Growing Up with ROBOTS

BEFORE Megan Fox and the Transformers, there were the Mecha Robots from Japan. The seeds of this cartoon genre was planted in 1977 when manga artist Go Nagai created Mazinger Z.

The anime version was shown in Japan from 1972 to 1974. After its local run, it steadily spread throughout Asia (1979) and Europe (1980) and finally, the USA (1985) as “Tranzor Z”.

In the Philippines, we were quite ahead af the West in our exposure to Japanese anime. The Mecha Robots, a different one everyday, was shown every afternoon in GMA-7 right after coming home from grade school’s afternoon session (the “pang-hapon”); just before the top-rated soap opera “Ana Lisa” (with its Roberta Flack theme “If Ever I See You Again“).

 Here’s every Filipino child’s TV schedule in 1979:

MONDAY: Daimos

TUESDAY: Mazinger Z

WEDNESDAY: Mekanda Robot

THURSDAY: UFO Grendaizer

FRIDAY: Voltes V

In September 1980, then President Ferdinand Marcos removed them from TV for “excessive violence”.

In the streets,  Martial Law was raging.

Just maybe, he thought “excessive violence” in real life was enough.

(LJI)

Mayo 21, 2011. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel. 2 mga puna.

STRIP DART



NAALALA KO minsang nag-iinuman kami ng tropa at batung-bato na sa mga kuwentuhang paulit-ulit lang ang topic — may nag-suggest na maglaro kami ng kakaibang laro:

 STRIP DART.

 Simple lang ang rules na on-the-spot lang pinagkasunduan ng lahat:

  1. Iinom muna ng isang basong beer ang taong titira sa dart board.
  2. Tapos, babato ng tig-dalawang darts.
  3. Ia-add ang total points ng dalawang throws.
  4. One turn bawat player.
  5. Ang pinakamababang score pagkatapos ng isang round ng batuhan ay dapat mag-aalis ng isang saplot na nakasuot sa katawan.

Ala-una ito ng madaling araw. Nasa labas kami ng isang bahay. Sa isang garahe sa tabi ng kalyeng madalas daanan ng mga tao. Dahil puro lasing na, walang paki na pumayag ang lahat. Mga walo kaming tipsy na kasali sa ka-istupiduhang ito.

 Unang round: Unang bato ng darts, ‘yung mga mababa ang score, nagtanggalan na ng relo, singsing, kuwintas, cellphone at sapatos. Easy.  Umalingawngaw ang tawanan at alaskahan sa katahimikan ng gabing iyun.

 Round two: Next na inalis ng mga natalo ay t-shirts, medyas, sinturon. Ang tawanan ang napalitan ng halakhak.

 Pangatlong round: Titira na ang unang biktima na may pinakamababang iskor. Delikado ang lagay niya dahil halos hubad na siya at nakapantalon na lang– kaya ‘pag mababa ulit ang score niya, pantalon na ang susunod na matatanggal. Tawanan sa excitement ang mga naghihintay sa tira niya. Inalaska na siya nang todo.

At mahirap nga ang maging bobo sa dart.

Pagtapos ng round na ‘yun, siya na naman ang pinakamababa ang puntos. Lagot.

“Hubad naaaa! Hahaha!” sigawan ang lahat ng may mataas na iskor. Parang naging beerhouse na may illegal boldshow ang garahe.

 Susunod kaya si Low Scorer sa pinagkasunduan? Sa kanya nakasalalay ang tagumpay ng palaro. Kung aayaw siya, siguradong wala nang maghuhubad na susunod.

 Ang kanyang last words: “’Ta**-ina n’yo– ‘pag hindi kayo sumunod, yari kayo sa akin!”  sabay hubad ng kanyang kupas na jeans.

Halakhakan ang lahat sa pagkagulat!

Sumunod sa pinagkasunduan ang loko! Tahulan din ang mga aso sa labas na parang nakikitawa dahil sa hitsura ng kawawang talunan: Maluwag ang brief niya,  tabatchoy, mabalahibo na parang pinaghalong Al Tantay at Apeng Daldal ang dating.

Round four and five: Ewan kung dahil ba sa sobrang alcohol, lahat ay wiling-wili na naghuhubaran. Naka-underwear na lang ang players by this time.

Maginaw na ang hangin. Nanginginig na ang ilan sa lamig pero tawanan pa rin. Alaskahan tungkol sa mga bilbil sa tiyan, mga hindi pantay-pantay na kulay ng balat dahil sa sinag ng araw, mga nakatagong galis at mga parte ng katawang maraming balahibo kahit hindi dapat.

 Round six: May taong sumisigaw sa gate! “Tao poooo! Tao poooo!”

 Si Mang Cando, isa sa  pinakarespetadong lasenggo ng baranggay. Pagkatapos niyang mag-“Tao Po” bigla na lang siyang pumasok  sa gate gaya nang nakagawian niya tuwing naghahanap siya ng libreng alak.

Akala ni Mang Cando mga kumpare niya ‘yung mga nag-iinuman. Tatagay sana siya.

Napatigil si Mang Cando. Napatigil din kami.

Nagkatitigan ang lahat at nagtatanong sa isip: “Paano na?”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Mang Cando sa nakita niya.

Hindi na kami nakapag-damit.

Apat  na naka-brief.

At dalawang labas ang pwet.

Mga machong-lasing na nakangiti at nakatingin kay Mang Cando.

Hubad.

Puro kami lalaki.

“YAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” nagsisigaw siyang tumakbo palabas ng gate.

 “Pu****-ina! Mga bakla! BAKLAAA!!! Patawarin kayooo!!!”

Malayo na siya dinig pa rin naming lahat ang kanyang takot na takot na pagsigaw.

 Nabalitaan namin, mula noong gabing ‘yun, hindi na muling uminom ng alak si Mang Cando.

 Hindi na rin kami … nag-darts.

Pero tuwing nakakasalubong namin si Mang Cando,

kinikindatan namin siya.

 Sabay tawa.

(LjI0508)

Pebrero 11, 2011. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Unang LIBRO. 4 mga puna.

Noong Unang Panahon Part 3

photo: Leon B. Dista

I FOUND one more post about the good ol’ days credited to some anonymous netizen called “Oldie” whose sentimentality touched the hearts of even the ’80s and ’90s Generation. Based on this website it was first posted on 11 February 2007 titled “Born in the ’40s, ’50s, ’60s, ’70s?” before getting popular in the email circuit. Somebody (obviously a Filipino) later changed it’s western context and adapted it to the lifestyle of a Pinoy-kid in the ’70s and ’80s.

Here’s “Noong Unang Panahon Part 3”:

“First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne and drank San Miguel Beer while they carried us. While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, ate isaw, and didn’t worry about diabetes.

“Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints, pati na yung walker natin, matigas na kahoy din at wala pang gulong. We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang at ‘pardible’ o safety pins).

“When we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads , sometimes wala pang preno yung bisikleta.

“As children, we would ride in hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (yung JD bus na pula), or cars with no airconditioning & no seat belts (ngayon lahat may aircon na).

“Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat. Ngayon hindi na nakakakita ng kalabaw ang mga bata.

“We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle purchased from 7-11 (minsan straight from the faucet or poso). We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE actually died from his. Or contacted hepatitis. We ate rice with star margarine, drank raw eggs straight from the shell, and drank sofdrinks with real sugar in it (hindi diet coke), but we weren’t sick or overweight kasi nga……

“WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!!

“We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on.

“Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso , habulan at taguan. No one was able to reach us all day (di uso ang cellphone , walang beepers). And yes, we were O.K.

“We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (yung bearing ang gulong) or plywood slides out of scraps and then ride down the street , only to find out we forgot the brakes! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (seweage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands .

“We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD’s, no cell phones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, no Facebooks, and no Friendsters. ……

BUT WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them!

“We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words..’Masakit ba?’ Pero pag galit yung kalaro mo,,,,ang sasabihin sa iyo..’Beh buti nga!’

“We played marbles (jolens) in the dirt , washed our hands just a little and ate dirty ice cream & fish balls. we were not afraid of getting germs in our stomachs.

“We had to live with homemade guns ‘ gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakitan. .Pero masaya pa rin ang lahat.

“We made up games with sticks (syatong ), and cans (tumbang preso) and although we were told they were dangerous, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay. Paminsan minsan may nabubukulan lang.

“We walked, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!

“Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala yang mga childhood depression at damaged self esteem ek-ek na yan. Ang pikon, talo.

“That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO’s, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.

“The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way.

“You might want to share this with others who’ve had the luck to grow up as real kids. We were lucky indeed. And if you like, forward it to your kids too, so they will know how brave their parents were.”

More reminiscing…

PHOTO by Leon B. Dista (visit his site!)

Oktubre 2, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel. 4 mga puna.

When I’m Alone I *bleep* Myself…

HERE’S my favorite song this week:

 

You know that I am called THE COUNT

Because I really love to *bleep*

Sometimes I sit and *bleep* all day

Sometimes I get carried away

**REFRAIN:

I *bleep* slowly, slowly, slowly getting faster

Once I start *bleep-ing* it’s very hard to stop

HEY!

Faster, faster, it is so exciting

I could *bleep* forever

*Bleep* until I drop– Hah!

1…2…3…4 — 1,2,3,4 — 1,2,3,4 —

1, 2… I love *bleep-ing* whatever the amount

Hah-hah!

 1,2,3,4… Hey-yeh-yeh-yeh…. hey-yeh-yeh-yeh

1,2,3,4… 1,2– that’s the song of the Count

I *bleep* the spiders on the wall

I *bleep* the cobwebs on the hall

I *bleep* the candles on the shelf

When I’m alone I *bleep* Myself

Repeat **REFRAIN

(AND NOW FOR THE MELODY, CLICK THE VIDEO BELOW)

Tired of Waiting? … CLICK THIS INSTEAD.

Setyembre 22, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . LOVE or kamunduhan. 4 mga puna.

Who came first Batman or Superman?

by aLjI– IF you’re wondering who can turn comic books into movies faster than a speeding bullet, I’ll say the Filipinos can.

After stumbling into Dennis Villegas’ and Andrew Leavold’s websites, I’ve come to the conclusion that the Philippines is quicker on the draw… or was quicker.

 The ‘50s up to the ‘70s seemed quite an exciting period in Philippine cinema based on these posters and “komiks” both bloggers have posted on their sites– proof that back in the day when copyright infringement was more blurry than it is today; Philippine cinema and the Komikbook industry had quite an impressive output of plagiarized superheroes.

Here are some samples in a blog we’ll call:

 WHO CAME FIRST…?

1.  “IRON MAN: The Movie “or “CAPTAIN BARBELL Kontra CAPTAIN BAKAL” Da Pelikula?!

Iron Man first appeared in Tales of Suspense, published by Marvel Comics in 1963.

“Iron Man: The Movie” starring Robert Downey, Jr was released in 2008 .

“Captain Barbell Kontra Captain Bakal” (obviously, “Captain Bakal” was the Iron Man of the Philippines) starring Willie Sotelo as “Captain Barbell” and  Carlos Padilla, Jr. as “Dario”  was shown in 1965…

 …43 years before Downey’s blockbuster film.

 2. “LITTLE MERMAID” or “DYESEBEL”?!

“Little Mermaid” is an original Hans Christian Anderson tale published in 1837 .

There have been a lot of versions in both films and TV shows. The most famous today is, of course, the Disney cartoon “Little Mermaid” which was shown in 1989.

The Philippine movie version starred Jaime Dela Rosa and Edna Luna as “Dyesebel”, a dead-on copy of the Little Mermaid. It was shown in 1953…

…a full 36 years prior to the famed Disney version.

 3. “BATMAN” or “ALYAS BATMAN AT ROBIN”?!

 After the success of Adam West’s “Batman” TV series, they turned it into a full-length film creatively called… “Batman”, and was released in 1966.

The movie follow-up came a bit late via Tim Burton’s … hold your breath…“Batman”, starring Michael Keaton in 1989.

The Philippines had its own movie version featuring Bob Soler and Lou Salvador, Jr. in “Alyas Batman at Robin” and was released in 1965…

…one year before the Adam West-movie and

24 years before Tim Burton’s.

“Holy cajoney, Batman!”

 4.  “CATWOMAN” or “PUSSYCAT”?!

Speaking of Batman, one of his arch nemesis or ex-girl friends (depending on which storyline you believe) had a solo production in “Catwoman” with the scorching Halle Berry playing the . But as hot as Halle was, the critics and audiences gave it the cold shoulder and it flopped back in 2004.

Not so with its Philippine version titled “Pussycat”. It starred the equally hot Divina Valencia (of the classic “Divina Valencia, Estella Suarez, nagbu-burles.. song) and was released in 1969…

…35 years before Halle’s unimpressive movie. “Pussy-cat” was a certified hit in ’69 right on that memorable summer of free love and free pussy, if you know what I mean.

 5.  MR. FANTASTIC in the “FANTASTIC FOUR” or “LASTIKMAN”?!

Marvel superhero Reed Richards (a.k.a  “Mr. Fantastic”) of the Fantastic Four is an exact copy of DC Comic’s “Plastic Man”. Why do I say this? Well, just look:

 

The thing is Plastic Man came out in the comics on August 1941, while Marvel’s version called Mr. Fantastic appeared 20 years after on November 1961.

Go figure.

Anyway, Mr. Fantastic was brought to the movie screens only in 2005 in “Fantastic Four” played by Ioan Gruffudd. Maybe because the technology to show Mr. Fantastic’s power to extend various parts of his body (hmmm…?) were not available yet, the Hollywood version was a bit late.

 Movie special effects were not a problem in the Philippines back in 1965 when Von Serna (Snooky’s dad!) appeared as “Lastik Man”—Yes! pLastic Man, without the “P”– 40 years before Hollywood’s Mr. Fantastic.

 Anak ng P , talaga!

If you think that was strange, how about this mash-up:

 6.  “THE SPIRIT” + THE QUESTION + MR. A

+ ROSARCH of the “Watchmen” + “SPIDERMAN”

= “CAPTAIN GAGAMBA”?!

The Spirit created by the great Will Eisner first appeared as a newspaper insert in 1940.

Hollywood turned it into a movie in 2008, written and directed by another great artist: Frank Miller (300 and Sin City).

 The Question (below) and Mr. A (below The Question) appeared in 1967 although in different comicbooks: The Question in Blue Beetle #1 while Mr. A in Witzend # 3.

These comic book heroes, both created by Steve Ditko, clearly play up the Q and A reference: “Question and Answer”. Get it?

Alan Moore created Rorschach (below) for the comic book series The Watchmen in 1986 and admittedly says that Rorschach was based on Ditko’s The Question.  

The Watchmen was shown in 2009 to rave reviews (there’s Rorschach in the middle).

Spiderman was the creation of Stan Lee and Steve Ditko (again!) and was first seen on Amazing Fantasy # 15 in August 1962.

Then in 2002, Sam Raimi directed the movie“Spider-Man” starring Tobey Maguire.

And then it got weird-err:

 Just a year after Spider-Man’s comic book debut, out comes the movie “Bakas Ng Gagamba”! It featured Bernard Bonnin (Charlene Gonzales-Muhlach’s father) in 1963.

 

This Pinoy superhero is an obvious combination of The Spirit, The Question, Mr. A (note: the fedora hat) and yes, Spider-Man (place Spidey’s chest on Gagamba’s face and you’ll get the picture).

Now if the US version starring Tobey Maguire had sequels, the Philippine version had more:

Part 2: “PALOS KONTRA GAGAMBA” (1963)

Part 3: “ANG LIHIM NG GAGAMBA” (1963)

Part 4: “GAGAMBA AT SI SCORPIO” (1969)

Spider-Man 4, also known as “Spider-Man Reboot” will be out in theaters on 2012—almost 50 years after “Gagamba at si Scorpio”.

7.    “PHANTOM” or “ALYAS PHANTOM”?!

While writing this part, I suddenly noticed the frequent use of the words “Alyas” and “Captain” in most of these old Filipino films.  I guess the words “Alyas” and “Captain” it makes it seem like it’s the original without claiming to be the original. Pretty smart, huh?

Anyway, here’s another Alyas-movie–  “Alyas Phantom”!

The comic book character the Phantom was created by Lee Falk in 1936.

“Alyas Phantom”, the Filipino film was shown in 1966, a mere 30 years after, starring Bob Soler and Nova Villa (the comedienne) as his leading lady.

It was such a hit, another version came out in 1974 where the Phantom became a transvestite of  some sort, with gay icon Vilma Santos as its star called “Phantom Lady”.

The Hollywood version came early this time (thank goodness!) in 1943 with a 15-part movie-serial starring Tom Tyler and Jeanne Bates. But the Phantom-movie everyone remembers today was the one starring Billy Zane in 1996 called “The Phantom”.

You do remember Billy, right?

Stop shaking your head.

 8.     “SUPERGIRL” or “SUPERGIRL”?!

First of all, Supergirl has never been Superman’s girl friend. She’s actually his cousin. In 1959 Kara Zor-El appeared in Action Comics #252 wearing the same Superman costume after crashing on earth from Planet Krypton.

Fourteen years later, by some Kryptonian miracle, Supergirl appeared in the Philippines as the actress Pinky Montilla in a movie with the same title: “Supergirl” in 1973.

 In 1984, 11 years after the Philippine version, Hollywood came up with “Supergirl”  starring Helen Slater. According to Wikipedia “It failed to impress critics and audiences”.

 Both movies were not as super as they expected.

 9.    “SUPERMAN the Movie” or “ZOOM, ZOOM, SUPERMAN”?!

The most famous Superman movie version was, of course, the 1978 film “Superman” starring Christopher Reeve. This movie came out 40 years after Superman first appeared inside the pages of Action Comics # 1 created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster in 1938!

If you think Hollywood had one over the quick Filipino filmmakers of the ‘70s, think again.

In 1973, a full five years before Chris Reeve donned the red cape as “Superman” , a Filipino version called “Zoom, Zoom, Superman!” broke all Philippine box-office records existing at that time.

It starred Ariel Ureta (I guess, the top matinee idol that time?) and he had the best directors of Philippine cinema directing this three-in-one Ariel Ureta treat (like, one was not enough): Elwood Perez, Joey Gosiengfiao and National Artist for Cinema Ishmael Bernal.

Can Brian Singer beat Ishma, the National Artist? Guess not.

10.    “POPEYE” or “POPEYE ATBP”?!

Proof that Ariel Ureta was quite a box-office draw in the ‘70s, the same producers quickly came up with a follow-up just months after in 1973 called “Popeye Atbp”, directed by the same directors. Talk about striking while the iron is hot.

Popeye is the world’s most famous sailor-man, created by E.C. Segar as a newspaper comic strip in 1919. So, the Philippine movie version was late by about 54 years.

How late was Hollywood this time? About 61 years late!

In 1980, Robert Altman directed Robin Williams in the live-action-sing-along-film Popeye. It was Robin’s first movie and Popeye’s last.

Hollywood didn’t even attempt a sequel.

SOURCES:

Andrew Leavold

Dennis Villegas

Wikipedia.com

Google Images

Marvel Comics

DC Comics

Warner Brothers

Mayo 6, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . WTF is GRAMMAR?!, tribal TRIVIA. 5 mga puna.

“Age” by Larry Miller

(by ely m.) WHILE digging into some more email trash that’s been clogging my yahoo account (been doing this for a couple of months now– I’m sure you’ve noticed if you’re a regular “scannedthoughtero”), I came across this classic philosophical chainmail disguised as internet goobledigook. The thing is, this one actually makes a lot of sense.

And having all the time in the world, I Googled for more info about it: about George Carlin mainly, because it was attributed to this late, great standup comic. Turns out, Carlin was not the author of this standup classic. It was actually Larry Miller.

We all know who George Carlin is (yes, he’s the ponytailed  “Rufus”  in “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure“).

But who the hell is Larry Miller?

He’s the gay guy from “Princess Diaries 1 and 2“– the one who did the makeover for hottie Anne Hattaway.

So, this blog will help hopefully in setting the record straight: That Larry Miller is THE MAN!

And George Carlin had a totally diferent take on “Ageing”.

Here’s the whole Classic Email:

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?

If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. ‘How old are you?’

‘I’m four and A HALF!’

You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

‘How old are you?’

 ‘I’m GONNA be 16!’

You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life ! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony.

“You BECOME 21. Yesss!!! “

But then you

TURN 30.

Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21

 You TURN 30

then you’re PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away.

Before you know it,

you REACH 50

and your dreams are gone.

 But wait!!!

 You MAKE it to 60.

 You didn’t think you would!

  So you

BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

 You’ve built up so much speed

 that you HIT 70!

 After that it’s a day-by-day thing;

you HIT Wednesday!

 You GET INTO your 80’s

and every day is a complete cycle;

you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn’t end there.

Into the 90s, you start going backwards;

‘I WAS JUST 92.’

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.

‘How old are you?’

‘I’m 100 AND A HALF!’

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

(Here’s the actual video of Larry doing this bit.)

Here’s George Carlin’s:

And here’s the source that definitely prove where the confusion started:

Case closed.

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Abril 19, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Pilosopo PHILOSOPHY, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 4 mga puna.

The WISDOM of UP Professors

FROM an antique e-mail. Still inspiring. Still very funny.

ON GRADES

“Oo, nagpapa-ulan ako ng Uno… baket? Aaanhin ko ba ’yun? ‘Di naman ako yayaman du’n.”

–Sir Atoy Navarro, Hist

 

Professor habang binubuksan ang isang box ng colored chalks:

“Ano ba naman ito?!” (sabay hagis sa table ng mga dark colored chalk)

Class: (Tahimik na nagmamasid)

Professor: “Class, sulatan n’yo ang manufacturer ng chalk na ito. Sabihin ninyong tanggalin na ang mga walang kuwentang kulay na ito: Brown, Green at Violet. Alam ba nilang hindi ito nakikita sa board? Convince them!”

Class: (Tahimik at nagulat)

Professor: “Sino man ang magsusulat  +.25 sa Final Grade!”

Class: “Yahoooo!!!”

Isang Valentine’s Day:

“Ano ba ‘yan? Students ba kayo ng UP? Bakit ang bababa ng scores ninyo? Siguro wala kayong date ngayong Valentine’s kaya ganito kayo? Losers!!! When I was your age, I had a date. Hindi ba naapektuhan ng UP Fair euphoria ang grades ninyo? Parang hindi kayo masaya…” (sabay tapon ng quiz papers sa sahig). “I won’t record this. Go and find a date.” (sabay walk out ng classroom)

—Sir Doliente, BA.

 

Student: “Sir, nagbibigay po ba kayo ng partial points?”

Professor: “Hmmm… if I see partial wisdom.”

ON EXAMINATIONS

Professor to Class:

“I don’t give surprise long exams. All exams are announced. Kaya today I’m announcing, ‘Class, mag-e-exam tayo! NGAYON NA!’”

–Ma’am Chei

 

“Don’t take the Bar Exam and yourselves too seriously. Baka mabalitaan na lang naming, nag-o-oral summation kayo sa Luneta. O lumulutang-lutang sa Pasig River. Enjoy yourselves. Relax. At habang nag-re-relax kayo, read at least 15 hours a day. Mag-relax ka habang nag-babasa. Mag-relax ka habang nagme-memorize.”

“’Pag nananaba ka sa oras ng exams, ibig sabihin hindi ka papasa.”

–Anonymous Prof

 

“Kahit magpakamatay ka pa, ‘di mo masasagot ‘yang problem set na ‘yan—dahil wala ‘yang sagot. Hahahaha!”

“Mamatay na ang mangopya… at ang hindi maka-100—BOBO!”

–Hist Prof

 

Professor habang umuulan sa labas during a hard final exam:

“Ang lakas ng ulan. Ayos ‘yan, at least hindi halata ‘pag umiiyak.”

–Sir Agapito

ON STUDYING

Commenting on a thesis of a Senior Student:

“’Yang thesis mo… mamamatay ka! Mamamatay ka!!!”

–Dr. Llanes, UPM

 

Professor: “O, meron na ba sa inyong nakapunta sa pinakabagong Mall ng Metro Manila?”

Class: (Super-tahimik)

Professor: “Anoooo?! Puro na lang ba kayo aral? Aral lang kayo nang aral—wala kayong kapupuntahan sa kaaaral n’yo!”

In a class with one meeting left in the Term:

“Okay class, next week, we start the lecture proper.”

–Ma’am Vitriolo

 

Professor to Student:

“Running ka ba for Summa?—Mapapagod ka lang.”

Professor to Grad Student during a Thesis Defense: “Are you familiar with the book written by (name of the author)?”

Grad Student (kinakabahan): “Y-yes, Sir.”

Professor: “Okay. Ano ang kulay ng cover ng book na ‘yun?”

 

ON LOUSY STUDENTS

“Anong molars? You don’t say molars, because it’s an adjective! Do you say ‘Beautifuls’?”

–Ma’am Liao commenting on a student’s grammar

Professor to a freshman who would not stand up during recitation:

“Stand up, Miss —  so that we might see the contours of your body. (Student stands) … Wow! Rape-able!”

 

 “Sa mga taga-UP lang ako bilib, eh. Papasok sila sa Law School na hindi disoriented. Bilib ako sa study habits ng mga batang iyan. Some of them look like they eat kamote three times a day. Pero ang utak nila, hindi ututin!”

Professor to a noisy class:

“Bakit napakasaya ng klase n’yo?! Pwede bang maging sad naman kayo? 5 minutes of sadness—starting right now!”

 

Professor to a class na ayaw mag-recite:

“Wag kayong mahiya. You have nothing to lose but your face!”

–Geo11 Prof

“It’s okay to smoke in my class. As long as you don’t breathe it out.”

–Dr. Obsioma, Biodiversity

 

Professor to a student with braces:

“Ayan, hindi ka na makasagot. ‘Yung bakal sa ipin mo, naapektuhan na ‘yung pagsasalita mo.”

–Sir Tiamson, Span 11

After the first hour of a three hour lecture on Taxonomy:

“Class, gising pa ba kayo? Mukhang inaantok na kayo, ah. I understand… pati nga ako, inaantok na rin.”

–Dr. Gapud

 

Professor after giving a joke related to his lecture topic:

“’Yung mga hindi natawa sa joke ko, REPEATERS kayo ano? Narinig n’yo na kasi ‘yang joke na ‘yan. Sorry kayo. ‘Yan lang ang joke ko.”

 ON BEING HUMAN

“The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala kayong kasaysayan lahat. ‘Pag may kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG KA LANG!”

– Dr. Recio

 

“Try everything once, except incest.”

–Sir U Eliserio during a Creative Writing Class

“Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube. Kaya kung gusto ninyong magka-anak ng asawa ninyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo habang gumagawa.”

–Ma’am Maggie, Zoo 10

 

“Yes, class—I AM GAY! I’m so gay I could show you my penis because it is but an accessory to my body.”

–Jean Navera, spcm 1

“Look at me. I’m 43 years old pero ang lakas-lakas ko pa. Kung walang gulay kakain ako ng damo. Kung walang tubig, mag-iipon na lang ako ng laway.”

 

“Birds of the same feather, FLOCK together… don’t forget the ‘L’”.

–SocSci Prof

ON RELATIONSHIPS

First day of Classes:

“Kung may boyfriend o girlfriend kayo na hindi taga-UP, hiwalayan n’yo na ngayon pa lang. Walang kapupuntahan ‘yang relasyon n’yo. Dahil hindi kayo magkakaintindihan. ‘Tapos ‘yung mga anak n’yo, magiging bobo. Gusto n’yo ba ‘yun?”

 

“And girls, ‘wag kayong kukuha  ng boyfriend diro sa UP. Pare-pareho tayong mahirap dito. 80% of the child’s intelligence comes from the mother naman, eh. And guys, ‘wag kayong kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo pa rin ang mga anak n’yo.”

 ON POWER

Professor : “Many people believe that we psychology professors can read minds… (Silence). Actually, we can.

Students: “Weh… sample…

Professor: “Right now, you think I’m bluffin.”

–Ma’am Chei Billedo, Psych

 

“Nu’ng freshie ako, atheist ako. Pero ‘pag nasa bahay, nagro-rosary kami ng nanay ko. Eh, kung magalit sa ‘kin ‘yun.”

–Socio 11 Professor

“Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English. So, when you’re here in my class, magsalita kayo ng English. Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda na ako, at ako ang teacher!”

 

Prof to a student asking if he can sit in:

“We only accept members of a certain minority group in this class. For example, gays are part of a minority group. Bakla ka ba? If you admit that you are, then I’ll let you sit in.”

–Prof. “Hail to the Chair”

“The more wisdom you obtain, the more you should shut your mouth. This is because the more you learn, the more you realize that there are even more things that you do not know. The true mark of an idiot is a loudmouth. The true mark of a wise man is humility.”

–PI100. Puta, Best Prof sa CAL

 

 ON OTHERS

 Professor commenting on other Universities:

“Class, kaya ang mahal ng bayad sa mga professors sa ibang school kasi ang bobobo ng mga estudyante du’n. I used to teach in XXXXX at lumuluha talaga ako ng dugo bago maintindihan ng mga students ‘yung mga sinasabi ko. Ang mahal nga ng bayad, magkakasakit ka naman sa panga sa kauulit ng lessons. ‘Wag na lang. Dito na lang ako sa UP, et least, nagkakaintindihan tayo, ‘di ba?”

–Dr. David

Student: “Sir, pwede po bang maki-sit in ‘yung friends ko?”

Professor: “From what school are they?”

Student: “St. Scho po.”

Professor: “Go ahead. So they’ll realize what they’re missing.”

 

“Class, Chinatown is not in China. And Ateneo De Manila University is not… a university.”

–Prof name withheld upon request

“Si Mirriam, crush ko ‘yun dati. Muntikan na kaming maging kami. Kaso nasiraan siya ng ulo kaya ‘yun iba ang napangasawa ko.”

–Old UP Prof.

 

“Bilib ka kay Alan Peter Cayetano? Eh, ang bababa ng grades nu’n?!

–Ex-Prof ni Alan

ON LEAVING

 “When you graduate, then you begin to live!”

–Dr. Jimenez, Psych 118

 

“To tell you the truth, I don’t much. I only know enough to teach my classes.”

–UP Socio Prof

 

thank you kay http://bonggaboom.multiply.com/journal/item/35
at sa photo ng http://www.worldendeavors.com/main/programbrochure/programid/38

Abril 6, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Pilosopo PHILOSOPHY. 3 mga puna.

BULIMIA and ’80s VIDEOS

 THERE’S this very funny YouTube idea that I’m sure will be copied by Michael V. and the Bubble Gang or be certified as an alternative to self induced vomitting:

Literal Versions of Classic Videos , started by Dusto McNeato of  dustfilms.com and copied by a lot of YouTUBErs, like daSCOTTjr.

HOW TO:
1. Pick the corniest ’80s song (in the first case, Roderick Paulate’s perennial favorite)
2. Turn it into a videoke (mute the singer’s voice)
3. Replace lyrics with exact descriptions of what’s being shown on the video.
4. Laugh your ass off– while vomitting.
5. Click SAMPLES below. 

Creepy RICK ASTLEY

A-HA! ha! ha! ha!

Lack of AIR SUPPLY

I can’t believe WE loved listening to this crap back in the day.

Considered today as CLASSIC CRAP.

Time to regurgitate.

photograb: http://www.inquisitr.com/33540/it-will-never-stop-rick-astley-vs-nine-inch-nails/video:

Marso 25, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 4 mga puna.

PASKO: Noong Unang Panahon

Disyembre 18, sa isang Elementary School:

(ni aLJI) PAGDATING pa lang ni Utoy sa eskuwelahan, napansin na niyang kakaiba ang hitsura ng kuwarto ng Section 4. Halatang hindi agad umuwi kahapon si Miss Kurdapiya, ‘yung titser niyang payat at nakasalamin ng makapal. Nagkabit muna ito ng mga Pamaskong dekorasyon: May maliit na Belen ngayon sa isang sulok na ang katawan ng mga karakter ng Bibliya ay gawa sa nirolyong papel na nagkorteng Mayon Volcano at ang mga ulo nila ay gawa sa isang buong balat ng nilagang itlog na dinisenyuhan ng colored marker para magkaroon ng mukha. Meron ding mga papel na letrang nakasabit sa itaas ng blackboard na nagsasabing “Maligayang Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon” na puno ng iba’t ibang kulay. Nakapalibot sa buong kuwarto ang napakahabang kabit-kabit na Christmas lights, gaya ng sikat na kabaret sa may tumana na paboritong puntahan ng tatay niya. At sa kabilang  sulok naman, may nakatayong Christmas Tree na gawa sa nakataob na walis tingting. Nakasuksok ang tingting sa isang malaking lata ng Milo na pinuno ng buhangin mula sa ginagawang bagong school building sa tabi. Binalutan naman ang bawat patpat ng tingting ng puting crepe paper at sinabitan ng mga plastic na bolang palawit sa dulo nito. Mukhang pagod nga ang masungit na mukha ni Ma’am, pero may kakaibang ngiti siya nu’ng araw na ‘yun.

Hindi naman magpapatalo si Utoy kay Mis Kurdapiya kung Pasko din lang ang pag-uusapan. Nagtulong sila kahapon ng tatay niyang gumawa ng parol para madala niya sa eskuwelahan. Assignment nila ‘yun. Bilib nga siya sa tatay niya dahil habang gumagawa ito ng parol, panay rin ang tagay nito mula sa isang bilog na Ginebra. Matapos maubos ang pulutang limang isaw at limang paa ng manok, sampung mahahabang patpat na pang-barbecue ang natira. Kinayas ito ng tatay ni Utoy para lumambot. Pinagtali-tali. At parang magic, nakabuo ng korteng bituin si Mang Kanor. Nakatulog na rin ito sa papag nila pagkatapos.

Ilang sandali pa ng paghilik ni Mang Kanor, dumating na ang nanay ni Utoy galing palengke. Bumili ito ng mga papel de hapon na kulay puti. Panay ang sermon nito sa tatay ni Utoy habang binabalot ng papel ang iskeleton na bituin. Ewan ni Utoy kung bakit panay ang talak ng nanay niya, eh, tulog na tulog si Mang Kanor sa mga sandaling ‘yun.  Nanay rin niya ang gumawa ng dalawang buntot ng parol na parang dalawang palda na pang-Kastila na may kakaibang patterns. Ikinabit ito ng nanay niya sa mga kanto ng parol na kaiga-igayang tignan lalo na pag-ihip ng hangin. “Eto na anak, may parol ka na,” sabi ni Aling Lidia na parang bumait bigla nang kausapin ang anak. “Ingatan mo para maisabit din natin sa bahay pagkatapos ng Christmas Party n’yo sa eskuwela.” Hinaplos ni Aling Lidia ang buhok ng anak na ikinangiti nilang pareho.

Lahat ng mga kaklase ni Utoy ay ganito rin ang kuwento; merong mga dalang parol kinabukasan na iba-iba ang kulay. Iba-iba ang laki. Iba-iba ang disenyo. Lahat ito gawa ng mga tatay at nanay nila– ng pamilya– dahil ang mga tunay na parol hindi naman nabibili sa tindahan, ginagawa lang bahay.

Ang pinakahihintay ni Utoy sa araw na ito ay ang bunutan para sa “monito-monita”. Gumupit si Miss Kurdapiya ng maliliit na papel at isinulat niya rito ang pangalan ng bawa’t estudyante niya. Umikot sa buong kuwarto si Miss at pinabunot ang bawa’t kaklase ni Utoy sa isang kahon. “Ang mabubunot n’yo ay magiging monito o monita ninyo!” tili ni Miss Kurdapiya na ikinangiwi ng bawat batang nakarinig.

May hiling si Utoy:  Sana mabunot niya ‘yung “crush” niyang si Jocelyn. Maputi, mabait at nasa Row 1 dahil pangalawa sa pinakamatalino sa klase nila. Sa tradisyon kasing ito, may pagkakataon si Utoy na  magregalo sa monita niya ng kung anu-anong bagay sa buong isang linggo bago ang Christmas Party. Bawat araw may theme na ibibigay si Teacher: “Sa Lunes, mamimigay kayo ng ‘Something Sweet’ sa kung sino man ang mabubunot ninyo,’” nakakabinging sabi ni Miss habang papunta sa Row 4, sa tabi ng basurahan, sa upuan ni Utoy.

Isip ni Utoy  agad, “Ah! Chocolate ang ibibigay ko kay Jocelyn! Choc-nut! …Isang plastic!..???

—Mahal yata.–Tatlo na lang, para ‘I Love You.’”

“May sinasabi ka, Utoy?” tanong ni Miss Kurdapiya. “Nagmumura ka na naman?”

“Ah, hindi po ma’am.”

“Bumunot ka na, bago kita mapingot.”

Pumikit si Utoy. Bumunot habang nagdarasal: “Jocelyn…Jocelyn.”

Binuksan niyang dahan-dahan ang nakatuping papel… at napabulong siya ng mahinang “Putang ina…”

Hindi nga lahat ng pangarap natutupad.

Nabunot niya ang pangalan ni Miss Kurdapiya.

“Something sweet… para kay Ma’am?

“Alam ko na:

“PANUTSA!

“…Putsang buhay ‘to, o.”

(parol photo: marexflores.net )

Disyembre 18, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel. Mag-iwan ng puna.

“BAGETS” baduy but BELOVED

PARA sa akin ang pelikulang “Bagets” ng Viva Films ang pinakakorning pagsusuma ng buhay-tinedyer noong Dekada ’80. Sa sobrang kakornihan nito, natatawa kami ng misis ko tuwing napapanood namin ito sa cable TV. Natatawa pero nagno-nostalgia. Guilty pleasure, ‘eka nga.

 Sunod usong-Bagets din kasi kami noong 1984 (edad-kinse kami noon). At unti-unti kong nadi-discover sa mga kuwentuhang-inuman kasama ng mga kaedad ko ngayon (kuwarenta na kami) na nasaan ka man naroon sa ‘Pinas noong pinalabas ito sa sinehan, malamang pa-bagets-bagets ka rin.

 ‘Eto ang “Ultimate Bagets Quiz” . Kung alam mo ang karamihan sa mga sagot sa tanong na ito, itanggi mo man, ikaw din ang magbibisto sa tunay mong nakaraan: (ANSWERS are at the end of this piece.)

 1. Sino ang kumanta ng theme song ng “Bagets” na may linyang “… I’m growing up, getting down, putting my both feet on the ground…”? Diabetic siya.

 2. Sino sa limang castmembers ng “Bagets” ang nakasalamin? Vice Mayor na siya ngayon.

 3. Sino ang pinakamatandang miyembro ng cast “Bagets” na sa tunay na buhay ay pinakasalan ang ka-love team niya sa pelikulang ito?

 4. Sino ang ka-loveteam ni JC Bonnin sa pelikula?

 5. Ano ang title ng dance anthem ng pelikula? Sinasayaw ito sa pamamagitan ng pagse-shake ng isang nakataas na braso, closed fist ( a la flying Superman), at ang isang kamay naman ay nakatapat sa tenga?

 6. Ano ang sinasakyan ni Herbert Bautista noong nakilala niya si Jobelle Salvador?

 7. Paano namatay ang karakter ni Yayo Aguila?

 8. Anong kanta ni Raymond Lauchengco ang background music sa date sequence nila ni Eula Valdes?

 9. Dalawa sa limang “Bagets” ang walang ka-date sa prom night sequence ng pelikula. Sino sila?

 10. Sinong foreign singer ang ina-idolize ni Aga Muhlach sa movie?

MGA SAGOT:

 1. Sino pa, di si Gary Valenciano. At kung alam mo ang title nito– “Growing Up” — malamang alam mo rin ang buong lyrics.

 2. Si Quezon City Vice-Mayor Herbert Bautista.

 3. Si William Martinez. Kinailangan siyang isama dahil siya ang pinakasikat na heartthrob noon. Malaking risk kasi ang pelikulang puro bago ang artista kaya hiniram siya from Regal Films. Ka-loveteam niya ang misis niya ngayong si Yayo Aguila.

 4. Si Chanda Romero. May-December affair ang drama nila.

 5. “Just Got Lucky” ng Joe Boxers. Hanggang ngayon ito pa rin ang isa sa most identified dance step ‘pag Dekada ’80 ang topic.

 6. Bisekleta ang sinasakyan ni Bistek nu’ng makita niyang nagdidilig ng halaman si Jobelle. Nahulog pa siya nang ma-love at first sight siya sa dalaga. Falling in love, literally.

 7. Namatay sa car crash ang karakter ni Yayo. Nakipag-drag race kasi si William habang angkas siya sa kool na kool nilang dune buggy.

8. Ang walang kamatayang “So It’s You”. Highlight ng sequence na ito ang pagkanta ni Raymond na naka-black tux siya at si Eula naman nasa gitna ng isang malaking staduium (Rizal Memorial?) at nakasuot ng pang-Santacruzang gown. Surreal.

 9. Sina Aga (dahil may asawa na ang love interest niya rito na si Baby Delgado) at si Herbert (dahil sa ending pa ng pelikula niya mapapasagot si Jobelle dahil akala niya boyfriend nito si Mon Alvir– pinsan pala).

 10. Sino pa, si Michael Jackson. Sumayaw pa si Aga ng “Wanna Be Starting Somethin” na tuluyan nang nagpabaduy kay Michael Jackson sa mga Pilipino.
REFLECTION:

Kung napangiti ka ng 8 out of 10 questions dito at alam mo ang sagot mentally (kahit ayaw mong sabihin verbally), naki-“Bagets” ka rin pala noon. At malamang hanggang ngayon, naggi-gel ka pa rin. May nakatago kang Topsiders na pang-driving (lame excuse). At ‘pag natutuwa ka sa sinabi ng isa mong kausap, sasagot ka ng “Nice one! (Sabay apir.)

Kung napag-isip ka ng 5 out of 10 questions dito at habang sinasabi mong “Oo nga, no. Naalala ko na,” closet-“Bagets” ang tawag sa’yo. Pilit mong kinakalimutan ang ’80s. Kasi siguro wala kang kabarkada noon. O wala kang naging boy friend o girl friend. In short, kulang sa pagkabata.

Kung wala kang alam (0 ang score mo), you need to see this flick.

You’re either too young or chromosome ka pa lang noong pinalabas ito:

part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fpftOPjJ3I&feature=related

part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PfzlII0L4Y&feature=related

part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=johse1ryNh8&feature=related

part 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VJ4JKRXPOs&feature=related

part 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGtDqN0gvo0&feature=related

THE REST OF THE MOVIE: Kayo na ang maghanap sa YouTube

(at magpasalamat tayo kay JONETTE salamat sa pag-a-upload ng klasik na ito)

Para maunawaan mo kung bakit may mga pag-uugaling baduy ang parents mo or mga nakakatanda mong kapatid, panoorin mo ito dahil ganito sila noon. Baduy na talaga… pero kool.

Nice one!!! Apppiiir!

(aLjI05)

Nobyembre 9, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel. 2 mga puna.

TATTOO or FALSE

CB026533

(by ely m.) I also call this entry: “It’s easier to write in English as long as you don’t care about grammar and spelling.”

I HAVE always wanted a tattoo.

When I was 24, I planned to get one to match my Eddie Vedder hair (yes, it was the ‘90s).

But then I also needed an office job, so the hair had to go and without that as an accessory, getting a tattoo would have been pointless.

I was either going to be a rocker for the rest of my life or just be my geeky old self.  

That was 16 years ago today and I have remained a geek.

But I haven’t scratched out “get a tattoo” from my “to-do-list”.

To celebrate my 40th summer, I’ve decided that this is definitely the year.

I was on my way to the tattoo shop when I had this awful toothache.

It was aching like mad; I had to change my plan and went straight to the dentist.

She said I have an infracted tooth that’s pushing against my gums causing this terrible ache.

She said I need tooth extractions—that’s extraction with an “s”—meaning more than one.

If I remember correctly I only have two gum teeth left. So, they both had to go.

How the hell am I going to chew now?

She said she will make for me some dentures.

Or, if I was against that idea, I can  just keep my infected tooth and wait for my cheeks to swell.

That totally isn’t cool.

So, choices: A cool tattoo on my arm or an aching bloated face?

Suddenly, I was back in the ‘90s.

I had tears in my eyes when I said, “Make me some dentures… please.”

She made some molds of my teeth using this green plaster and told me my new dentures will be ready in a couple of days.

“This really is not cool,” I told her while shaking my head in disbelief.

“There’s a way to make it cool,” she answered.

“Put some water and ice in a glass…

“And dip your dentures in it overnight…

That will make it cooler…

“Happy birthday, old man.”

(photo from castlerockdental.com)

Nobyembre 7, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . I THOUGHT utot, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. Mag-iwan ng puna.

The OFW secret RADYO

radio

(by Ely M.)“BANGUN!” ang malakas na sigaw ng radio namin kaninang umaga. For a second akala ko nagising akong bigla na nasa Pilipinas ako at nakikinig ng DZRH. Kaso ang karugtong, eh: “Apa kabar, Bapak-bapak dan Ibu-ibu?” (roughly translated “How are you, Gentlemen and Ladies?”). Nanlaki ang tenga ko habang nakangiwi. Nasa Indonesia pa rin pala ako. Indonesian radio pa rin ang umaalingawngaw. OFW pa rin ako.

Pareho lang nga pala ang meaning ng “bangun” in Tagalog at Indonesian. So, ‘yun na nga ang ginawa ko; bumangon na ako at na-miss ko na naman ang Pinas.

Habang nagkakape, bigla kong naisip, “Alangan namang walang online radio ang DZRH?

I’m one believer that the Internet was created by the Supreme Being to make His people happy-er. Kaya imposibleng wala, ‘di ba?

Humangos akong nakangiti papunta sa aking laptop at nanginginig na nag-type sa Google ng keyword na “DZRH “.

Among the Top 3 na lumabas, ito ang nakatawag ng atensyon ko:

DRZH– 666 AM Manila – Listen Online <<< CLICK THIS NOW!

May word doon saying “LISTEN”.

I clicked it.

At maluha-luha ako sa tuwa: MAY DZRH NGA ONLINE! Streaming in Live Tagalog! Loud and Clear!

Hindi lang ‘yun. In the same website you can get all other AM and FM Radio Stations!

http://radiotime.com/region/c_101036/Manila.aspx << < CLICK THIS, TOO!

Sa FM. I tried NU107, RX93, MAGIC 89.1 at DWLL–  Works fine!

Sa AM, sinubok ko rin ang DZMM (Kapamilya) at siyempre, DZBB (Kapuso) para balanced news. Ayus rin!

“Is this my lucky day?” asked the cheapskate in me.

Hmmm… Meron kayang free live streaming ng Philippine TV Shows? (ang mahal kasi ng TFC at GMA Pinoy TV ‘kala n’yo)

Naghahanap pa rin ako.

So far, wala.

But, I found these sites:

http://www.pinoyonline.tv/2009/07/gma-online-live-streaming.html << CLICK THIS QUICK for GMA-7!!!

http://www.pinoyonline.tv/2009/07/kapamilya-online-tv-streaming-abs-cbn.html<< CLICK THIS QUICK for ABS-CBN 2!!!

Works like Tivo.

From A-Z. ‘Yung past shows ng Dos (from Agimat Series: Tiyagong Akyat to Wowowie) at Siyete (from 24 Oras, Eat Bulaga, hanggang Zorro)  meron sila. You have got to try it.

But also promise to keep these sites a secret for the sake of your kababayans abroad.

Alam n’yo naman kung gaano kahigpit ang corporate side ng mga istasyong ito.

‘Pag nagkabistuhan: Bye-bye Freebies!

At tuwing umaga mabubuwisit na naman ako sa sigaw na “Bangun” in another language.

Setyembre 25, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . I THOUGHT utot. 2 mga puna.

Mahirap MABUHAY ‘pag WALANG CABLE

american-idol

(Ely M.) Bago ako nag-abroad I was an idiot to think na pare-pareho ang palabas sa TV kahit saan ka pang lupalop ng mundo mapadpad—Mali. Kahit naka-cable ka pa, iba’t iba ang programming ng bawat bansa para sa same cable channel. Tailor made ito sa taste ng mga tao sa bansang tinitirhan mo. So, ang mga pelikula sa HBO sa States ay iba sa movies ng HBO Asia (kasama dito ang  ‘Pinas).

Ang bad trip niyan kung wala kang cable sa labas ng Pilipinas—kasi hindi mo ma-afford. Ang mahal nga ng cable service dito sa abroad. At ang pinaka-baddest trip ay kung hindi nag-i-English ang citizens ng bansang kinalulugaran mo. You’ll get the worst kind of “free” shows sa local channel nila.

Nu’ng bagong salta pa lang ako dito sa Indonesia at wala pa kaming cable, wala ni isang English show sa local TV. Lahat ng palabas nagba-Bahasa Indonesia (ito ang tawag sa lenguwahe dito) . Ang Bahasa Indonesia ay parang pinagrambol na Ilokano, Bisaya at Kapangpangan—para ma- imagine n’yo kung papaano ito, ‘eto ang sampol: “Bisa saya ambil uang dengan kartu kredit saya?”

Anudaw?

Can I use my credit card to withdraw money? << in English

Kaya nga tuwing manonood ako ng local TV noon with my roommate, sumasakit ang ulo namin pagkatapos. Hindi ma-comprehend ng utak ko kung anuba ang sinasabi nila?!

Anoooobaaa?!

Like the local news– ang ginagawa namin, binabase na lang namin ‘yung supposedly message ng balita according sa actions nu’ng nagsasalita or ng eksena sa video.

“Ah, nagtatakbuhan… siguro may bombang pinasabog?”

“Hindi nakatawa ‘yung mga tao, e?”

“Artista siguro ‘yang pinagkakaguluhan nila?”

“Ah, presscon?!”

“Ahhhhhh…. Oo, nga.”

“May Biogesic ka pa ba?”

“Teka, ‘eto tubig. Puwede hati tayo?”

(Note all the question marks?)

BUT it doesn’t mean na hindi marunong mag-English ang mga Indonesians sa TV. Slang  pa nga sila mag-English dahil karamihan ng celebrities dito or newscasters for that matter ay lumaki or nag-aral sa isang English speaking country, like Australia and the States. They speak Bahasa Indonesia by choice. So, dahil walang choice ang foreign-gers like us, you have to adapt to this kinda system.

On my second week sa bansang ito noong 2006, may isang gabi na hindi ako makatulog. Dahil hindi pa nga ako nakaka-adapt sa pamumuhay, binuksan ko ang TV. Mga 1 am na yata ‘yun.

At parang milagro – sa isang local channel—ipinapalabas ang Season 5 ng…

American Idol—AI…!!!

Hindi ito translated in Bahasa Indonesia… wala itong subtitles in Bahasa Indonesia.

Nagsasalita ang mga tao sa TV— IN ENGLUSH!

Nakita ko muli sina Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson at Paula Abdul na nagpapaiyak ng isang contestant na walang karapatang kumanta using their “destructive” criticisms.

Natuwa ako… at unti-unting tumulo ang isang butil ng luha sa aking mata.

Before I knew it, umiiyak na ako.

Ang dami kong naalala.

Favorite kasi namin itong panoorin sa cable TV namin sa ‘Pinas bago ako nag-aboard.

So, habang nanonood ako at umiiyak… kumakanta ang mga contestants ng kani-kanilang “Stevie Wonder” themed songs.

Naalala ko ‘yung mga kasama kong nanonood ng AI mula pa nu’ng unang ipalabas ito sa Star World channel sa Pilipinas.

‘Yung mga kumpare kong mahihilig sa karaoke na it follows (in our case) mahihilig din sa AI.

‘Yung mga dati kong kaopisina na laging idini-discuss over lunchbreak  kung bakit natsugi at nag-move on ang isang contestant.

‘Yung mga kapitbahay naming nakikinood dahil wala silang cable or pinutol na ng Sky Cable ‘yung tapped nilang linya.

‘Yung mga tawanan at alaskahan sa harap ng TV.

At ‘yung pamilya ko na naiwan sa Pinas.

Haaay nako.

Hindi ka ba naman iiyak niyan?

After the show I realized, hindi naman talaga ‘yung English language ang nami-miss ng mga tulad kong OFW na nakadestino sa isang non-English speaking country kundi ‘yung mga bagay na isinakripisyo naming huwag munang makita at marinig para lang mapaunlad ng konti ang buhay.

In some cases, like this one, kasama nga ang mga pamilyar na lengguwahe sa mga hindi mo muna maririnig.

Believe it or not, it took me nine months bago ulit nakapanood ng American Idol dito sa Indonesia.

Nu’ng finally nagka-cable na kami.

Sa awa ng Diyos.

 (photofrom: mediadecoder.blogs.com)

Agosto 12, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . I THOUGHT utot. 5 mga puna.

Noong Unang Panahon… Part 2

the 80s

ONCE AGAIN, I did not write this. Somebody sent it to me and it’s too good not to share with others.

Ito kasi ‘yung mga ginagawa naman namin nu’ng mga huling taon ng pagkapresidente ni Cory, pagkatapos ng kauna-unahang EDSA Revolt at pagsisimula ng pagkalat ng sticker na  “EDsa ’92”– “Ed” meaning “Eddie” Ramos– si FVR, na nanalo nu’ng 1992.

Ito ang mga huling taon ng Dekada ’80 at ang mga unang taon ng Dekada ’90. Ito ang panahong uso pa
ang makiuso. Kung ginagaya mo ang style ng mga artista, hindi ka tatawaging jologs.

Ito ang panahong tapos na ang Bagong Lipunan, pero malayo pa ang New Millennium. Hindi pa high-tech pero ‘di naman old fashioned. Saktong-sakto lang.

Ito ang panahon namin. “Kraakk-Booom!!!!” < sound epek ng kulog at kidlat.

Paano mo malalaman kung kabilang ka sa henerasyong ito?

Narito ang listahan na makapagpapatunay if you’re one of us.

R U?

1. Paborito mong panoorin ang Shaider, Bio-man, Maskman, Mask Rider Black, Machine Man at kung
ano-anong TV sitcom ng Japan na isinalin sa Tagalog. Break muna sa mga laro kapag alas singko na ng
hapon tuwing Sabado dahil panahon na para sa superhero marathon.

2. Alam mo ang jingle ng Nano-Nano. (isang kending lasang champoy)

3. Nanood ka ng Takeshi’s Castle at naniwala kang si Ajo Yllana talaga si Takeshi at si Smokey
Manaloto ang kanyang alalay. (Pinagiisipan mo – pano sila lumalaban sa final challenge na parang nakasakay
sila sa isang bumpcar at nagbabarilan sila gamit ang water gun gayong sa Japan ginagawa ‘yun, eh, taga
Pilipinas sila?)

4. Alam mo ang pa-contest ng Kool 106 na uulit-ulitin mong bigkasin ang “Kool 106, Kool 106” hanggang maubusan ka ng hininga.

5. Naglaro ka ng Shake-Shake Shampoo, Monkey-Monkey-Annabelle, prikidam 123, Langit-Lupa-Impyerno, Syato, Luksong-Tinik, Luksong-Baka, 10-20 at kung ano-ano pang larong nakakapagod.

6. Pumunta ang mga taga- MILO sa school niyo at  namigay sila ng samples na nakalagay sa plastic cup na kasing laki nung sa maliit na ice cream. (at nagtaka ka, bakit hindi ganito ang lasa ng MILO kapag tinitimpla ko sa bahay namin?)

7. May malaking away ang mga METAL (mga punks na nakaitim) at mga HIPHOP (mga taong naka maluwang na puruntong na sa sobrang luwag , eh, kita na minsan na ang dalawang “santol” sa loob ng pantalon.) Nag-aabangan sa mall na may dalang baseball bat at kung anu-ano pang mga sandata. Sikat ang  kasabihang “PUNKS NOT DEAD!” pero kung gusto mong mag play safe, pwede mong tawagin ang sarili mong HIPTAL.

8. Alam mo ang universal uwian song na “Uwian na!” na kinakanta sa tono na parang doon sa ikinakasal.

9. Nagpauto ka sa Batibot pero hindi sa ATBP.

10. Nakipag-away ka para makapaglaro ng brick game. (Hi-tech na ‘yun noon)

11. Ang “text” noon ay mga karton na may sukat na 1 inch by 1 1/2 inch na may mga drawing ng pelikulang Pinoy. (At may dialog pa!). Kukuha ka ng tatlong text at pipitikin mo, sabay sigaw ng “TSOB!” Kung mananalo ka (medyo kumplikado ang explanation kung papaano– basta may “tsob”, ibig sabihin taob) bibilang ka nang ganito: “Sa-i, Mudawa, Mutayo-tayo-ta, Tomple!”

12. Dalawa lang ang todong sumikat na wrestler,  si Hulk Hogan at si Ultimate Warrior. Naniwala ka rin na namatay si Ultimate Warrior nang buhatin niya si Andre d’ Giant dahil pumutok ang mga ugat niya sa muscle.

13. Nagsayaw ka ng running man at kung anu-anong dance steps na nakapagpamukha sa’yong tanga sa  saliw
na kantang Ice Ice Baby, Wiggle It, Pray at Can’t Touch This.

14. Hindi ka gaanong mahilig sa That’s Entertainment at pinapanood mo lang ito tuwing Sabado kung saan nagpapagandahan ng production numbers ang Monday hanggang Friday group. (at badtrip ka sa Wednesday Group dahil pinakabaduy lagi ang performance nila!)

15. Kilala mo ang Smokey Mountain , (first and second generation)

16. Hindi pa uso noon ang sapatos na may gulong. Noon, astig ka kapag umiilaw ang swelas ng sapatos mo tuwing ia-apak mo ito. Tinawag rin itong “MightyKid”.

17. Kung lalaki ka, sikat na sikat sa’yo ang mga larong text, jolens, dampa (mga unang anyo ng pustahan), saranggola at ang dakilang manika niyo ay si GI-JOE with alipores (pelikula na ito ngayon).

19. Kung babae ka naman, ang mga laro mo with your girlfriends ay luto-lutuan, bahay-bahayan, doktor-doktoran, at kung anu-ano pang pagkukunwari. Ang dakilang manika mo ay si Barbie. (Sikat ka kung meron kang bahay, kotse at kabaong ni Barbie.)

19. Naniwala kang original ang isang (baseball) cap kapag maywalong tahi sa visor nito. At kung original ang cap mo, siguradong mai-isnatch ito ‘pag nakasakay ka nang jeep o nakadungaw sa bintana ng bus na walang air-con (remember the red JD Bus sa EDSA?)

20. Swerte ka kapag panghapon ka dahil masusubaybayan mo ang mga kapanapanabik na kaganapan sa mga paborito mong cartoon shows tuwing umaga tulad ng Cedie, Sarah, at Dog of Flanders a.k.a. Nelo. (Hindi ka ba nagtataka na sa lahat ng mga bida sa cartoons na ito, si Nelo lang ang di yumaman at namatay pa ng maaga.)

21. Alam mo ang ibig sabihin ng “TIME FIRST!”

22. Alam mo din ang ibig sabihin ng “PERIOD– NO ERASE!”

23. For girls: malamang nag-away na kyo ng ibang friends mo dahil sa T.G.I.S. at Gimik! Pero nagkakasundo kayo dahil sa Tabig Ilog. (Jologs na kung jologs pero umamin ka!)

24. Madalas kang bumili ng “Wonder Boy” sa iyong suking tindahan.

25. Nilalagyan mo ng “Pritos Ring” ang bawat daliri mo at kakainin mong isa-isa.

26. Binabatukan mo ang mga kasama mo kapag nakakita ka ng kalbo o kotseng kuba (Volkswagen) tapos magtataas ka ng peace sign.

27. At minsan yung linyang “PERIOD NO ERASE” ay may dagdag pang “AKIN PADLOCK, AKIN SUSI” (Eh, di sayo! Hehe.)

28. Noon for little girls, hindi ka “in” pag wala kang magnetic pencil case na maraming pindutan at maraming lalagyan ng lapis at kung ano ano pa.

29. Noon wala ka sa “fashion” pag wala kang Pop Swatch (‘yung relong sinlaki ng wall clock for your wrist.)

30. Kabisado mo ang “Three O’clock Prayer” dahil sa “Three O’clock Habit” at saulado mo din pati ‘yung part na “we have just as one nation started the beautiful three o’clock habit…we hope that this becomes a daily habit with you…”

Bakit kaya ganon? Kahit ‘sang lupalop ka ng Pilipinas lumaki noon, eh, nakaka-relate ka sa mga pinagsasasabi ko.

Siguro’y dahil wala pang Cable at kakaunti lang ang pagpipiliang channels kaya parepareho tayo ng pinapanood. Maaaring wala pang Playstation kaya kung anu-ano na lang ang naiimbentong laro na pwedeng gawin sa kalsada o sa isang bakanteng lote.

Kung ano man ang dahilan sa pagkaparepareho ng mga karanasan natin, masaya na rin akong naging bata (at binata) ako sa panahong ito. Masarap alalahanin at balik-balikan, ‘di ba?

Haay, nako. Nakaka-miss ang ‘Pinas.

More Reminiscing…

(imagefrom: fanpop.com)

Agosto 6, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel. 6 mga puna.

Paano kung mali para sa ‘yo si MR. RIGHT?

girl with binoculars

(LJI) LAHAT ng lalaki na nanliligaw—nambobola rin.

Madali lang magsabi ng “I love you” pero mahirap pangatawanan ng salitang ito.

So—tanong ng isa kong kaibigang babae—ano ang pagkakaiba ng sinungaling sa seryoso?

Kung babae ka, sampung tanong lang ang dapat mong sagutin kung gusto mo talagang malaman kung totoong mahal ka nga ng syota mo.

Una: Nabigyan ka na ba niya ng bulaklak?

Kung hindi ka niya kayang bigyan ng napakasimpleng halaman (na puwedeng pitasin kahit sa tabi ng kalye), ano pa ang maaasahan mong maibibigay niya sa iyo?

Pangalawa: May naibigay na ba siya sa iyong “lovenote”?

Importante ang “lovenote” (sa papel man o sa text) kasi he’s putting his feelings in black and white, na puwede ring i-printed. In any court case, legal document na ito as proof of his undying love.

Pangatlo: Kaya ka ba niyang titigan nang matagal habang sinasabi ang “I love you.”

Maraming lalaki na sasabihing korni ang pag-a-“I love you”. Kung hindi niya kayang mag-exert man lang ng effort na sabihin ito sa harap mo, magduda ka na. Baka nga hindi ka niya mahal.

Pang-apat: Naipakilala ka na ba niya sa parents niya?

‘Eto ang secret girls—‘yung mga totoong mahal lang ng mga lalaki ang ipinapakilala nila sa mga magulang nila. Bihira itong gawin ng boys kasi, mahirap na kada buwan e iba ang ipinapakilala mo sa parents mo. Kahit ako, sa dinami-dami ng naging syota ko (ehermm…), ‘yung naging misis ko lang ang nakarating sa amin.

Panglima: Naaalala ba niya ang “monthsary” n’yo?

Kung lagi niya itong kinakalimutan ngayon pa lang, mas marami siyang makakalimutan sa darating pang panahon. Ang masama baka ikaw na ang kasunod na ma-erase sa memory niya.

Pang-anim: Nililibre ka ba niya tuwing date n’yo?

Kung ikaw ang laging gumagastos sa date n’yo, ganito rin ang mangyayari kung sakaling magkatuluyan kayo. Ikaw ang magtatrabaho at gagastos for your future family—believe me.

Pangpito: Nagho-holding hands ba kayo in public?

Ang PDA (Public Display of Affection) ang pinakakongretong  katunayan na proud siya na kasama ka. Na nawawala siya sa sarili niya tuwing magkatabi kayo. Na ikaw lang ang mahalaga sa moment na ‘yun. Kung hindi niya kayang gawin ito, natatakot ‘yan na baka may makakita sa inyo—malamang ‘yung iba pa niyang girl friend o mga kaibigan ng girl friend niya, o ‘yung mismong misis niya..

Pangwalo: Madalas mo ba siyang kasama sa loob ng isang linggo?

Kung once a week mo lang nakakasama ang boyfriend mo, don’t expect na uuwi ‘yan sa bahay n’yo everyday kung sakaling kasal na kayo. ‘Yung mga ganitong lalaki, laging nasa lakwastahan, kabarkada o trabaho (kunyari). Kung uuwi man ‘yan, gabi na palagi kung kelan tulog ka na.

Pangsiyam: Nasigawan ka na ba niya?

‘Eto ang pinakamasama na puwedeng gawin ng boyfriend mo sa iyo. Kahit matagal na kayong mag-on, he has no right na sigawan ka niya dahil wala siyang karapatan. Legally speaking, he’s a stranger shouting at you. Wala kayong binding agreement na puwede ka niyang talakan or mag-feeling superior. Just imagine kung mister mo na ‘yan—baka hindi lang sigaw ang aabutin mo. Leave this kind of guy as soon as possible.

Pangsampu: Mas madalas ka bang umiiyak o tumatawa ‘pag kasama ka?

Ang love dapat nagpapasaya sa iyo. Kung mahal ka ng lalaki, dapat gagawin niya ang lahat para mapasaya ka niya. Kung puro problema, pasakit at sama ng loob lang ang ibinibigay niya sa iyo—DO NOT EXPECT THIS SITUATION TO CHANGE. Isa itong sneak preview ng magiging buhay mo kung magkakatuluyan nga kayo as husband and wife.

Sabi nga ng kasabihan, pakasalan mo ‘yung taong minamahal ka kahit hindi mo masyadong feel at ‘wag yung taong mahal na mahal mo na hindi ka naman feel.

At ituring mo na napakalaking blessing kung suwerte kang mahal ka rin ng minamahal mo dahil bihira na nga itong mangyari.

 (visual from brendapool.com)

Agosto 3, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . LOVE or kamunduhan. 9 mga puna.

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