TATTOO or FALSE
(by ely m.) I also call this entry: “It’s easier to write in English as long as you don’t care about grammar and spelling.”
I HAVE always wanted a tattoo.
When I was 24, I planned to get one to match my Eddie Vedder hair (yes, it was the ‘90s).
But then I also needed an office job, so the hair had to go and without that as an accessory, getting a tattoo would have been pointless.
I was either going to be a rocker for the rest of my life or just be my geeky old self.
That was 16 years ago today and I have remained a geek.
But I haven’t scratched out “get a tattoo” from my “to-do-list”.
To celebrate my 40th summer, I’ve decided that this is definitely the year.
I was on my way to the tattoo shop when I had this awful toothache.
It was aching like mad; I had to change my plan and went straight to the dentist.
She said I have an infracted tooth that’s pushing against my gums causing this terrible ache.
She said I need tooth extractions—that’s extraction with an “s”—meaning more than one.
If I remember correctly I only have two gum teeth left. So, they both had to go.
How the hell am I going to chew now?
She said she will make for me some dentures.
Or, if I was against that idea, I can just keep my infected tooth and wait for my cheeks to swell.
That totally isn’t cool.
So, choices: A cool tattoo on my arm or an aching bloated face?
Suddenly, I was back in the ‘90s.
I had tears in my eyes when I said, “Make me some dentures… please.”
She made some molds of my teeth using this green plaster and told me my new dentures will be ready in a couple of days.
“This really is not cool,” I told her while shaking my head in disbelief.
“There’s a way to make it cool,” she answered.
“Put some water and ice in a glass…
“And dip your dentures in it overnight…
“That will make it cooler…
“Happy birthday, old man.”
(photo from castlerockdental.com)
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