. Parang naging beerhouse na may illegal boldshow ang garahe.

 Susunod kaya si Low Scorer sa pinagkasunduan? Sa kanya nakasalalay ang tagumpay ng palaro. Kung aayaw siya, siguradong wala nang maghuhubad na susunod.

 Ang kanyang last words: “’Ta**-ina n’yo– ‘pag hindi kayo sumunod, yari kayo sa akin!”  sabay hubad ng kanyang kupas na jeans.

Halakhakan ang lahat sa pagkagulat!

Sumunod sa pinagkasunduan ang loko! Tahulan din ang mga aso sa labas na parang nakikitawa dahil sa hitsura ng kawawang talunan: Maluwag ang brief niya,  tabatchoy, mabalahibo na parang pinaghalong Al Tantay at Apeng Daldal ang dating.

Round four and five: Ewan kung dahil ba sa sobrang alcohol, lahat ay wiling-wili na naghuhubaran. Naka-underwear na lang ang players by this time.

Maginaw na ang hangin. Nanginginig na ang ilan sa lamig pero tawanan pa rin. Alaskahan tungkol sa mga bilbil sa tiyan, mga hindi pantay-pantay na kulay ng balat dahil sa sinag ng araw, mga nakatagong galis at mga parte ng katawang maraming balahibo kahit hindi dapat.

 Round six: May taong sumisigaw sa gate! “Tao poooo! Tao poooo!”

 Si Mang Cando, isa sa  pinakarespetadong lasenggo ng baranggay. Pagkatapos niyang mag-“Tao Po” bigla na lang siyang pumasok  sa gate gaya nang nakagawian niya tuwing naghahanap siya ng libreng alak.

Akala ni Mang Cando mga kumpare niya ‘yung mga nag-iinuman. Tatagay sana siya.

Napatigil si Mang Cando. Napatigil din kami.

Nagkatitigan ang lahat at nagtatanong sa isip: “Paano na?”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Mang Cando sa nakita niya.

Hindi na kami nakapag-damit.

Apat  na naka-brief.

At dalawang labas ang pwet.

Mga machong-lasing na nakangiti at nakatingin kay Mang Cando.

Hubad.

Puro kami lalaki.

“YAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” nagsisigaw siyang tumakbo palabas ng gate.

 “Pu****-ina! Mga bakla! BAKLAAA!!! Patawarin kayooo!!!”

Malayo na siya dinig pa rin naming lahat ang kanyang takot na takot na pagsigaw.

 Nabalitaan namin, mula noong gabing ‘yun, hindi na muling uminom ng alak si Mang Cando.

 Hindi na rin kami … nag-darts.

Pero tuwing nakakasalubong namin si Mang Cando,

kinikindatan namin siya.

 Sabay tawa.

(LjI0508)

Advertisements

Pebrero 11, 2011. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Unang LIBRO. 4 mga puna.

MANNY PACQUIAO sings “IMAGINE”… could you imagine?!

IN this day and age, impossible things happening are quite possible.

“Black” Obama is now living in the White House.

Ninoy’s Noynoy got elected in the Philippines.

State Communism disappeared, individual terrorism appeared.

The most Perfect Tiger in the history of golf wasn’t as perfect as everybody thought.

A Time Traveler from the 21st Century was caught on film in Charlie Chaplin’s 1928 movie.

And now this:

MANNY PACQUIAO DOES A DUET WITH COMEDIAN WILL FERRELL!!!

Go, Manny!!!

PAC THEM ALL!

Nobyembre 3, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . SHOO! biz. 5 mga puna.

Noong Unang Panahon Part 3

photo: Leon B. Dista

I FOUND one more post about the good ol’ days credited to some anonymous netizen called “Oldie” whose sentimentality touched the hearts of even the ’80s and ’90s Generation. Based on this website it was first posted on 11 February 2007 titled “Born in the ’40s, ’50s, ’60s, ’70s?” before getting popular in the email circuit. Somebody (obviously a Filipino) later changed it’s western context and adapted it to the lifestyle of a Pinoy-kid in the ’70s and ’80s.

Here’s “Noong Unang Panahon Part 3”:

“First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne and drank San Miguel Beer while they carried us. While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, ate isaw, and didn’t worry about diabetes.

“Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints, pati na yung walker natin, matigas na kahoy din at wala pang gulong. We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang at ‘pardible’ o safety pins).

“When we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads , sometimes wala pang preno yung bisikleta.

“As children, we would ride in hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (yung JD bus na pula), or cars with no airconditioning & no seat belts (ngayon lahat may aircon na).

“Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat. Ngayon hindi na nakakakita ng kalabaw ang mga bata.

“We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle purchased from 7-11 (minsan straight from the faucet or poso). We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE actually died from his. Or contacted hepatitis. We ate rice with star margarine, drank raw eggs straight from the shell, and drank sofdrinks with real sugar in it (hindi diet coke), but we weren’t sick or overweight kasi nga……

“WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!!

“We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on.

“Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso , habulan at taguan. No one was able to reach us all day (di uso ang cellphone , walang beepers). And yes, we were O.K.

“We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (yung bearing ang gulong) or plywood slides out of scraps and then ride down the street , only to find out we forgot the brakes! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (seweage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands .

“We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD’s, no cell phones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, no Facebooks, and no Friendsters. ……

BUT WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them!

“We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words..’Masakit ba?’ Pero pag galit yung kalaro mo,,,,ang sasabihin sa iyo..’Beh buti nga!’

“We played marbles (jolens) in the dirt , washed our hands just a little and ate dirty ice cream & fish balls. we were not afraid of getting germs in our stomachs.

“We had to live with homemade guns ‘ gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakitan. .Pero masaya pa rin ang lahat.

“We made up games with sticks (syatong ), and cans (tumbang preso) and although we were told they were dangerous, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay. Paminsan minsan may nabubukulan lang.

“We walked, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!

“Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala yang mga childhood depression at damaged self esteem ek-ek na yan. Ang pikon, talo.

“That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO’s, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.

“The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way.

“You might want to share this with others who’ve had the luck to grow up as real kids. We were lucky indeed. And if you like, forward it to your kids too, so they will know how brave their parents were.”

More reminiscing…

PHOTO by Leon B. Dista (visit his site!)

Oktubre 2, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel. 4 mga puna.

When I’m Alone I *bleep* Myself…

HERE’S my favorite song this week:

 

You know that I am called THE COUNT

Because I really love to *bleep*

Sometimes I sit and *bleep* all day

Sometimes I get carried away

**REFRAIN:

I *bleep* slowly, slowly, slowly getting faster

Once I start *bleep-ing* it’s very hard to stop

HEY!

Faster, faster, it is so exciting

I could *bleep* forever

*Bleep* until I drop– Hah!

1…2…3…4 — 1,2,3,4 — 1,2,3,4 —

1, 2… I love *bleep-ing* whatever the amount

Hah-hah!

 1,2,3,4… Hey-yeh-yeh-yeh…. hey-yeh-yeh-yeh

1,2,3,4… 1,2– that’s the song of the Count

I *bleep* the spiders on the wall

I *bleep* the cobwebs on the hall

I *bleep* the candles on the shelf

When I’m alone I *bleep* Myself

Repeat **REFRAIN

(AND NOW FOR THE MELODY, CLICK THE VIDEO BELOW)

Tired of Waiting? … CLICK THIS INSTEAD.

Setyembre 22, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . LOVE or kamunduhan. 4 mga puna.

LOVE LETTER

Dear Koya,

IT was jazz an ordinary day. The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw! Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie nya. Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako, nakipila na rin ako. Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng :

 “Indaaayyyyy….”

 Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now? “Dodong!” sigaw ko. Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be loud and proud.” Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the crowd. 

 “Kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open?” tanong nya.

“Bihira lang, Dodong. I’m just droppings by. Ethnic ang schedule ko eh” sabi ko. Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortez. He’s every woman’s dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat namin. Naging kami for a while then after that were not an item anymore.

“Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?” tanong ni Dodong. “I don’t mine,” sagot ko.

Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter. “What’s your odor sir?” sabi nung waiter kay Dodong. “Do you have porkshop?” tanong ni Dodong. “Yes sir” sabi nito. “Our porkshop with a resistance to the teeth of boast of our chef. Domestic careful selection of pork with little fat of female liking is used. The exquisite cooking which repeated trial and error and was completed. It also has healthy vegetables with salad feeling fully,” dagdag pa niya.

“And you mam?” sabay tingin naman sa akin. Hmmm.. Mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I’m cutting down on my carbon kaya pinigilan ko. “I’ll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh,” sagot ko. 

Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is going too far. Besides, it’s a long, long, way to run. “Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I’m happily married” pagmamalaki ko. “Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn’t expect you still have more feelings than I expected. I don’t want you getting the way. Past is fast. Therefore, cause and defect.” dagdag ko pa. Tumahimik sya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na rin sya.

“I don’t care less!” sigaw ni Dodong.

Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To think it’s his other woman that caused our separation to part. Kinabahan na ako. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita ako ng security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong. “Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?” sabi ko sa mamang guard. “Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure.” sagot niya. “Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got lost in my eyes.” “Diretso lang.”sabi niya. “Then turn right anytime with care.” “Thanks for your corporation” sabi ko. Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala kanina ang pag-disappear nya. “Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you go, there you are!” pananakot nya.

Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world started falling afar. Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, it’s all over. I’m out of arm’s way. “Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you.?” bago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya “I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout but at first I didn’t give it a thought. Pero nang makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then I give it a thought. I know something is a missed.” 

Prom then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn’t even sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga. Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa ngayon, open na kami sa isa’t isa at walang exhibitions.

I feel I’m on cloud line. 

Same to you,

INDY

Setyembre 13, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . LOVE or kamunduhan. 6 mga puna.

The WISDOM of UP Professors

FROM an antique e-mail. Still inspiring. Still very funny.

ON GRADES

“Oo, nagpapa-ulan ako ng Uno… baket? Aaanhin ko ba ’yun? ‘Di naman ako yayaman du’n.”

–Sir Atoy Navarro, Hist

 

Professor habang binubuksan ang isang box ng colored chalks:

“Ano ba naman ito?!” (sabay hagis sa table ng mga dark colored chalk)

Class: (Tahimik na nagmamasid)

Professor: “Class, sulatan n’yo ang manufacturer ng chalk na ito. Sabihin ninyong tanggalin na ang mga walang kuwentang kulay na ito: Brown, Green at Violet. Alam ba nilang hindi ito nakikita sa board? Convince them!”

Class: (Tahimik at nagulat)

Professor: “Sino man ang magsusulat  +.25 sa Final Grade!”

Class: “Yahoooo!!!”

Isang Valentine’s Day:

“Ano ba ‘yan? Students ba kayo ng UP? Bakit ang bababa ng scores ninyo? Siguro wala kayong date ngayong Valentine’s kaya ganito kayo? Losers!!! When I was your age, I had a date. Hindi ba naapektuhan ng UP Fair euphoria ang grades ninyo? Parang hindi kayo masaya…” (sabay tapon ng quiz papers sa sahig). “I won’t record this. Go and find a date.” (sabay walk out ng classroom)

—Sir Doliente, BA.

 

Student: “Sir, nagbibigay po ba kayo ng partial points?”

Professor: “Hmmm… if I see partial wisdom.”

ON EXAMINATIONS

Professor to Class:

“I don’t give surprise long exams. All exams are announced. Kaya today I’m announcing, ‘Class, mag-e-exam tayo! NGAYON NA!’”

–Ma’am Chei

 

“Don’t take the Bar Exam and yourselves too seriously. Baka mabalitaan na lang naming, nag-o-oral summation kayo sa Luneta. O lumulutang-lutang sa Pasig River. Enjoy yourselves. Relax. At habang nag-re-relax kayo, read at least 15 hours a day. Mag-relax ka habang nag-babasa. Mag-relax ka habang nagme-memorize.”

“’Pag nananaba ka sa oras ng exams, ibig sabihin hindi ka papasa.”

–Anonymous Prof

 

“Kahit magpakamatay ka pa, ‘di mo masasagot ‘yang problem set na ‘yan—dahil wala ‘yang sagot. Hahahaha!”

“Mamatay na ang mangopya… at ang hindi maka-100—BOBO!”

–Hist Prof

 

Professor habang umuulan sa labas during a hard final exam:

“Ang lakas ng ulan. Ayos ‘yan, at least hindi halata ‘pag umiiyak.”

–Sir Agapito

ON STUDYING

Commenting on a thesis of a Senior Student:

“’Yang thesis mo… mamamatay ka! Mamamatay ka!!!”

–Dr. Llanes, UPM

 

Professor: “O, meron na ba sa inyong nakapunta sa pinakabagong Mall ng Metro Manila?”

Class: (Super-tahimik)

Professor: “Anoooo?! Puro na lang ba kayo aral? Aral lang kayo nang aral—wala kayong kapupuntahan sa kaaaral n’yo!”

In a class with one meeting left in the Term:

“Okay class, next week, we start the lecture proper.”

–Ma’am Vitriolo

 

Professor to Student:

“Running ka ba for Summa?—Mapapagod ka lang.”

Professor to Grad Student during a Thesis Defense: “Are you familiar with the book written by (name of the author)?”

Grad Student (kinakabahan): “Y-yes, Sir.”

Professor: “Okay. Ano ang kulay ng cover ng book na ‘yun?”

 

ON LOUSY STUDENTS

“Anong molars? You don’t say molars, because it’s an adjective! Do you say ‘Beautifuls’?”

–Ma’am Liao commenting on a student’s grammar

Professor to a freshman who would not stand up during recitation:

“Stand up, Miss —  so that we might see the contours of your body. (Student stands) … Wow! Rape-able!”

 

 “Sa mga taga-UP lang ako bilib, eh. Papasok sila sa Law School na hindi disoriented. Bilib ako sa study habits ng mga batang iyan. Some of them look like they eat kamote three times a day. Pero ang utak nila, hindi ututin!”

Professor to a noisy class:

“Bakit napakasaya ng klase n’yo?! Pwede bang maging sad naman kayo? 5 minutes of sadness—starting right now!”

 

Professor to a class na ayaw mag-recite:

“Wag kayong mahiya. You have nothing to lose but your face!”

–Geo11 Prof

“It’s okay to smoke in my class. As long as you don’t breathe it out.”

–Dr. Obsioma, Biodiversity

 

Professor to a student with braces:

“Ayan, hindi ka na makasagot. ‘Yung bakal sa ipin mo, naapektuhan na ‘yung pagsasalita mo.”

–Sir Tiamson, Span 11

After the first hour of a three hour lecture on Taxonomy:

“Class, gising pa ba kayo? Mukhang inaantok na kayo, ah. I understand… pati nga ako, inaantok na rin.”

–Dr. Gapud

 

Professor after giving a joke related to his lecture topic:

“’Yung mga hindi natawa sa joke ko, REPEATERS kayo ano? Narinig n’yo na kasi ‘yang joke na ‘yan. Sorry kayo. ‘Yan lang ang joke ko.”

 ON BEING HUMAN

“The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala kayong kasaysayan lahat. ‘Pag may kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG KA LANG!”

– Dr. Recio

 

“Try everything once, except incest.”

–Sir U Eliserio during a Creative Writing Class

“Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube. Kaya kung gusto ninyong magka-anak ng asawa ninyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo habang gumagawa.”

–Ma’am Maggie, Zoo 10

 

“Yes, class—I AM GAY! I’m so gay I could show you my penis because it is but an accessory to my body.”

–Jean Navera, spcm 1

“Look at me. I’m 43 years old pero ang lakas-lakas ko pa. Kung walang gulay kakain ako ng damo. Kung walang tubig, mag-iipon na lang ako ng laway.”

 

“Birds of the same feather, FLOCK together… don’t forget the ‘L’”.

–SocSci Prof

ON RELATIONSHIPS

First day of Classes:

“Kung may boyfriend o girlfriend kayo na hindi taga-UP, hiwalayan n’yo na ngayon pa lang. Walang kapupuntahan ‘yang relasyon n’yo. Dahil hindi kayo magkakaintindihan. ‘Tapos ‘yung mga anak n’yo, magiging bobo. Gusto n’yo ba ‘yun?”

 

“And girls, ‘wag kayong kukuha  ng boyfriend diro sa UP. Pare-pareho tayong mahirap dito. 80% of the child’s intelligence comes from the mother naman, eh. And guys, ‘wag kayong kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo pa rin ang mga anak n’yo.”

 ON POWER

Professor : “Many people believe that we psychology professors can read minds… (Silence). Actually, we can.

Students: “Weh… sample…

Professor: “Right now, you think I’m bluffin.”

–Ma’am Chei Billedo, Psych

 

“Nu’ng freshie ako, atheist ako. Pero ‘pag nasa bahay, nagro-rosary kami ng nanay ko. Eh, kung magalit sa ‘kin ‘yun.”

–Socio 11 Professor

“Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English. So, when you’re here in my class, magsalita kayo ng English. Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda na ako, at ako ang teacher!”

 

Prof to a student asking if he can sit in:

“We only accept members of a certain minority group in this class. For example, gays are part of a minority group. Bakla ka ba? If you admit that you are, then I’ll let you sit in.”

–Prof. “Hail to the Chair”

“The more wisdom you obtain, the more you should shut your mouth. This is because the more you learn, the more you realize that there are even more things that you do not know. The true mark of an idiot is a loudmouth. The true mark of a wise man is humility.”

–PI100. Puta, Best Prof sa CAL

 

 ON OTHERS

 Professor commenting on other Universities:

“Class, kaya ang mahal ng bayad sa mga professors sa ibang school kasi ang bobobo ng mga estudyante du’n. I used to teach in XXXXX at lumuluha talaga ako ng dugo bago maintindihan ng mga students ‘yung mga sinasabi ko. Ang mahal nga ng bayad, magkakasakit ka naman sa panga sa kauulit ng lessons. ‘Wag na lang. Dito na lang ako sa UP, et least, nagkakaintindihan tayo, ‘di ba?”

–Dr. David

Student: “Sir, pwede po bang maki-sit in ‘yung friends ko?”

Professor: “From what school are they?”

Student: “St. Scho po.”

Professor: “Go ahead. So they’ll realize what they’re missing.”

 

“Class, Chinatown is not in China. And Ateneo De Manila University is not… a university.”

–Prof name withheld upon request

“Si Mirriam, crush ko ‘yun dati. Muntikan na kaming maging kami. Kaso nasiraan siya ng ulo kaya ‘yun iba ang napangasawa ko.”

–Old UP Prof.

 

“Bilib ka kay Alan Peter Cayetano? Eh, ang bababa ng grades nu’n?!

–Ex-Prof ni Alan

ON LEAVING

 “When you graduate, then you begin to live!”

–Dr. Jimenez, Psych 118

 

“To tell you the truth, I don’t much. I only know enough to teach my classes.”

–UP Socio Prof

 

thank you kay http://bonggaboom.multiply.com/journal/item/35
at sa photo ng http://www.worldendeavors.com/main/programbrochure/programid/38

Abril 6, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Pilosopo PHILOSOPHY. 3 mga puna.

BULIMIA and ’80s VIDEOS

 THERE’S this very funny YouTube idea that I’m sure will be copied by Michael V. and the Bubble Gang or be certified as an alternative to self induced vomitting:

Literal Versions of Classic Videos , started by Dusto McNeato of  dustfilms.com and copied by a lot of YouTUBErs, like daSCOTTjr.

HOW TO:
1. Pick the corniest ’80s song (in the first case, Roderick Paulate’s perennial favorite)
2. Turn it into a videoke (mute the singer’s voice)
3. Replace lyrics with exact descriptions of what’s being shown on the video.
4. Laugh your ass off– while vomitting.
5. Click SAMPLES below. 

Creepy RICK ASTLEY

A-HA! ha! ha! ha!

Lack of AIR SUPPLY

I can’t believe WE loved listening to this crap back in the day.

Considered today as CLASSIC CRAP.

Time to regurgitate.

photograb: http://www.inquisitr.com/33540/it-will-never-stop-rick-astley-vs-nine-inch-nails/video:

Marso 25, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 4 mga puna.

Pardon CLAUDINE BARRETO’s Tagalog, too

TAMANG-TAMA na partner ito ng recent post ko below.

Ke sosyal ka o poorelya,

ismarte o bobita ,

sikat o sikatchupoy,

masarap talagang pakinggan ang Wikang Pilipino.

Best example si Claudine Barreto:

Pu+@*g In@%$! talaga!

🙂

Marso 23, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . SHOO! biz. 2 mga puna.

Pardon My TAGALOG

I WAS so pissed with a lot of people this past week that I’ve been doing different versions of cursing in all it’s cognitive, affective and psychomotor versions. Then it got me thinking that you can actually go through the whole dictionary of these curse words and feel better after saying all of them (of course while looking at the person you hate the most).

The best dirty words are the ones done in your own native language. I’m Pinoy so I think we have the funniest one’s that do not sound as offensive as their English translations.

If your not from my beloved Philippines you won’t understand a third of what you’re going to read from hereon, but then,  this is for actually for you.

Memorize them and use them later in anyway you want and because hopefully no one will understand, just smile while you say it, then have a barrel of laughs as soon as the person you’re talking to turns his back. 

Just make sure you’re not speaking to a Filipino.

We eat tongues for pulutan.

1. “Putang ina mo!” is of course at the top of the list. It’s a reference to mothers, which is internationally recognized as the most offensive link you can give to your enemy to insult them. In English it means “Your mom’s a whore!” It has variations, meaning you shorten the phrase as much as you can: ‘Tang ina mo, ‘Tangna mo, ‘Na mo. ‘Mo!

2. “Anak ka ng puta!” if your sworn enemy doesn’t budge with our No. 1, try this direct approach, literally meaning, “You’re the son / daughter of a whore,” or “You son / daughter of a bitch.” If that doesn’t work, be more precise: “Puta ka!” or “You bitch!”. Its variation: “Puta!” is self explanatory.

3. “Anak ka … ng pating… ng tupa..  ng tatay / teteng… ng nanay mo!”– For other choices, and if just want to sound cute while swearing, you can compare your enemy to being the son / daughter of … pating (shark), tupa (sheep), tatay / teteng (father), nanay (mother). You can also make your own “Anak ka ng… (blank)… mo,” variation by adding any animal or fantasy name. The more effective ones are of course the ones in Tagalog. Like “Anak ka ng Dwende!” (You son of a dwarf!)

3. “Tarantado ka!”- As far as I understand, the root word is “taranta” which in English means “being startled” or “reacted in a surprise / excited manner”. So if you’re a man, you’re “Tarantado”. If you’re a woman, you’re “Tarantada”. Yeah, I don’t really know what this one means. But it has that comfortable sliding of the tongue when you say it, that’s why most Pinoy like to say it. Variations: ‘Tado ka’ and ‘Tado’.

3. “Hudas! Barrabas! Hestas!” — made famous by the comedian Donya Delilah (Dely Atay-Atayan, yes it means kidney-kidneys!) referring to some infamous Biblical characters. It’s like cursing your enemy into eternal damnation in hell where I think these characters are still are. Not that effective for people who belong to sects and cults.

4. “Ngarat mo!” in English this refers to fornicating. It’s best done with hand signals (four fingers down, except the middle finger). The root word (‘Ngarat’ came from ‘Burat’) is much funnier. It refers to the male genetalia.

5. “Tae mo!”– the English version (“Syet!… Sheyt!… Shoot!”) is a favorite among the young ones but it sounds dirtier in Tagalog. It means what it sounds like (or smell like). Poop. Defacate. Tae. It’s usually used to address a liar or if you don’t believe what a person is saying to you. Meaning the information he’s sharing is plain crap.

To recap: Look straight into your monitor and say to me: “Tae mo!”

               Then I’ll answer: “Ngarat mo! Puta ka.”

               Then you should say: “‘Tang na mo rin!”

               Very Good.

               Now you’re learning.

Wanna hear how it sounds like?

Pump up your speakers then click THIS if you’re 18 years old and above.

 (Don’t say I didn’t warn you).

mickey photo from: http://spiiderweb.blogspot.com

Marso 18, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . I THOUGHT utot, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 3 mga puna.

BAKIT may KRISIS sa negosyo?

NAGBABAWAS ako ng emails na pinorward sa akin ng  kung sinu-sino.  Unti-unti kong ilalagay ang lahat dito sa “scannedthoughts” ‘yung mga ita-trash ko na.

 ‘Eka nga, “Reduce, Reuse and Recycle.”

This entry ay listahan ng mga entrepreneurial attempt ng ilan nating kababayan.

Listahan ng business names ng mga negosyong either sarado na ngayon o patuloy na  nalulugi.

Obvious naman siguro ang dahilan:

 
  1. A parlor in San Juan is named “Cut & Face”.
  2. Wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: “Starduck”.
  3. Fast food eatery in Nueva Ecija: “Violybee”
  4. Internet cafe opened among squatters named “Cafe Pindot”.
  5. In Manila , there’s a laundry named, “Summa Cum Laundry”.
  6. Petshop in Ortigas: “Pussies and Bitches”.
  7. A pet shop in Kamuning: “Pakita Mo Pet Mo”.
  8. Bakery: “Bread Pit”.
  9. Bank in Alabang: “Alabank”.
  10. Restaurant in Pampanga named, “Mekeni Rogers”.
  11. Restaurant in Pasig : “Johnnny’s Fried Chicken: The ‘Fried’ of Mrikina”.
  12. A boxing gym: “Blow Jab”.
  13. A tombstone maker in Antipolo: “Lito Lapida”.
  14. A copy center in Sikatuna Village called “Pakopya ni Edgar”.
  15. A beerhouse in Cavite called, “Chickpoint”.
  16. Laundromat in Sikatuna: ” Star Wash : Attack of the Clothes”.
  17. Internet cafe in Taguig named, “n@kopi@”.
  18. Name of a kambingan, “Sa Goat Kita”.
  19. A salon somewhere, “Curl Up And Dye”.
  20. A lugawan in Sta. Maria, Bulacan: “Gee Congee”.
  21. A water refilling station in Dapitan named “Wa-Thirst”.
  22. A store selling feeds for chickens: “Robocock”.
  23. Shoe repair in Marikina : “Dr. Shoe-Bago”.
  24. Shoe repair store along Commonwealth, “SHOEPERMAN: we will HEEL you, save your SOLE, and even DYE for you”.
  25. Petshop: “Petness First”
  26. Flower shop: “Susan’s Roses”.
  27. Taxicab: “Income Taxi”.
  28. A 2nd hand watch store: “2nd Time Around”.
  29. A squid stall in a wet market: “Pusit to the Limit”.
  30. A shrimp store: “Hipon Coming Back”.
  31. A gay lawyer’s extension office: ” Nota Republic “.
  32. A ceiling installer: ” Kisame Street “.
  33. A car repair shop: “Bangga ka ‘day?”
  34. An aquatic pet store in Malolos: “Fish Be With You”.
  35. A fishball cart named, “Poke-Poke”.
  36. A beauty salon: “Saudia Hairlines”.
  37. A bakery: “Anak Ng Tinapay”.
  38. A resto along Mayon road in Manila : “May-Lisa Eatery”.
  39. Laundry shop: “Wash Your Problem”.
  40. This mobile massage business name isn’t funny, but
their slogan is: “Asian Mobile Massage Service: Massage only, God is watching”.
  41. Ice cream parlor: “Dila Lang Ang Katapat”.
  42. Chicharon store: “Chicha Hut”.
  43. Neighborhood pizza store: “Pizza Hot”.
  44. A fishball cart near UST: “Eat My Balls”.
  45. A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: “Pinoy Big Barber”.
  46. A Resto: “The Last Supper”.
  47. A goto resto: “Goto Ko Pa!”
  48. A peanut vendor’s cart with a funny name: “Mani ni Mama”.
  49. A gym in Malolos: ” Gaymann Fitness Center “.
  50. My brother’s party needs business: “Balloon-Balloonan”.
  51. A Chinese restaurant in Pasig : “Lah-Fang”.
  52. A store selling fresh chicken, owned by woman named Dina: “Dina Fresh Chicken”.
  53. An actual bait and tackle shop in U.S. : “The Master Baiter”.
  54. Panaderia: “Trimonay Bakeshop”.
  55. Salon: “Hair Dot Comb”.

Dadagdagan ko na ng mga nakita ko kamakailan…

56. Carenderia sa QC: “Cooking ng Ina Mo!”

57. Lugawan sa Cabanatuan: “Hilton” (dahil ‘yung mga tindero HILa nila ‘yung kariTON)

58. Sastre sa Pasig: “James Tailor”

59. Manghuhula sa Quiapo: “Deep Truth”

60. Xerox shop sa Las Pinas: “Fax Me”

 

 

DISCLAIMER:

 photo: Google Images

text and idea: Nos. 1-55,  definitely NOT MINE. All the rest is original.

Marso 15, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation. 3 mga puna.

Mahilig ka ba sa PWET?

GUESSING game ito.

Guess mo kung kaninong pwet ito?

A. Action Star Ronnie Ricketts

B. ABS-CBN Newbie Gerald Anderson

C. GMA-7 Talent Dingdong Dantes

D. Anonymous Blogger Bob Ong

For the answer click THIS.

To play the rest of the game:

JUST CLICK ALL THE “NEXT” and “BACK” ARROWS on that page.

Have fun clicking. 🙂

Enero 4, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . tribal TRIVIA. 2 mga puna.

Tama na blogging! BOXING NAMAN! (Panalo si PAC MAN! Yehey!)

PANALO NA NAMAN ANG BATA NATIN!

Na-tiris ni “Money” Pacquiao si Miguel “Kuto”.

Yehey!

manny-pacquiao-vs-miguel-cotto2

Round One

Bell sounds and Firepower is on. Awesome to see the cameras flashing around the place. Cotto lands a good left jab that gets a response from the crowd. Another good left by Cotto. Pacquiao throws a few right hands blocked by Cotto. Good combination from Pacquiao. Pacquiao goes for a jab to the body but pays for it with good counters from Cotto. Pacquiao fires off a hard left that Cottto ducks under. Cotto throws an upercut but misses. Great first round, slight edge to Cotto.

Considering the well-known fact that Manny Pacquiao (49-3-2, 37 KO) carries the hope of the entire country of the Philippines into the ring with him every time he fights, the reigning pound-for-pound fighter is never short on motivation for a fight.

That said, he’ll have even more than usual tonight.

Mythoughts: Habang binabasa ko ito, naalala ko ‘yung laban ni Manny against David Diaz nu’ng June 2008. Pumapalag din si Diaz sa simula ng laban. Pero humalik din sa canvas in the end. Tulog agad. Hehe.

Round Two

Pacquiao tries to counter a jab with a combination but it’s taken well by Cotto. Cotto lands an uppercut on a counter after Pacquiao comes forward. Cotto lands a jab and Pacquiao nods. Good left jab from Pacquiao followed by another. Good jab from Cotto to answer. Crowd is electric, going wild with every shot. Pacquiao lands a good uppercut that seemed to have hurt Cotto a bit. Cotto regains and lands a nice left hook. Cotto warned for a low blow. Pacquiao feints and then comes forward landing a hook to start a combination. Pacquiao becoming more aggressive. Good counter left from Pacquiao. Cotto works the body then goes high but Pacquiao comes a back and lands a flurry. The place erupts, Pacquiao wins the round.

Mythoughts: Kung gaano ka-agresibo si Paquiao sa round na ito against Cotto, ganu’n din siya ka-agresibo nu’ng laban niya kay Oscar Dela Joya nu’ng December 2008. Hindi nga umubra si Golden Boy kay Pac Man.

Round Three

Cotto bullying forward to start the round, working the jab. Straight left from Cotto lands. Good right hand from Pacquiao and he follows with a combination that knocks down Cotto! Cotto is back up and Pacquiao not pressing immediately. Cotto missees an overhand left and Pacquiao counters but Cotto takes it and continues to move forward. Great left hook from Cotto, but Pacquiao doesn’t seem bothered by it. Accidental headbutt stops action briefly, neither fighter cut. Good left from Cotto. Cotto lands another efective left hook. Cotto lands a good uppercut in the corner. 10-8 round for Pacquiao.

Mythoughts: Naalala n’yo pa ba ‘yung alang kuwentang laban ni Paquiao with Ricky Hatton nu’ng May 2009? Parang si Hatton din si Cotto. ‘Alang kuwenta:

FAST FORWARD TO…

Round Eleven

You could hear the crowd’s reaction to seeing Cotto’s swollen face on the big screen at the start of the round. Pacquiao lowers his hands and gives another look of frustration at Cotto’s unwillingness to exchange. Cotto’s goes up against the ropes and now in the corner. Pacquiao lands some good shots but Cotto answers with a good left hook that pushes him back. Crowd begins to boo again as it’s obvious Cotto doesn’t want to fight anymore.

Mythoughts: At ‘eto na nga si “Kuto”– este si Cotto. Naging biktima rin ng bilis at lakas ni Manny Paquiao nu’ng November 2009. Nakakahiya ito kasi umayaw… sa lahat ng laban sa boxing, nakakahiya ang umaayaw. At according sa sweepstakes: “Ang umaayaw ay hindi nagwawagi.”

Round Twelve

Rumor was that Cotto’s corner stopped the fight in between rounds but Cotto comes back out for final round. Pacquiao comes forward with combination. Looking aggressive. Lands a straight left and the fight is called. Pacquiao by TKO in the 12th.

Mythoughts: Kung knockout king nga si Pac Man. Knock out din ang kanyang mga TV appearances. ‘Eto siya sa isang guesting sa Wowowee. Nya-ha-ha-ha!

english text by Brett Okamoto

videos from YouTube

MABUHAY KA MANNY PAQUIAO!

MABUHAY ANG PILIPINAS!

Nobyembre 15, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . SHOO! biz. Mag-iwan ng puna.

IT’S so KORNY it’s FUNNY

 STRAIGHT from my Yahoo inbox. Isang email na nakapagpasaya sa araw ko.

THE MARK OF…

zorrolegendlogo

MISTER: “Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si ZORRO!”

MISIS: “Eh, ako, sino?”

MISTER: “Ikaw si DACOS!”

MISIS: “Dacos? Sino ‘yun?”

                                   MISTER: “DA COS of all my ZORROs!”

JOB INTERVIEW:

boss

BOSS: “Ano ba’ng alam mo?”

APLIKANTE: “Ah, eh… alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis n’yo at kung saan nakatira ang kabit n’yo.”

BOSS: “Congratulations. Tanggap ka na!”

PROJECT

father and son

ANAK: “‘Tay, penge ng pera. May project kami, bibili ako ang ‘cocomban’.

TATAY: “Ano ka ba naman, anak. Hanggang ngayon ‘cocomban’ pa rin ang tawag mo.”

ANAK: “Ano po ba ang tama?”

TATAY: “Bomb paper.”

HEARING AID

OLD_MEN001

LOLO PEDRO: “Galing ako sa doktor. Nakabili na ako ng hearing aid. Grabe! Ang linaw ngayon ng pandinig ko!”

LOLO JUAN: “Wow! Galing! Magkano ang bili mo sa hearing aid?”

LOLO PEDRO: “Kahapon lang!”

PUSA

cat

MISIS: “Dear, iligaw mo nga itong pusa. Naka-sako na. Dalhin mo sa malayo.”

MISTER: “Okey, dear.”

(Pagkaraan ng anim na oras)

MISIS: “O, bakit ka ginabi? Nailigaw mo ba ‘yung pusa?”

MISTER: “Bwisit na pusang ‘yan! Kundi ko siya sinundan, ‘di na ko nakauwi.”

TATLONG TANGA, NAGSISIKSIKAN SA KAMA

guys bed

TANGA No. 1: “Pare, ‘di tayo kasya. Bawas tayo ng isa. Sa lapag na lang matulog.”

(Bumaba si TANGA No. 2)

TANGA No. 3: ‘”Ayan pare. Maluwag na. Akyat ka na dito!”

PUZZLE

puzzle

ELY: “Yahoo! Ang bilis kong nabuo ‘tong puzzle!”

JULIO: “Talaga? Gaano kabilis?”

ELY: “5 months!”

JULIO: “Ang tagal naman.”

ELY: “Matagal ba ‘yun? Eh, nakalagay nga rito sa kahon: ‘For 3 years and up!'”

KAPE

coffee-cartoon-copyright3

MISIS: “Ano ba’ng hinahanap mo riyan sa supot ng 3-in-1 coffee? Kanina ka pa silip nang silip diyan?”

MISTER: “Hinahanap ko ‘yung libreng asukal. Nakasulat kasi sa karton, ‘SUGAR FREE’!”

KABAYO

horse

PROCOPIO: “Sobrang tabatsoy ng misis ko kaya gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang. Nag-horseback riding siya.”

JACK: “Ano’ng resulta?”

PROCOPIO: “Nabawasan ng sampung kilo ‘yung kabayo!”

(visuals courtesy of google images)

Setyembre 23, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation. 3 mga puna.

Mahirap MABUHAY ‘pag WALANG CABLE

american-idol

(Ely M.) Bago ako nag-abroad I was an idiot to think na pare-pareho ang palabas sa TV kahit saan ka pang lupalop ng mundo mapadpad—Mali. Kahit naka-cable ka pa, iba’t iba ang programming ng bawat bansa para sa same cable channel. Tailor made ito sa taste ng mga tao sa bansang tinitirhan mo. So, ang mga pelikula sa HBO sa States ay iba sa movies ng HBO Asia (kasama dito ang  ‘Pinas).

Ang bad trip niyan kung wala kang cable sa labas ng Pilipinas—kasi hindi mo ma-afford. Ang mahal nga ng cable service dito sa abroad. At ang pinaka-baddest trip ay kung hindi nag-i-English ang citizens ng bansang kinalulugaran mo. You’ll get the worst kind of “free” shows sa local channel nila.

Nu’ng bagong salta pa lang ako dito sa Indonesia at wala pa kaming cable, wala ni isang English show sa local TV. Lahat ng palabas nagba-Bahasa Indonesia (ito ang tawag sa lenguwahe dito) . Ang Bahasa Indonesia ay parang pinagrambol na Ilokano, Bisaya at Kapangpangan—para ma- imagine n’yo kung papaano ito, ‘eto ang sampol: “Bisa saya ambil uang dengan kartu kredit saya?”

Anudaw?

Can I use my credit card to withdraw money? << in English

Kaya nga tuwing manonood ako ng local TV noon with my roommate, sumasakit ang ulo namin pagkatapos. Hindi ma-comprehend ng utak ko kung anuba ang sinasabi nila?!

Anoooobaaa?!

Like the local news– ang ginagawa namin, binabase na lang namin ‘yung supposedly message ng balita according sa actions nu’ng nagsasalita or ng eksena sa video.

“Ah, nagtatakbuhan… siguro may bombang pinasabog?”

“Hindi nakatawa ‘yung mga tao, e?”

“Artista siguro ‘yang pinagkakaguluhan nila?”

“Ah, presscon?!”

“Ahhhhhh…. Oo, nga.”

“May Biogesic ka pa ba?”

“Teka, ‘eto tubig. Puwede hati tayo?”

(Note all the question marks?)

BUT it doesn’t mean na hindi marunong mag-English ang mga Indonesians sa TV. Slang  pa nga sila mag-English dahil karamihan ng celebrities dito or newscasters for that matter ay lumaki or nag-aral sa isang English speaking country, like Australia and the States. They speak Bahasa Indonesia by choice. So, dahil walang choice ang foreign-gers like us, you have to adapt to this kinda system.

On my second week sa bansang ito noong 2006, may isang gabi na hindi ako makatulog. Dahil hindi pa nga ako nakaka-adapt sa pamumuhay, binuksan ko ang TV. Mga 1 am na yata ‘yun.

At parang milagro – sa isang local channel—ipinapalabas ang Season 5 ng…

American Idol—AI…!!!

Hindi ito translated in Bahasa Indonesia… wala itong subtitles in Bahasa Indonesia.

Nagsasalita ang mga tao sa TV— IN ENGLUSH!

Nakita ko muli sina Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson at Paula Abdul na nagpapaiyak ng isang contestant na walang karapatang kumanta using their “destructive” criticisms.

Natuwa ako… at unti-unting tumulo ang isang butil ng luha sa aking mata.

Before I knew it, umiiyak na ako.

Ang dami kong naalala.

Favorite kasi namin itong panoorin sa cable TV namin sa ‘Pinas bago ako nag-aboard.

So, habang nanonood ako at umiiyak… kumakanta ang mga contestants ng kani-kanilang “Stevie Wonder” themed songs.

Naalala ko ‘yung mga kasama kong nanonood ng AI mula pa nu’ng unang ipalabas ito sa Star World channel sa Pilipinas.

‘Yung mga kumpare kong mahihilig sa karaoke na it follows (in our case) mahihilig din sa AI.

‘Yung mga dati kong kaopisina na laging idini-discuss over lunchbreak  kung bakit natsugi at nag-move on ang isang contestant.

‘Yung mga kapitbahay naming nakikinood dahil wala silang cable or pinutol na ng Sky Cable ‘yung tapped nilang linya.

‘Yung mga tawanan at alaskahan sa harap ng TV.

At ‘yung pamilya ko na naiwan sa Pinas.

Haaay nako.

Hindi ka ba naman iiyak niyan?

After the show I realized, hindi naman talaga ‘yung English language ang nami-miss ng mga tulad kong OFW na nakadestino sa isang non-English speaking country kundi ‘yung mga bagay na isinakripisyo naming huwag munang makita at marinig para lang mapaunlad ng konti ang buhay.

In some cases, like this one, kasama nga ang mga pamilyar na lengguwahe sa mga hindi mo muna maririnig.

Believe it or not, it took me nine months bago ulit nakapanood ng American Idol dito sa Indonesia.

Nu’ng finally nagka-cable na kami.

Sa awa ng Diyos.

 (photofrom: mediadecoder.blogs.com)

Agosto 12, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . I THOUGHT utot. 5 mga puna.

Growing Up With MICHAEL JACKSON

 (LJI) MATAWA na kayong lahat, aamin ako today, I’m a big Michael Jackson fan. Kung magkakaroon kasi ng music playlist ang henerasyong kinabibilangan ko, malamang puro awitin ni Michael and pupuno dito. It was such a long time ago but I feel I need to write this down.

1. Give Love On Christmas Day (released 1970)

Sabi ng mga elders ng pamilya namin, noong mga bata pa raw kami, dinala nila kami sa isang concert ng Jackson 5 sa Araneta Coliseum diyan sa may Cubao, QC. Pero wala nga akong naaalala dito. Basta ang alam ko, isa sa senyales na malapit na ang Pasko sa bahay namin o sa buong Pilipinas ang pagpapatugtog till your ears bleed ng Christmas classic na “Give Love On Christmas Day” ng Jackson 5. At kung hindi n’yo pa alam, isang 12 year old Michael Jackson ang nagbu-vocals dito. At magpahanggang ngayon, required na chorus after ng linyang “…Taking time to be kind to one and all…” ang “hooo-hooo-hooo…”

2. She’s Out Of My Life (released 1979)

Hindi ko ‘to makakalimutan dahil kinanta ito ng isang babaeng classmate ko nu’ng high school para sa isang lalaking classmate ko rin. Sabi niya before singing, “This is dedicated to Neil…” at gaya nga ni Michael humihikbi din ‘yung girl at the end of the song dahil ayaw siyang pansinin si Neil. Natatawa naman si Neil dahil “HE’S out of my life” daw dapat ang tamang linya kung para sa kanya nga ‘yung dedication. Loko.

3. Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough (released 1979)

Sa sobrang kasikatan ng kantang ito ni Michael, may nag-translate nito in Tagalog. Ang kinalabasan ng linyang “Keep on with the force don’t, don’t stop till you get enough…” ay “Kaya John, magsumikap… dapat magsumikap ka…” at ginawa itong theme song ng “John En Marsha” ni Dolphy sa lumang Channel 9.

 4. Someone In The Dark (special edition, released 1982)

Kasama ang kantang ito sa isang special album na ni-release to promote the movie “E.T. (the Extra Terrestrial) ” na dinirek ni Steven Spielberg. Hindi ko alam ‘yun dahil sa VCD ko na napanood ang E.T. after 10 years from its original showing dahil ayaw ni Spielberg mag-release ng video version. Pero 10 years ko nga itong ginigitara dahil masarap siyang kantahin. Sabi ni E.T. sa gitna ng kanta “Thaaaaaank you” kay Michael. Sana sumagot si Michael nang “Your Wehhhhhhhhllcome.”

5. Billie Jean (released as a single 1983)

The 1984 Grammy Awards was the first one I ever watched on TV sa Channel 9 (again). Sa TV plug kasi nito, nominated si Michael for several Grammy Awards including Best R&B Song for Billie Jean. Laking pasalamat ko dahil it was truly an historic night. He ended up with a record 8 Grammy Awards. Kinabukasan na-realize ko naging Jackson fanatic akong bigla nang napansin kong ginagaya ko na ‘yung Jackson walk sa intro ng Bilie Jean video habang ini-imagine kong umiilaw ‘yung tiles ng sahig namin sa bawat hakbang ko. Later on, ‘yung isang best friend ko named his first child “Billy” after the song. Joke namin, para ‘pag malaki na si Billy puwede siyang utusang bumili ng alak ng tatay niya with the words, “Billy– bili Gin.”

6. Beat It (released as a single 1983)

This was the song that kept playing in my head everyday while walking to school. Walking to the beat, ‘eka nga. I love the guitar solo sa song na ito at kung meron ngang list ng best guitar solos in a pop song, ‘yung guitar solo dito sa “Beat It” ang No. 1 ko. At bakit nga hindi siya magiging hayup sa galing – si Eddie Van Halen (ng rock band na Van Halen) ang nag-solo dito. Hindi nga lang guitars ang magaling sa song. Hayup din ang choreography at dance moves ni Michael sa video. During this time I discovered dancing. I hated dancing. But it became a guilty pleasure. Sabi nga ni Madonna sa kantang “Into the Groove“…lock the doors so no one else could see…” Siyempre kasama na porma namin ‘yung pormang Michael: konting “S” na palawit ng buhok sa may bandang noo—a la Superman at secretly pagdadala ng sequined glove in my pocket. ‘Pag may nagtatanong kung bakit may sequined glove ako, sagot ko “Nagta-trapik ako dyan sa kanto.”

7. Thriller (released as an album 1982)

If you’re a child of the ‘80s, I’m sure you know some of the dance moves from this classic song and video. Naglabas ng “The Making of Thriller” noon at ang ginagawa namin ng mga barkada ko, sino-slow motion naming ‘yung video para lang ma-imitate every dance move. Dito nga naming napatunayan na possible palang umikot nang pitong beses gaya ni Michael kung naka-Blah Blah kang sapatos. Sa sobrang familiar nga ng choreography nito, may nag-perform nito perfectly sa high school field demo namin nu’ng 1984. So, ‘yung mga bilanggo na nagti-Thriller sa Youtube, sorry to say, hindi sila ang original.

8. I Just Can’t Stop Lovin You (released 1987)

College student ako na naglalakad pauwi sa loob ng SM North Edsa (hindi pa siya “City” noon) nu’ng marinig ko ang kantang ito. Sabi ko, “Kaboses ni Michael? It’s been 5 years mula nu’ng na-release ang “Thriller”—may bago kaya siyang album? Lo and behold, sa harap ng record store (Odyssey yata) naroon nga ang poster ng album na “Bad”! Unti-unti akong nangiti. Nagbalik sa aking alaala ‘yung teenage Michael Jackson phase ko  “Here we go again,” isip ko. Pero habang tinititigan ko ‘yung poster napansin ko, nag-iba na rin ang mukha ni Michael: mahaba ang buhok, maputi na may cleft chin at iba na naman ang kanyang ilong. He looked bad. Parang hindi kasi bagay ‘yung physical changes. Kaso sabi nga sa kanta, “I just can’t stop lovin you… Michael.” Nag-moonwalk ako happily the rest of my way going home na ikina-pudpod ng suot kong Chuck Taylor.

9. Smooth Criminal (released 1987)

“Moonwalker” ang title ng movie at dito pinagsama-sama ang lahat ng video ng album na “Bad”. Pinalabas ito sa isang movie theatre sa Recto kung saan malapit ang university namin. Buong tropa ko sa college nag-cut classes para lang manood nito at magsasayaw sa loob ng sinehan, especially during the extended video ng “Smooth Criminal”. It was the nearest thing to a Michael Jackson concert. Alam namin lahat ng kanta, alam naming ang dance moves at nagkabistuhan na na saan ka man lupalop ng Pilipinas lumaki, imposibleng hindi naimpluwensiyahan ang pagkabata mo ng musika ni Michael. Favorite dance move namin after watching “Bad” ay ang “crotch hold” (o hawak betlog). Dahil kay Michael hindi ka na nga mahihiya mag-adjust ng kargada mo in public kung kinakailangan.

 HISTORY WORLD TOUR—December 10 1996 Asia World, Paranaque.

After 15 looooong years, nangyari nga ang imposible. Nagkaroon ng concert schedule si Michael Jackson sa Pilipinas. Nagtatrabaho na ako by this time sa isang showbiz magazine. At parang pinagtagpo nga ng panahon dahil nakakuha ang editorial office namin ng invites para sa press launching ng concert sa Manila Hotel. First time ko sa Manila Hotel at napakaengrande ng “ambulance” sa loob, siyempre engrande din ang concert (‘eto ‘yung same video na ipinakita during the launch). Dahil sa excitement na na-build up in me during the press launch, hindi nga ako na-satisfy sa free tickets na bigay sa press na pinauupo ka sa pinakalikod ng reclaimed land are ng Asia World, sa tabi ng naglalakihang metal cargo containers na ginawa nilang pader. Bumili ako ng tatlong middle seat audience tickets worth 3 thousand pesos each, mapalapit sa aking idol. One for me, one for another friend na MJ fan din and one for my future-misis. Ubos ang laman ng credit card ko only for this once in a lifetime chance to get close to my childhood idol.

10. Childhood (released 1995)

Among the 30 songs na included sa double album na “HIStory” ito ang nas-stick sa mind ko. Sabi sa first line ng kanta, tinatanong tayo ni Michael: “Have you seen my childhood?” Only then I finally understood kung ano nga ba si Michael, ano siya sa buhay ko. Sa buhay natin.

Siya ‘yung nagpapaalala nu’ng mga masayang Pasko sa Pilipinas nu’ng musmos pa tayo sa “Give Love On Christmas Day”; ‘yung teenage loneliness nu’ng wala ka pang girlfriend sa “Someone In The Dark” ; falling totally in love sa “I Just Can’t Stop Lovin You”; makagunaw mundong teenage heartbreaks natin  sa “She’s Out Of My Life”; mga kalokohan ng tropang high school sa “Thriller”, “Beat It” at “Billie Jean” at goodtime sa college while listening to “Bad” at “Smooth Criminal”. Hindi lang pala nakadugtong si Michael sa ilang highlights sa buhay natin kundi naka-link din siya sa mga taong nakasama at nakilala natin habang pinapatugtog ang mga awitin niya sa radio o sa mga cassette at CD players noon. Kaya nga ‘pag nakikinig tayo ng iPod today ng illegally downloaded nating Michael Jackson song at ipipikit natin ang ating mga mata, nakikita natin muli ‘yung mga taong ‘yun at bumabalik lahat ng feelings from our own childhood.

After feeling like a child again during the two hour concert na ‘yun kung saan nakita ko ang 38  year old na si Michael nang malapitan, of course he looked old–er. May tiyan na—parang maliit beer belly. Parang nagli-lipsynch na. At parang hindi na niya kayang mag-spin seven times. But the same energy, the same passion and the same commitment to entertain us, hindi nawala. The crowd of 90,000 na nanood with us showed the same energy, passion and commitment kahit nga naghintay kami ng 15 years to get to that moment.

Pagkatapos ng concert, naglakad lahat ng audience from Paranaque hangang Manila bago makasakay ng taxi. Puno ang buong Roxas Blvd ng mga taong naglalakad: puyat, pagod, paos pero lahat nakangiti. Kami lalo dahil kung nakalimutan ko na nga ‘yung supposedly Jackson 5 concert sa Araneta nu’ng kamusmusan ko nu’ng late ‘70s—‘etong 1996 concert na ito ni Michael Jackson nagbalik muli for a moment ang “wonder in my youth”.

The next morning we all grew up and finally moved on (LJI).

Hulyo 2, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . SHOO! biz. 7 mga puna.

Bagong Pahina »