Where is Pinoy Pride? I’ll tell you where…
SOMEONE named Tess Underwood uploaded a question in “Yahoo! Answers” that’s very demeaning to Filipinos. Here’s a copy:
Here’s the actual page: CLICK THIS.
The problem with this entry is that if you Google “Pinoy Pride”, it comes out as the second item in the Google search list (right after the Pinoy Pride Network site).
This negative opinion has become the second reference material for Pinoy Pride searches on line.
Which is quite unfair to all Filipinos and the Philippines.
I got so pissed, I wanted to give my Yahoo answer but the page has closed.
Tess has accepted and gave a high rating to an answer that affirms her distorted beliefs (you can see it there).
So, I’ve decided to post my answer, my scanned thoughts, here.
I am proud to be a Filipino and I will try to answer ALL her opinions one by one to enlighten her on what being a Filipino is really about:
Opinion 1: Filipinos always brag to be part Chinese, part American, part Dutch, part Korean, part Japanese, part Spanish. I have yet to meet one that says they are proud to be….Filipino.
My answer: If you know about the rich history of the Filipinos, you would not even ask this question. Filipinos are part African, Indonesian, Malaysian, Chinese, Spanish, American, Japanese, Arab, Korean, Australian and European.
The original “Filipinos” were the dark-skinned Negritos who walked all the way from Africa when the Pangaea continent still existed (we still have some of these ethnic Filipinos in Subic; you also see them in Manila during Christmas). Next to come were the Indones (from Indonesia) who brought their culture and language to our land, that’s why we have a lot of similar customs and traditions with them (our ancient handwriting, a lot of Filipino words, the the musical instruments angklung and gamelan). Last were the Malays (from Malaysia) who brought the Muslim religion to Southern Philippines. Later the Chinese traders came, who passed in our islands to trade with the Indones and Malays. When we were colonized by Spain, they gave our islands the collective name “Islas Filipinas” and the island natives were called “Filipino” after King Philip of Spain. That’s why Rizal—who is Filipino—is also half-Chinese.
So, even before the Spaniards came in the 1500s, we have been a rich mixture of different races; that’s what makes us different. That’s why we are also one of the most beautiful races in the world. That’s why the Westerners, the Arabs and other Asian countries fall in love with our Pinay beauties, court them and later marry them for keeps. That’s also why we have the Fil-American-Arab-European-Korean-Japanese children who are all products of post WW II inter-racial marriages brought about by war/ tourism/business/jobs abroad.
Remember, these are very open-minded foreigners who have chosen to marry Pinays against the accepted norms of their own societies. So, it’s a sacrifice for both husband and wife; it’s also a bit confusing for us, the products of these unions. However, we have to be proud of this fact—that being Filipino is being part of another race– that we were able to survive all those challenges in our history to produce a racial breed that is culturally, beautifully, intellectually, creatively mixed and diverse.
Only Nazis would strictly tolerate a society of pure breeds. And you should know how that idea ended.
Read up: http://philippines-timeline.com/spanish.htm
Opinion 2: 100% of the ‘famous Filipino’ actors and models, are only 1/4th Filipino.
My answer: This is a baseless generalization. You need to give specific names of these “famous Filipinos” before you insinuate that your statements are factual. What is true in the context of Philippine show business today is that a lot of these “famous actors and models” use the term Filipino because they are trying to work in the Philippines as actors and models or would want to get a fan base in the Philippines. If they present themselves as foreigners, they might not get hired, because by then the Department of Foreign Affairs would require them a work permit which will cost them and their employers a lot of money. Certainly the common Pinoy Fan wouldn’t want to idolize them for being too-Hollywood. So, it’s not about Pinoy Pride; it’s more about show-Business. I guess if you think they don’t deserve to be called Filipinos, the best way for you to handle your personal baggage against them is to boycott whatever products or programmes they endorse. Otherwise just let them earn a living.
Here’s a better list of certified “famous Filipino” celebrities:
http://www.famousfilipino.com/content/view/263/138/
Opinion 3: All the products in the Philippines say “export quality”. That means it’s so good, it’s good for foreigners. Shouldn’t it say ‘Pinoy quality’?
My answer: If you are going to talk about products from the Philippines from a business perspective and you would want to successfully market that product internationally, the term “export quality” would be the best description. You need to use words that everybody in the world would understand so that they would buy your product. Also remember, most of these exports are produced and marketed in a free market system that involves plenty of sharing of ideas, raw materials and investments from our partner countries, so why should Pinoys take all the credit? You should think globally if you’re selling to a global market.
From http://www.philexport.ph/philippines-economy
“The Philippines exports continue with its upward trend throughout 2012. While US and Japan have remained the country’s two largest export markets, China and ASEAN countries have grown in importance. Other key markets include Hong Kong, Germany, Netherlands, South Korea, France and India.”
Opinion 4: Almost all of the products have Japanese, Chinese, English, or Korean writing. Giving the impression that these products are exported. With the exception of San Miguel products, Philippines products ARE NOT exported. It is mere faux Japanese, and faux Chinese.
My answer: If these are “faux Japanese and faux Chinese”, then the manufacturers have just wasted a large amount of their printing budget. Do you think any businessman would spend for something that will not have any purpose? In advertising, the more text and colour you put in the label design the more production cost you incur. I think you should be happy when you see foreign words in the items you consume because it means you have been being given an opportunity to taste what the rest of the world are having. These are authentic products for export—usually they are production overruns (sobra). So, some of them end up in the local markets even if they’re not supposed to.
From http://www.foodexport.org/Resources/CountryProfileDetail.cfm?ItemNumber=1030
“The Philippines is fast becoming a regional staging area for foreign food manufacturers that seek to penetrate the lucrative East and South East Asian market for processed products. This country has been identified for the ability of its workforce to manufacture high quality, differentiated or niche-market, and high valued products using both domestic and duty-free imported raw materials.”
Opinion 5: Courtship, Filipino style: If Filipinos had pride, then why do the girls here scream and beg to be with any foreigner who happens to walk down the street? Why does everyone here offer their niece, daughter, sister, grand daughter, etc. for marriage to a total stranger, so long as he is foreign? Even if the girl is a teenager, and the foreigner is a 200 kilo, 73 year old in a wheelchair? Why do people offer their children for sex, as young as 5?
My answer: If you’re talking about prostitution and sex trade, why are you focussing only on Filipinos? This “system” is legal in 50% of all countries in the world. It is even illegal in the Philippines! Do not generalize that everyone in the Philippines does it. If you’re talking about our 101,833,938 Filipino citizens nationwide, how much of that number do you think “scream and beg to be with any foreigner who happens to walk down the street”?
Prostitution—the oldest profession in the world– is a common story in all countries where poverty is very high and strict traditions are followed. It’s even worst in Eastern Europe (with their economy going to the dumps). It’s been happening in the Arab world, Africa, India, Japan and China for centuries (with their arranged marriages to privileged men in exchange for land and cattle). Even the crack addicts in the United States are doing the same thing (most of the time they don’t even get married—they just sell sex, later to buy drugs). It’s not the country, its poverty. And there are a lot of poor people all over the world, not only in the Philippines, if no one has told you yet.
Read up:
http://prostitution.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=000772#afghanistan
Opinion 6: If they have pride, then why do they charge dishonest prices at the wet market?
My answer: It’s not dishonest. It’s called price mark-ups. In the business of selling, you need capital to buy or create your product. To be able to make a profit out of that product you need to sell it at a price that is more than your capital. Some prices are intentionally high at wet markets because it’s also a common practice to haggle with the customer to come up with an acceptable price for both the vendor and the buyer. And yes, like all your previous assumptions, it does not only happen in the Philippines. If you think, its way overpriced, then go to the nearest police station or barangay hall or a DTI Office and have the vendor arrested.
Watch one man’s experience in Bali, INDONESIA:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLTfyjUk3mQ
Opinion 7: Where is the pride, when, if a foreigner goes out in public, everyone smiles, points, stares, and shouts at them. Tries to pawn off stolen goods, or over-priced goods. Or yells rude, inappropriate things?
My answer: Clearly you’ve never been to New York City, USA where illegal vendors, who are also irritating to the public is a big problem:
Click this source>> http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20120608/soho/city-should-overhaul-complex-street-vendor-laws-police-say
Or INDIA, where everyone in the market place “smiles, points, stares, and shouts…tries to pawn off stolen goods, or over-priced goods. Or yells rude, inappropriate things”.
Click this proof >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDBoyX17QBM
Again—Not only in the Philippines!!!
Opinion 8: Finally, If the Philippine is so great, then why is it everyone’s dream to get out, and move to another country? The Philippines is a tiny nation, yet 50,000, FIFTY THOUSAND, migrate to the USA alone, PER YEAR. That’s just one nation. Let alone Australia, UK, Japan, etc. 2,500 Filipinos migrate out of their country-PER DAY. That’s over a MILLION per yer. If the Philippines is the best place on Earth, why leave?
My answer: Where did you get this stupid information? 50,000 people a year?! How? The Philippines is not even on the global list of countries with the highest migration rate. In Qatar, only 10% of their citizens are staying in their country to work. 90% of the Qataris are staying out of their country. Does that mean they don’t like being in their country?
Click this source:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_net_migration_rate
Do you know why were not on the list? It’s actually very hard for Filipinos to leave the country with all the paperwork alone (legal or otherwise), not to mention the enormous cost. Migrating is very expensive. And do you know how hard it is for Filipinos to change citizenship abroad? If you speak to all the Filipinos who are now abroad, if given a choice, they would rather come back and die old in the Philippines. But why do the eager ones leave? It’s because we get higher salaries abroad. Why, because we Filipinos have a highly regarded international reputation as very hardworking, loyal and intelligent. We leave to work and get paid well, but surely we will be back home again.
Opinion 9: There. Only a few things to look at. I’m not racist, nor political. I just think it would be better if Filipinos said “okay, this place sucks, but…..”. Instead of making it seem like the paradise that it’s not.
I am really quite curious about this. ‘Pinoy Pride’ is something in-yo-face every day here, but where is it REALLY? Any constructive feedback? Salamat po!
My answer: If indeed you are Filipino (as you claim to be), and you love your country (as you seem to insinuate) then you should be proud of your country and your countrymen. We should always say WE ARE PROUD OF THE PHILIPPINES because in the end, even if you say “it sucks” it’s the only country we have. It’s the only home for the Filipinos. It’s the only paradise for Proud Filipinos.
Truth be told, you will never feel totally accepted anywhere else in the world except in your own country. You will never be treated as an equal by another race in their own country. Ask anyone who have been abroad.
Sad to say– you are racist, political and very ignorant.
But it’s not too late.
I hope I have helped you change your mind set about your country and your countrymen.
If I haven’t, then shame on you.
And everyone else who agree with you.
MABUHAY ANG PILIPINAS!
MABUHAY ANG MGA PILIPINO!
(aLJI, June 2012)
Growing Up with ROBOTS
BEFORE Megan Fox and the Transformers, there were the Mecha Robots from Japan. The seeds of this cartoon genre was planted in 1977 when manga artist Go Nagai created Mazinger Z.
The anime version was shown in Japan from 1972 to 1974. After its local run, it steadily spread throughout Asia (1979) and Europe (1980) and finally, the USA (1985) as “Tranzor Z”.
In the Philippines, we were quite ahead af the West in our exposure to Japanese anime. The Mecha Robots, a different one everyday, was shown every afternoon in GMA-7 right after coming home from grade school’s afternoon session (the “pang-hapon”); just before the top-rated soap opera “Ana Lisa” (with its Roberta Flack theme “If Ever I See You Again“).
Here’s every Filipino child’s TV schedule in 1979:
In September 1980, then President Ferdinand Marcos removed them from TV for “excessive violence”.
In the streets, Martial Law was raging.
Just maybe, he thought “excessive violence” in real life was enough.
(LJI)
WHAT is HAPPENING in JAPAN’S nuclear PLANT?
IF you still DON’T UNDERSTAND what’s going on in Japan right now…
CLICK the video BELOW
and start PRAYING for the people in Fukushima.
Additional links (please click, too) :
Capt. Peter Harrison and Edmiston Yacht Club Scam Letters
LETTER NO. 1
Dear POTENTIAL VICTIM,
My name is Capt. Peter Harrison, from United Kingdom. I work with Edmiston Yachting Company in United Kingdom. I came across your profile on Facebook and decided to mail to ask if you’ll be interested in a job. We are a privately owned yachting company, and the destination is always from Essex London to Ireland, Portsmouth and North-East Europe. Accommodation will be provided by the company.
Hope to hear from you if you are intrested.
Reply to: captpeterharrison@yahoo.com
Also, we want to use this medium to inform you that other vacancies are available, so therefore do let us know if you have an interest in working in any of the areas in which Edmiston Yachting Company Job Offers. Below are the Vacancies:
*Engineer *Captain *Stew work *Mate Engineer *Deckhand *First Mate *Stewardess *Chef *Steward *Chef Stew *Cook Stew *Stewardess *Masseuse *2nd Engineer *Waiter *Customer Care Representatives *Guest Room Attendants *Cleaners *Estate-managers *Head Housekeepers *Gardeners *Housekeepers *House-managers *Maternity Nurse *Lady’s Maids *Butlers *Cooks/Chefs *Mother’s Help *Caretakers *Nannies *Chauffeurs *Tutors *Private Bodyguards *Governess
Job Salary: Depending on your roll of specialization, Salary Ranging from 4, 500.00 GBP to 8, 500.00 GBP or negotiable and We shall take care of your Transportation expenses, Accommodation, feeding and a month training on arrival.
If you are interested to work with us in any position, please kindly send your resume to our via e-mail (captpeterharrison.yahoo.com) immediately with your personal details including your roll of profession/Skill of Specialization.
Regards
Capt. Peter Harrison
(POTENTIAL VICTIM SENDS HIS/HER RESUME)
LETTER NO. 2
Dear POTENTIAL VICTIM,
We appreciate your interest in working with us and we have open an application file with reference number XXXX/UK/XXX/SEA/XXXX. We have gone through your CV and We found the post of XXXXXXX for you with salary amount of X,XXX GB Pounds per month.The destination is always from London, France,Ireland,Belgium,Norway,Wales and USA.
Benefit:
The company will provide free accommodation ,Insurance (NIN) ,Flight Ticket,Tax Free and many more benefit you will see in your Appointment Letter.
Working Schedule:
Working Days & time: Monday to Friday: 8:00 AM – 6:00PM (GMT)
Saturday & Sunday: 10:00 Am – 4:00 PM (GMT)
Shift Time: Morning and Night.
Contract Period: 2 Years contract and it can be extended if only you wish to remain with our company
Vacation : 3 Month Vacation Interval for you to visit your love ones and family back home
As a notice of acceptance of job offer , we shall send you appointment and invitation letter for you to sign and return the sign copy back to us for record purpose . so therefore kindly let us know if you are satisfy with the salary rate above in order for us to proceed further.
We await to hear from you ASAP.
Regards
Capt Peter Harrison
(POTENTIAL VICTIM SENDS A REPLY LETTER
SAYING HE/SHE IS MORE THAN SATISFIED WITH THE OFFER)
LETTER NO. 3
Dear POTENTIAL VICTIM,
We want to use this opportunity in congratulating you in advance for accepting to join our company. How soon do you want to come or can you make it down here within the next two week as we are urgently in need of you to arrive here as soon as possible .If you know it is possible for you to arrive here within the next two weeks , kindly find attached to this mail job interview questionnaire for you to fill and submit back to us so that it will speed up the process of your appointment letter.
We advice you to keep record of your application reference number and we hope you are not attached to any company presently so that you will focus on your job application as we are highly in need of you to arrive here soon, if not kindly let us know now before you sign any contract agreement with us.If yes we suggest that you start writing your resignation now to whom ever you are working for, so that you can pay more attention to your new job ,if only you are really serious about this job offer..
*Full Name:
*Present Location:
*Nationality
*Date of Birth :
*Phone Number:
We await your immediate response to this mail.
Regards
Capt Peter Harrison
(POTENTIAL VICTIM ANSWERS THE JOB INTERVIEW FORM AND SENDS IT BACK. PREPARES HIS/HER RESIGNATION LETTER)
4th LETTER
Dear POTENTIAL VICTIM,
Attached to this mail is your appointment letter , you are to carefully go through this appointment letter and make sure you have a thorough understanding of the terms and conditions contained therein because your signing it translates to your acceptance of the terms and condition contained therein and they will be binding on you throughout your contract stay with us . You are to sign the appointment by printing out only the last page of the appointment document, then write your signature and date at the appropriate spaces provided and send back to us via email for record purpose.
Since you are convince that you will arrive here within 2 week from now..we dont need to delay much time as your service is highly needed ..so therefore after receiving the Sign appointment letter , we shall proceed with the preparation of your traveling document. Please kindly inform us of the date you want us to fix on your flight ticket.
Congratulations on your success
Regards
Capt. Peter Harrison
(POTENTIAL VICTIM RECEIVES THIS LETTER.)
(SIGNS THE APPOINTMENT LETTER. STARTS PACKING HIS/HER BAGS)
5th LETTER
Dear POTENTIAL VICTIM,
We have received your signed appointment letter .We have recorded the document to your application file number of XXXX/UK/XXX/SEA/XXXX. So therefore to proceed further , attached to this mail is your Invitation Letter. We were at the Airport today to make arrangement for the booking of your flight ticket, but they did not allow us because they were requesting for your Valid U.K Visa Number (Traveling Document) and also the nearest airport name close to your location.so therefore you are require to forward a copy of the invitation to the British Embassy for the processing of your traveling document. This is very important because without the document , they will not allow you to pass the boarder and gain entry to work and live in United Kingdom . Remember that we are offering you a contract of 2 years , so remember to inform them as well. Follow our instruction carefully and we assure you that they will grant you ,your Traveling Document.
below is the details of Immigration Office .
UNITED KINGDOM IMMIGRATION SERVICES
E-Mail: visa.immigration@consultant.com
Contact Person: Mr Gordon F. Rutherford
Designation: HEAD OF VISA/PERMITS OPERATIONS.
Kindly contact the above office via email (visa.immigration@consultant.com) and let them know that you’ve been offered a job from Capt. Peter Harrison.Kindly explain to them that should assist you in processing your Traveling Document (UK Visa) and make sure you do this as soon as you receive this mail so that it will be done before end of this week in order for you to depart and arrive here as soon as you have the complete traveling document deliver to you.
Update us with the process between you and the British Embassy so that we can also follow along as to the date your traveling document will be ready so that we can book for your flight ticket and please don’t forget to provide us with the nearest airport name close to your location.
Congratulations on your success.
Regards
Capt. Peter Harrison
http://jobs.classifieds1000.com/United_Kingdom/Hospitality_Jobs/40495-Edmiston_Yacht_Hotel_Job_Offer
http://www.ecademy.com/module.php?mod=club&t=955949
http://www.workonaboat.com/boatcrew/how-avoid-yacht-crew-scammers-275.html
BUMMER.
How can you determine if a job offer is legitimate?– by Lee Gallacher:
1. First, look for misspellings and bad grammar in the body of their email.
2. If a passport agency or recruitment agency has a yahoo, googlemail, consult.com (in this instance) and not a dedicated mail server, it is most likely a scam.
3. Do not scan and email your passport, personal data or passport photos. Demand a physical address with offer of FedEx the requested information. Most likely, they will request you to scam and email your data. And if a physical address is proffered, match it to the IP location to insure it is a match.
5. Never EVER send money to an agency. If a company asks for “processing fees, document fees;” it is a scam. These scam artists like to use Western Union, which is a tip-off.
6. When on a public forum, NEVER publish your email address.
7. If there is a request to click on a link, first, run your cursor over the link. A small window will show the actual link. In a scam, the address in the link does not match the link in the body of the email; another sign of scam. Opening such a link may infect your computer with a virus, spybot or Trojan horse.
The proliferation of identity and monetary theft is very real on the internet. Be cautious when replying to job offers.
POTENTIAL VICTIM WRITES A BLOG ABOUT IT.
YOU’VE JUST READ IT.
Noong Unang Panahon Part 3
-
photo: Leon B. Dista
photo: Leon B. Dista
I FOUND one more post about the good ol’ days credited to some anonymous netizen called “Oldie” whose sentimentality touched the hearts of even the ’80s and ’90s Generation. Based on this website it was first posted on 11 February 2007 titled “Born in the ’40s, ’50s, ’60s, ’70s?” before getting popular in the email circuit. Somebody (obviously a Filipino) later changed it’s western context and adapted it to the lifestyle of a Pinoy-kid in the ’70s and ’80s.
Here’s “Noong Unang Panahon Part 3”:
“First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne and drank San Miguel Beer while they carried us. While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, ate isaw, and didn’t worry about diabetes.
“Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints, pati na yung walker natin, matigas na kahoy din at wala pang gulong. We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang at ‘pardible’ o safety pins).
“When we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads , sometimes wala pang preno yung bisikleta.
“As children, we would ride in hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (yung JD bus na pula), or cars with no airconditioning & no seat belts (ngayon lahat may aircon na).
“Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat. Ngayon hindi na nakakakita ng kalabaw ang mga bata.
“We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle purchased from 7-11 (minsan straight from the faucet or poso). We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE actually died from his. Or contacted hepatitis. We ate rice with star margarine, drank raw eggs straight from the shell, and drank sofdrinks with real sugar in it (hindi diet coke), but we weren’t sick or overweight kasi nga……
“WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!!
“We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on.
“Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso , habulan at taguan. No one was able to reach us all day (di uso ang cellphone , walang beepers). And yes, we were O.K.
“We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (yung bearing ang gulong) or plywood slides out of scraps and then ride down the street , only to find out we forgot the brakes! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (seweage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands .
“We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD’s, no cell phones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, no Facebooks, and no Friendsters. ……
BUT WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them!
“We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words..’Masakit ba?’ Pero pag galit yung kalaro mo,,,,ang sasabihin sa iyo..’Beh buti nga!’
“We played marbles (jolens) in the dirt , washed our hands just a little and ate dirty ice cream & fish balls. we were not afraid of getting germs in our stomachs.
“We had to live with homemade guns ‘ gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakitan. .Pero masaya pa rin ang lahat.
“We made up games with sticks (syatong ), and cans (tumbang preso) and although we were told they were dangerous, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay. Paminsan minsan may nabubukulan lang.
“We walked, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!
“Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala yang mga childhood depression at damaged self esteem ek-ek na yan. Ang pikon, talo.
“That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO’s, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.
“The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way.
“You might want to share this with others who’ve had the luck to grow up as real kids. We were lucky indeed. And if you like, forward it to your kids too, so they will know how brave their parents were.”
More reminiscing…
LOVE LETTER
Dear Koya,
IT was jazz an ordinary day. The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw! Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie nya. Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako, nakipila na rin ako. Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng :
“Indaaayyyyy….”
Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now? “Dodong!” sigaw ko. Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be loud and proud.” Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the crowd.
“Kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open?” tanong nya.
“Bihira lang, Dodong. I’m just droppings by. Ethnic ang schedule ko eh” sabi ko. Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortez. He’s every woman’s dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat namin. Naging kami for a while then after that were not an item anymore.
“Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?” tanong ni Dodong. “I don’t mine,” sagot ko.
Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter. “What’s your odor sir?” sabi nung waiter kay Dodong. “Do you have porkshop?” tanong ni Dodong. “Yes sir” sabi nito. “Our porkshop with a resistance to the teeth of boast of our chef. Domestic careful selection of pork with little fat of female liking is used. The exquisite cooking which repeated trial and error and was completed. It also has healthy vegetables with salad feeling fully,” dagdag pa niya.
“And you mam?” sabay tingin naman sa akin. Hmmm.. Mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I’m cutting down on my carbon kaya pinigilan ko. “I’ll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh,” sagot ko.
Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is going too far. Besides, it’s a long, long, way to run. “Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I’m happily married” pagmamalaki ko. “Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn’t expect you still have more feelings than I expected. I don’t want you getting the way. Past is fast. Therefore, cause and defect.” dagdag ko pa. Tumahimik sya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na rin sya.
“I don’t care less!” sigaw ni Dodong.
Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To think it’s his other woman that caused our separation to part. Kinabahan na ako. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita ako ng security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong. “Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?” sabi ko sa mamang guard. “Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure.” sagot niya. “Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got lost in my eyes.” “Diretso lang.”sabi niya. “Then turn right anytime with care.” “Thanks for your corporation” sabi ko. Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala kanina ang pag-disappear nya. “Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you go, there you are!” pananakot nya.
Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world started falling afar. Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, it’s all over. I’m out of arm’s way. “Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you.?” bago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya “I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout but at first I didn’t give it a thought. Pero nang makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then I give it a thought. I know something is a missed.”
Prom then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn’t even sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga. Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa ngayon, open na kami sa isa’t isa at walang exhibitions.
I feel I’m on cloud line.
Same to you,
INDY
HOW TO Appreciate… a RAINBOW
SOMETIMES when you feel
that the world is not a good place to be
with all its complicated problems
and all your own problems
all mixed up with everyone else’s,
we are reminded that
there is always joy in the simplest of things.
That at the end of the day
the only thing that matters is
trusting that there is Someone in charge
who will take care of all our worries
and make everything alright.
CLICK THE VIDEO BELOW
and see what real happiness is all about 🙂
(Video’s loading too slow? CLICK>> THIS)
“Whenever I bring clouds over the earth
and a rainbow appears in the clouds,
I will remember my covenant between me and you
and all living creatures of every kind.
Never again will the waters become
a flood to destroy all life.”
(Genesis 9:15-16)
“Age” by Larry Miller
(by ely m.) WHILE digging into some more email trash that’s been clogging my yahoo account (been doing this for a couple of months now– I’m sure you’ve noticed if you’re a regular “scannedthoughtero”), I came across this classic philosophical chainmail disguised as internet goobledigook. The thing is, this one actually makes a lot of sense.
And having all the time in the world, I Googled for more info about it: about George Carlin mainly, because it was attributed to this late, great standup comic. Turns out, Carlin was not the author of this standup classic. It was actually Larry Miller.
We all know who George Carlin is (yes, he’s the ponytailed “Rufus” in “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure“).
But who the hell is Larry Miller?
He’s the gay guy from “Princess Diaries 1 and 2“– the one who did the makeover for hottie Anne Hattaway.
So, this blog will help hopefully in setting the record straight: That Larry Miller is THE MAN!
And George Carlin had a totally diferent take on “Ageing”.
Here’s the whole Classic Email:
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?
If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. ‘How old are you?’
‘I’m four and A HALF!’
You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.
You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
‘How old are you?’
‘I’m GONNA be 16!’
You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16!
And then the greatest day of your life ! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony.
“You BECOME 21. Yesss!!! “
But then you
TURN 30.
Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?
You BECOME 21
You TURN 30
then you’re PUSHING 40.
Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away.
Before you know it,
you REACH 50
and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!!
You MAKE it to 60.
You didn’t think you would!
So you
BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You’ve built up so much speed
that you HIT 70!
After that it’s a day-by-day thing;
you HIT Wednesday!
You GET INTO your 80’s
and every day is a complete cycle;
you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.
And it doesn’t end there.
Into the 90s, you start going backwards;
‘I WAS JUST 92.’
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.
‘How old are you?’
‘I’m 100 AND A HALF!’
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
(Here’s the actual video of Larry doing this bit.)
Here’s George Carlin’s:
And here’s the source that definitely prove where the confusion started:
Case closed.
The 12 Apostles: Skinned, Stoned, Sawed, Burned and Beheaded
(LjI) AS we remember the Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ this Holy Week, have you ever wondered what happened to the 12 Apostles after Jesus died on the cross? We all know that the Romans and the powerful Jewish leaders in Jerusalem were all looking for them for being guilty “by association”.
This source tells us that the Apostles (except, of course, Judas Iscariot) “… locate a ship and sailed away” to another city, leaving Jerusalem for fear of being arrested. They only came back to Jerusalem– after all the excitement and controversy quieted down– during Pentecost (originally a Jewish festival celebrating grain harvest and commemorating Moses receiving the Ten Commandments). But, according to Acts 2:1:4, while the Apostles gathered for the feast:
“…Suddenly there was a noise from heaven like the sound of a mighty wind. It filled the house where they were meeting. Then they saw what looked like fiery tongues moving in all directions, and a tongue came and settled on each person there. The Holy Spirit took control of everyone, and they began speaking whatever languages the Spirit let them speak.”
That’s how they received the Holy Spirit—and soon after, they courageously left their hiding place and started preaching and performing miracles, in the name of Jesus Christ, right in the streets of Jerusalem and in different languages!
Try to imagine the simplest, most quiet and easily intimidated man you know (most of the Apostles were fishermen, remember) suddenly speaking out like the smartest university professor you admire or a veteran politician on a reelection campaign trail—and you’ll get the idea on how miraculous this was.
During that time according to this source, “many religious Jews from every country in the world were living in Jerusalem … they were hearing everything in their own languages.”
The noise and activity attracted a huge crowd and the Apostle Peter preached a sermon to the crowd with great effectiveness that “On that day about three thousand believed his message and were baptised…” (Acts 2:41) establishing a solid and unstoppable Christian group in Jerusalem.
And as Jesus asked of them in Mark 16:14:
“Go yea into all the world and preach the good news to every creature.”
SO THEY DID.
But where did they go?
What did they do?
And what happened to them?
Let us use Da Vinci’s “Last Supper” (photo above) as our starting point:
Bartholomew (skinned alive and beheaded)—Preached the Gospel in Mesopotamia (Iraq), Persia (Iran), Turkey, Armenia and India. He was skinned alive and beheaded at Derbent (Azerbaijan, near Russia) on the Caspian Sea by order of a local king after a majority of the people of Derbent converted to Christianity. Some of Bartholomew’s skin and bones are still kept in The Basilica of St. Bartholomew in Rome, a part of his skull is in Frankfurt, Germany and an arm is venerated at the Canterbury Cathedral in England.
James, the Lesser (stoned and clubbed-to-death)—Believed to have preached in Damascus (Syria) and acknowledged as the first bishop of the Christians in Jerusalem (Israel). Historians say he was sentenced to be stoned-to-death by the Jews for challenging Jewish Laws and for convincing some of members of the Jewish community to convert to Christianity. James died when during the stoning, one person from the crowd approached him and bashed his head with a fullers club (a piece of wood used for bashing-washing clothes). He was buried on the spot where he died, somewhere in Jerusalem.
Andrew (crucified upside down on an X-shaped cross)—Preached in Georgia (Russia), Istanbul (Turkey), Macedonia and finally Greece. There in Patros, Greece, the Governor Aegiatis was angered by the apostle’s preaching and the conversion of his own family to Christianity. He ordered Andrew to renounce his faith in front of a tribunal. When Andrew resisted, the governor ordered that Andrew be crucified. He was tied upside down to an X-shaped cross with thick, tight ropes but Andrew kept preaching to spectators. He was able to convince many to accept Christianity just before he died after suffering for three days. Parts of his remains are in Constantinople (Turkey), Scotland (United Kingdom), but his skull is kept in Patras to this day.
Judas Iscariot (suicide, death by hanging)—Best known as the apostle who betrayed the Lord by divulging His location, leading to His arrest and persecution. He received 30 pieces of silver from Jewish priests for the information he gave. Prior to this, Judas served as the treasurer of the 12 Apostles; in charge of keeping the group’s budget/money. Sources could not agree on how he died. There are three accepted versions: (1) he committed suicide by hanging himself to a tree, (2) he accidentally fell on a field– head first (3) he was crushed by a passing chariot (4) he was stoned-to-death by the other 11 Apostles. But all four agree that “his bowels gushed out” (Ewwww!) on all four accounts. Authors and scholars also agree that his guilt was a major part of the cause of his death.
Peter (crucified upside down)—Recognized as the head of the original Christian community in Jerusalem (Israel), he left the city when King Herod Agrippa I started to persecute all Christians in Jerusalem and ordered the beheading of the Apostle James (the Great) . After escaping from Jerusalem, Peter preached in Judea (originally Palestine) and in Antioch (Syria) where he is historically considered as the first patriarch (bishop) of the Orthodox Church. After staying in Antioch for some time, Peter went to Rome and converted thousands into Christianity. The emperor at the time, Nero, did not like the idea of Romans becoming Christians and used the new members of the group for his amusement (e.g. feeding them to lions or wild dogs, and then burning them at stake in Rome’s coliseum—yes, the tourist spot– if they do not renounce their faith). Peter was one of the most prominent victims of this persecution. He was captured and crucified upside-down at his own request, because he said he was not worthy to be crucified the same way as our Lord. St. Peter’s body lies below the altar of St. Peter’s Basilica at the Vatican City, in Rome.
John (thrown into boiling oil, but survived)—For most of his labours, John was with Peter in Jerusalem up until the persecution of Herod Agrippa I. During this period, scholars agree that Johh escaped and preached for sometime in Asia Minor (an area around Turkey). Years later, scholars have traced that he went to Rome where it was believed he was persecuted with other Christians and was thrown into a cauldron of boiling oil—he miraculously survived. The Roman emperor at the time, Dominitian, decided after the incident to banish John to the island of Patmos (in Greece). When Dominitian died, John went back to Ephesus (in Turkey) where he spent the rest of his days. He died a very old man, the only Apostle to do so.
Thomas (impaled by a spear)—Called by most Christians as the “Doubting Thomas” for disbelieving the Lord’s Resurrection. But after his doubts were erased by touching Jesus’ wounds, he became a fearless preacher of the Gospel and builder of churches. He was the only Apostle who witnessed the Assumption of Mary and the one of the first Apostles who preached outside the boundaries of the vast Roman Empire (out of Europe). He preached in Babylon (present day Iraq) and established its first Christian church. Then he went to Persia (Iran) and travelled as far as China and India. He was martyred in Mylapore, India when a local king named Masdai condemned Thomas to death. The Apostle angered the Brahmins (high ranked priests/scholars who served as the king’s advisers) who thought Christianity disrespected India’s Caste System. Thomas was brought to a nearby mountain and was stabbed-to-death with a spear. He is believed to be buried around the suburb of Madras, in India.
James, the Great (beheaded)—Brother of the Apostle John. He decided to preached the Gospel in Iberia (around Spain) and be the first to build a Christian foundation in the area. But according to some scholars, the Virgin Mary appeared to James and told him to return to Judea (around Israel) to help the other Apostles. He was captured and condemned to die by Herod the Agrippa 1 to please Jewish leaders who were furious at the rapid growth of the Church. James’ chief accuser was later convinced that the Apostle was indeed blessed by the Lord, he himself requested to be beheaded with James. After this, James’ body was brought back to Spain by his disciples and was buried in the area where the cathedral of Santiago de Compostela is located, which is now considered as a major religious site.
Phillip (crucified)—Preached in Greece, Syria and in Turkey (in the cities of Galatia, Phrygia and Hierapolis). Philip partnered with Bartholomew in his missions. Like all Apostles, Philip became an exceptional speaker. According to sources “Through his miraculous healing and preaching, Philip converted the wife of the Preconsul of the city” of Hierapolis. Of course, this event angered the Preconsul and ordered that both Philip and Bartholomew be tortured and crucified upside down. While on the cross, Philip continued to preach and he was able to convince the crowd and the Preconsul to release Bartholomew, while insisting that he (Philip) remained crucified. Bartholomew was released but Philip died on the cross and was later buried somewhere within the city.
Matthew (burned-to-death?)—Was a rich tax collector and the most educated among the Apostles. Christian tradition says he preached in Ethiopia (in Africa), Judea (Israel today), Macedonia, Syria and Parthia (northeast Iran). Bible scholars have different versions on how he died. Some say he was either killed with a sword in Parthia or he died a natural death in Ethiopia. The most interesting and dramatic story appeared here, where it says Matthew came to a city (unnamed) and was able to convert the family of the local king to Christianity. This angered the king and ordered his soldiers to capture Matthew. In front of a huge crowd, they nailed him unto a bed, covered his whole body with paper, oil, brimstone, asphalt and brushwood and then they set him ablaze. Matthew was able to endure the torture while praising and preaching, but eventually died “a happy death”. Everyone who touched the burnt bed after was miraculously healed and converted into Christianity, including the king who asked for forgiveness and became a staunch Christian believer.
Jude Thaddeus (sawed or axed to death?)—the Patron Saint of Desperate Cases and Lost Causes was a farmer before becoming an Apostle. He was a partner of Simon the Zealot and together they preached and converted non-believers in Judea (Israel), Persia (Iran), Samaria (Israel), Idumaea (near Jordan), Syria, Mesopotamia (Iran) and Libya. It is also widely believed that Jude travelled and preached in Beirut, Lebanon. He also helped Bartholomew in bringing Christianity to Armenia. The cause of his death in unclear because of the existence of two versions: (1) He was crucified in Edessa, Turkey; (2) He was clubbed-to-death and his body was either sawed or axed in pieces after (together with Simon the Zealot). Some sources say he was buried either in Northern Persia or the most accepted version that his remains are buried in a crypt at St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome.
Simon the Zealot (sawed or axed-to-death?)—Before becoming an apostle, Simon was a member of the “Zealots”, a political movement rebelling against the Roman occupation of Jerusalem. Identified by some as the second Bishop of Jerusalem after James the Lesser (who was beheaded). He’s also believed to have preached in the Middle East, North Africa, Egypt, Mauritania and even Britain. His martyrdom is being debated by scholars and historians who claim Simon might have been crucified by the Romans in Lincolnshire, Britain, crucified in Samaria (Israel) after a failed revolt or sawed-to-death in Suanir, Persia with Jude Thaddeus.
Sources:
http://www.biblepath.com/peter.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/12_apostles#The_Twelve_Apostles
http://www.damascusfriends.org/Revelation/Revelation04.htm
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/01117a.htm
http://books.google.com/
http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/newtestament/section5.rhtml
Pardon My TAGALOG
I WAS so pissed with a lot of people this past week that I’ve been doing different versions of cursing in all it’s cognitive, affective and psychomotor versions. Then it got me thinking that you can actually go through the whole dictionary of these curse words and feel better after saying all of them (of course while looking at the person you hate the most).
The best dirty words are the ones done in your own native language. I’m Pinoy so I think we have the funniest one’s that do not sound as offensive as their English translations.
If your not from my beloved Philippines you won’t understand a third of what you’re going to read from hereon, but then, this is for actually for you.
Memorize them and use them later in anyway you want and because hopefully no one will understand, just smile while you say it, then have a barrel of laughs as soon as the person you’re talking to turns his back.
Just make sure you’re not speaking to a Filipino.
We eat tongues for pulutan.
1. “Putang ina mo!” – is of course at the top of the list. It’s a reference to mothers, which is internationally recognized as the most offensive link you can give to your enemy to insult them. In English it means “Your mom’s a whore!” It has variations, meaning you shorten the phrase as much as you can: ‘Tang ina mo, ‘Tangna mo, ‘Na mo. ‘Mo!
2. “Anak ka ng puta!” – if your sworn enemy doesn’t budge with our No. 1, try this direct approach, literally meaning, “You’re the son / daughter of a whore,” or “You son / daughter of a bitch.” If that doesn’t work, be more precise: “Puta ka!” or “You bitch!”. Its variation: “Puta!” is self explanatory.
3. “Anak ka … ng pating… ng tupa.. ng tatay / teteng… ng nanay mo!”– For other choices, and if just want to sound cute while swearing, you can compare your enemy to being the son / daughter of … pating (shark), tupa (sheep), tatay / teteng (father), nanay (mother). You can also make your own “Anak ka ng… (blank)… mo,” variation by adding any animal or fantasy name. The more effective ones are of course the ones in Tagalog. Like “Anak ka ng Dwende!” (You son of a dwarf!)
3. “Tarantado ka!”- As far as I understand, the root word is “taranta” which in English means “being startled” or “reacted in a surprise / excited manner”. So if you’re a man, you’re “Tarantado”. If you’re a woman, you’re “Tarantada”. Yeah, I don’t really know what this one means. But it has that comfortable sliding of the tongue when you say it, that’s why most Pinoy like to say it. Variations: ‘Tado ka’ and ‘Tado’.
3. “Hudas! Barrabas! Hestas!” — made famous by the comedian Donya Delilah (Dely Atay-Atayan, yes it means kidney-kidneys!) referring to some infamous Biblical characters. It’s like cursing your enemy into eternal damnation in hell where I think these characters are still are. Not that effective for people who belong to sects and cults.
4. “Ngarat mo!” — in English this refers to fornicating. It’s best done with hand signals (four fingers down, except the middle finger). The root word (‘Ngarat’ came from ‘Burat’) is much funnier. It refers to the male genetalia.
5. “Tae mo!”– the English version (“Syet!… Sheyt!… Shoot!”) is a favorite among the young ones but it sounds dirtier in Tagalog. It means what it sounds like (or smell like). Poop. Defacate. Tae. It’s usually used to address a liar or if you don’t believe what a person is saying to you. Meaning the information he’s sharing is plain crap.
To recap: Look straight into your monitor and say to me: “Tae mo!”
Then I’ll answer: “Ngarat mo! Puta ka.”
Then you should say: “‘Tang na mo rin!”
Very Good.
Now you’re learning.
Wanna hear how it sounds like?
Pump up your speakers then click THIS if you’re 18 years old and above.
(Don’t say I didn’t warn you).
mickey photo from: http://spiiderweb.blogspot.com
Top 5 Deadliest Food
SOME smart-ass once said that “Everything that’s delicious is bad for you”. Well, maybe he’s right.
I got this email recently that’s quite alarming because an expert named Dr. Adams (a vegan, I think) is saying that some of the most accessible food around cause cancer. Basically, what it means is that Fast Food Restaurants are actually as dangerous as Iraq and Afganistan as locations go. The difference is that, they kill you slowly and take your money at the same time.
Kevin Smith will not like this list of “Top 5 Deadliest Food” anyway you look at it:
1. Hot dogs
Because they are high in nitrates, the Cancer Prevention Coalition advises that children eat no more than 12 hot dogs a month. If you can’t live without hot dogs, buy those made without sodium nitrate.
2. Processed meats and bacon
Also high in the same sodium nitrates found in hot dogs, bacon, and other processed meats raise the risk of heart disease. The saturated fat in bacon also contributes to cancer.
3. Doughnuts
Doughnuts are cancer-causing double trouble. First, they are made with white flour, sugar, and hydrogenated oils, then fried at high temperatures. Doughnuts, says Adams , may be the worst food you can possibly eat to raise your risk of cancer.
4. French fries
Like doughnuts, French fries are made with hydrogenated oils and then fried at high temperatures. They also contain cancer- causing acryl amides which occur during the frying process. They should be called cancer fries, not French fries, said Adams .
5. Chips, crackers, and cookies
All are usually made with white flour and sugar. Even the ones whose labels claim to be free of trans-fats generally contain small amounts of trans-fats.
Starting Monday, I’ll be eating grass.
photos: Google Images
Ang Sikreto ng MAHABANG BUHAY: USE your 9 HOLES everyday!
(ni Ely M.) MARAMING bagay sa mundo ang nadidiskubre nang hindi sinasadya. Karamihan sa mga discovery na ito ay napakahalaga, gaya ng Gravity, DNA, X-rays, Atoms at ‘yung katotohanang hindi pala planeta ang Pluto.
Pero may mga bagay ring mahalaga na hindi pa nadidiskubre. Gaya ng sikreto ng mahabang buhay. Wala pa raw nakakaalam kung ano talaga ito. “Raw?”
Akala lang ‘yun ng mga eksperto.
Ang totoo, alam ko na kung ano ang sikreto ng mahabang buhay: BUTAS!
Minsang nagbibisikleta ako, nabutas ang gulong ng aking makalumang sasakyan. May pakong-ligaw na tumusok sa gulong nito at nagulat akong bigla nang pumutok ito nang napakalakas. Tumalon ako mula sa bisikleta at nalaglag sa kanal sa tabi ng kalye.
Akala ko baril.
Naglakad ako sa kahabaang ng kalyeng ‘yun na basang-basa ang aking white walking shorts kunsaan bakat na bakat ang aking yellow walking briefs. Malalim ‘yung kinahulugan kong kanal at maamoy.
Ano nga ba ang tawag sa malalim at mabahong kanal?
Ah, imburnal.
Kahit basa, kailangan kong makakita ng vulcanizing shop. Alangan namang kargahin ko ang bisikleta ko nang limang kilometro pabalik sa amin.
Makaraan ng mga dalawang kilometro, nakakita rin ako ng vulcanizing shop at ang tumulong sa akin na ayusin ang butas kong gulong ay isang matandang Indonesian.
Kamukha niya si Gandalf ng Lord of the Rings. Brown Gandalf version nga lang. Paika-ika siya at medyo sakang kung lumakad. Pero kakaiba ang kanyang sigla at lakas. Binuhat niya ang bisikleta ko. Tinanggal niyang mag-isa ang gulong. Nilubog sa isang drum ng tubig para makita ang singaw. Pinatsehan ng goma at rugby ang butas. Binombahan ng hangin. Umupo siya sa bisekleta ko at sinubok niya itong i-pedal. Nagpaikut-ikot siya sa vulcanizing shop sakay ng bisikleta. Nag- bunny hop, wheelie at bar spin. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa eksenang iyon.
Mukhang beterano ng 1934 X-Games ni Lolo. Kung may X-games na nga noon.
Habang naghihintay ako ng aking sukli, tinanong ko siya. “Berapa umurmu?” (roughly translated: “How old are you?”) Sagot niya: “Saya seratus-tiga tahun.”
Nalaglag ang basa kong walking shorts sa sagot niyang ‘yun. Hinatak ko agad pataas bago niya makita ang SpongeBob briefs ko. “I em 103 yers old?!” ulit niya.
Dito nagsimula ang isang “teachable moment” (words ni Oprah). Ipinasa sa akin ni “Gandalf the Brown” sikreto ng kanyang mahabang buhay:
“Maximize the 9 holes of your body!”
Gamitin mo ang 9 na butas mo sa katawan araw-araw.
Ito ang payo ni Lolo Antok (tunay niyang pangalan, hindi pala Gandalf), isang Indonesian na 103 years old na ngayon, may-ari ng isang vulcanizing shop 5 kilometro mula sa bahay namin.
Tahimik akong nagbilang nang marinig ko ang kanyang payo: 2 ang butas ng mata, 2 sa tainga, 2 sa ilong, 1 sa bibig, 1 sa pwet at 1 sa ari.
Siyam nga.
Nangiti naman si Lolo ng pilyong ngiti.
Ipinaliwanag niya ang kanyang pilosopiya (ita-translate naming in Taglish):
“Ang walong butas ng katawan ang pinaka-sensitibo, “ simula niya habang nakatingin sa malayo na parang may mamumuong luha sa kanyang mata.
“Mata ang sense of sight. Ilong ang sense of smell. Bibig ang sense of taste. At ang pwet at ari naman ang pinaka-sensitive sa touch.
“Kung nama-maximize mo ito, nama-maximize mo ang kung papaano mabuhay sa araw-araw.
“Nama-maximize mo ang pagiging tao.
“Naaamoy mo ang lahat, mabango man o mabaho.
“Nalalasahan mo ang lahat: tamis, alat, asim, at pakla.
“Nakikita mo ang lahat: kabutihan at kasamaan, kagandahan at kapangitan.
“Naririnig mo ang lahat: musika, ingay, tsismis, katotohanan at kasinungalingan.
“Nararamdaman mo ang sakit, sarap at hapdi ‘pag may papasok o lalabas man sa iyong katawan.
“‘Yan ang halaga ng pagiging tao. Hindi ka dapat umiwas o magpanggap na hindi nag-e-exist ang mga damdaming ito.
“‘Yan ang buhay. At kung buhay ka ngang talaga dapat mong maramdaman iyan nang balanse– araw-araw. Balanse dahil lahat ng sobrang paggamit sa mga butas na ito ay nakakasama sa katawan.
“Kaya ang bibig, kung gagamitin mo sa pagsasalita, dapat gamitin mo rin ang tainga mo sa pakikinig sa sinasabi ng iba. Hindi puwedeng ikaw lang ang salita nang salita.
“Ang tainga dapat nakikinig sa lahat ng anggulo ng isang idea o usapin. Hindi puwedeng ang pinakikinggan mo lang ay ang mga bagay na gusto mong marinig at paniwalaaan.
“Ang ilong, kung puro baho lang ang inaamoy mo, masama rin ito sa katawan. Maghanap ka rin ng mga bagay na nagpapabango sa paligid dahil laging meron nito.
“Ang ari dapat gamitin mo sa tamang paraan at sa tamang panahon. Tandaan mo na hindi lang ito nagbibigay ng sarap, kailangan mo rin ito sa paglalabas ng mga dumi sa katawan. Kaya umihi ka kung naiihi ka. Ilabas mo kung lalabasan ka.
“Ang pwet ay basically ay para lang sa pag-ebak. Kung gagamitin mo ito sa ibang paraan– do it at your own risk. At huwag ka ring tae nang tae or sex nang sex. Almoranas ang resulta nang sobrang paggamit nito. Mahirap ngang dumurugo ang pwet araw-araw. At mahal ang hemorroidectomy.”
So, I supposed sa buong 103 years ni Lolo Antok sa mundong ito, hindi siya nakaranas ng almoranas?
Ngumiti lang siya sa biro namin. Bumaba sa bisekleta, tumalikod at naglakad nang pa-ika-ika papalayo.
Napangiti rin ako nang matitigan ko ang bakas ng dugo sa likuran ng kanyang salawal.
Napansin ko ring nag-iwan siya ng ilang patak nito sa upuan ng aking bisikleta.
What a discovery.
Naintindihan ko na ang ibig niyang sabihin.
PASKO: Noong Unang Panahon
Disyembre 18, sa isang Elementary School:
(ni aLJI) PAGDATING pa lang ni Utoy sa eskuwelahan, napansin na niyang kakaiba ang hitsura ng kuwarto ng Section 4. Halatang hindi agad umuwi kahapon si Miss Kurdapiya, ‘yung titser niyang payat at nakasalamin ng makapal. Nagkabit muna ito ng mga Pamaskong dekorasyon: May maliit na Belen ngayon sa isang sulok na ang katawan ng mga karakter ng Bibliya ay gawa sa nirolyong papel na nagkorteng Mayon Volcano at ang mga ulo nila ay gawa sa isang buong balat ng nilagang itlog na dinisenyuhan ng colored marker para magkaroon ng mukha. Meron ding mga papel na letrang nakasabit sa itaas ng blackboard na nagsasabing “Maligayang Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon” na puno ng iba’t ibang kulay. Nakapalibot sa buong kuwarto ang napakahabang kabit-kabit na Christmas lights, gaya ng sikat na kabaret sa may tumana na paboritong puntahan ng tatay niya. At sa kabilang sulok naman, may nakatayong Christmas Tree na gawa sa nakataob na walis tingting. Nakasuksok ang tingting sa isang malaking lata ng Milo na pinuno ng buhangin mula sa ginagawang bagong school building sa tabi. Binalutan naman ang bawat patpat ng tingting ng puting crepe paper at sinabitan ng mga plastic na bolang palawit sa dulo nito. Mukhang pagod nga ang masungit na mukha ni Ma’am, pero may kakaibang ngiti siya nu’ng araw na ‘yun.
Hindi naman magpapatalo si Utoy kay Mis Kurdapiya kung Pasko din lang ang pag-uusapan. Nagtulong sila kahapon ng tatay niyang gumawa ng parol para madala niya sa eskuwelahan. Assignment nila ‘yun. Bilib nga siya sa tatay niya dahil habang gumagawa ito ng parol, panay rin ang tagay nito mula sa isang bilog na Ginebra. Matapos maubos ang pulutang limang isaw at limang paa ng manok, sampung mahahabang patpat na pang-barbecue ang natira. Kinayas ito ng tatay ni Utoy para lumambot. Pinagtali-tali. At parang magic, nakabuo ng korteng bituin si Mang Kanor. Nakatulog na rin ito sa papag nila pagkatapos.
Ilang sandali pa ng paghilik ni Mang Kanor, dumating na ang nanay ni Utoy galing palengke. Bumili ito ng mga papel de hapon na kulay puti. Panay ang sermon nito sa tatay ni Utoy habang binabalot ng papel ang iskeleton na bituin. Ewan ni Utoy kung bakit panay ang talak ng nanay niya, eh, tulog na tulog si Mang Kanor sa mga sandaling ‘yun. Nanay rin niya ang gumawa ng dalawang buntot ng parol na parang dalawang palda na pang-Kastila na may kakaibang patterns. Ikinabit ito ng nanay niya sa mga kanto ng parol na kaiga-igayang tignan lalo na pag-ihip ng hangin. “Eto na anak, may parol ka na,” sabi ni Aling Lidia na parang bumait bigla nang kausapin ang anak. “Ingatan mo para maisabit din natin sa bahay pagkatapos ng Christmas Party n’yo sa eskuwela.” Hinaplos ni Aling Lidia ang buhok ng anak na ikinangiti nilang pareho.
Lahat ng mga kaklase ni Utoy ay ganito rin ang kuwento; merong mga dalang parol kinabukasan na iba-iba ang kulay. Iba-iba ang laki. Iba-iba ang disenyo. Lahat ito gawa ng mga tatay at nanay nila– ng pamilya– dahil ang mga tunay na parol hindi naman nabibili sa tindahan, ginagawa lang bahay.
Ang pinakahihintay ni Utoy sa araw na ito ay ang bunutan para sa “monito-monita”. Gumupit si Miss Kurdapiya ng maliliit na papel at isinulat niya rito ang pangalan ng bawa’t estudyante niya. Umikot sa buong kuwarto si Miss at pinabunot ang bawa’t kaklase ni Utoy sa isang kahon. “Ang mabubunot n’yo ay magiging monito o monita ninyo!” tili ni Miss Kurdapiya na ikinangiwi ng bawat batang nakarinig.
May hiling si Utoy: Sana mabunot niya ‘yung “crush” niyang si Jocelyn. Maputi, mabait at nasa Row 1 dahil pangalawa sa pinakamatalino sa klase nila. Sa tradisyon kasing ito, may pagkakataon si Utoy na magregalo sa monita niya ng kung anu-anong bagay sa buong isang linggo bago ang Christmas Party. Bawat araw may theme na ibibigay si Teacher: “Sa Lunes, mamimigay kayo ng ‘Something Sweet’ sa kung sino man ang mabubunot ninyo,’” nakakabinging sabi ni Miss habang papunta sa Row 4, sa tabi ng basurahan, sa upuan ni Utoy.
Isip ni Utoy agad, “Ah! Chocolate ang ibibigay ko kay Jocelyn! Choc-nut! …Isang plastic!..???
—Mahal yata.–Tatlo na lang, para ‘I Love You.’”
“May sinasabi ka, Utoy?” tanong ni Miss Kurdapiya. “Nagmumura ka na naman?”
“Ah, hindi po ma’am.”
“Bumunot ka na, bago kita mapingot.”
Pumikit si Utoy. Bumunot habang nagdarasal: “Jocelyn…Jocelyn.”
Binuksan niyang dahan-dahan ang nakatuping papel… at napabulong siya ng mahinang “Putang ina…”
Hindi nga lahat ng pangarap natutupad.
Nabunot niya ang pangalan ni Miss Kurdapiya.
“Something sweet… para kay Ma’am?
“Alam ko na:
“PANUTSA!
“…Putsang buhay ‘to, o.”
(parol photo: marexflores.net )
PHOTOSHOP vs. PORNO
I’VE always wanted to be a collector but I couldn’t decide what to collect.
I do have a criteria:
Should be cheap.
Should be something I like.
Should be worth more than what I paid for in the future (at least to some ignorant fool).
I wanted to collect comicbooks at first (I just love ’em covers) but they are so expensive. Plus you meet these collectors who look at you like “Who the hell are you trying to ask for X-Men No. 1? You don’t even look like you can afford it!”
Well, they’re right. I did look like the ignorant fool. Good thing they didn’t like me, though. At least it prevented me from being a member of a society of men who cling on to pre-adolescent obsessions. So, I moved on to a more mature preoccupation: Adult Magazines.
It’s definitely a toss up between Hefner’s Playboy or Flynt’s Hustler. Both get my tick mark for being “something that I like” and might be “worth more than what I paid for in the future.” But just like having a mistress from a whorehouse, maintaining this kind of erotica collection will be hard to sustain financially. They’re like hot coal in your pants, burning a hole in your pocket at first, then giving your thigh a third degree.
Living in a third-world country sometimes limits your choices to third-rate materials. Yes, compared to the first two, FHM isn’t really scorching hot. But it’s still warm enough for those cold, rainy nights. And when I started my old collection, around the first months of 2000 AD, believe it or not, back then it had a retail price of 100 pesos (roughly 2 USD before the recession)– unbelievably cheap like your friendly neighborhood pokpok. FHM didn’t burn my pocket but filled its corners with something else. Like an old Van Morrison song, it filled my heart with gladness and took away all my sadness. Because like it or not, being an FHM subscriber meant I am now officially a collector. (Hah!)
I enjoyed being a collector. Nothing beats getting your freshly printed, plastic covered copy every month before mere mortals who buy their copy from the newsstands. I enjoyed the freebies you get in between the pages, like beer coasters, bookmarkers, and once, even a CD of Patricia Javier’s first and last attempt to get a singing career going.
I enjoyed reading all the informative articles it provided, the friendly banter between the editor Eric Ramos, FHM’s intelligent readers (like me, I assumed) and the people who think publishing a magazine like this is a big slap to Filipino values. At least, I thought, a little spanking will help some of us remember that we did have some. Values, I mean.
I also enjoyed the ladies of FHM. I’d be an obvious fag if I didn’t mention this. It’s really like having a different girlfriend every month. A girlfriend who’s a 10, but willing to take her clothes off just to please lil’-ol’-loser-me.
My relationship with my FHM girlfriends (coupled by my sudden fascination with anything Nivea) went on, and on and on… until.
I noticed something peculiar: All my girlfriends in between the pages of my one and only collection are missing their… nipples?!
I couldn’t believe it myself. But then, if a girl’s chest is covered only with an actual fisherman’s fishing net, logic says there should be a prune or two showing in between the strands somewhere–yet, there was none!
A picture of a model in dripping wet t-shirt should at least have a shadow of a black sago, right? Wrong. The sago, nor its shadow is disappointingly not there. I’m no expert in CG but I’ll know a photoshop layer- masking trick if I see one.
Like what my Science teachers have taught me… I therefore conclude that the nipples have been erased! (Duh?)
To support this hypotheses, I started scanning the rest of my collection and discovered that the missing nipples mystery started only in the last quarter issues of FHM 2000. Meaning, the first batch were yummier than the last batch which tasted a bit stale if you ask me.
That’s when I decided I had to stop collecting repressed versions of my fantasies. Who would want a censored version of a supposed attempt at erotic art. It definitely violated FHM press freedom, the models’ freedom of expression, and of course, my human rights. Also, my human lefts. For there were times I did use both right and left.
The December 2000 ish was the last time I held an FHM mag. I wanted to write to Eric Ramos to tell him the jig was up. But he resigned before I got to writing a scathing letter. I think he was as principled as I am that a man’s magazine has got to do what a man’s magazine should do: tickle our funny bone and boner. To this single act of courage against the powers that be, I salute Eric Ramos for blazing the trail and starting a revolution in men’s magazine.
The FHM year 2000 started with a bang with Eric and ended up with a ffttt with a wannabe. The fire blazed, fizzled and then it was gone too soon.
My FHM January to December 2000 collection of nipple-less models has now started its own collection of… dust.
It looks cheap.
I don’t like it anymore.
And you might see it on Ebay next week. (aLjI08)
“BAGETS” baduy but BELOVED
PARA sa akin ang pelikulang “Bagets” ng Viva Films ang pinakakorning pagsusuma ng buhay-tinedyer noong Dekada ’80. Sa sobrang kakornihan nito, natatawa kami ng misis ko tuwing napapanood namin ito sa cable TV. Natatawa pero nagno-nostalgia. Guilty pleasure, ‘eka nga.
Sunod usong-Bagets din kasi kami noong 1984 (edad-kinse kami noon). At unti-unti kong nadi-discover sa mga kuwentuhang-inuman kasama ng mga kaedad ko ngayon (kuwarenta na kami) na nasaan ka man naroon sa ‘Pinas noong pinalabas ito sa sinehan, malamang pa-bagets-bagets ka rin.
‘Eto ang “Ultimate Bagets Quiz” . Kung alam mo ang karamihan sa mga sagot sa tanong na ito, itanggi mo man, ikaw din ang magbibisto sa tunay mong nakaraan: (ANSWERS are at the end of this piece.)
1. Sino ang kumanta ng theme song ng “Bagets” na may linyang “… I’m growing up, getting down, putting my both feet on the ground…”? Diabetic siya.
2. Sino sa limang castmembers ng “Bagets” ang nakasalamin? Vice Mayor na siya ngayon.
3. Sino ang pinakamatandang miyembro ng cast “Bagets” na sa tunay na buhay ay pinakasalan ang ka-love team niya sa pelikulang ito?
4. Sino ang ka-loveteam ni JC Bonnin sa pelikula?
5. Ano ang title ng dance anthem ng pelikula? Sinasayaw ito sa pamamagitan ng pagse-shake ng isang nakataas na braso, closed fist ( a la flying Superman), at ang isang kamay naman ay nakatapat sa tenga?
6. Ano ang sinasakyan ni Herbert Bautista noong nakilala niya si Jobelle Salvador?
7. Paano namatay ang karakter ni Yayo Aguila?
8. Anong kanta ni Raymond Lauchengco ang background music sa date sequence nila ni Eula Valdes?
9. Dalawa sa limang “Bagets” ang walang ka-date sa prom night sequence ng pelikula. Sino sila?
10. Sinong foreign singer ang ina-idolize ni Aga Muhlach sa movie?
MGA SAGOT:
1. Sino pa, di si Gary Valenciano. At kung alam mo ang title nito– “Growing Up” — malamang alam mo rin ang buong lyrics.
2. Si Quezon City Vice-Mayor Herbert Bautista.
3. Si William Martinez. Kinailangan siyang isama dahil siya ang pinakasikat na heartthrob noon. Malaking risk kasi ang pelikulang puro bago ang artista kaya hiniram siya from Regal Films. Ka-loveteam niya ang misis niya ngayong si Yayo Aguila.
4. Si Chanda Romero. May-December affair ang drama nila.
5. “Just Got Lucky” ng Joe Boxers. Hanggang ngayon ito pa rin ang isa sa most identified dance step ‘pag Dekada ’80 ang topic.
6. Bisekleta ang sinasakyan ni Bistek nu’ng makita niyang nagdidilig ng halaman si Jobelle. Nahulog pa siya nang ma-love at first sight siya sa dalaga. Falling in love, literally.
7. Namatay sa car crash ang karakter ni Yayo. Nakipag-drag race kasi si William habang angkas siya sa kool na kool nilang dune buggy.
8. Ang walang kamatayang “So It’s You”. Highlight ng sequence na ito ang pagkanta ni Raymond na naka-black tux siya at si Eula naman nasa gitna ng isang malaking staduium (Rizal Memorial?) at nakasuot ng pang-Santacruzang gown. Surreal.
9. Sina Aga (dahil may asawa na ang love interest niya rito na si Baby Delgado) at si Herbert (dahil sa ending pa ng pelikula niya mapapasagot si Jobelle dahil akala niya boyfriend nito si Mon Alvir– pinsan pala).
10. Sino pa, si Michael Jackson. Sumayaw pa si Aga ng “Wanna Be Starting Somethin” na tuluyan nang nagpabaduy kay Michael Jackson sa mga Pilipino.
REFLECTION:
Kung napangiti ka ng 8 out of 10 questions dito at alam mo ang sagot mentally (kahit ayaw mong sabihin verbally), naki-“Bagets” ka rin pala noon. At malamang hanggang ngayon, naggi-gel ka pa rin. May nakatago kang Topsiders na pang-driving (lame excuse). At ‘pag natutuwa ka sa sinabi ng isa mong kausap, sasagot ka ng “Nice one! (Sabay apir.)
Kung napag-isip ka ng 5 out of 10 questions dito at habang sinasabi mong “Oo nga, no. Naalala ko na,” closet-“Bagets” ang tawag sa’yo. Pilit mong kinakalimutan ang ’80s. Kasi siguro wala kang kabarkada noon. O wala kang naging boy friend o girl friend. In short, kulang sa pagkabata.
Kung wala kang alam (0 ang score mo), you need to see this flick.
You’re either too young or chromosome ka pa lang noong pinalabas ito:
part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fpftOPjJ3I&feature=related
part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PfzlII0L4Y&feature=related
part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=johse1ryNh8&feature=related
part 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VJ4JKRXPOs&feature=related
part 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGtDqN0gvo0&feature=related
THE REST OF THE MOVIE: Kayo na ang maghanap sa YouTube
(at magpasalamat tayo kay JONETTE salamat sa pag-a-upload ng klasik na ito)
Para maunawaan mo kung bakit may mga pag-uugaling baduy ang parents mo or mga nakakatanda mong kapatid, panoorin mo ito dahil ganito sila noon. Baduy na talaga… pero kool.
Nice one!!! Apppiiir!
(aLjI05)
scanned thoughts 
