Ang Gubat ay Toilet Din

Poop in the Forest 2

“NAALALA ko…” kuwento ni Joey, “nu’ng third year haiskul pa ako, nag-Boy Scout Camping kami sa bulu-bundukin ng Tagaytay…

Napapaligiran ang bundok ng gubat na may sari-saring puno, halaman at damo. Sa gilid ng isang matarik na burol kami nagtayo ng tents na kung mali ang paghiga mo, malamang gumulong ka pababa. Ang pinaka-problema, iisa lang ang disenteng toilet sa kampo. Pero sabi nga ng aming Scoutmaster na si Mr. Marquez, bakit daw kami magsisiksikan sa isang toilet, hindi raw ba namin naisip: ‘Ang gubat ay toilet din.’

Parang paanyaya sa isang adventure ang mga katagang ‘yun: ‘Gubat = Toilet’. Kaya sa unang pagkakataon na makaramdam ang sikmura ko ng tawag ng kalikasan, nagyaya ako ng makakasama sa isang adventure sa gubat.

“’Tol, natatae ako,” bulong ko kay Bert; barkada ko. “Samahan mo ako sa gubat.”

“Hindi lang kita sasamahan– tatae din ako,” nakangiting-aso na sagot niya.

Ang base camp ng mga Scoutmaster at nasa paanan ng bundok kaya nagdesisyon kaming lumakad papataas; palayo sa kanila. Habang tumataas ang layo namin, tumatagilid lalo ang bundok. Masakit na ang tiyan, sumasakit pa ang hita sa bawat hakbang namin. Nang hindi na namin matanaw ang mga tent at hindi ko na rin mapigil ang lalabas na bomba , tumango kami sa isa’t isa, “Okey na rito.”

Sabay kaming nagbaba ng salawal ni Bert.

Pag-upung pag-upo namin, parang dalawang malaking bato kaming napa-sirko nang patalikod at gumulong pababa ng bangin labas ang aming mga puwet .

“Hawak sa puno!” sigaw ko kay Bert na dali-daling humablot ng isang payat na sanga. Gumugulong pa ako nang napahawak ako sa binti niya. Instant preno.

Nakaliyad si Bert hawak-hawak ang puno. Nasa paanan niya ako. Nakapit sa kanyang binti. Para kaming baging na pinagkabit-kabit sa gilid ng bangin.

Hagikgikan kaming parang mga hyena sa katatapos na eksena. Nakaligtas kami sa kapahamakan.

Parang huklubang matanda kaming tumayo pagkatapos at itinuloy ang aming misyon. Humanap kaming muli ng tamang lugar para dumumi: Pumuwesto sa gawing kanan ko si Bert. Isang dipa ang layo namin sa isa’t isa. Nakaupo kami paharap sa itaas ng bundok. Nakahawak sa isang sanga ng punongkahoy sa aming harapan. Nakatingala sa mga ulap. At sabay na umiire.

Alam n’yo ba na mahirap maghanap ng tubig sa gubat? Hindi lang panghugas ng puwet. Mahirap ding maghanap ng tubig na maiinom. Halos isang araw na pala akong hindi umiinom ng tubig. Noon ko nadiskubre, kapag hindi ka nga uminom ng eight glasses a day, titigas ang pupu mo. ‘Yun na nga. Sintigas ng hawak kong sanga ang laman-loob na na pinipilit kong palabasin. At ayaw niyang lumabas.

Si Bert, tikom ang bibig sa kanan ko. Tumotorotot naman ang kanyang likuran ng isang jazz fussion melody na parang duet between Chuck Mangione at Miles Davis. Nakapikit siyang nagsa-sound trip. Bumabaho na ang paligid.

Bad trip na sound trip.

Ang mukha ko naman ay parang nilukot na papel sa hirap sa pag-ire. Ang bomba, kalahati nasa loob, kalahati nasa labas. Bawat exhale ko sa ibaba, lalabas siya. Kada-singhot ko naman ng hangin, pumapasok siyang muli.

“’Isa..’” naisip ko “…isang matinding ire ang kailangan ko.”

Humigop ako ng isang galong hangin, pinuno ang aking dibdib. At sabay… “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!”

Nagliparan ang ‘sanlibong ibon mula sa mga puno.
Napalingon patungong gubat si Scoutmaster Marquez mula sa base camp.
Nagulat- at biglang nadilat si Bert na napahiga sa ebak niya.
Sa sobrang higpit ng hawak ko sa sanga, nabali ito sa pag-ire ko.
At sa isang iglap naulit ang eksena kanina—
gumugulong na naman kami ni Bert pababa ng bundok.

Nakikita ko ang ulap. Tapos lupa. Ulap. Lupa. Ulap. Lupa.

“Sanga…” gumugulong ako na nagsasalita “…sanga…. Bert… kapit …. Sanga”.

Kada talbog ng katawan namin sa lupa, may sumisigaw ng ‘Aray!’ ‘Aw!’ ‘Araguy!’

“Wa…” sagot ni Bert “…lang…. sanga… Araguy!”

Hindi ko na alam ang mga sumunod na nangyari.
Natatandaan ko lang para kaming rumaragasang landslide ni Bert pababa ng bundok.

Ilang rolyo ko pa, biglang nagdilim na ang paligid.

“FLAKKK!” – umuga ang utak ko sa malakas na sampal.
“Joey! Gising! Huy!” dagundong ng boses ni Scoutmaster Marquez.

Unti-unti kong minulat ang aking mga mata. Nakahiga na ako sa basecamp. Nakatayo ang iba pang boy scouts papaikot sa akin na nagtatawanan. Nakangiti rin si Bert, basa ang buhok na parang kaliligo lang.

Hinawakan ko ang mukha ko na nasampal. Hinawakan ko ang nananakit kong katawan.
“Dugo…” nasabi ko sa sarili na humihikbi. “Tulungan n’yo ko,Ser,” garalgal na ang boses ko. “Puno ako ng dugo…”.

Tumayo siya si Mr. Marquez sa pagkakaluhod. Pinunasan ang palad niya ng panyo.
“Hindi yan dugo, Joey,” iling niya na pinipigilan ang galit…
‘”Tae mo ‘yan.”

(LJI031614)

photo via

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Marso 16, 2014. Mga kataga , . Dekada OTSENTA, I THOUGHT utot. Mag-iwan ng puna.

Growing Up with ROBOTS

BEFORE Megan Fox and the Transformers, there were the Mecha Robots from Japan. The seeds of this cartoon genre was planted in 1977 when manga artist Go Nagai created Mazinger Z.

The anime version was shown in Japan from 1972 to 1974. After its local run, it steadily spread throughout Asia (1979) and Europe (1980) and finally, the USA (1985) as “Tranzor Z”.

In the Philippines, we were quite ahead af the West in our exposure to Japanese anime. The Mecha Robots, a different one everyday, was shown every afternoon in GMA-7 right after coming home from grade school’s afternoon session (the “pang-hapon”); just before the top-rated soap opera “Ana Lisa” (with its Roberta Flack theme “If Ever I See You Again“).

 Here’s every Filipino child’s TV schedule in 1979:

MONDAY: Daimos

TUESDAY: Mazinger Z

WEDNESDAY: Mekanda Robot

THURSDAY: UFO Grendaizer

FRIDAY: Voltes V

In September 1980, then President Ferdinand Marcos removed them from TV for “excessive violence”.

In the streets,  Martial Law was raging.

Just maybe, he thought “excessive violence” in real life was enough.

(LJI)

Mayo 21, 2011. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel. 2 mga puna.

Capt. Peter Harrison and Edmiston Yacht Club Scam Letters

LETTER NO. 1

Dear POTENTIAL VICTIM,

My name is Capt. Peter Harrison, from United Kingdom. I work with Edmiston Yachting Company in United Kingdom. I came across your profile on Facebook and decided to mail to ask if you’ll be interested in a job. We are a privately owned yachting company, and the destination is always from Essex London to Ireland, Portsmouth and North-East Europe. Accommodation will be provided by the company.

Hope to hear from you if you are intrested.

Reply to: captpeterharrison@yahoo.com

Also, we want to use this medium to inform you that other vacancies are available, so therefore do let us know if you have an interest in working in any of the areas in which Edmiston Yachting Company Job Offers. Below are the Vacancies:

*Engineer *Captain *Stew work *Mate Engineer *Deckhand *First Mate *Stewardess *Chef *Steward *Chef Stew *Cook Stew *Stewardess *Masseuse *2nd Engineer *Waiter *Customer Care Representatives *Guest Room Attendants *Cleaners *Estate-managers *Head Housekeepers *Gardeners *Housekeepers *House-managers *Maternity Nurse *Lady’s Maids *Butlers *Cooks/Chefs *Mother’s Help *Caretakers *Nannies *Chauffeurs *Tutors *Private Bodyguards *Governess

Job Salary: Depending on your roll of specialization, Salary Ranging from 4, 500.00 GBP to 8, 500.00 GBP or negotiable and We shall take care of your Transportation expenses, Accommodation, feeding and a month training on arrival.

If you are interested to work with us in any position, please kindly send your resume to our via e-mail (captpeterharrison.yahoo.com) immediately with your personal details including your roll of profession/Skill of Specialization.

Regards

Capt. Peter Harrison 

(POTENTIAL VICTIM SENDS HIS/HER RESUME)

LETTER NO. 2

Dear POTENTIAL VICTIM,
We appreciate your interest in working with us and we have open an application file with reference number XXXX/UK/XXX/SEA/XXXX. We have gone through your CV and We found the post of  XXXXXXX  for you with salary amount of X,XXX GB Pounds per month.The destination is always from  London, France,Ireland,Belgium,Norway,Wales and USA.

Benefit:
The company will provide free accommodation ,Insurance (NIN) ,Flight Ticket,Tax Free and many more benefit you will see in your Appointment Letter.

Working Schedule:
Working Days & time: Monday to Friday: 8:00 AM – 6:00PM (GMT)

Saturday & Sunday:  10:00 Am – 4:00 PM (GMT)

Shift Time: Morning and Night.

Contract Period: 2 Years contract and it can be extended if only you wish to remain with our company

Vacation : 3 Month Vacation Interval for you to visit your love ones and family back home

As a notice of acceptance of job offer , we shall send you appointment and invitation letter for you to sign and return the sign copy back to us for record purpose . so therefore kindly let us know if you are satisfy with the salary rate above in order for us to proceed further.

We await to hear from you ASAP. 
Regards
Capt Peter Harrison

(POTENTIAL VICTIM SENDS A REPLY LETTER

SAYING HE/SHE IS MORE THAN SATISFIED WITH THE OFFER)

LETTER NO. 3

Dear POTENTIAL VICTIM,
 We want to use this opportunity in congratulating you in advance for accepting to join our company. How soon do you want to come or can you make it down here within the next two week as we are urgently in need of you to arrive here as soon as possible .If you know it is possible for you to arrive here within the next two weeks , kindly find attached to this mail job interview questionnaire for you to fill and submit back to us so that it will speed up the process of your appointment letter.

We advice you to keep record of your application reference number and we hope you are not attached to any company presently so that you will focus on your job application as we are highly  in need of you to arrive here soon, if not kindly let us know now before you sign any contract agreement with us.If yes we suggest that you start writing your resignation now to whom ever you are working for, so that you can pay more attention to your new job ,if only you are really serious about this job offer..

*Full Name:
*Present Location:
*Nationality
*Date of Birth :
*Phone Number:

We await your immediate response to this mail.
Regards 
Capt Peter Harrison

(POTENTIAL VICTIM ANSWERS THE JOB INTERVIEW FORM AND SENDS IT BACK. PREPARES HIS/HER RESIGNATION LETTER)

4th LETTER

Dear  POTENTIAL VICTIM,
 Attached to this mail is your appointment letter , you are to carefully go through this appointment letter and make sure you have a thorough understanding of the terms and conditions contained therein because your signing it translates to your acceptance of the terms and condition contained therein and they will be binding on you throughout your contract stay with us . You are to sign the appointment by printing out only the last page of the appointment document, then write your signature and date at the appropriate spaces provided and send back to us via email for record purpose.

Since you are convince that you will arrive here within 2 week from now..we dont need to delay much time as your service is highly needed ..so therefore after receiving the Sign appointment letter , we shall proceed with the preparation of your traveling document. Please kindly inform us of the date you want us to fix on your flight ticket.

Congratulations on your success
Regards
Capt. Peter Harrison

(POTENTIAL VICTIM RECEIVES THIS LETTER.) 

(SIGNS THE APPOINTMENT LETTER. STARTS PACKING HIS/HER BAGS)

5th LETTER

Dear POTENTIAL VICTIM,
  We have received your signed appointment letter .We have recorded the document to your application file number of XXXX/UK/XXX/SEA/XXXX. So therefore to proceed further , attached to this mail is your Invitation Letter. We were at the Airport today to make arrangement for the booking of your flight ticket, but they did not allow us because they were requesting for your Valid U.K Visa Number (Traveling Document) and also the nearest airport name close to your location.so therefore you are require to forward a copy of the invitation to the British Embassy for the processing of your traveling document. This is very important because without the document , they will not allow you to pass the boarder and gain entry to work and live in United Kingdom . Remember that we are offering you a contract of 2 years , so remember to inform them as well. Follow our instruction carefully and we assure you that they will grant you ,your Traveling Document.

below is the details of Immigration Office .

UNITED KINGDOM IMMIGRATION SERVICES
E-Mail:   visa.immigration@consultant.com
Contact Person: Mr Gordon F. Rutherford
Designation: HEAD OF VISA/PERMITS OPERATIONS.

Kindly contact the above office via email (visa.immigration@consultant.com) and let them know that you’ve been offered a job from Capt. Peter Harrison.Kindly explain to them that should assist you in processing your Traveling Document (UK Visa) and make sure you do this as soon as you receive this mail so that it will be done before end of this week in order for you to depart and arrive here as soon as you have the complete traveling document deliver to you.

Update us with the process between you and the British Embassy so that we can also follow along as to the date your traveling document will be ready so that we can book for your flight ticket and please don’t forget to provide us with the nearest airport name close to your location.

Congratulations on your success.
Regards
Capt. Peter Harrison

 POTENTIAL VICTIM GETS ADVICE TO GOOGLE FOR SOME INFO ABOUT THE COMPANY
 
 AND FINDS THESE:
 
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110204065514AA741im

http://jobs.classifieds1000.com/United_Kingdom/Hospitality_Jobs/40495-Edmiston_Yacht_Hotel_Job_Offer

http://www.ecademy.com/module.php?mod=club&t=955949

http://www.workonaboat.com/boatcrew/how-avoid-yacht-crew-scammers-275.html

 

BUMMER.

 

How can you determine if a job offer is legitimate?–  by Lee Gallacher:

1. First, look for misspellings and bad grammar in the body of their email.

2. If a passport agency or recruitment agency has a yahoo, googlemail, consult.com (in this instance) and not a dedicated mail server, it is most likely a scam.

3. Do not scan and email your passport, personal data or passport photos. Demand a physical address with offer of FedEx the requested information. Most likely, they will request you to scam and email your data. And if a physical address is proffered, match it to the IP location to insure it is a match.

5. Never EVER send money to an agency. If a company asks for “processing fees, document fees;” it is a scam. These scam artists like to use Western Union, which is a tip-off.

6. When on a public forum, NEVER publish your email address.

7. If there is a request to click on a link, first, run your cursor over the link. A small window will show the actual link. In a scam, the address in the link does not match the link in the body of the email; another sign of scam. Opening such a link may infect your computer with a virus, spybot or Trojan horse.

The proliferation of identity and monetary theft is very real on the internet.  Be cautious when replying to job offers.

POTENTIAL VICTIM WRITES A BLOG ABOUT IT. 

 YOU’VE JUST READ IT.

Marso 2, 2011. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation. 2 mga puna.

STRIP DART



NAALALA KO minsang nag-iinuman kami ng tropa at batung-bato na sa mga kuwentuhang paulit-ulit lang ang topic — may nag-suggest na maglaro kami ng kakaibang laro:

 STRIP DART.

 Simple lang ang rules na on-the-spot lang pinagkasunduan ng lahat:

  1. Iinom muna ng isang basong beer ang taong titira sa dart board.
  2. Tapos, babato ng tig-dalawang darts.
  3. Ia-add ang total points ng dalawang throws.
  4. One turn bawat player.
  5. Ang pinakamababang score pagkatapos ng isang round ng batuhan ay dapat mag-aalis ng isang saplot na nakasuot sa katawan.

Ala-una ito ng madaling araw. Nasa labas kami ng isang bahay. Sa isang garahe sa tabi ng kalyeng madalas daanan ng mga tao. Dahil puro lasing na, walang paki na pumayag ang lahat. Mga walo kaming tipsy na kasali sa ka-istupiduhang ito.

 Unang round: Unang bato ng darts, ‘yung mga mababa ang score, nagtanggalan na ng relo, singsing, kuwintas, cellphone at sapatos. Easy.  Umalingawngaw ang tawanan at alaskahan sa katahimikan ng gabing iyun.

 Round two: Next na inalis ng mga natalo ay t-shirts, medyas, sinturon. Ang tawanan ang napalitan ng halakhak.

 Pangatlong round: Titira na ang unang biktima na may pinakamababang iskor. Delikado ang lagay niya dahil halos hubad na siya at nakapantalon na lang– kaya ‘pag mababa ulit ang score niya, pantalon na ang susunod na matatanggal. Tawanan sa excitement ang mga naghihintay sa tira niya. Inalaska na siya nang todo.

At mahirap nga ang maging bobo sa dart.

Pagtapos ng round na ‘yun, siya na naman ang pinakamababa ang puntos. Lagot.

“Hubad naaaa! Hahaha!” sigawan ang lahat ng may mataas na iskor. Parang naging beerhouse na may illegal boldshow ang garahe.

 Susunod kaya si Low Scorer sa pinagkasunduan? Sa kanya nakasalalay ang tagumpay ng palaro. Kung aayaw siya, siguradong wala nang maghuhubad na susunod.

 Ang kanyang last words: “’Ta**-ina n’yo– ‘pag hindi kayo sumunod, yari kayo sa akin!”  sabay hubad ng kanyang kupas na jeans.

Halakhakan ang lahat sa pagkagulat!

Sumunod sa pinagkasunduan ang loko! Tahulan din ang mga aso sa labas na parang nakikitawa dahil sa hitsura ng kawawang talunan: Maluwag ang brief niya,  tabatchoy, mabalahibo na parang pinaghalong Al Tantay at Apeng Daldal ang dating.

Round four and five: Ewan kung dahil ba sa sobrang alcohol, lahat ay wiling-wili na naghuhubaran. Naka-underwear na lang ang players by this time.

Maginaw na ang hangin. Nanginginig na ang ilan sa lamig pero tawanan pa rin. Alaskahan tungkol sa mga bilbil sa tiyan, mga hindi pantay-pantay na kulay ng balat dahil sa sinag ng araw, mga nakatagong galis at mga parte ng katawang maraming balahibo kahit hindi dapat.

 Round six: May taong sumisigaw sa gate! “Tao poooo! Tao poooo!”

 Si Mang Cando, isa sa  pinakarespetadong lasenggo ng baranggay. Pagkatapos niyang mag-“Tao Po” bigla na lang siyang pumasok  sa gate gaya nang nakagawian niya tuwing naghahanap siya ng libreng alak.

Akala ni Mang Cando mga kumpare niya ‘yung mga nag-iinuman. Tatagay sana siya.

Napatigil si Mang Cando. Napatigil din kami.

Nagkatitigan ang lahat at nagtatanong sa isip: “Paano na?”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Mang Cando sa nakita niya.

Hindi na kami nakapag-damit.

Apat  na naka-brief.

At dalawang labas ang pwet.

Mga machong-lasing na nakangiti at nakatingin kay Mang Cando.

Hubad.

Puro kami lalaki.

“YAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” nagsisigaw siyang tumakbo palabas ng gate.

 “Pu****-ina! Mga bakla! BAKLAAA!!! Patawarin kayooo!!!”

Malayo na siya dinig pa rin naming lahat ang kanyang takot na takot na pagsigaw.

 Nabalitaan namin, mula noong gabing ‘yun, hindi na muling uminom ng alak si Mang Cando.

 Hindi na rin kami … nag-darts.

Pero tuwing nakakasalubong namin si Mang Cando,

kinikindatan namin siya.

 Sabay tawa.

(LjI0508)

Pebrero 11, 2011. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Unang LIBRO. 4 mga puna.

Noong Unang Panahon Part 3

photo: Leon B. Dista

I FOUND one more post about the good ol’ days credited to some anonymous netizen called “Oldie” whose sentimentality touched the hearts of even the ’80s and ’90s Generation. Based on this website it was first posted on 11 February 2007 titled “Born in the ’40s, ’50s, ’60s, ’70s?” before getting popular in the email circuit. Somebody (obviously a Filipino) later changed it’s western context and adapted it to the lifestyle of a Pinoy-kid in the ’70s and ’80s.

Here’s “Noong Unang Panahon Part 3”:

“First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne and drank San Miguel Beer while they carried us. While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, ate isaw, and didn’t worry about diabetes.

“Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints, pati na yung walker natin, matigas na kahoy din at wala pang gulong. We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang at ‘pardible’ o safety pins).

“When we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads , sometimes wala pang preno yung bisikleta.

“As children, we would ride in hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (yung JD bus na pula), or cars with no airconditioning & no seat belts (ngayon lahat may aircon na).

“Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat. Ngayon hindi na nakakakita ng kalabaw ang mga bata.

“We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle purchased from 7-11 (minsan straight from the faucet or poso). We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE actually died from his. Or contacted hepatitis. We ate rice with star margarine, drank raw eggs straight from the shell, and drank sofdrinks with real sugar in it (hindi diet coke), but we weren’t sick or overweight kasi nga……

“WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!!

“We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on.

“Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso , habulan at taguan. No one was able to reach us all day (di uso ang cellphone , walang beepers). And yes, we were O.K.

“We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (yung bearing ang gulong) or plywood slides out of scraps and then ride down the street , only to find out we forgot the brakes! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (seweage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands .

“We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD’s, no cell phones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, no Facebooks, and no Friendsters. ……

BUT WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them!

“We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words..’Masakit ba?’ Pero pag galit yung kalaro mo,,,,ang sasabihin sa iyo..’Beh buti nga!’

“We played marbles (jolens) in the dirt , washed our hands just a little and ate dirty ice cream & fish balls. we were not afraid of getting germs in our stomachs.

“We had to live with homemade guns ‘ gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakitan. .Pero masaya pa rin ang lahat.

“We made up games with sticks (syatong ), and cans (tumbang preso) and although we were told they were dangerous, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay. Paminsan minsan may nabubukulan lang.

“We walked, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!

“Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala yang mga childhood depression at damaged self esteem ek-ek na yan. Ang pikon, talo.

“That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO’s, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.

“The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way.

“You might want to share this with others who’ve had the luck to grow up as real kids. We were lucky indeed. And if you like, forward it to your kids too, so they will know how brave their parents were.”

More reminiscing…

PHOTO by Leon B. Dista (visit his site!)

Oktubre 2, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel. 4 mga puna.

LOVE LETTER

Dear Koya,

IT was jazz an ordinary day. The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw! Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie nya. Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako, nakipila na rin ako. Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng :

 “Indaaayyyyy….”

 Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now? “Dodong!” sigaw ko. Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be loud and proud.” Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the crowd. 

 “Kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open?” tanong nya.

“Bihira lang, Dodong. I’m just droppings by. Ethnic ang schedule ko eh” sabi ko. Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortez. He’s every woman’s dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat namin. Naging kami for a while then after that were not an item anymore.

“Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?” tanong ni Dodong. “I don’t mine,” sagot ko.

Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter. “What’s your odor sir?” sabi nung waiter kay Dodong. “Do you have porkshop?” tanong ni Dodong. “Yes sir” sabi nito. “Our porkshop with a resistance to the teeth of boast of our chef. Domestic careful selection of pork with little fat of female liking is used. The exquisite cooking which repeated trial and error and was completed. It also has healthy vegetables with salad feeling fully,” dagdag pa niya.

“And you mam?” sabay tingin naman sa akin. Hmmm.. Mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I’m cutting down on my carbon kaya pinigilan ko. “I’ll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh,” sagot ko. 

Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is going too far. Besides, it’s a long, long, way to run. “Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I’m happily married” pagmamalaki ko. “Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn’t expect you still have more feelings than I expected. I don’t want you getting the way. Past is fast. Therefore, cause and defect.” dagdag ko pa. Tumahimik sya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na rin sya.

“I don’t care less!” sigaw ni Dodong.

Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To think it’s his other woman that caused our separation to part. Kinabahan na ako. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita ako ng security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong. “Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?” sabi ko sa mamang guard. “Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure.” sagot niya. “Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got lost in my eyes.” “Diretso lang.”sabi niya. “Then turn right anytime with care.” “Thanks for your corporation” sabi ko. Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala kanina ang pag-disappear nya. “Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you go, there you are!” pananakot nya.

Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world started falling afar. Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, it’s all over. I’m out of arm’s way. “Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you.?” bago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya “I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout but at first I didn’t give it a thought. Pero nang makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then I give it a thought. I know something is a missed.” 

Prom then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn’t even sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga. Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa ngayon, open na kami sa isa’t isa at walang exhibitions.

I feel I’m on cloud line. 

Same to you,

INDY

Setyembre 13, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . LOVE or kamunduhan. 6 mga puna.

Who came first Batman or Superman?

by aLjI– IF you’re wondering who can turn comic books into movies faster than a speeding bullet, I’ll say the Filipinos can.

After stumbling into Dennis Villegas’ and Andrew Leavold’s websites, I’ve come to the conclusion that the Philippines is quicker on the draw… or was quicker.

 The ‘50s up to the ‘70s seemed quite an exciting period in Philippine cinema based on these posters and “komiks” both bloggers have posted on their sites– proof that back in the day when copyright infringement was more blurry than it is today; Philippine cinema and the Komikbook industry had quite an impressive output of plagiarized superheroes.

Here are some samples in a blog we’ll call:

 WHO CAME FIRST…?

1.  “IRON MAN: The Movie “or “CAPTAIN BARBELL Kontra CAPTAIN BAKAL” Da Pelikula?!

Iron Man first appeared in Tales of Suspense, published by Marvel Comics in 1963.

“Iron Man: The Movie” starring Robert Downey, Jr was released in 2008 .

“Captain Barbell Kontra Captain Bakal” (obviously, “Captain Bakal” was the Iron Man of the Philippines) starring Willie Sotelo as “Captain Barbell” and  Carlos Padilla, Jr. as “Dario”  was shown in 1965…

 …43 years before Downey’s blockbuster film.

 2. “LITTLE MERMAID” or “DYESEBEL”?!

“Little Mermaid” is an original Hans Christian Anderson tale published in 1837 .

There have been a lot of versions in both films and TV shows. The most famous today is, of course, the Disney cartoon “Little Mermaid” which was shown in 1989.

The Philippine movie version starred Jaime Dela Rosa and Edna Luna as “Dyesebel”, a dead-on copy of the Little Mermaid. It was shown in 1953…

…a full 36 years prior to the famed Disney version.

 3. “BATMAN” or “ALYAS BATMAN AT ROBIN”?!

 After the success of Adam West’s “Batman” TV series, they turned it into a full-length film creatively called… “Batman”, and was released in 1966.

The movie follow-up came a bit late via Tim Burton’s … hold your breath…“Batman”, starring Michael Keaton in 1989.

The Philippines had its own movie version featuring Bob Soler and Lou Salvador, Jr. in “Alyas Batman at Robin” and was released in 1965…

…one year before the Adam West-movie and

24 years before Tim Burton’s.

“Holy cajoney, Batman!”

 4.  “CATWOMAN” or “PUSSYCAT”?!

Speaking of Batman, one of his arch nemesis or ex-girl friends (depending on which storyline you believe) had a solo production in “Catwoman” with the scorching Halle Berry playing the . But as hot as Halle was, the critics and audiences gave it the cold shoulder and it flopped back in 2004.

Not so with its Philippine version titled “Pussycat”. It starred the equally hot Divina Valencia (of the classic “Divina Valencia, Estella Suarez, nagbu-burles.. song) and was released in 1969…

…35 years before Halle’s unimpressive movie. “Pussy-cat” was a certified hit in ’69 right on that memorable summer of free love and free pussy, if you know what I mean.

 5.  MR. FANTASTIC in the “FANTASTIC FOUR” or “LASTIKMAN”?!

Marvel superhero Reed Richards (a.k.a  “Mr. Fantastic”) of the Fantastic Four is an exact copy of DC Comic’s “Plastic Man”. Why do I say this? Well, just look:

 

The thing is Plastic Man came out in the comics on August 1941, while Marvel’s version called Mr. Fantastic appeared 20 years after on November 1961.

Go figure.

Anyway, Mr. Fantastic was brought to the movie screens only in 2005 in “Fantastic Four” played by Ioan Gruffudd. Maybe because the technology to show Mr. Fantastic’s power to extend various parts of his body (hmmm…?) were not available yet, the Hollywood version was a bit late.

 Movie special effects were not a problem in the Philippines back in 1965 when Von Serna (Snooky’s dad!) appeared as “Lastik Man”—Yes! pLastic Man, without the “P”– 40 years before Hollywood’s Mr. Fantastic.

 Anak ng P , talaga!

If you think that was strange, how about this mash-up:

 6.  “THE SPIRIT” + THE QUESTION + MR. A

+ ROSARCH of the “Watchmen” + “SPIDERMAN”

= “CAPTAIN GAGAMBA”?!

The Spirit created by the great Will Eisner first appeared as a newspaper insert in 1940.

Hollywood turned it into a movie in 2008, written and directed by another great artist: Frank Miller (300 and Sin City).

 The Question (below) and Mr. A (below The Question) appeared in 1967 although in different comicbooks: The Question in Blue Beetle #1 while Mr. A in Witzend # 3.

These comic book heroes, both created by Steve Ditko, clearly play up the Q and A reference: “Question and Answer”. Get it?

Alan Moore created Rorschach (below) for the comic book series The Watchmen in 1986 and admittedly says that Rorschach was based on Ditko’s The Question.  

The Watchmen was shown in 2009 to rave reviews (there’s Rorschach in the middle).

Spiderman was the creation of Stan Lee and Steve Ditko (again!) and was first seen on Amazing Fantasy # 15 in August 1962.

Then in 2002, Sam Raimi directed the movie“Spider-Man” starring Tobey Maguire.

And then it got weird-err:

 Just a year after Spider-Man’s comic book debut, out comes the movie “Bakas Ng Gagamba”! It featured Bernard Bonnin (Charlene Gonzales-Muhlach’s father) in 1963.

 

This Pinoy superhero is an obvious combination of The Spirit, The Question, Mr. A (note: the fedora hat) and yes, Spider-Man (place Spidey’s chest on Gagamba’s face and you’ll get the picture).

Now if the US version starring Tobey Maguire had sequels, the Philippine version had more:

Part 2: “PALOS KONTRA GAGAMBA” (1963)

Part 3: “ANG LIHIM NG GAGAMBA” (1963)

Part 4: “GAGAMBA AT SI SCORPIO” (1969)

Spider-Man 4, also known as “Spider-Man Reboot” will be out in theaters on 2012—almost 50 years after “Gagamba at si Scorpio”.

7.    “PHANTOM” or “ALYAS PHANTOM”?!

While writing this part, I suddenly noticed the frequent use of the words “Alyas” and “Captain” in most of these old Filipino films.  I guess the words “Alyas” and “Captain” it makes it seem like it’s the original without claiming to be the original. Pretty smart, huh?

Anyway, here’s another Alyas-movie–  “Alyas Phantom”!

The comic book character the Phantom was created by Lee Falk in 1936.

“Alyas Phantom”, the Filipino film was shown in 1966, a mere 30 years after, starring Bob Soler and Nova Villa (the comedienne) as his leading lady.

It was such a hit, another version came out in 1974 where the Phantom became a transvestite of  some sort, with gay icon Vilma Santos as its star called “Phantom Lady”.

The Hollywood version came early this time (thank goodness!) in 1943 with a 15-part movie-serial starring Tom Tyler and Jeanne Bates. But the Phantom-movie everyone remembers today was the one starring Billy Zane in 1996 called “The Phantom”.

You do remember Billy, right?

Stop shaking your head.

 8.     “SUPERGIRL” or “SUPERGIRL”?!

First of all, Supergirl has never been Superman’s girl friend. She’s actually his cousin. In 1959 Kara Zor-El appeared in Action Comics #252 wearing the same Superman costume after crashing on earth from Planet Krypton.

Fourteen years later, by some Kryptonian miracle, Supergirl appeared in the Philippines as the actress Pinky Montilla in a movie with the same title: “Supergirl” in 1973.

 In 1984, 11 years after the Philippine version, Hollywood came up with “Supergirl”  starring Helen Slater. According to Wikipedia “It failed to impress critics and audiences”.

 Both movies were not as super as they expected.

 9.    “SUPERMAN the Movie” or “ZOOM, ZOOM, SUPERMAN”?!

The most famous Superman movie version was, of course, the 1978 film “Superman” starring Christopher Reeve. This movie came out 40 years after Superman first appeared inside the pages of Action Comics # 1 created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster in 1938!

If you think Hollywood had one over the quick Filipino filmmakers of the ‘70s, think again.

In 1973, a full five years before Chris Reeve donned the red cape as “Superman” , a Filipino version called “Zoom, Zoom, Superman!” broke all Philippine box-office records existing at that time.

It starred Ariel Ureta (I guess, the top matinee idol that time?) and he had the best directors of Philippine cinema directing this three-in-one Ariel Ureta treat (like, one was not enough): Elwood Perez, Joey Gosiengfiao and National Artist for Cinema Ishmael Bernal.

Can Brian Singer beat Ishma, the National Artist? Guess not.

10.    “POPEYE” or “POPEYE ATBP”?!

Proof that Ariel Ureta was quite a box-office draw in the ‘70s, the same producers quickly came up with a follow-up just months after in 1973 called “Popeye Atbp”, directed by the same directors. Talk about striking while the iron is hot.

Popeye is the world’s most famous sailor-man, created by E.C. Segar as a newspaper comic strip in 1919. So, the Philippine movie version was late by about 54 years.

How late was Hollywood this time? About 61 years late!

In 1980, Robert Altman directed Robin Williams in the live-action-sing-along-film Popeye. It was Robin’s first movie and Popeye’s last.

Hollywood didn’t even attempt a sequel.

SOURCES:

Andrew Leavold

Dennis Villegas

Wikipedia.com

Google Images

Marvel Comics

DC Comics

Warner Brothers

Mayo 6, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . tribal TRIVIA, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 5 mga puna.

“Age” by Larry Miller

(by ely m.) WHILE digging into some more email trash that’s been clogging my yahoo account (been doing this for a couple of months now– I’m sure you’ve noticed if you’re a regular “scannedthoughtero”), I came across this classic philosophical chainmail disguised as internet goobledigook. The thing is, this one actually makes a lot of sense.

And having all the time in the world, I Googled for more info about it: about George Carlin mainly, because it was attributed to this late, great standup comic. Turns out, Carlin was not the author of this standup classic. It was actually Larry Miller.

We all know who George Carlin is (yes, he’s the ponytailed  “Rufus”  in “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure“).

But who the hell is Larry Miller?

He’s the gay guy from “Princess Diaries 1 and 2“– the one who did the makeover for hottie Anne Hattaway.

So, this blog will help hopefully in setting the record straight: That Larry Miller is THE MAN!

And George Carlin had a totally diferent take on “Ageing”.

Here’s the whole Classic Email:

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?

If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. ‘How old are you?’

‘I’m four and A HALF!’

You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

‘How old are you?’

 ‘I’m GONNA be 16!’

You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life ! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony.

“You BECOME 21. Yesss!!! “

But then you

TURN 30.

Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21

 You TURN 30

then you’re PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away.

Before you know it,

you REACH 50

and your dreams are gone.

 But wait!!!

 You MAKE it to 60.

 You didn’t think you would!

  So you

BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

 You’ve built up so much speed

 that you HIT 70!

 After that it’s a day-by-day thing;

you HIT Wednesday!

 You GET INTO your 80’s

and every day is a complete cycle;

you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn’t end there.

Into the 90s, you start going backwards;

‘I WAS JUST 92.’

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.

‘How old are you?’

‘I’m 100 AND A HALF!’

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

(Here’s the actual video of Larry doing this bit.)

Here’s George Carlin’s:

And here’s the source that definitely prove where the confusion started:

Case closed.

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Abril 19, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Pilosopo PHILOSOPHY, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 4 mga puna.

The WISDOM of UP Professors

FROM an antique e-mail. Still inspiring. Still very funny.

ON GRADES

“Oo, nagpapa-ulan ako ng Uno… baket? Aaanhin ko ba ’yun? ‘Di naman ako yayaman du’n.”

–Sir Atoy Navarro, Hist

 

Professor habang binubuksan ang isang box ng colored chalks:

“Ano ba naman ito?!” (sabay hagis sa table ng mga dark colored chalk)

Class: (Tahimik na nagmamasid)

Professor: “Class, sulatan n’yo ang manufacturer ng chalk na ito. Sabihin ninyong tanggalin na ang mga walang kuwentang kulay na ito: Brown, Green at Violet. Alam ba nilang hindi ito nakikita sa board? Convince them!”

Class: (Tahimik at nagulat)

Professor: “Sino man ang magsusulat  +.25 sa Final Grade!”

Class: “Yahoooo!!!”

Isang Valentine’s Day:

“Ano ba ‘yan? Students ba kayo ng UP? Bakit ang bababa ng scores ninyo? Siguro wala kayong date ngayong Valentine’s kaya ganito kayo? Losers!!! When I was your age, I had a date. Hindi ba naapektuhan ng UP Fair euphoria ang grades ninyo? Parang hindi kayo masaya…” (sabay tapon ng quiz papers sa sahig). “I won’t record this. Go and find a date.” (sabay walk out ng classroom)

—Sir Doliente, BA.

 

Student: “Sir, nagbibigay po ba kayo ng partial points?”

Professor: “Hmmm… if I see partial wisdom.”

ON EXAMINATIONS

Professor to Class:

“I don’t give surprise long exams. All exams are announced. Kaya today I’m announcing, ‘Class, mag-e-exam tayo! NGAYON NA!’”

–Ma’am Chei

 

“Don’t take the Bar Exam and yourselves too seriously. Baka mabalitaan na lang naming, nag-o-oral summation kayo sa Luneta. O lumulutang-lutang sa Pasig River. Enjoy yourselves. Relax. At habang nag-re-relax kayo, read at least 15 hours a day. Mag-relax ka habang nag-babasa. Mag-relax ka habang nagme-memorize.”

“’Pag nananaba ka sa oras ng exams, ibig sabihin hindi ka papasa.”

–Anonymous Prof

 

“Kahit magpakamatay ka pa, ‘di mo masasagot ‘yang problem set na ‘yan—dahil wala ‘yang sagot. Hahahaha!”

“Mamatay na ang mangopya… at ang hindi maka-100—BOBO!”

–Hist Prof

 

Professor habang umuulan sa labas during a hard final exam:

“Ang lakas ng ulan. Ayos ‘yan, at least hindi halata ‘pag umiiyak.”

–Sir Agapito

ON STUDYING

Commenting on a thesis of a Senior Student:

“’Yang thesis mo… mamamatay ka! Mamamatay ka!!!”

–Dr. Llanes, UPM

 

Professor: “O, meron na ba sa inyong nakapunta sa pinakabagong Mall ng Metro Manila?”

Class: (Super-tahimik)

Professor: “Anoooo?! Puro na lang ba kayo aral? Aral lang kayo nang aral—wala kayong kapupuntahan sa kaaaral n’yo!”

In a class with one meeting left in the Term:

“Okay class, next week, we start the lecture proper.”

–Ma’am Vitriolo

 

Professor to Student:

“Running ka ba for Summa?—Mapapagod ka lang.”

Professor to Grad Student during a Thesis Defense: “Are you familiar with the book written by (name of the author)?”

Grad Student (kinakabahan): “Y-yes, Sir.”

Professor: “Okay. Ano ang kulay ng cover ng book na ‘yun?”

 

ON LOUSY STUDENTS

“Anong molars? You don’t say molars, because it’s an adjective! Do you say ‘Beautifuls’?”

–Ma’am Liao commenting on a student’s grammar

Professor to a freshman who would not stand up during recitation:

“Stand up, Miss —  so that we might see the contours of your body. (Student stands) … Wow! Rape-able!”

 

 “Sa mga taga-UP lang ako bilib, eh. Papasok sila sa Law School na hindi disoriented. Bilib ako sa study habits ng mga batang iyan. Some of them look like they eat kamote three times a day. Pero ang utak nila, hindi ututin!”

Professor to a noisy class:

“Bakit napakasaya ng klase n’yo?! Pwede bang maging sad naman kayo? 5 minutes of sadness—starting right now!”

 

Professor to a class na ayaw mag-recite:

“Wag kayong mahiya. You have nothing to lose but your face!”

–Geo11 Prof

“It’s okay to smoke in my class. As long as you don’t breathe it out.”

–Dr. Obsioma, Biodiversity

 

Professor to a student with braces:

“Ayan, hindi ka na makasagot. ‘Yung bakal sa ipin mo, naapektuhan na ‘yung pagsasalita mo.”

–Sir Tiamson, Span 11

After the first hour of a three hour lecture on Taxonomy:

“Class, gising pa ba kayo? Mukhang inaantok na kayo, ah. I understand… pati nga ako, inaantok na rin.”

–Dr. Gapud

 

Professor after giving a joke related to his lecture topic:

“’Yung mga hindi natawa sa joke ko, REPEATERS kayo ano? Narinig n’yo na kasi ‘yang joke na ‘yan. Sorry kayo. ‘Yan lang ang joke ko.”

 ON BEING HUMAN

“The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala kayong kasaysayan lahat. ‘Pag may kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG KA LANG!”

– Dr. Recio

 

“Try everything once, except incest.”

–Sir U Eliserio during a Creative Writing Class

“Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube. Kaya kung gusto ninyong magka-anak ng asawa ninyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo habang gumagawa.”

–Ma’am Maggie, Zoo 10

 

“Yes, class—I AM GAY! I’m so gay I could show you my penis because it is but an accessory to my body.”

–Jean Navera, spcm 1

“Look at me. I’m 43 years old pero ang lakas-lakas ko pa. Kung walang gulay kakain ako ng damo. Kung walang tubig, mag-iipon na lang ako ng laway.”

 

“Birds of the same feather, FLOCK together… don’t forget the ‘L’”.

–SocSci Prof

ON RELATIONSHIPS

First day of Classes:

“Kung may boyfriend o girlfriend kayo na hindi taga-UP, hiwalayan n’yo na ngayon pa lang. Walang kapupuntahan ‘yang relasyon n’yo. Dahil hindi kayo magkakaintindihan. ‘Tapos ‘yung mga anak n’yo, magiging bobo. Gusto n’yo ba ‘yun?”

 

“And girls, ‘wag kayong kukuha  ng boyfriend diro sa UP. Pare-pareho tayong mahirap dito. 80% of the child’s intelligence comes from the mother naman, eh. And guys, ‘wag kayong kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo pa rin ang mga anak n’yo.”

 ON POWER

Professor : “Many people believe that we psychology professors can read minds… (Silence). Actually, we can.

Students: “Weh… sample…

Professor: “Right now, you think I’m bluffin.”

–Ma’am Chei Billedo, Psych

 

“Nu’ng freshie ako, atheist ako. Pero ‘pag nasa bahay, nagro-rosary kami ng nanay ko. Eh, kung magalit sa ‘kin ‘yun.”

–Socio 11 Professor

“Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English. So, when you’re here in my class, magsalita kayo ng English. Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda na ako, at ako ang teacher!”

 

Prof to a student asking if he can sit in:

“We only accept members of a certain minority group in this class. For example, gays are part of a minority group. Bakla ka ba? If you admit that you are, then I’ll let you sit in.”

–Prof. “Hail to the Chair”

“The more wisdom you obtain, the more you should shut your mouth. This is because the more you learn, the more you realize that there are even more things that you do not know. The true mark of an idiot is a loudmouth. The true mark of a wise man is humility.”

–PI100. Puta, Best Prof sa CAL

 

 ON OTHERS

 Professor commenting on other Universities:

“Class, kaya ang mahal ng bayad sa mga professors sa ibang school kasi ang bobobo ng mga estudyante du’n. I used to teach in XXXXX at lumuluha talaga ako ng dugo bago maintindihan ng mga students ‘yung mga sinasabi ko. Ang mahal nga ng bayad, magkakasakit ka naman sa panga sa kauulit ng lessons. ‘Wag na lang. Dito na lang ako sa UP, et least, nagkakaintindihan tayo, ‘di ba?”

–Dr. David

Student: “Sir, pwede po bang maki-sit in ‘yung friends ko?”

Professor: “From what school are they?”

Student: “St. Scho po.”

Professor: “Go ahead. So they’ll realize what they’re missing.”

 

“Class, Chinatown is not in China. And Ateneo De Manila University is not… a university.”

–Prof name withheld upon request

“Si Mirriam, crush ko ‘yun dati. Muntikan na kaming maging kami. Kaso nasiraan siya ng ulo kaya ‘yun iba ang napangasawa ko.”

–Old UP Prof.

 

“Bilib ka kay Alan Peter Cayetano? Eh, ang bababa ng grades nu’n?!

–Ex-Prof ni Alan

ON LEAVING

 “When you graduate, then you begin to live!”

–Dr. Jimenez, Psych 118

 

“To tell you the truth, I don’t much. I only know enough to teach my classes.”

–UP Socio Prof

 

thank you kay http://bonggaboom.multiply.com/journal/item/35
at sa photo ng http://www.worldendeavors.com/main/programbrochure/programid/38

Abril 6, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Pilosopo PHILOSOPHY. 3 mga puna.

The 12 Apostles: Skinned, Stoned, Sawed, Burned and Beheaded

(LjI) AS we remember the Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ this Holy Week, have you ever wondered what happened to the 12 Apostles after Jesus died on the cross? We all know that the Romans and the powerful Jewish leaders in Jerusalem were all looking for them for being guilty “by association”.

This source tells us that the Apostles (except, of course, Judas Iscariot) “… locate a ship and sailed away” to another city, leaving Jerusalem for fear of being arrested. They only came back to Jerusalem– after all the excitement and controversy quieted down– during Pentecost (originally a Jewish festival celebrating grain harvest and commemorating Moses receiving the Ten Commandments). But, according to Acts 2:1:4, while the Apostles gathered for the feast:

“…Suddenly there was a noise from heaven like the sound of a mighty wind. It filled the house where they were meeting. Then they saw what looked like fiery tongues moving in all directions, and a tongue came and settled on each person there. The Holy Spirit took control of everyone, and they began speaking whatever languages the Spirit let them speak.”

That’s how they received the Holy Spirit—and soon after, they courageously left their hiding place and started preaching and performing miracles, in the name of Jesus Christ, right in the streets of Jerusalem and in different languages!

Try to imagine the simplest, most quiet and easily intimidated man you know (most of the Apostles were fishermen, remember) suddenly speaking out like the smartest university professor you admire or a veteran politician on a reelection campaign trail—and you’ll get the idea on how miraculous this was.

During that time according to this source, “many religious Jews from every country in the world were living in Jerusalem … they were hearing everything in their own languages.”

The noise and activity attracted a huge crowd and the Apostle Peter preached a sermon to the crowd with great effectiveness that “On that day about three thousand believed his message and were baptised…” (Acts 2:41) establishing a solid and unstoppable Christian group in Jerusalem.

And as Jesus asked of them in Mark 16:14:

“Go yea into all the world and preach the good news to every creature.”

SO THEY DID.

But where did they go?

What did they do?

And what happened to them?

Let us use Da Vinci’s “Last Supper” (photo above) as our starting point:

Bartholomew (skinned alive and beheaded)—Preached the Gospel in Mesopotamia (Iraq), Persia (Iran), Turkey, Armenia and India. He was skinned alive and beheaded at Derbent (Azerbaijan, near Russia) on the Caspian Sea by order of a local king after a majority of the people of Derbent converted to Christianity. Some of Bartholomew’s skin and bones are still kept in The Basilica of St. Bartholomew in Rome, a part of his skull is in Frankfurt, Germany and an arm is venerated at the Canterbury Cathedral in England.

James, the Lesser (stoned and clubbed-to-death)—Believed to have preached in Damascus (Syria) and acknowledged as the first bishop of the Christians in Jerusalem (Israel). Historians say he was sentenced to be stoned-to-death by the Jews for challenging Jewish Laws and for convincing some of members of the Jewish community to convert to Christianity. James died when during the stoning, one person from the crowd approached him and bashed his head with a fullers club (a piece of wood used for bashing-washing clothes). He was buried on the spot where he died, somewhere in Jerusalem.

Andrew (crucified upside down on an X-shaped cross)—Preached in Georgia (Russia), Istanbul (Turkey), Macedonia and finally Greece. There in Patros, Greece, the Governor Aegiatis was angered by the apostle’s preaching and the conversion of his own family to Christianity. He ordered Andrew to renounce his faith in front of a tribunal. When Andrew resisted, the governor ordered that Andrew be crucified. He was tied upside down to an X-shaped cross with thick, tight ropes but Andrew kept preaching to spectators. He was able to convince many to accept Christianity just before he died after suffering for three days. Parts of his remains are in Constantinople (Turkey), Scotland (United Kingdom), but his skull is kept in Patras to this day.

Judas Iscariot (suicide, death by hanging)—Best known as the apostle who betrayed the Lord by divulging His location, leading to His arrest and persecution. He received 30 pieces of silver from Jewish priests for the information he gave. Prior to this, Judas served as the treasurer of the 12 Apostles; in charge of keeping the group’s budget/money. Sources could not agree on how he died. There are three accepted versions: (1) he committed suicide by hanging himself to a tree, (2) he accidentally fell on a field– head first (3) he was crushed by a passing chariot (4) he was stoned-to-death by the other 11 Apostles. But all four agree that “his bowels gushed out” (Ewwww!) on all four accounts. Authors and scholars also agree that his guilt was a major part of the cause of his death.

Peter (crucified upside down)—Recognized as the head of the original Christian community in Jerusalem (Israel), he left the city when King Herod Agrippa I started to persecute all Christians in Jerusalem and ordered the beheading of the Apostle James (the Great) . After escaping from Jerusalem, Peter preached in Judea (originally Palestine) and in Antioch (Syria) where he is historically considered as the first patriarch (bishop) of the Orthodox Church. After staying in Antioch for some time, Peter went to Rome and converted thousands into Christianity. The emperor at the time, Nero, did not like the idea of Romans becoming Christians and used the new members of the group for his amusement (e.g. feeding them to lions or wild dogs, and then burning them at stake in Rome’s coliseum—yes, the tourist spot– if they do not renounce their faith). Peter was one of the most prominent victims of this persecution. He was captured and crucified upside-down at his own request, because he said he was not worthy to be crucified the same way as our Lord. St. Peter’s body lies below the altar of St. Peter’s Basilica at the Vatican City, in Rome.

John (thrown into boiling oil, but survived)—For most of his labours, John was with Peter in Jerusalem up until the persecution of Herod Agrippa I. During this period, scholars agree that Johh escaped and preached for sometime in Asia Minor (an area around Turkey). Years later, scholars have traced that he went to Rome where it was believed he was persecuted with other Christians and was thrown into a cauldron of boiling oil—he miraculously survived. The Roman emperor at the time, Dominitian, decided after the incident to banish John to the island of Patmos (in Greece). When Dominitian died, John went back to Ephesus (in Turkey) where he spent the rest of his days. He died a very old man, the only Apostle to do so.

Thomas (impaled by a spear)—Called by most Christians as the “Doubting Thomas” for disbelieving the Lord’s Resurrection. But after his doubts were erased by touching Jesus’ wounds, he became a fearless preacher of the Gospel and builder of churches. He was the only Apostle who witnessed the Assumption of Mary and the one of the first Apostles who preached outside the boundaries of the vast Roman Empire (out of Europe). He preached in Babylon (present day Iraq) and established its first Christian church. Then he went to Persia (Iran) and travelled as far as China and India. He was martyred in Mylapore, India when a local king named Masdai condemned Thomas to death. The Apostle angered the Brahmins (high ranked priests/scholars who served as the king’s advisers) who thought Christianity disrespected India’s Caste System. Thomas was brought to a nearby mountain and was stabbed-to-death with a spear. He is believed to be buried around the suburb of Madras, in India.

James, the Great (beheaded)—Brother of the Apostle John. He decided to preached the Gospel in Iberia (around Spain) and be the first to build a Christian foundation in the area. But according to some scholars, the Virgin Mary appeared to James and told him to return to Judea (around Israel) to help the other Apostles. He was captured and condemned to die by Herod the Agrippa 1 to please Jewish leaders who were furious at the rapid growth of the Church. James’ chief accuser was later convinced that the Apostle was indeed blessed by the Lord, he himself requested to be beheaded with James. After this, James’ body was brought back to Spain by his disciples and was buried in the area where the cathedral of Santiago de Compostela is located, which is now considered as a major religious site.

Phillip (crucified)—Preached in Greece, Syria and in Turkey (in the cities of Galatia, Phrygia and Hierapolis). Philip partnered with Bartholomew in his missions. Like all Apostles, Philip became an exceptional speaker. According to sources “Through his miraculous healing and preaching, Philip converted the wife of the Preconsul of the city” of Hierapolis. Of course, this event angered the Preconsul and ordered that both Philip and Bartholomew be tortured and crucified upside down. While on the cross, Philip continued to preach and he was able to convince the crowd and the Preconsul to release Bartholomew, while insisting that he (Philip) remained crucified. Bartholomew was released but Philip died on the cross and was later buried somewhere within the city.

Matthew (burned-to-death?)—Was a rich tax collector and the most educated among the Apostles. Christian tradition says he preached in Ethiopia (in Africa), Judea (Israel today), Macedonia, Syria and Parthia (northeast Iran). Bible scholars have different versions on how he died. Some say he was either killed with a sword in Parthia or he died a natural death in Ethiopia. The most interesting and dramatic story appeared here, where it says Matthew came to a city (unnamed) and was able to convert the family of the local king to Christianity. This angered the king and ordered his soldiers to capture Matthew. In front of a huge crowd, they nailed him unto a bed, covered his whole body with paper, oil, brimstone, asphalt and brushwood and then they set him ablaze. Matthew was able to endure the torture while praising and preaching, but eventually died “a happy death”. Everyone who touched the burnt bed after was miraculously healed and converted into Christianity, including the king who asked for forgiveness and became a staunch Christian believer.

Jude Thaddeus (sawed or axed to death?)—the Patron Saint of Desperate Cases and Lost Causes was a farmer before becoming an Apostle. He was a partner of Simon the Zealot and together they preached and converted non-believers in Judea (Israel), Persia (Iran), Samaria (Israel), Idumaea (near Jordan), Syria, Mesopotamia (Iran) and Libya. It is also widely believed that Jude travelled and preached in Beirut, Lebanon. He also helped Bartholomew in bringing Christianity to Armenia. The cause of his death in unclear because of the existence of two versions: (1) He was crucified in Edessa, Turkey; (2) He was clubbed-to-death and his body was either sawed or axed in pieces after (together with Simon the Zealot). Some sources say he was buried either in Northern Persia or the most accepted version that his remains are buried in a crypt at St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome.

Simon the Zealot (sawed or axed-to-death?)—Before becoming an apostle, Simon was a member of the “Zealots”, a political movement rebelling against the Roman occupation of Jerusalem. Identified by some as the second Bishop of Jerusalem after James the Lesser (who was beheaded). He’s also believed to have preached in the Middle East, North Africa, Egypt, Mauritania and even Britain. His martyrdom is being debated by scholars and historians who claim Simon might have been crucified by the Romans in Lincolnshire, Britain, crucified in Samaria (Israel) after a failed revolt or sawed-to-death in Suanir, Persia with Jude Thaddeus.

Sources:

http://www.biblepath.com/peter.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/12_apostles#The_Twelve_Apostles
http://www.damascusfriends.org/Revelation/Revelation04.htm
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/01117a.htm
http://books.google.com/
 http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/newtestament/section5.rhtml

Marso 29, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . tribal TRIVIA, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 15 mga puna.

Ang Sikreto ng MAHABANG BUHAY: USE your 9 HOLES everyday!

(ni Ely M.) MARAMING bagay sa mundo ang nadidiskubre nang hindi sinasadya. Karamihan sa mga discovery na ito ay napakahalaga, gaya ng Gravity, DNA, X-rays, Atoms at ‘yung katotohanang hindi pala planeta ang Pluto.

 Pero may mga bagay ring mahalaga na hindi pa nadidiskubre. Gaya ng sikreto ng mahabang buhay. Wala pa raw nakakaalam kung ano talaga ito. “Raw?”

 Akala lang ‘yun ng mga eksperto.

 Ang totoo, alam ko na kung ano ang sikreto ng mahabang buhay: BUTAS!

 Minsang nagbibisikleta ako, nabutas ang gulong ng aking makalumang sasakyan. May pakong-ligaw na tumusok sa gulong nito at nagulat akong bigla nang pumutok ito nang napakalakas. Tumalon ako mula sa bisikleta at nalaglag sa kanal sa tabi ng kalye.

Akala ko baril.

 Naglakad ako sa kahabaang ng kalyeng ‘yun na basang-basa ang aking white walking shorts kunsaan bakat na bakat ang aking yellow walking briefs. Malalim ‘yung kinahulugan kong kanal at maamoy.

Ano nga ba ang tawag sa malalim at mabahong kanal?

 Ah, imburnal.

 Kahit basa, kailangan kong makakita ng vulcanizing shop. Alangan namang kargahin ko ang bisikleta ko nang limang kilometro pabalik sa amin.

 Makaraan ng mga dalawang kilometro, nakakita rin ako ng vulcanizing shop at ang tumulong sa akin na ayusin ang butas kong gulong ay isang matandang Indonesian.

 Kamukha niya si Gandalf ng Lord of the Rings. Brown Gandalf version nga lang. Paika-ika siya at medyo sakang kung lumakad. Pero kakaiba ang kanyang sigla at lakas. Binuhat niya ang bisikleta ko. Tinanggal niyang mag-isa ang gulong. Nilubog sa isang drum ng tubig para makita ang singaw. Pinatsehan ng goma at rugby ang butas. Binombahan ng hangin. Umupo siya sa bisekleta ko at sinubok niya itong i-pedal. Nagpaikut-ikot siya sa vulcanizing shop sakay ng bisikleta. Nag- bunny hop, wheelie at bar spin. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa eksenang iyon.

 Mukhang beterano ng 1934 X-Games ni Lolo. Kung may X-games na nga noon.

 Habang naghihintay ako ng aking sukli, tinanong ko siya. “Berapa umurmu?” (roughly translated: “How old are you?”) Sagot niya: “Saya seratus-tiga tahun.”

Nalaglag ang basa kong walking shorts sa sagot niyang ‘yun. Hinatak ko agad pataas bago niya makita ang SpongeBob briefs ko. “I em 103 yers old?!” ulit niya.

 Dito nagsimula ang isang “teachable moment” (words ni Oprah). Ipinasa sa akin ni “Gandalf the Brown” sikreto ng kanyang mahabang buhay:

 “Maximize the 9 holes of your body!”

Gamitin mo ang 9 na butas mo sa katawan araw-araw.

 Ito ang payo ni Lolo Antok (tunay niyang pangalan, hindi pala Gandalf), isang Indonesian na 103 years old na ngayon, may-ari ng isang vulcanizing shop 5 kilometro mula sa bahay namin.

 Tahimik akong nagbilang nang marinig ko ang kanyang payo: 2 ang butas ng mata, 2 sa tainga, 2 sa ilong, 1 sa bibig, 1 sa pwet at 1 sa ari.

Siyam nga.

 Nangiti naman si Lolo ng pilyong ngiti.

 Ipinaliwanag niya ang kanyang pilosopiya (ita-translate naming in Taglish):

 “Ang walong butas ng katawan ang pinaka-sensitibo, “ simula niya habang nakatingin sa malayo na parang may mamumuong luha sa kanyang mata.

 “Mata ang sense of sight. Ilong ang sense of smell. Bibig ang sense of taste. At ang pwet at ari naman ang pinaka-sensitive sa touch.

 “Kung nama-maximize mo ito, nama-maximize mo ang kung papaano mabuhay sa araw-araw.

 “Nama-maximize mo ang pagiging tao.

 “Naaamoy mo ang lahat, mabango man o mabaho.

 “Nalalasahan mo ang lahat: tamis, alat, asim, at pakla.

 “Nakikita mo ang lahat: kabutihan at kasamaan, kagandahan at kapangitan.

 “Naririnig mo ang lahat: musika, ingay, tsismis, katotohanan at kasinungalingan.

 “Nararamdaman mo ang sakit, sarap at hapdi ‘pag may papasok o lalabas man sa iyong katawan.

 “‘Yan ang halaga ng pagiging tao. Hindi ka dapat umiwas o magpanggap na hindi nag-e-exist ang mga damdaming ito.

 “‘Yan ang buhay. At kung buhay ka ngang talaga dapat mong maramdaman iyan nang balanse– araw-araw. Balanse dahil lahat ng sobrang paggamit sa mga butas na ito ay nakakasama sa katawan.

 “Kaya ang bibig, kung gagamitin mo sa pagsasalita, dapat gamitin mo rin ang tainga mo sa pakikinig sa sinasabi ng iba. Hindi puwedeng ikaw lang ang salita nang salita.

 “Ang tainga dapat nakikinig sa lahat ng anggulo ng isang idea o usapin. Hindi puwedeng ang pinakikinggan mo lang ay ang mga bagay na gusto mong marinig at paniwalaaan.

 “Ang ilong, kung puro baho lang ang inaamoy mo, masama rin ito sa katawan. Maghanap ka rin ng mga bagay na nagpapabango sa paligid dahil laging meron nito.

 “Ang ari dapat gamitin mo sa tamang paraan at sa tamang panahon. Tandaan mo na hindi lang ito nagbibigay ng sarap, kailangan mo rin ito sa paglalabas ng mga dumi sa katawan. Kaya umihi ka kung naiihi ka. Ilabas mo kung lalabasan ka.

 “Ang pwet ay basically ay para lang sa pag-ebak. Kung gagamitin mo ito sa ibang paraan– do it at your own risk. At huwag ka ring tae nang tae or sex nang sex. Almoranas ang resulta nang sobrang paggamit nito. Mahirap ngang dumurugo ang pwet araw-araw. At mahal ang hemorroidectomy.”

 So, I supposed sa buong 103 years ni Lolo Antok  sa mundong ito, hindi siya nakaranas ng almoranas?

 Ngumiti lang siya sa biro namin. Bumaba sa bisekleta, tumalikod at naglakad nang pa-ika-ika papalayo.

 Napangiti rin ako nang matitigan  ko ang bakas ng dugo sa likuran ng kanyang salawal.

 Napansin ko ring nag-iwan siya ng ilang patak nito sa upuan ng aking bisikleta.

 What a discovery.

 Naintindihan ko na ang ibig niyang sabihin.

Pebrero 15, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Pilosopo PHILOSOPHY. 2 mga puna.

GROCERY ng mga BALIW

(ely m.)–  SA pagpasok ng 2010, maraming mga bagay na dapat nang ibahin, alisin at itapon kasama ng 2009.

Sa paborito naming grocery, sinadya kong kausapin ang may-ari upang bigyan siya ng suhestiyon tungkol sa ilang produkto na kanyang ibinebenta sa kanyang tindahan.

Sabi ko sa kanya, mas makakatulong kung iibahin, aalisin at itatapon na niya ang mga ito sa mula sa kanyang grocery dahil hindi ito nakakatulong sa pagpaparami ng kanyang mga kliyente.

Muntik na nga naming i-boycott ang kanyang tindahan dahil marami sa paninda niya ang nakakainsulto.

Ito ang ilan sa mga produktong sa tingin ko’y nararapan na niyang tantanan:

FIESTA POKPOK (breaded chicken)– Binatukan ako ng isa kong kaibigan nang iregalo ko ito sa kanya noong nakaraang Pasko. Nainsulto raw siya. Ano raw ba ang gusto kong palabasin. Nakalimutan ko kasing dati nga pala siyang Japayuki. Hangang ngayong Enero hindi pa kami nag-uusap.

GERY SALUUT (chocolates) — Hindi lang ang kaibigan kong Japayuki ang nagagalit sa akin ngayon, kundi lalo na ang bestfriend kong si Gery. Laking pagkakamali ko nga nang ito ang iniregalo ko sa kanya sa aming exchange gift last December dahil pagkatanggap na pagkatanggap niya nito, nagkaroon bigla ng epidemic ng Bird Flu sa baryo nila. Siya nga ang sinisisi ngayong nagdala ng virus sa liblib na lugar na ‘yun pagkatapos niyang ipamigay ang mga tsokolateng ito sa mga kapitbahay nila.

BIG SHEET (dried sea weeds)– Noong binili ko ito, tuwang-tuwa ako at masarap naman talaga siyang papakin. Nakatatlong pakete yata ako. Laking gulat ko na lang dahil pagkatapos noon, tatlong araw din akong sinumpong ng constipation– hindi nga ako matae. Bakit? Kasi hindi magkasya ang size ng ebs ko papalabas sa butas ng pwet ko. Importante talagang intindihin ang “title” ng bawat kinakain natin.

POO (chips) — Ito ang nakita kong solusyon sa aking constipation problems dahil sa pagkain ng “Big Sheet”. Isang linggo akong kumakain ng “Poo”, mula Pasko hanggang Bagong Taon. Epektib naman ang produktong ito. Mula nang kumain ako ng “Poo”, hindi ko na nga kinakailang umire tuwing ako ay magpu-“poo”. Kusa na siyang lumalabas. Parang bukas na gripo. Advice ko lang matapos ninyong kumain nito, bumili na rin kayo ng maraming Modess at Whisper at mahirap ngang pigilan ang “cycle” ‘pag nagsimula na siyang tumulo.

BAWAL (kainin) — AT LEAST, sa fish section ng grocery naging honest ang may-ari to advice us kung ano ang pwede at “BAWAL” kainin. Nilampasan ko na nga ang area na ito at naghanap na ako ng ibang mabibili.

BULL FROG — Wala kaming mabiling Chicken or Ham noong New Year’s Eve kaya ito na lang ang ti-nurbo namin. Masarap pala kumain ng palaka habang umiinom ng Kopi Luak. What is Kopi Luak? Click THIS.

TRANSMORPHERS 2 — Sino ba naman ang hindi nase-sexy-han kay Megan Fox? Si Megan nga lang ang dahilan kung bakit ko pinanood ang “Transformers”. At inabangan ko talaga ang pagpapalabas ng Transformers 2. Kaya nang makita ko ito, binili ko agad. Kaso, hindi na naman nga ako nagbasa ng label– ibang pelikula pala ito. After wasting two hours watching this piece of sheet waiting for Megan Fox to appear, noon ko lang naintindihan ang ibig sabihin ng tag line na nasa cover ng (pirated) Blu-Ray Disc na ito: “Even the most dedicated Bad Movie fans will have difficulty slogging through this one”. And worst– wala nga si Megan sa pelikula.

AIR CORPSE (t-shirt) — IREREGALO ko sana ito sa kaibigan naming kapitan sa US Air Force. Mabuti na lang may nakapansin sa diyaskeng spelling na itinatak sa t-shirt. Imaginin n’yo na lang, idedestino siya sa Middle East at nakasuot siya ng ganito?

SUMMER VACATION (tour package) — SINO nga ba naman ang hindi matutuwa sa regalong ganito: Isang Summer Vacation Tour Package going to Singapore? Okey na sana, kaso ang sama ng mensahe sa ibaba ng poster. Kayo ba magpapa-schedule pa sa “departed” date na naka-post on this summer trip? Bagay na bagay nga ang package tour na ito kung balak ninyong bilhin at isuot ‘yung AIR CORPSE t-shirt sa itaas. Hahaha!

J.CO’s J.PoPs “Has Born” ! — PAGLABAS namin sa Grocery ng mga Baliw, napadaan kami sa isa J.Co Doughnut Store.  May bago pala silang produkto: ang “baby donuts”. Nang mabasa namin ang tag line sa display shelves nila, naengganyo na kaming bumili. Tamang-tama itong pansalubong sa bagong taon  — dahil 2010 Has Born!

Happy New Year sa lahat ng readers ng scannedthoughts!

Let’s continue scannedthoughting each other in 2010!

Enero 2, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . I THOUGHT utot. 10 mga puna.

PASKO: Noong Unang Panahon

Disyembre 18, sa isang Elementary School:

(ni aLJI) PAGDATING pa lang ni Utoy sa eskuwelahan, napansin na niyang kakaiba ang hitsura ng kuwarto ng Section 4. Halatang hindi agad umuwi kahapon si Miss Kurdapiya, ‘yung titser niyang payat at nakasalamin ng makapal. Nagkabit muna ito ng mga Pamaskong dekorasyon: May maliit na Belen ngayon sa isang sulok na ang katawan ng mga karakter ng Bibliya ay gawa sa nirolyong papel na nagkorteng Mayon Volcano at ang mga ulo nila ay gawa sa isang buong balat ng nilagang itlog na dinisenyuhan ng colored marker para magkaroon ng mukha. Meron ding mga papel na letrang nakasabit sa itaas ng blackboard na nagsasabing “Maligayang Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon” na puno ng iba’t ibang kulay. Nakapalibot sa buong kuwarto ang napakahabang kabit-kabit na Christmas lights, gaya ng sikat na kabaret sa may tumana na paboritong puntahan ng tatay niya. At sa kabilang  sulok naman, may nakatayong Christmas Tree na gawa sa nakataob na walis tingting. Nakasuksok ang tingting sa isang malaking lata ng Milo na pinuno ng buhangin mula sa ginagawang bagong school building sa tabi. Binalutan naman ang bawat patpat ng tingting ng puting crepe paper at sinabitan ng mga plastic na bolang palawit sa dulo nito. Mukhang pagod nga ang masungit na mukha ni Ma’am, pero may kakaibang ngiti siya nu’ng araw na ‘yun.

Hindi naman magpapatalo si Utoy kay Mis Kurdapiya kung Pasko din lang ang pag-uusapan. Nagtulong sila kahapon ng tatay niyang gumawa ng parol para madala niya sa eskuwelahan. Assignment nila ‘yun. Bilib nga siya sa tatay niya dahil habang gumagawa ito ng parol, panay rin ang tagay nito mula sa isang bilog na Ginebra. Matapos maubos ang pulutang limang isaw at limang paa ng manok, sampung mahahabang patpat na pang-barbecue ang natira. Kinayas ito ng tatay ni Utoy para lumambot. Pinagtali-tali. At parang magic, nakabuo ng korteng bituin si Mang Kanor. Nakatulog na rin ito sa papag nila pagkatapos.

Ilang sandali pa ng paghilik ni Mang Kanor, dumating na ang nanay ni Utoy galing palengke. Bumili ito ng mga papel de hapon na kulay puti. Panay ang sermon nito sa tatay ni Utoy habang binabalot ng papel ang iskeleton na bituin. Ewan ni Utoy kung bakit panay ang talak ng nanay niya, eh, tulog na tulog si Mang Kanor sa mga sandaling ‘yun.  Nanay rin niya ang gumawa ng dalawang buntot ng parol na parang dalawang palda na pang-Kastila na may kakaibang patterns. Ikinabit ito ng nanay niya sa mga kanto ng parol na kaiga-igayang tignan lalo na pag-ihip ng hangin. “Eto na anak, may parol ka na,” sabi ni Aling Lidia na parang bumait bigla nang kausapin ang anak. “Ingatan mo para maisabit din natin sa bahay pagkatapos ng Christmas Party n’yo sa eskuwela.” Hinaplos ni Aling Lidia ang buhok ng anak na ikinangiti nilang pareho.

Lahat ng mga kaklase ni Utoy ay ganito rin ang kuwento; merong mga dalang parol kinabukasan na iba-iba ang kulay. Iba-iba ang laki. Iba-iba ang disenyo. Lahat ito gawa ng mga tatay at nanay nila– ng pamilya– dahil ang mga tunay na parol hindi naman nabibili sa tindahan, ginagawa lang bahay.

Ang pinakahihintay ni Utoy sa araw na ito ay ang bunutan para sa “monito-monita”. Gumupit si Miss Kurdapiya ng maliliit na papel at isinulat niya rito ang pangalan ng bawa’t estudyante niya. Umikot sa buong kuwarto si Miss at pinabunot ang bawa’t kaklase ni Utoy sa isang kahon. “Ang mabubunot n’yo ay magiging monito o monita ninyo!” tili ni Miss Kurdapiya na ikinangiwi ng bawat batang nakarinig.

May hiling si Utoy:  Sana mabunot niya ‘yung “crush” niyang si Jocelyn. Maputi, mabait at nasa Row 1 dahil pangalawa sa pinakamatalino sa klase nila. Sa tradisyon kasing ito, may pagkakataon si Utoy na  magregalo sa monita niya ng kung anu-anong bagay sa buong isang linggo bago ang Christmas Party. Bawat araw may theme na ibibigay si Teacher: “Sa Lunes, mamimigay kayo ng ‘Something Sweet’ sa kung sino man ang mabubunot ninyo,’” nakakabinging sabi ni Miss habang papunta sa Row 4, sa tabi ng basurahan, sa upuan ni Utoy.

Isip ni Utoy  agad, “Ah! Chocolate ang ibibigay ko kay Jocelyn! Choc-nut! …Isang plastic!..???

—Mahal yata.–Tatlo na lang, para ‘I Love You.’”

“May sinasabi ka, Utoy?” tanong ni Miss Kurdapiya. “Nagmumura ka na naman?”

“Ah, hindi po ma’am.”

“Bumunot ka na, bago kita mapingot.”

Pumikit si Utoy. Bumunot habang nagdarasal: “Jocelyn…Jocelyn.”

Binuksan niyang dahan-dahan ang nakatuping papel… at napabulong siya ng mahinang “Putang ina…”

Hindi nga lahat ng pangarap natutupad.

Nabunot niya ang pangalan ni Miss Kurdapiya.

“Something sweet… para kay Ma’am?

“Alam ko na:

“PANUTSA!

“…Putsang buhay ‘to, o.”

(parol photo: marexflores.net )

Disyembre 18, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel. Mag-iwan ng puna.

“BAGETS” baduy but BELOVED

PARA sa akin ang pelikulang “Bagets” ng Viva Films ang pinakakorning pagsusuma ng buhay-tinedyer noong Dekada ’80. Sa sobrang kakornihan nito, natatawa kami ng misis ko tuwing napapanood namin ito sa cable TV. Natatawa pero nagno-nostalgia. Guilty pleasure, ‘eka nga.

 Sunod usong-Bagets din kasi kami noong 1984 (edad-kinse kami noon). At unti-unti kong nadi-discover sa mga kuwentuhang-inuman kasama ng mga kaedad ko ngayon (kuwarenta na kami) na nasaan ka man naroon sa ‘Pinas noong pinalabas ito sa sinehan, malamang pa-bagets-bagets ka rin.

 ‘Eto ang “Ultimate Bagets Quiz” . Kung alam mo ang karamihan sa mga sagot sa tanong na ito, itanggi mo man, ikaw din ang magbibisto sa tunay mong nakaraan: (ANSWERS are at the end of this piece.)

 1. Sino ang kumanta ng theme song ng “Bagets” na may linyang “… I’m growing up, getting down, putting my both feet on the ground…”? Diabetic siya.

 2. Sino sa limang castmembers ng “Bagets” ang nakasalamin? Vice Mayor na siya ngayon.

 3. Sino ang pinakamatandang miyembro ng cast “Bagets” na sa tunay na buhay ay pinakasalan ang ka-love team niya sa pelikulang ito?

 4. Sino ang ka-loveteam ni JC Bonnin sa pelikula?

 5. Ano ang title ng dance anthem ng pelikula? Sinasayaw ito sa pamamagitan ng pagse-shake ng isang nakataas na braso, closed fist ( a la flying Superman), at ang isang kamay naman ay nakatapat sa tenga?

 6. Ano ang sinasakyan ni Herbert Bautista noong nakilala niya si Jobelle Salvador?

 7. Paano namatay ang karakter ni Yayo Aguila?

 8. Anong kanta ni Raymond Lauchengco ang background music sa date sequence nila ni Eula Valdes?

 9. Dalawa sa limang “Bagets” ang walang ka-date sa prom night sequence ng pelikula. Sino sila?

 10. Sinong foreign singer ang ina-idolize ni Aga Muhlach sa movie?

MGA SAGOT:

 1. Sino pa, di si Gary Valenciano. At kung alam mo ang title nito– “Growing Up” — malamang alam mo rin ang buong lyrics.

 2. Si Quezon City Vice-Mayor Herbert Bautista.

 3. Si William Martinez. Kinailangan siyang isama dahil siya ang pinakasikat na heartthrob noon. Malaking risk kasi ang pelikulang puro bago ang artista kaya hiniram siya from Regal Films. Ka-loveteam niya ang misis niya ngayong si Yayo Aguila.

 4. Si Chanda Romero. May-December affair ang drama nila.

 5. “Just Got Lucky” ng Joe Boxers. Hanggang ngayon ito pa rin ang isa sa most identified dance step ‘pag Dekada ’80 ang topic.

 6. Bisekleta ang sinasakyan ni Bistek nu’ng makita niyang nagdidilig ng halaman si Jobelle. Nahulog pa siya nang ma-love at first sight siya sa dalaga. Falling in love, literally.

 7. Namatay sa car crash ang karakter ni Yayo. Nakipag-drag race kasi si William habang angkas siya sa kool na kool nilang dune buggy.

8. Ang walang kamatayang “So It’s You”. Highlight ng sequence na ito ang pagkanta ni Raymond na naka-black tux siya at si Eula naman nasa gitna ng isang malaking staduium (Rizal Memorial?) at nakasuot ng pang-Santacruzang gown. Surreal.

 9. Sina Aga (dahil may asawa na ang love interest niya rito na si Baby Delgado) at si Herbert (dahil sa ending pa ng pelikula niya mapapasagot si Jobelle dahil akala niya boyfriend nito si Mon Alvir– pinsan pala).

 10. Sino pa, si Michael Jackson. Sumayaw pa si Aga ng “Wanna Be Starting Somethin” na tuluyan nang nagpabaduy kay Michael Jackson sa mga Pilipino.
REFLECTION:

Kung napangiti ka ng 8 out of 10 questions dito at alam mo ang sagot mentally (kahit ayaw mong sabihin verbally), naki-“Bagets” ka rin pala noon. At malamang hanggang ngayon, naggi-gel ka pa rin. May nakatago kang Topsiders na pang-driving (lame excuse). At ‘pag natutuwa ka sa sinabi ng isa mong kausap, sasagot ka ng “Nice one! (Sabay apir.)

Kung napag-isip ka ng 5 out of 10 questions dito at habang sinasabi mong “Oo nga, no. Naalala ko na,” closet-“Bagets” ang tawag sa’yo. Pilit mong kinakalimutan ang ’80s. Kasi siguro wala kang kabarkada noon. O wala kang naging boy friend o girl friend. In short, kulang sa pagkabata.

Kung wala kang alam (0 ang score mo), you need to see this flick.

You’re either too young or chromosome ka pa lang noong pinalabas ito:

part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fpftOPjJ3I&feature=related

part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PfzlII0L4Y&feature=related

part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=johse1ryNh8&feature=related

part 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VJ4JKRXPOs&feature=related

part 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGtDqN0gvo0&feature=related

THE REST OF THE MOVIE: Kayo na ang maghanap sa YouTube

(at magpasalamat tayo kay JONETTE salamat sa pag-a-upload ng klasik na ito)

Para maunawaan mo kung bakit may mga pag-uugaling baduy ang parents mo or mga nakakatanda mong kapatid, panoorin mo ito dahil ganito sila noon. Baduy na talaga… pero kool.

Nice one!!! Apppiiir!

(aLjI05)

Nobyembre 9, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel. 2 mga puna.

TATTOO or FALSE

CB026533

(by ely m.) I also call this entry: “It’s easier to write in English as long as you don’t care about grammar and spelling.”

I HAVE always wanted a tattoo.

When I was 24, I planned to get one to match my Eddie Vedder hair (yes, it was the ‘90s).

But then I also needed an office job, so the hair had to go and without that as an accessory, getting a tattoo would have been pointless.

I was either going to be a rocker for the rest of my life or just be my geeky old self.  

That was 16 years ago today and I have remained a geek.

But I haven’t scratched out “get a tattoo” from my “to-do-list”.

To celebrate my 40th summer, I’ve decided that this is definitely the year.

I was on my way to the tattoo shop when I had this awful toothache.

It was aching like mad; I had to change my plan and went straight to the dentist.

She said I have an infracted tooth that’s pushing against my gums causing this terrible ache.

She said I need tooth extractions—that’s extraction with an “s”—meaning more than one.

If I remember correctly I only have two gum teeth left. So, they both had to go.

How the hell am I going to chew now?

She said she will make for me some dentures.

Or, if I was against that idea, I can  just keep my infected tooth and wait for my cheeks to swell.

That totally isn’t cool.

So, choices: A cool tattoo on my arm or an aching bloated face?

Suddenly, I was back in the ‘90s.

I had tears in my eyes when I said, “Make me some dentures… please.”

She made some molds of my teeth using this green plaster and told me my new dentures will be ready in a couple of days.

“This really is not cool,” I told her while shaking my head in disbelief.

“There’s a way to make it cool,” she answered.

“Put some water and ice in a glass…

“And dip your dentures in it overnight…

That will make it cooler…

“Happy birthday, old man.”

(photo from castlerockdental.com)

Nobyembre 7, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . I THOUGHT utot, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. Mag-iwan ng puna.

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