LOVE LETTER
Dear Koya,
IT was jazz an ordinary day. The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw! Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie nya. Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako, nakipila na rin ako. Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng :
“Indaaayyyyy….”
Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now? “Dodong!” sigaw ko. Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be loud and proud.” Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the crowd.
“Kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open?” tanong nya.
“Bihira lang, Dodong. I’m just droppings by. Ethnic ang schedule ko eh” sabi ko. Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortez. He’s every woman’s dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat namin. Naging kami for a while then after that were not an item anymore.
“Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?” tanong ni Dodong. “I don’t mine,” sagot ko.
Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter. “What’s your odor sir?” sabi nung waiter kay Dodong. “Do you have porkshop?” tanong ni Dodong. “Yes sir” sabi nito. “Our porkshop with a resistance to the teeth of boast of our chef. Domestic careful selection of pork with little fat of female liking is used. The exquisite cooking which repeated trial and error and was completed. It also has healthy vegetables with salad feeling fully,” dagdag pa niya.
“And you mam?” sabay tingin naman sa akin. Hmmm.. Mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I’m cutting down on my carbon kaya pinigilan ko. “I’ll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh,” sagot ko.
Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is going too far. Besides, it’s a long, long, way to run. “Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I’m happily married” pagmamalaki ko. “Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn’t expect you still have more feelings than I expected. I don’t want you getting the way. Past is fast. Therefore, cause and defect.” dagdag ko pa. Tumahimik sya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na rin sya.
“I don’t care less!” sigaw ni Dodong.
Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To think it’s his other woman that caused our separation to part. Kinabahan na ako. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita ako ng security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong. “Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?” sabi ko sa mamang guard. “Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure.” sagot niya. “Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got lost in my eyes.” “Diretso lang.”sabi niya. “Then turn right anytime with care.” “Thanks for your corporation” sabi ko. Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala kanina ang pag-disappear nya. “Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you go, there you are!” pananakot nya.
Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world started falling afar. Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, it’s all over. I’m out of arm’s way. “Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you.?” bago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya “I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout but at first I didn’t give it a thought. Pero nang makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then I give it a thought. I know something is a missed.”
Prom then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn’t even sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga. Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa ngayon, open na kami sa isa’t isa at walang exhibitions.
I feel I’m on cloud line.
Same to you,
INDY
HOW TO Appreciate… a RAINBOW
SOMETIMES when you feel
that the world is not a good place to be
with all its complicated problems
and all your own problems
all mixed up with everyone else’s,
we are reminded that
there is always joy in the simplest of things.
That at the end of the day
the only thing that matters is
trusting that there is Someone in charge
who will take care of all our worries
and make everything alright.
CLICK THE VIDEO BELOW
and see what real happiness is all about 🙂
(Video’s loading too slow? CLICK>> THIS)
“Whenever I bring clouds over the earth
and a rainbow appears in the clouds,
I will remember my covenant between me and you
and all living creatures of every kind.
Never again will the waters become
a flood to destroy all life.”
(Genesis 9:15-16)
The WISDOM of UP Professors
FROM an antique e-mail. Still inspiring. Still very funny.
ON GRADES
“Oo, nagpapa-ulan ako ng Uno… baket? Aaanhin ko ba ’yun? ‘Di naman ako yayaman du’n.”
–Sir Atoy Navarro, Hist
Professor habang binubuksan ang isang box ng colored chalks:
“Ano ba naman ito?!” (sabay hagis sa table ng mga dark colored chalk)
Class: (Tahimik na nagmamasid)
Professor: “Class, sulatan n’yo ang manufacturer ng chalk na ito. Sabihin ninyong tanggalin na ang mga walang kuwentang kulay na ito: Brown, Green at Violet. Alam ba nilang hindi ito nakikita sa board? Convince them!”
Class: (Tahimik at nagulat)
Professor: “Sino man ang magsusulat +.25 sa Final Grade!”
Class: “Yahoooo!!!”
Isang Valentine’s Day:
“Ano ba ‘yan? Students ba kayo ng UP? Bakit ang bababa ng scores ninyo? Siguro wala kayong date ngayong Valentine’s kaya ganito kayo? Losers!!! When I was your age, I had a date. Hindi ba naapektuhan ng UP Fair euphoria ang grades ninyo? Parang hindi kayo masaya…” (sabay tapon ng quiz papers sa sahig). “I won’t record this. Go and find a date.” (sabay walk out ng classroom)
—Sir Doliente, BA.
Student: “Sir, nagbibigay po ba kayo ng partial points?”
Professor: “Hmmm… if I see partial wisdom.”
ON EXAMINATIONS
Professor to Class:
“I don’t give surprise long exams. All exams are announced. Kaya today I’m announcing, ‘Class, mag-e-exam tayo! NGAYON NA!’”
–Ma’am Chei
“Don’t take the Bar Exam and yourselves too seriously. Baka mabalitaan na lang naming, nag-o-oral summation kayo sa Luneta. O lumulutang-lutang sa Pasig River. Enjoy yourselves. Relax. At habang nag-re-relax kayo, read at least 15 hours a day. Mag-relax ka habang nag-babasa. Mag-relax ka habang nagme-memorize.”
“’Pag nananaba ka sa oras ng exams, ibig sabihin hindi ka papasa.”
–Anonymous Prof
“Kahit magpakamatay ka pa, ‘di mo masasagot ‘yang problem set na ‘yan—dahil wala ‘yang sagot. Hahahaha!”
“Mamatay na ang mangopya… at ang hindi maka-100—BOBO!”
–Hist Prof
Professor habang umuulan sa labas during a hard final exam:
“Ang lakas ng ulan. Ayos ‘yan, at least hindi halata ‘pag umiiyak.”
–Sir Agapito
ON STUDYING
Commenting on a thesis of a Senior Student:
“’Yang thesis mo… mamamatay ka! Mamamatay ka!!!”
–Dr. Llanes, UPM
Professor: “O, meron na ba sa inyong nakapunta sa pinakabagong Mall ng Metro Manila?”
Class: (Super-tahimik)
Professor: “Anoooo?! Puro na lang ba kayo aral? Aral lang kayo nang aral—wala kayong kapupuntahan sa kaaaral n’yo!”
In a class with one meeting left in the Term:
“Okay class, next week, we start the lecture proper.”
–Ma’am Vitriolo
Professor to Student:
“Running ka ba for Summa?—Mapapagod ka lang.”
Professor to Grad Student during a Thesis Defense: “Are you familiar with the book written by (name of the author)?”
Grad Student (kinakabahan): “Y-yes, Sir.”
Professor: “Okay. Ano ang kulay ng cover ng book na ‘yun?”
ON LOUSY STUDENTS
“Anong molars? You don’t say molars, because it’s an adjective! Do you say ‘Beautifuls’?”
–Ma’am Liao commenting on a student’s grammar
Professor to a freshman who would not stand up during recitation:
“Stand up, Miss — so that we might see the contours of your body. (Student stands) … Wow! Rape-able!”
“Sa mga taga-UP lang ako bilib, eh. Papasok sila sa Law School na hindi disoriented. Bilib ako sa study habits ng mga batang iyan. Some of them look like they eat kamote three times a day. Pero ang utak nila, hindi ututin!”
Professor to a noisy class:
“Bakit napakasaya ng klase n’yo?! Pwede bang maging sad naman kayo? 5 minutes of sadness—starting right now!”
Professor to a class na ayaw mag-recite:
“Wag kayong mahiya. You have nothing to lose but your face!”
–Geo11 Prof
“It’s okay to smoke in my class. As long as you don’t breathe it out.”
–Dr. Obsioma, Biodiversity
Professor to a student with braces:
“Ayan, hindi ka na makasagot. ‘Yung bakal sa ipin mo, naapektuhan na ‘yung pagsasalita mo.”
–Sir Tiamson, Span 11
After the first hour of a three hour lecture on Taxonomy:
“Class, gising pa ba kayo? Mukhang inaantok na kayo, ah. I understand… pati nga ako, inaantok na rin.”
–Dr. Gapud
Professor after giving a joke related to his lecture topic:
“’Yung mga hindi natawa sa joke ko, REPEATERS kayo ano? Narinig n’yo na kasi ‘yang joke na ‘yan. Sorry kayo. ‘Yan lang ang joke ko.”
ON BEING HUMAN
“The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala kayong kasaysayan lahat. ‘Pag may kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG KA LANG!”
– Dr. Recio
“Try everything once, except incest.”
–Sir U Eliserio during a Creative Writing Class
“Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube. Kaya kung gusto ninyong magka-anak ng asawa ninyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo habang gumagawa.”
–Ma’am Maggie, Zoo 10
“Yes, class—I AM GAY! I’m so gay I could show you my penis because it is but an accessory to my body.”
–Jean Navera, spcm 1
“Look at me. I’m 43 years old pero ang lakas-lakas ko pa. Kung walang gulay kakain ako ng damo. Kung walang tubig, mag-iipon na lang ako ng laway.”
“Birds of the same feather, FLOCK together… don’t forget the ‘L’”.
–SocSci Prof
ON RELATIONSHIPS
First day of Classes:
“Kung may boyfriend o girlfriend kayo na hindi taga-UP, hiwalayan n’yo na ngayon pa lang. Walang kapupuntahan ‘yang relasyon n’yo. Dahil hindi kayo magkakaintindihan. ‘Tapos ‘yung mga anak n’yo, magiging bobo. Gusto n’yo ba ‘yun?”
“And girls, ‘wag kayong kukuha ng boyfriend diro sa UP. Pare-pareho tayong mahirap dito. 80% of the child’s intelligence comes from the mother naman, eh. And guys, ‘wag kayong kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo pa rin ang mga anak n’yo.”
ON POWER
Professor : “Many people believe that we psychology professors can read minds… (Silence). Actually, we can.
Students: “Weh… sample…
Professor: “Right now, you think I’m bluffin.”
–Ma’am Chei Billedo, Psych
“Nu’ng freshie ako, atheist ako. Pero ‘pag nasa bahay, nagro-rosary kami ng nanay ko. Eh, kung magalit sa ‘kin ‘yun.”
–Socio 11 Professor
“Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English. So, when you’re here in my class, magsalita kayo ng English. Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda na ako, at ako ang teacher!”
Prof to a student asking if he can sit in:
“We only accept members of a certain minority group in this class. For example, gays are part of a minority group. Bakla ka ba? If you admit that you are, then I’ll let you sit in.”
–Prof. “Hail to the Chair”
“The more wisdom you obtain, the more you should shut your mouth. This is because the more you learn, the more you realize that there are even more things that you do not know. The true mark of an idiot is a loudmouth. The true mark of a wise man is humility.”
–PI100. Puta, Best Prof sa CAL
ON OTHERS
Professor commenting on other Universities:
“Class, kaya ang mahal ng bayad sa mga professors sa ibang school kasi ang bobobo ng mga estudyante du’n. I used to teach in XXXXX at lumuluha talaga ako ng dugo bago maintindihan ng mga students ‘yung mga sinasabi ko. Ang mahal nga ng bayad, magkakasakit ka naman sa panga sa kauulit ng lessons. ‘Wag na lang. Dito na lang ako sa UP, et least, nagkakaintindihan tayo, ‘di ba?”
–Dr. David
Student: “Sir, pwede po bang maki-sit in ‘yung friends ko?”
Professor: “From what school are they?”
Student: “St. Scho po.”
Professor: “Go ahead. So they’ll realize what they’re missing.”
“Class, Chinatown is not in China. And Ateneo De Manila University is not… a university.”
–Prof name withheld upon request
“Si Mirriam, crush ko ‘yun dati. Muntikan na kaming maging kami. Kaso nasiraan siya ng ulo kaya ‘yun iba ang napangasawa ko.”
–Old UP Prof.
“Bilib ka kay Alan Peter Cayetano? Eh, ang bababa ng grades nu’n?!
–Ex-Prof ni Alan
ON LEAVING
“When you graduate, then you begin to live!”
–Dr. Jimenez, Psych 118
“To tell you the truth, I don’t much. I only know enough to teach my classes.”
–UP Socio Prof
thank you kay http://bonggaboom.multiply.com/journal/item/35
at sa photo ng http://www.worldendeavors.com/main/programbrochure/programid/38
The 12 Apostles: Skinned, Stoned, Sawed, Burned and Beheaded
(LjI) AS we remember the Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ this Holy Week, have you ever wondered what happened to the 12 Apostles after Jesus died on the cross? We all know that the Romans and the powerful Jewish leaders in Jerusalem were all looking for them for being guilty “by association”.
This source tells us that the Apostles (except, of course, Judas Iscariot) “… locate a ship and sailed away” to another city, leaving Jerusalem for fear of being arrested. They only came back to Jerusalem– after all the excitement and controversy quieted down– during Pentecost (originally a Jewish festival celebrating grain harvest and commemorating Moses receiving the Ten Commandments). But, according to Acts 2:1:4, while the Apostles gathered for the feast:
“…Suddenly there was a noise from heaven like the sound of a mighty wind. It filled the house where they were meeting. Then they saw what looked like fiery tongues moving in all directions, and a tongue came and settled on each person there. The Holy Spirit took control of everyone, and they began speaking whatever languages the Spirit let them speak.”
That’s how they received the Holy Spirit—and soon after, they courageously left their hiding place and started preaching and performing miracles, in the name of Jesus Christ, right in the streets of Jerusalem and in different languages!
Try to imagine the simplest, most quiet and easily intimidated man you know (most of the Apostles were fishermen, remember) suddenly speaking out like the smartest university professor you admire or a veteran politician on a reelection campaign trail—and you’ll get the idea on how miraculous this was.
During that time according to this source, “many religious Jews from every country in the world were living in Jerusalem … they were hearing everything in their own languages.”
The noise and activity attracted a huge crowd and the Apostle Peter preached a sermon to the crowd with great effectiveness that “On that day about three thousand believed his message and were baptised…” (Acts 2:41) establishing a solid and unstoppable Christian group in Jerusalem.
And as Jesus asked of them in Mark 16:14:
“Go yea into all the world and preach the good news to every creature.”
SO THEY DID.
But where did they go?
What did they do?
And what happened to them?
Let us use Da Vinci’s “Last Supper” (photo above) as our starting point:
Bartholomew (skinned alive and beheaded)—Preached the Gospel in Mesopotamia (Iraq), Persia (Iran), Turkey, Armenia and India. He was skinned alive and beheaded at Derbent (Azerbaijan, near Russia) on the Caspian Sea by order of a local king after a majority of the people of Derbent converted to Christianity. Some of Bartholomew’s skin and bones are still kept in The Basilica of St. Bartholomew in Rome, a part of his skull is in Frankfurt, Germany and an arm is venerated at the Canterbury Cathedral in England.
James, the Lesser (stoned and clubbed-to-death)—Believed to have preached in Damascus (Syria) and acknowledged as the first bishop of the Christians in Jerusalem (Israel). Historians say he was sentenced to be stoned-to-death by the Jews for challenging Jewish Laws and for convincing some of members of the Jewish community to convert to Christianity. James died when during the stoning, one person from the crowd approached him and bashed his head with a fullers club (a piece of wood used for bashing-washing clothes). He was buried on the spot where he died, somewhere in Jerusalem.
Andrew (crucified upside down on an X-shaped cross)—Preached in Georgia (Russia), Istanbul (Turkey), Macedonia and finally Greece. There in Patros, Greece, the Governor Aegiatis was angered by the apostle’s preaching and the conversion of his own family to Christianity. He ordered Andrew to renounce his faith in front of a tribunal. When Andrew resisted, the governor ordered that Andrew be crucified. He was tied upside down to an X-shaped cross with thick, tight ropes but Andrew kept preaching to spectators. He was able to convince many to accept Christianity just before he died after suffering for three days. Parts of his remains are in Constantinople (Turkey), Scotland (United Kingdom), but his skull is kept in Patras to this day.
Judas Iscariot (suicide, death by hanging)—Best known as the apostle who betrayed the Lord by divulging His location, leading to His arrest and persecution. He received 30 pieces of silver from Jewish priests for the information he gave. Prior to this, Judas served as the treasurer of the 12 Apostles; in charge of keeping the group’s budget/money. Sources could not agree on how he died. There are three accepted versions: (1) he committed suicide by hanging himself to a tree, (2) he accidentally fell on a field– head first (3) he was crushed by a passing chariot (4) he was stoned-to-death by the other 11 Apostles. But all four agree that “his bowels gushed out” (Ewwww!) on all four accounts. Authors and scholars also agree that his guilt was a major part of the cause of his death.
Peter (crucified upside down)—Recognized as the head of the original Christian community in Jerusalem (Israel), he left the city when King Herod Agrippa I started to persecute all Christians in Jerusalem and ordered the beheading of the Apostle James (the Great) . After escaping from Jerusalem, Peter preached in Judea (originally Palestine) and in Antioch (Syria) where he is historically considered as the first patriarch (bishop) of the Orthodox Church. After staying in Antioch for some time, Peter went to Rome and converted thousands into Christianity. The emperor at the time, Nero, did not like the idea of Romans becoming Christians and used the new members of the group for his amusement (e.g. feeding them to lions or wild dogs, and then burning them at stake in Rome’s coliseum—yes, the tourist spot– if they do not renounce their faith). Peter was one of the most prominent victims of this persecution. He was captured and crucified upside-down at his own request, because he said he was not worthy to be crucified the same way as our Lord. St. Peter’s body lies below the altar of St. Peter’s Basilica at the Vatican City, in Rome.
John (thrown into boiling oil, but survived)—For most of his labours, John was with Peter in Jerusalem up until the persecution of Herod Agrippa I. During this period, scholars agree that Johh escaped and preached for sometime in Asia Minor (an area around Turkey). Years later, scholars have traced that he went to Rome where it was believed he was persecuted with other Christians and was thrown into a cauldron of boiling oil—he miraculously survived. The Roman emperor at the time, Dominitian, decided after the incident to banish John to the island of Patmos (in Greece). When Dominitian died, John went back to Ephesus (in Turkey) where he spent the rest of his days. He died a very old man, the only Apostle to do so.
Thomas (impaled by a spear)—Called by most Christians as the “Doubting Thomas” for disbelieving the Lord’s Resurrection. But after his doubts were erased by touching Jesus’ wounds, he became a fearless preacher of the Gospel and builder of churches. He was the only Apostle who witnessed the Assumption of Mary and the one of the first Apostles who preached outside the boundaries of the vast Roman Empire (out of Europe). He preached in Babylon (present day Iraq) and established its first Christian church. Then he went to Persia (Iran) and travelled as far as China and India. He was martyred in Mylapore, India when a local king named Masdai condemned Thomas to death. The Apostle angered the Brahmins (high ranked priests/scholars who served as the king’s advisers) who thought Christianity disrespected India’s Caste System. Thomas was brought to a nearby mountain and was stabbed-to-death with a spear. He is believed to be buried around the suburb of Madras, in India.
James, the Great (beheaded)—Brother of the Apostle John. He decided to preached the Gospel in Iberia (around Spain) and be the first to build a Christian foundation in the area. But according to some scholars, the Virgin Mary appeared to James and told him to return to Judea (around Israel) to help the other Apostles. He was captured and condemned to die by Herod the Agrippa 1 to please Jewish leaders who were furious at the rapid growth of the Church. James’ chief accuser was later convinced that the Apostle was indeed blessed by the Lord, he himself requested to be beheaded with James. After this, James’ body was brought back to Spain by his disciples and was buried in the area where the cathedral of Santiago de Compostela is located, which is now considered as a major religious site.
Phillip (crucified)—Preached in Greece, Syria and in Turkey (in the cities of Galatia, Phrygia and Hierapolis). Philip partnered with Bartholomew in his missions. Like all Apostles, Philip became an exceptional speaker. According to sources “Through his miraculous healing and preaching, Philip converted the wife of the Preconsul of the city” of Hierapolis. Of course, this event angered the Preconsul and ordered that both Philip and Bartholomew be tortured and crucified upside down. While on the cross, Philip continued to preach and he was able to convince the crowd and the Preconsul to release Bartholomew, while insisting that he (Philip) remained crucified. Bartholomew was released but Philip died on the cross and was later buried somewhere within the city.
Matthew (burned-to-death?)—Was a rich tax collector and the most educated among the Apostles. Christian tradition says he preached in Ethiopia (in Africa), Judea (Israel today), Macedonia, Syria and Parthia (northeast Iran). Bible scholars have different versions on how he died. Some say he was either killed with a sword in Parthia or he died a natural death in Ethiopia. The most interesting and dramatic story appeared here, where it says Matthew came to a city (unnamed) and was able to convert the family of the local king to Christianity. This angered the king and ordered his soldiers to capture Matthew. In front of a huge crowd, they nailed him unto a bed, covered his whole body with paper, oil, brimstone, asphalt and brushwood and then they set him ablaze. Matthew was able to endure the torture while praising and preaching, but eventually died “a happy death”. Everyone who touched the burnt bed after was miraculously healed and converted into Christianity, including the king who asked for forgiveness and became a staunch Christian believer.
Jude Thaddeus (sawed or axed to death?)—the Patron Saint of Desperate Cases and Lost Causes was a farmer before becoming an Apostle. He was a partner of Simon the Zealot and together they preached and converted non-believers in Judea (Israel), Persia (Iran), Samaria (Israel), Idumaea (near Jordan), Syria, Mesopotamia (Iran) and Libya. It is also widely believed that Jude travelled and preached in Beirut, Lebanon. He also helped Bartholomew in bringing Christianity to Armenia. The cause of his death in unclear because of the existence of two versions: (1) He was crucified in Edessa, Turkey; (2) He was clubbed-to-death and his body was either sawed or axed in pieces after (together with Simon the Zealot). Some sources say he was buried either in Northern Persia or the most accepted version that his remains are buried in a crypt at St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome.
Simon the Zealot (sawed or axed-to-death?)—Before becoming an apostle, Simon was a member of the “Zealots”, a political movement rebelling against the Roman occupation of Jerusalem. Identified by some as the second Bishop of Jerusalem after James the Lesser (who was beheaded). He’s also believed to have preached in the Middle East, North Africa, Egypt, Mauritania and even Britain. His martyrdom is being debated by scholars and historians who claim Simon might have been crucified by the Romans in Lincolnshire, Britain, crucified in Samaria (Israel) after a failed revolt or sawed-to-death in Suanir, Persia with Jude Thaddeus.
Sources:
http://www.biblepath.com/peter.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/12_apostles#The_Twelve_Apostles
http://www.damascusfriends.org/Revelation/Revelation04.htm
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/01117a.htm
http://books.google.com/
http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/newtestament/section5.rhtml
PASKO: Noong Unang Panahon
Disyembre 18, sa isang Elementary School:
(ni aLJI) PAGDATING pa lang ni Utoy sa eskuwelahan, napansin na niyang kakaiba ang hitsura ng kuwarto ng Section 4. Halatang hindi agad umuwi kahapon si Miss Kurdapiya, ‘yung titser niyang payat at nakasalamin ng makapal. Nagkabit muna ito ng mga Pamaskong dekorasyon: May maliit na Belen ngayon sa isang sulok na ang katawan ng mga karakter ng Bibliya ay gawa sa nirolyong papel na nagkorteng Mayon Volcano at ang mga ulo nila ay gawa sa isang buong balat ng nilagang itlog na dinisenyuhan ng colored marker para magkaroon ng mukha. Meron ding mga papel na letrang nakasabit sa itaas ng blackboard na nagsasabing “Maligayang Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon” na puno ng iba’t ibang kulay. Nakapalibot sa buong kuwarto ang napakahabang kabit-kabit na Christmas lights, gaya ng sikat na kabaret sa may tumana na paboritong puntahan ng tatay niya. At sa kabilang sulok naman, may nakatayong Christmas Tree na gawa sa nakataob na walis tingting. Nakasuksok ang tingting sa isang malaking lata ng Milo na pinuno ng buhangin mula sa ginagawang bagong school building sa tabi. Binalutan naman ang bawat patpat ng tingting ng puting crepe paper at sinabitan ng mga plastic na bolang palawit sa dulo nito. Mukhang pagod nga ang masungit na mukha ni Ma’am, pero may kakaibang ngiti siya nu’ng araw na ‘yun.
Hindi naman magpapatalo si Utoy kay Mis Kurdapiya kung Pasko din lang ang pag-uusapan. Nagtulong sila kahapon ng tatay niyang gumawa ng parol para madala niya sa eskuwelahan. Assignment nila ‘yun. Bilib nga siya sa tatay niya dahil habang gumagawa ito ng parol, panay rin ang tagay nito mula sa isang bilog na Ginebra. Matapos maubos ang pulutang limang isaw at limang paa ng manok, sampung mahahabang patpat na pang-barbecue ang natira. Kinayas ito ng tatay ni Utoy para lumambot. Pinagtali-tali. At parang magic, nakabuo ng korteng bituin si Mang Kanor. Nakatulog na rin ito sa papag nila pagkatapos.
Ilang sandali pa ng paghilik ni Mang Kanor, dumating na ang nanay ni Utoy galing palengke. Bumili ito ng mga papel de hapon na kulay puti. Panay ang sermon nito sa tatay ni Utoy habang binabalot ng papel ang iskeleton na bituin. Ewan ni Utoy kung bakit panay ang talak ng nanay niya, eh, tulog na tulog si Mang Kanor sa mga sandaling ‘yun. Nanay rin niya ang gumawa ng dalawang buntot ng parol na parang dalawang palda na pang-Kastila na may kakaibang patterns. Ikinabit ito ng nanay niya sa mga kanto ng parol na kaiga-igayang tignan lalo na pag-ihip ng hangin. “Eto na anak, may parol ka na,” sabi ni Aling Lidia na parang bumait bigla nang kausapin ang anak. “Ingatan mo para maisabit din natin sa bahay pagkatapos ng Christmas Party n’yo sa eskuwela.” Hinaplos ni Aling Lidia ang buhok ng anak na ikinangiti nilang pareho.
Lahat ng mga kaklase ni Utoy ay ganito rin ang kuwento; merong mga dalang parol kinabukasan na iba-iba ang kulay. Iba-iba ang laki. Iba-iba ang disenyo. Lahat ito gawa ng mga tatay at nanay nila– ng pamilya– dahil ang mga tunay na parol hindi naman nabibili sa tindahan, ginagawa lang bahay.
Ang pinakahihintay ni Utoy sa araw na ito ay ang bunutan para sa “monito-monita”. Gumupit si Miss Kurdapiya ng maliliit na papel at isinulat niya rito ang pangalan ng bawa’t estudyante niya. Umikot sa buong kuwarto si Miss at pinabunot ang bawa’t kaklase ni Utoy sa isang kahon. “Ang mabubunot n’yo ay magiging monito o monita ninyo!” tili ni Miss Kurdapiya na ikinangiwi ng bawat batang nakarinig.
May hiling si Utoy: Sana mabunot niya ‘yung “crush” niyang si Jocelyn. Maputi, mabait at nasa Row 1 dahil pangalawa sa pinakamatalino sa klase nila. Sa tradisyon kasing ito, may pagkakataon si Utoy na magregalo sa monita niya ng kung anu-anong bagay sa buong isang linggo bago ang Christmas Party. Bawat araw may theme na ibibigay si Teacher: “Sa Lunes, mamimigay kayo ng ‘Something Sweet’ sa kung sino man ang mabubunot ninyo,’” nakakabinging sabi ni Miss habang papunta sa Row 4, sa tabi ng basurahan, sa upuan ni Utoy.
Isip ni Utoy agad, “Ah! Chocolate ang ibibigay ko kay Jocelyn! Choc-nut! …Isang plastic!..???
—Mahal yata.–Tatlo na lang, para ‘I Love You.’”
“May sinasabi ka, Utoy?” tanong ni Miss Kurdapiya. “Nagmumura ka na naman?”
“Ah, hindi po ma’am.”
“Bumunot ka na, bago kita mapingot.”
Pumikit si Utoy. Bumunot habang nagdarasal: “Jocelyn…Jocelyn.”
Binuksan niyang dahan-dahan ang nakatuping papel… at napabulong siya ng mahinang “Putang ina…”
Hindi nga lahat ng pangarap natutupad.
Nabunot niya ang pangalan ni Miss Kurdapiya.
“Something sweet… para kay Ma’am?
“Alam ko na:
“PANUTSA!
“…Putsang buhay ‘to, o.”
(parol photo: marexflores.net )
PHOTOSHOP vs. PORNO
I’VE always wanted to be a collector but I couldn’t decide what to collect.
I do have a criteria:
Should be cheap.
Should be something I like.
Should be worth more than what I paid for in the future (at least to some ignorant fool).
I wanted to collect comicbooks at first (I just love ’em covers) but they are so expensive. Plus you meet these collectors who look at you like “Who the hell are you trying to ask for X-Men No. 1? You don’t even look like you can afford it!”
Well, they’re right. I did look like the ignorant fool. Good thing they didn’t like me, though. At least it prevented me from being a member of a society of men who cling on to pre-adolescent obsessions. So, I moved on to a more mature preoccupation: Adult Magazines.
It’s definitely a toss up between Hefner’s Playboy or Flynt’s Hustler. Both get my tick mark for being “something that I like” and might be “worth more than what I paid for in the future.” But just like having a mistress from a whorehouse, maintaining this kind of erotica collection will be hard to sustain financially. They’re like hot coal in your pants, burning a hole in your pocket at first, then giving your thigh a third degree.
Living in a third-world country sometimes limits your choices to third-rate materials. Yes, compared to the first two, FHM isn’t really scorching hot. But it’s still warm enough for those cold, rainy nights. And when I started my old collection, around the first months of 2000 AD, believe it or not, back then it had a retail price of 100 pesos (roughly 2 USD before the recession)– unbelievably cheap like your friendly neighborhood pokpok. FHM didn’t burn my pocket but filled its corners with something else. Like an old Van Morrison song, it filled my heart with gladness and took away all my sadness. Because like it or not, being an FHM subscriber meant I am now officially a collector. (Hah!)
I enjoyed being a collector. Nothing beats getting your freshly printed, plastic covered copy every month before mere mortals who buy their copy from the newsstands. I enjoyed the freebies you get in between the pages, like beer coasters, bookmarkers, and once, even a CD of Patricia Javier’s first and last attempt to get a singing career going.
I enjoyed reading all the informative articles it provided, the friendly banter between the editor Eric Ramos, FHM’s intelligent readers (like me, I assumed) and the people who think publishing a magazine like this is a big slap to Filipino values. At least, I thought, a little spanking will help some of us remember that we did have some. Values, I mean.
I also enjoyed the ladies of FHM. I’d be an obvious fag if I didn’t mention this. It’s really like having a different girlfriend every month. A girlfriend who’s a 10, but willing to take her clothes off just to please lil’-ol’-loser-me.
My relationship with my FHM girlfriends (coupled by my sudden fascination with anything Nivea) went on, and on and on… until.
I noticed something peculiar: All my girlfriends in between the pages of my one and only collection are missing their… nipples?!
I couldn’t believe it myself. But then, if a girl’s chest is covered only with an actual fisherman’s fishing net, logic says there should be a prune or two showing in between the strands somewhere–yet, there was none!
A picture of a model in dripping wet t-shirt should at least have a shadow of a black sago, right? Wrong. The sago, nor its shadow is disappointingly not there. I’m no expert in CG but I’ll know a photoshop layer- masking trick if I see one.
Like what my Science teachers have taught me… I therefore conclude that the nipples have been erased! (Duh?)
To support this hypotheses, I started scanning the rest of my collection and discovered that the missing nipples mystery started only in the last quarter issues of FHM 2000. Meaning, the first batch were yummier than the last batch which tasted a bit stale if you ask me.
That’s when I decided I had to stop collecting repressed versions of my fantasies. Who would want a censored version of a supposed attempt at erotic art. It definitely violated FHM press freedom, the models’ freedom of expression, and of course, my human rights. Also, my human lefts. For there were times I did use both right and left.
The December 2000 ish was the last time I held an FHM mag. I wanted to write to Eric Ramos to tell him the jig was up. But he resigned before I got to writing a scathing letter. I think he was as principled as I am that a man’s magazine has got to do what a man’s magazine should do: tickle our funny bone and boner. To this single act of courage against the powers that be, I salute Eric Ramos for blazing the trail and starting a revolution in men’s magazine.
The FHM year 2000 started with a bang with Eric and ended up with a ffttt with a wannabe. The fire blazed, fizzled and then it was gone too soon.
My FHM January to December 2000 collection of nipple-less models has now started its own collection of… dust.
It looks cheap.
I don’t like it anymore.
And you might see it on Ebay next week. (aLjI08)
“BAGETS” baduy but BELOVED
PARA sa akin ang pelikulang “Bagets” ng Viva Films ang pinakakorning pagsusuma ng buhay-tinedyer noong Dekada ’80. Sa sobrang kakornihan nito, natatawa kami ng misis ko tuwing napapanood namin ito sa cable TV. Natatawa pero nagno-nostalgia. Guilty pleasure, ‘eka nga.
Sunod usong-Bagets din kasi kami noong 1984 (edad-kinse kami noon). At unti-unti kong nadi-discover sa mga kuwentuhang-inuman kasama ng mga kaedad ko ngayon (kuwarenta na kami) na nasaan ka man naroon sa ‘Pinas noong pinalabas ito sa sinehan, malamang pa-bagets-bagets ka rin.
‘Eto ang “Ultimate Bagets Quiz” . Kung alam mo ang karamihan sa mga sagot sa tanong na ito, itanggi mo man, ikaw din ang magbibisto sa tunay mong nakaraan: (ANSWERS are at the end of this piece.)
1. Sino ang kumanta ng theme song ng “Bagets” na may linyang “… I’m growing up, getting down, putting my both feet on the ground…”? Diabetic siya.
2. Sino sa limang castmembers ng “Bagets” ang nakasalamin? Vice Mayor na siya ngayon.
3. Sino ang pinakamatandang miyembro ng cast “Bagets” na sa tunay na buhay ay pinakasalan ang ka-love team niya sa pelikulang ito?
4. Sino ang ka-loveteam ni JC Bonnin sa pelikula?
5. Ano ang title ng dance anthem ng pelikula? Sinasayaw ito sa pamamagitan ng pagse-shake ng isang nakataas na braso, closed fist ( a la flying Superman), at ang isang kamay naman ay nakatapat sa tenga?
6. Ano ang sinasakyan ni Herbert Bautista noong nakilala niya si Jobelle Salvador?
7. Paano namatay ang karakter ni Yayo Aguila?
8. Anong kanta ni Raymond Lauchengco ang background music sa date sequence nila ni Eula Valdes?
9. Dalawa sa limang “Bagets” ang walang ka-date sa prom night sequence ng pelikula. Sino sila?
10. Sinong foreign singer ang ina-idolize ni Aga Muhlach sa movie?
MGA SAGOT:
1. Sino pa, di si Gary Valenciano. At kung alam mo ang title nito– “Growing Up” — malamang alam mo rin ang buong lyrics.
2. Si Quezon City Vice-Mayor Herbert Bautista.
3. Si William Martinez. Kinailangan siyang isama dahil siya ang pinakasikat na heartthrob noon. Malaking risk kasi ang pelikulang puro bago ang artista kaya hiniram siya from Regal Films. Ka-loveteam niya ang misis niya ngayong si Yayo Aguila.
4. Si Chanda Romero. May-December affair ang drama nila.
5. “Just Got Lucky” ng Joe Boxers. Hanggang ngayon ito pa rin ang isa sa most identified dance step ‘pag Dekada ’80 ang topic.
6. Bisekleta ang sinasakyan ni Bistek nu’ng makita niyang nagdidilig ng halaman si Jobelle. Nahulog pa siya nang ma-love at first sight siya sa dalaga. Falling in love, literally.
7. Namatay sa car crash ang karakter ni Yayo. Nakipag-drag race kasi si William habang angkas siya sa kool na kool nilang dune buggy.
8. Ang walang kamatayang “So It’s You”. Highlight ng sequence na ito ang pagkanta ni Raymond na naka-black tux siya at si Eula naman nasa gitna ng isang malaking staduium (Rizal Memorial?) at nakasuot ng pang-Santacruzang gown. Surreal.
9. Sina Aga (dahil may asawa na ang love interest niya rito na si Baby Delgado) at si Herbert (dahil sa ending pa ng pelikula niya mapapasagot si Jobelle dahil akala niya boyfriend nito si Mon Alvir– pinsan pala).
10. Sino pa, si Michael Jackson. Sumayaw pa si Aga ng “Wanna Be Starting Somethin” na tuluyan nang nagpabaduy kay Michael Jackson sa mga Pilipino.
REFLECTION:
Kung napangiti ka ng 8 out of 10 questions dito at alam mo ang sagot mentally (kahit ayaw mong sabihin verbally), naki-“Bagets” ka rin pala noon. At malamang hanggang ngayon, naggi-gel ka pa rin. May nakatago kang Topsiders na pang-driving (lame excuse). At ‘pag natutuwa ka sa sinabi ng isa mong kausap, sasagot ka ng “Nice one! (Sabay apir.)
Kung napag-isip ka ng 5 out of 10 questions dito at habang sinasabi mong “Oo nga, no. Naalala ko na,” closet-“Bagets” ang tawag sa’yo. Pilit mong kinakalimutan ang ’80s. Kasi siguro wala kang kabarkada noon. O wala kang naging boy friend o girl friend. In short, kulang sa pagkabata.
Kung wala kang alam (0 ang score mo), you need to see this flick.
You’re either too young or chromosome ka pa lang noong pinalabas ito:
part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fpftOPjJ3I&feature=related
part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PfzlII0L4Y&feature=related
part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=johse1ryNh8&feature=related
part 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VJ4JKRXPOs&feature=related
part 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGtDqN0gvo0&feature=related
THE REST OF THE MOVIE: Kayo na ang maghanap sa YouTube
(at magpasalamat tayo kay JONETTE salamat sa pag-a-upload ng klasik na ito)
Para maunawaan mo kung bakit may mga pag-uugaling baduy ang parents mo or mga nakakatanda mong kapatid, panoorin mo ito dahil ganito sila noon. Baduy na talaga… pero kool.
Nice one!!! Apppiiir!
(aLjI05)
Ang NAWAWALANG photos sa ELLAGANDA.COM
(ni Ely M.) MAY isang blogger na nagtanong:
“AANHIN PA ANG DAMO KUNG PATAY NA ANG KABAYO?” << < click!
(strangely, hindi ma-download ang photos ni ella sa site niya. kaso kumalat na sa emails– see below)
May isang presidente na sumagot:
“LUZON RELIEF CARAVAN’S DELAY IRKS ARROYO” << < click!
May presidential-alalay na nagngitngit:
“DSWD CRIED FOUL OVER ALLEGATIONS OF HOARDING.” <<< click!
‘Yung mga biktima???
NAGDASAL NA LANG. <<< click!
So, where’s the…
PHOTOS (they did not want you to see) AND CAPTIONS BY ELLAGANDA?
Ito po– kayo na ang humusga:
NOTE from ELLA: “Pinagbawalan kaming kumuha ng photos. I wonder why…”
“Parang haunted warehouse ang dating…”
“Daig pa ang Divisoria sa dami nang naka-stack na kaldero…”
“Halos matakpan na ang bintana sa dami ng mga kahon…”
“Umabot na hanggang kisame ang stack ng mga kahon… Imported Coleman Camp Pads from the USA… Hindi ito kasama sa mga ni-repack namin.”
“Mahiwagang mga kahon from Japan Aid… Hindi rin ito kasali for repacking… ‘Imported’ is not included we concluded….”
“Imported pork and beans from Spain… Sorry hindi pa rin included…”
“Let’s take a look at what a victim will get… Kaldero ang unang ilalagay sa sako. Sabong panglaba at sampung lata ng sardinas sa ilalim. Siyam na sabon sa gilid ng kaldero. LOCAL GOODS lahat siyempre…”
“Tapos papatungan ng tuwalya, SANITARY napkin. Tatlong rolyo ng kumot. Blue water jugs (see first photo). Last but not the least, lalagyan ng dalawang banig.”
“Wow! May bagong shipment na naman…”
Sana eleksyon na…
Sana Pasko na…
Para mapunta na sa mga biktima
‘Yung matagal nang ibinigay para sa kanila.
Mahirap MABUHAY ‘pag WALANG CABLE
(Ely M.) Bago ako nag-abroad I was an idiot to think na pare-pareho ang palabas sa TV kahit saan ka pang lupalop ng mundo mapadpad—Mali. Kahit naka-cable ka pa, iba’t iba ang programming ng bawat bansa para sa same cable channel. Tailor made ito sa taste ng mga tao sa bansang tinitirhan mo. So, ang mga pelikula sa HBO sa States ay iba sa movies ng HBO Asia (kasama dito ang ‘Pinas).
Ang bad trip niyan kung wala kang cable sa labas ng Pilipinas—kasi hindi mo ma-afford. Ang mahal nga ng cable service dito sa abroad. At ang pinaka-baddest trip ay kung hindi nag-i-English ang citizens ng bansang kinalulugaran mo. You’ll get the worst kind of “free” shows sa local channel nila.
Nu’ng bagong salta pa lang ako dito sa Indonesia at wala pa kaming cable, wala ni isang English show sa local TV. Lahat ng palabas nagba-Bahasa Indonesia (ito ang tawag sa lenguwahe dito) . Ang Bahasa Indonesia ay parang pinagrambol na Ilokano, Bisaya at Kapangpangan—para ma- imagine n’yo kung papaano ito, ‘eto ang sampol: “Bisa saya ambil uang dengan kartu kredit saya?”
Anudaw?
Can I use my credit card to withdraw money? << in English
Kaya nga tuwing manonood ako ng local TV noon with my roommate, sumasakit ang ulo namin pagkatapos. Hindi ma-comprehend ng utak ko kung anuba ang sinasabi nila?!
Anoooobaaa?!
Like the local news– ang ginagawa namin, binabase na lang namin ‘yung supposedly message ng balita according sa actions nu’ng nagsasalita or ng eksena sa video.
“Ah, nagtatakbuhan… siguro may bombang pinasabog?”
“Hindi nakatawa ‘yung mga tao, e?”
“Artista siguro ‘yang pinagkakaguluhan nila?”
“Ah, presscon?!”
“Ahhhhhh…. Oo, nga.”
“May Biogesic ka pa ba?”
“Teka, ‘eto tubig. Puwede hati tayo?”
(Note all the question marks?)
BUT it doesn’t mean na hindi marunong mag-English ang mga Indonesians sa TV. Slang pa nga sila mag-English dahil karamihan ng celebrities dito or newscasters for that matter ay lumaki or nag-aral sa isang English speaking country, like Australia and the States. They speak Bahasa Indonesia by choice. So, dahil walang choice ang foreign-gers like us, you have to adapt to this kinda system.
On my second week sa bansang ito noong 2006, may isang gabi na hindi ako makatulog. Dahil hindi pa nga ako nakaka-adapt sa pamumuhay, binuksan ko ang TV. Mga 1 am na yata ‘yun.
At parang milagro – sa isang local channel—ipinapalabas ang Season 5 ng…
American Idol—AI…!!!
Hindi ito translated in Bahasa Indonesia… wala itong subtitles in Bahasa Indonesia.
Nagsasalita ang mga tao sa TV— IN ENGLUSH!
Nakita ko muli sina Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson at Paula Abdul na nagpapaiyak ng isang contestant na walang karapatang kumanta using their “destructive” criticisms.
Natuwa ako… at unti-unting tumulo ang isang butil ng luha sa aking mata.
Before I knew it, umiiyak na ako.
Ang dami kong naalala.
Favorite kasi namin itong panoorin sa cable TV namin sa ‘Pinas bago ako nag-aboard.
So, habang nanonood ako at umiiyak… kumakanta ang mga contestants ng kani-kanilang “Stevie Wonder” themed songs.
Naalala ko ‘yung mga kasama kong nanonood ng AI mula pa nu’ng unang ipalabas ito sa Star World channel sa Pilipinas.
‘Yung mga kumpare kong mahihilig sa karaoke na it follows (in our case) mahihilig din sa AI.
‘Yung mga dati kong kaopisina na laging idini-discuss over lunchbreak kung bakit natsugi at nag-move on ang isang contestant.
‘Yung mga kapitbahay naming nakikinood dahil wala silang cable or pinutol na ng Sky Cable ‘yung tapped nilang linya.
‘Yung mga tawanan at alaskahan sa harap ng TV.
At ‘yung pamilya ko na naiwan sa Pinas.
Haaay nako.
Hindi ka ba naman iiyak niyan?
After the show I realized, hindi naman talaga ‘yung English language ang nami-miss ng mga tulad kong OFW na nakadestino sa isang non-English speaking country kundi ‘yung mga bagay na isinakripisyo naming huwag munang makita at marinig para lang mapaunlad ng konti ang buhay.
In some cases, like this one, kasama nga ang mga pamilyar na lengguwahe sa mga hindi mo muna maririnig.
Believe it or not, it took me nine months bago ulit nakapanood ng American Idol dito sa Indonesia.
Nu’ng finally nagka-cable na kami.
Sa awa ng Diyos.
(photofrom: mediadecoder.blogs.com)
Noong Unang Panahon… Part 2
ONCE AGAIN, I did not write this. Somebody sent it to me and it’s too good not to share with others.
Ito kasi ‘yung mga ginagawa naman namin nu’ng mga huling taon ng pagkapresidente ni Cory, pagkatapos ng kauna-unahang EDSA Revolt at pagsisimula ng pagkalat ng sticker na “EDsa ’92”– “Ed” meaning “Eddie” Ramos– si FVR, na nanalo nu’ng 1992.
Ito ang mga huling taon ng Dekada ’80 at ang mga unang taon ng Dekada ’90. Ito ang panahong uso pa
ang makiuso. Kung ginagaya mo ang style ng mga artista, hindi ka tatawaging jologs.
Ito ang panahong tapos na ang Bagong Lipunan, pero malayo pa ang New Millennium. Hindi pa high-tech pero ‘di naman old fashioned. Saktong-sakto lang.
Ito ang panahon namin. “Kraakk-Booom!!!!” < sound epek ng kulog at kidlat.
Paano mo malalaman kung kabilang ka sa henerasyong ito?
Narito ang listahan na makapagpapatunay if you’re one of us.
R U?
1. Paborito mong panoorin ang Shaider, Bio-man, Maskman, Mask Rider Black, Machine Man at kung
ano-anong TV sitcom ng Japan na isinalin sa Tagalog. Break muna sa mga laro kapag alas singko na ng
hapon tuwing Sabado dahil panahon na para sa superhero marathon.
2. Alam mo ang jingle ng Nano-Nano. (isang kending lasang champoy)
3. Nanood ka ng Takeshi’s Castle at naniwala kang si Ajo Yllana talaga si Takeshi at si Smokey
Manaloto ang kanyang alalay. (Pinagiisipan mo – pano sila lumalaban sa final challenge na parang nakasakay
sila sa isang bumpcar at nagbabarilan sila gamit ang water gun gayong sa Japan ginagawa ‘yun, eh, taga
Pilipinas sila?)
4. Alam mo ang pa-contest ng Kool 106 na uulit-ulitin mong bigkasin ang “Kool 106, Kool 106” hanggang maubusan ka ng hininga.
5. Naglaro ka ng Shake-Shake Shampoo, Monkey-Monkey-Annabelle, prikidam 123, Langit-Lupa-Impyerno, Syato, Luksong-Tinik, Luksong-Baka, 10-20 at kung ano-ano pang larong nakakapagod.
6. Pumunta ang mga taga- MILO sa school niyo at namigay sila ng samples na nakalagay sa plastic cup na kasing laki nung sa maliit na ice cream. (at nagtaka ka, bakit hindi ganito ang lasa ng MILO kapag tinitimpla ko sa bahay namin?)
7. May malaking away ang mga METAL (mga punks na nakaitim) at mga HIPHOP (mga taong naka maluwang na puruntong na sa sobrang luwag , eh, kita na minsan na ang dalawang “santol” sa loob ng pantalon.) Nag-aabangan sa mall na may dalang baseball bat at kung anu-ano pang mga sandata. Sikat ang kasabihang “PUNKS NOT DEAD!” pero kung gusto mong mag play safe, pwede mong tawagin ang sarili mong HIPTAL.
8. Alam mo ang universal uwian song na “Uwian na!” na kinakanta sa tono na parang doon sa ikinakasal.
9. Nagpauto ka sa Batibot pero hindi sa ATBP.
10. Nakipag-away ka para makapaglaro ng brick game. (Hi-tech na ‘yun noon)
11. Ang “text” noon ay mga karton na may sukat na 1 inch by 1 1/2 inch na may mga drawing ng pelikulang Pinoy. (At may dialog pa!). Kukuha ka ng tatlong text at pipitikin mo, sabay sigaw ng “TSOB!” Kung mananalo ka (medyo kumplikado ang explanation kung papaano– basta may “tsob”, ibig sabihin taob) bibilang ka nang ganito: “Sa-i, Mudawa, Mutayo-tayo-ta, Tomple!”
12. Dalawa lang ang todong sumikat na wrestler, si Hulk Hogan at si Ultimate Warrior. Naniwala ka rin na namatay si Ultimate Warrior nang buhatin niya si Andre d’ Giant dahil pumutok ang mga ugat niya sa muscle.
13. Nagsayaw ka ng running man at kung anu-anong dance steps na nakapagpamukha sa’yong tanga sa saliw
na kantang Ice Ice Baby, Wiggle It, Pray at Can’t Touch This.
–
14. Hindi ka gaanong mahilig sa That’s Entertainment at pinapanood mo lang ito tuwing Sabado kung saan nagpapagandahan ng production numbers ang Monday hanggang Friday group. (at badtrip ka sa Wednesday Group dahil pinakabaduy lagi ang performance nila!)
15. Kilala mo ang Smokey Mountain , (first and second generation)
16. Hindi pa uso noon ang sapatos na may gulong. Noon, astig ka kapag umiilaw ang swelas ng sapatos mo tuwing ia-apak mo ito. Tinawag rin itong “MightyKid”.
17. Kung lalaki ka, sikat na sikat sa’yo ang mga larong text, jolens, dampa (mga unang anyo ng pustahan), saranggola at ang dakilang manika niyo ay si GI-JOE with alipores (pelikula na ito ngayon).
19. Kung babae ka naman, ang mga laro mo with your girlfriends ay luto-lutuan, bahay-bahayan, doktor-doktoran, at kung anu-ano pang pagkukunwari. Ang dakilang manika mo ay si Barbie. (Sikat ka kung meron kang bahay, kotse at kabaong ni Barbie.)
19. Naniwala kang original ang isang (baseball) cap kapag maywalong tahi sa visor nito. At kung original ang cap mo, siguradong mai-isnatch ito ‘pag nakasakay ka nang jeep o nakadungaw sa bintana ng bus na walang air-con (remember the red JD Bus sa EDSA?)
20. Swerte ka kapag panghapon ka dahil masusubaybayan mo ang mga kapanapanabik na kaganapan sa mga paborito mong cartoon shows tuwing umaga tulad ng Cedie, Sarah, at Dog of Flanders a.k.a. Nelo. (Hindi ka ba nagtataka na sa lahat ng mga bida sa cartoons na ito, si Nelo lang ang di yumaman at namatay pa ng maaga.)
21. Alam mo ang ibig sabihin ng “TIME FIRST!”
22. Alam mo din ang ibig sabihin ng “PERIOD– NO ERASE!”
23. For girls: malamang nag-away na kyo ng ibang friends mo dahil sa T.G.I.S. at Gimik! Pero nagkakasundo kayo dahil sa Tabig Ilog. (Jologs na kung jologs pero umamin ka!)
24. Madalas kang bumili ng “Wonder Boy” sa iyong suking tindahan.
25. Nilalagyan mo ng “Pritos Ring” ang bawat daliri mo at kakainin mong isa-isa.
26. Binabatukan mo ang mga kasama mo kapag nakakita ka ng kalbo o kotseng kuba (Volkswagen) tapos magtataas ka ng peace sign.
27. At minsan yung linyang “PERIOD NO ERASE” ay may dagdag pang “AKIN PADLOCK, AKIN SUSI” (Eh, di sayo! Hehe.)
28. Noon for little girls, hindi ka “in” pag wala kang magnetic pencil case na maraming pindutan at maraming lalagyan ng lapis at kung ano ano pa.
29. Noon wala ka sa “fashion” pag wala kang Pop Swatch (‘yung relong sinlaki ng wall clock for your wrist.)
30. Kabisado mo ang “Three O’clock Prayer” dahil sa “Three O’clock Habit” at saulado mo din pati ‘yung part na “we have just as one nation started the beautiful three o’clock habit…we hope that this becomes a daily habit with you…”
Bakit kaya ganon? Kahit ‘sang lupalop ka ng Pilipinas lumaki noon, eh, nakaka-relate ka sa mga pinagsasasabi ko.
Siguro’y dahil wala pang Cable at kakaunti lang ang pagpipiliang channels kaya parepareho tayo ng pinapanood. Maaaring wala pang Playstation kaya kung anu-ano na lang ang naiimbentong laro na pwedeng gawin sa kalsada o sa isang bakanteng lote.
Kung ano man ang dahilan sa pagkaparepareho ng mga karanasan natin, masaya na rin akong naging bata (at binata) ako sa panahong ito. Masarap alalahanin at balik-balikan, ‘di ba?
Haay, nako. Nakaka-miss ang ‘Pinas.
(imagefrom: fanpop.com)
Paano kung mali para sa ‘yo si MR. RIGHT?
(LJI) LAHAT ng lalaki na nanliligaw—nambobola rin.
Madali lang magsabi ng “I love you” pero mahirap pangatawanan ng salitang ito.
So—tanong ng isa kong kaibigang babae—ano ang pagkakaiba ng sinungaling sa seryoso?
Kung babae ka, sampung tanong lang ang dapat mong sagutin kung gusto mo talagang malaman kung totoong mahal ka nga ng syota mo.
Una: Nabigyan ka na ba niya ng bulaklak?
Kung hindi ka niya kayang bigyan ng napakasimpleng halaman (na puwedeng pitasin kahit sa tabi ng kalye), ano pa ang maaasahan mong maibibigay niya sa iyo?
Pangalawa: May naibigay na ba siya sa iyong “lovenote”?
Importante ang “lovenote” (sa papel man o sa text) kasi he’s putting his feelings in black and white, na puwede ring i-printed. In any court case, legal document na ito as proof of his undying love.
Pangatlo: Kaya ka ba niyang titigan nang matagal habang sinasabi ang “I love you.”
Maraming lalaki na sasabihing korni ang pag-a-“I love you”. Kung hindi niya kayang mag-exert man lang ng effort na sabihin ito sa harap mo, magduda ka na. Baka nga hindi ka niya mahal.
Pang-apat: Naipakilala ka na ba niya sa parents niya?
‘Eto ang secret girls—‘yung mga totoong mahal lang ng mga lalaki ang ipinapakilala nila sa mga magulang nila. Bihira itong gawin ng boys kasi, mahirap na kada buwan e iba ang ipinapakilala mo sa parents mo. Kahit ako, sa dinami-dami ng naging syota ko (ehermm…), ‘yung naging misis ko lang ang nakarating sa amin.
Panglima: Naaalala ba niya ang “monthsary” n’yo?
Kung lagi niya itong kinakalimutan ngayon pa lang, mas marami siyang makakalimutan sa darating pang panahon. Ang masama baka ikaw na ang kasunod na ma-erase sa memory niya.
Pang-anim: Nililibre ka ba niya tuwing date n’yo?
Kung ikaw ang laging gumagastos sa date n’yo, ganito rin ang mangyayari kung sakaling magkatuluyan kayo. Ikaw ang magtatrabaho at gagastos for your future family—believe me.
Pangpito: Nagho-holding hands ba kayo in public?
Ang PDA (Public Display of Affection) ang pinakakongretong katunayan na proud siya na kasama ka. Na nawawala siya sa sarili niya tuwing magkatabi kayo. Na ikaw lang ang mahalaga sa moment na ‘yun. Kung hindi niya kayang gawin ito, natatakot ‘yan na baka may makakita sa inyo—malamang ‘yung iba pa niyang girl friend o mga kaibigan ng girl friend niya, o ‘yung mismong misis niya..
Pangwalo: Madalas mo ba siyang kasama sa loob ng isang linggo?
Kung once a week mo lang nakakasama ang boyfriend mo, don’t expect na uuwi ‘yan sa bahay n’yo everyday kung sakaling kasal na kayo. ‘Yung mga ganitong lalaki, laging nasa lakwastahan, kabarkada o trabaho (kunyari). Kung uuwi man ‘yan, gabi na palagi kung kelan tulog ka na.
Pangsiyam: Nasigawan ka na ba niya?
‘Eto ang pinakamasama na puwedeng gawin ng boyfriend mo sa iyo. Kahit matagal na kayong mag-on, he has no right na sigawan ka niya dahil wala siyang karapatan. Legally speaking, he’s a stranger shouting at you. Wala kayong binding agreement na puwede ka niyang talakan or mag-feeling superior. Just imagine kung mister mo na ‘yan—baka hindi lang sigaw ang aabutin mo. Leave this kind of guy as soon as possible.
Pangsampu: Mas madalas ka bang umiiyak o tumatawa ‘pag kasama ka?
Ang love dapat nagpapasaya sa iyo. Kung mahal ka ng lalaki, dapat gagawin niya ang lahat para mapasaya ka niya. Kung puro problema, pasakit at sama ng loob lang ang ibinibigay niya sa iyo—DO NOT EXPECT THIS SITUATION TO CHANGE. Isa itong sneak preview ng magiging buhay mo kung magkakatuluyan nga kayo as husband and wife.
Sabi nga ng kasabihan, pakasalan mo ‘yung taong minamahal ka kahit hindi mo masyadong feel at ‘wag yung taong mahal na mahal mo na hindi ka naman feel.
At ituring mo na napakalaking blessing kung suwerte kang mahal ka rin ng minamahal mo dahil bihira na nga itong mangyari.
(visual from brendapool.com)
MICHAEL JACKSON FAREWELL– replays HERE!
Malinaw na live video– as it happened July 7, 2009– for those of you who missed it.
CLICK the LINK BELOW:
Growing Up With MICHAEL JACKSON
(LJI) MATAWA na kayong lahat, aamin ako today, I’m a big Michael Jackson fan. Kung magkakaroon kasi ng music playlist ang henerasyong kinabibilangan ko, malamang puro awitin ni Michael and pupuno dito. It was such a long time ago but I feel I need to write this down.
1. Give Love On Christmas Day (released 1970)
Sabi ng mga elders ng pamilya namin, noong mga bata pa raw kami, dinala nila kami sa isang concert ng Jackson 5 sa Araneta Coliseum diyan sa may Cubao, QC. Pero wala nga akong naaalala dito. Basta ang alam ko, isa sa senyales na malapit na ang Pasko sa bahay namin o sa buong Pilipinas ang pagpapatugtog till your ears bleed ng Christmas classic na “Give Love On Christmas Day” ng Jackson 5. At kung hindi n’yo pa alam, isang 12 year old Michael Jackson ang nagbu-vocals dito. At magpahanggang ngayon, required na chorus after ng linyang “…Taking time to be kind to one and all…” ang “hooo-hooo-hooo…”
2. She’s Out Of My Life (released 1979)
Hindi ko ‘to makakalimutan dahil kinanta ito ng isang babaeng classmate ko nu’ng high school para sa isang lalaking classmate ko rin. Sabi niya before singing, “This is dedicated to Neil…” at gaya nga ni Michael humihikbi din ‘yung girl at the end of the song dahil ayaw siyang pansinin si Neil. Natatawa naman si Neil dahil “HE’S out of my life” daw dapat ang tamang linya kung para sa kanya nga ‘yung dedication. Loko.
3. Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough (released 1979)
Sa sobrang kasikatan ng kantang ito ni Michael, may nag-translate nito in Tagalog. Ang kinalabasan ng linyang “Keep on with the force don’t, don’t stop till you get enough…” ay “Kaya John, magsumikap… dapat magsumikap ka…” at ginawa itong theme song ng “John En Marsha” ni Dolphy sa lumang Channel 9.
4. Someone In The Dark (special edition, released 1982)
Kasama ang kantang ito sa isang special album na ni-release to promote the movie “E.T. (the Extra Terrestrial) ” na dinirek ni Steven Spielberg. Hindi ko alam ‘yun dahil sa VCD ko na napanood ang E.T. after 10 years from its original showing dahil ayaw ni Spielberg mag-release ng video version. Pero 10 years ko nga itong ginigitara dahil masarap siyang kantahin. Sabi ni E.T. sa gitna ng kanta “Thaaaaaank you” kay Michael. Sana sumagot si Michael nang “Your Wehhhhhhhhllcome.”
5. Billie Jean (released as a single 1983)
The 1984 Grammy Awards was the first one I ever watched on TV sa Channel 9 (again). Sa TV plug kasi nito, nominated si Michael for several Grammy Awards including Best R&B Song for Billie Jean. Laking pasalamat ko dahil it was truly an historic night. He ended up with a record 8 Grammy Awards. Kinabukasan na-realize ko naging Jackson fanatic akong bigla nang napansin kong ginagaya ko na ‘yung Jackson walk sa intro ng Bilie Jean video habang ini-imagine kong umiilaw ‘yung tiles ng sahig namin sa bawat hakbang ko. Later on, ‘yung isang best friend ko named his first child “Billy” after the song. Joke namin, para ‘pag malaki na si Billy puwede siyang utusang bumili ng alak ng tatay niya with the words, “Billy– bili Gin.”
6. Beat It (released as a single 1983)
This was the song that kept playing in my head everyday while walking to school. Walking to the beat, ‘eka nga. I love the guitar solo sa song na ito at kung meron ngang list ng best guitar solos in a pop song, ‘yung guitar solo dito sa “Beat It” ang No. 1 ko. At bakit nga hindi siya magiging hayup sa galing – si Eddie Van Halen (ng rock band na Van Halen) ang nag-solo dito. Hindi nga lang guitars ang magaling sa song. Hayup din ang choreography at dance moves ni Michael sa video. During this time I discovered dancing. I hated dancing. But it became a guilty pleasure. Sabi nga ni Madonna sa kantang “Into the Groove“…lock the doors so no one else could see…” Siyempre kasama na porma namin ‘yung pormang Michael: konting “S” na palawit ng buhok sa may bandang noo—a la Superman at secretly pagdadala ng sequined glove in my pocket. ‘Pag may nagtatanong kung bakit may sequined glove ako, sagot ko “Nagta-trapik ako dyan sa kanto.”
7. Thriller (released as an album 1982)
If you’re a child of the ‘80s, I’m sure you know some of the dance moves from this classic song and video. Naglabas ng “The Making of Thriller” noon at ang ginagawa namin ng mga barkada ko, sino-slow motion naming ‘yung video para lang ma-imitate every dance move. Dito nga naming napatunayan na possible palang umikot nang pitong beses gaya ni Michael kung naka-Blah Blah kang sapatos. Sa sobrang familiar nga ng choreography nito, may nag-perform nito perfectly sa high school field demo namin nu’ng 1984. So, ‘yung mga bilanggo na nagti-Thriller sa Youtube, sorry to say, hindi sila ang original.
8. I Just Can’t Stop Lovin You (released 1987)
College student ako na naglalakad pauwi sa loob ng SM North Edsa (hindi pa siya “City” noon) nu’ng marinig ko ang kantang ito. Sabi ko, “Kaboses ni Michael? It’s been 5 years mula nu’ng na-release ang “Thriller”—may bago kaya siyang album? Lo and behold, sa harap ng record store (Odyssey yata) naroon nga ang poster ng album na “Bad”! Unti-unti akong nangiti. Nagbalik sa aking alaala ‘yung teenage Michael Jackson phase ko “Here we go again,” isip ko. Pero habang tinititigan ko ‘yung poster napansin ko, nag-iba na rin ang mukha ni Michael: mahaba ang buhok, maputi na may cleft chin at iba na naman ang kanyang ilong. He looked bad. Parang hindi kasi bagay ‘yung physical changes. Kaso sabi nga sa kanta, “I just can’t stop lovin you… Michael.” Nag-moonwalk ako happily the rest of my way going home na ikina-pudpod ng suot kong Chuck Taylor.
9. Smooth Criminal (released 1987)
“Moonwalker” ang title ng movie at dito pinagsama-sama ang lahat ng video ng album na “Bad”. Pinalabas ito sa isang movie theatre sa Recto kung saan malapit ang university namin. Buong tropa ko sa college nag-cut classes para lang manood nito at magsasayaw sa loob ng sinehan, especially during the extended video ng “Smooth Criminal”. It was the nearest thing to a Michael Jackson concert. Alam namin lahat ng kanta, alam naming ang dance moves at nagkabistuhan na na saan ka man lupalop ng Pilipinas lumaki, imposibleng hindi naimpluwensiyahan ang pagkabata mo ng musika ni Michael. Favorite dance move namin after watching “Bad” ay ang “crotch hold” (o hawak betlog). Dahil kay Michael hindi ka na nga mahihiya mag-adjust ng kargada mo in public kung kinakailangan.
HISTORY WORLD TOUR—December 10 1996 Asia World, Paranaque.
After 15 looooong years, nangyari nga ang imposible. Nagkaroon ng concert schedule si Michael Jackson sa Pilipinas. Nagtatrabaho na ako by this time sa isang showbiz magazine. At parang pinagtagpo nga ng panahon dahil nakakuha ang editorial office namin ng invites para sa press launching ng concert sa Manila Hotel. First time ko sa Manila Hotel at napakaengrande ng “ambulance” sa loob, siyempre engrande din ang concert (‘eto ‘yung same video na ipinakita during the launch). Dahil sa excitement na na-build up in me during the press launch, hindi nga ako na-satisfy sa free tickets na bigay sa press na pinauupo ka sa pinakalikod ng reclaimed land are ng Asia World, sa tabi ng naglalakihang metal cargo containers na ginawa nilang pader. Bumili ako ng tatlong middle seat audience tickets worth 3 thousand pesos each, mapalapit sa aking idol. One for me, one for another friend na MJ fan din and one for my future-misis. Ubos ang laman ng credit card ko only for this once in a lifetime chance to get close to my childhood idol.
10. Childhood (released 1995)
Among the 30 songs na included sa double album na “HIStory” ito ang nas-stick sa mind ko. Sabi sa first line ng kanta, tinatanong tayo ni Michael: “Have you seen my childhood?” Only then I finally understood kung ano nga ba si Michael, ano siya sa buhay ko. Sa buhay natin.
Siya ‘yung nagpapaalala nu’ng mga masayang Pasko sa Pilipinas nu’ng musmos pa tayo sa “Give Love On Christmas Day”; ‘yung teenage loneliness nu’ng wala ka pang girlfriend sa “Someone In The Dark” ; falling totally in love sa “I Just Can’t Stop Lovin You”; makagunaw mundong teenage heartbreaks natin sa “She’s Out Of My Life”; mga kalokohan ng tropang high school sa “Thriller”, “Beat It” at “Billie Jean” at goodtime sa college while listening to “Bad” at “Smooth Criminal”. Hindi lang pala nakadugtong si Michael sa ilang highlights sa buhay natin kundi naka-link din siya sa mga taong nakasama at nakilala natin habang pinapatugtog ang mga awitin niya sa radio o sa mga cassette at CD players noon. Kaya nga ‘pag nakikinig tayo ng iPod today ng illegally downloaded nating Michael Jackson song at ipipikit natin ang ating mga mata, nakikita natin muli ‘yung mga taong ‘yun at bumabalik lahat ng feelings from our own childhood.
After feeling like a child again during the two hour concert na ‘yun kung saan nakita ko ang 38 year old na si Michael nang malapitan, of course he looked old–er. May tiyan na—parang maliit beer belly. Parang nagli-lipsynch na. At parang hindi na niya kayang mag-spin seven times. But the same energy, the same passion and the same commitment to entertain us, hindi nawala. The crowd of 90,000 na nanood with us showed the same energy, passion and commitment kahit nga naghintay kami ng 15 years to get to that moment.
Pagkatapos ng concert, naglakad lahat ng audience from Paranaque hangang Manila bago makasakay ng taxi. Puno ang buong Roxas Blvd ng mga taong naglalakad: puyat, pagod, paos pero lahat nakangiti. Kami lalo dahil kung nakalimutan ko na nga ‘yung supposedly Jackson 5 concert sa Araneta nu’ng kamusmusan ko nu’ng late ‘70s—‘etong 1996 concert na ito ni Michael Jackson nagbalik muli for a moment ang “wonder in my youth”.
The next morning we all grew up and finally moved on (LJI).
How Will You Remember MICHAEL JACKSON?
(LJI)
LOVE him or hate him, he’s definitely led one very interesting life.
I just need to ask you this question:
If you think there are other words to describe MJ, feel free to comment.
CyberSex Anyone?
(LJI)
Ayon sa Wikipedia ang cybersex ay…
…Synonymous to “computer sex”, “internet sex” or “net sex”. It is a “virtual sex encounter” in which two or more persons connected remotely via a computer network send one another sexually explicit messages describing a sexual experience. It is a form of role-playing in which the participants pretend they are having actual sexual relations to arouse each other. Cybersex can be accomplished through the use of Usernames in a multiuser software environment, like YM, MSN, wordpress (i’m kidding!) or any internet website chatroom.
SEXAMPLE (translated from bash.org):
GalitnasiPedro: Hi, Lakambini. ASL?
Lakambini: 20 F Pasay. Kaw?
GalitnasiPedro: 22 M Makati. Private Message?
Lakambini: K
GalitnasiPedro: (in PM mode) What do you look like?
Lakambini: (in PM mode) 5’3” in height. Nakapula akong silk blouse ngayon, maong na mini-skirt at black high heels. 36-24-36 ang measurements ko sabi ng gym instructor ko. Ikaw?
GalitnasiPedro: I’m 6’2″. 280 pounds. Cute ako kaso I wear thick glasses. Naka-pajama ako ngayon at T-shirt na natapunan ng ketchup. Kumain kasi kami ng galunggong kani-kanina lang dinner. LOL
Lakambini: LOL. R u feelin hot? Wanna cyber?
GalitnasiPedro: Ah, OK
Lakambini: Isipin mo nasa bedroom tayo. May lovesong na tumutugtog sa CD player. Dim light kasi scented candles lang ang ilaw. I’m looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
GalitnasiPedro: Ambilis mo naman. Napalunok ako. Pinagpapawisan nang malamig.
Lakambini: I’m pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
GalitnasiPedro: Now I’m unbuttoning your blouse. Nanginginig ang mga braso ko.
Lakambini: I’m moaning softly.
GalitnasiPedro: Dahan-dahan kong inaalis ang malambot mong blouse.
Lakambini: I’m throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I’m rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
GalitnasiPedro: Napa-igwas ako dahil sa kiliti… Ay! napunit ko ang blouse mo. Sorry.
Lakambini: Ok lang. Mura lang naman ang bili ko diyan. Lmao.
GalitnasiPedro: Bayaran ko na lang.
Lakambini: Don’t worry about it. I’m wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder.
GalitnasiPedro: Ah, e… HIndi ko mabuksan ang bra mo. Mahigpit ang lock. May gunting ka ba dyan?
Lakambini: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I’m reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
GalitnasiPedro: How did you do that? Yumuko ako.. para pulutin ang bra mo sa sahig. Tinitignan ko kung paano mo nabuksan?
Lakambini: I’m arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
GalitnasiPedro: I’m dropping the bra. Now I’m licking your… you know, breasts. Hihi. They’re nice!
Lakambini: I’m running my fingers through your hair. Now I’m nibbling your ear.
GalitnasiPedro: I suddenly sneezed. Your breasts are now covered with spit and phlegm.
Lakambini: What?
GalitnasiPedro: I’m so sorry. Ganu’n kasi ako ‘pag nahahatsing.
Lakambini: I’m wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
GalitnasiPedro: I’m taking the wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop… puno nga talaga ito ng plema at dura. Eeww.
Lakambini: OK. I’m pulling your pajamas down and rubbing your hard tool.
GalitnasiPedro: Eeeeeeeeee!!!! Napatili ako. Malamig ang kamay mo!
Lakambini: I’m pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
GalitnasiPedro: I’m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you…umm… Wait… wait a minute.
Lakambini: What’s the matter?
GalitnasiPedro: I’ve got a pubic hair caught in my throat. Kaahhk! KaaahhKK!! << choking
Lakambini: Are you OK?
GalitnasiPedro: Kaaahhkk!! Khaaakh!! Ubo! Ubo! Cough! Cough!
Lakambini: Can I help?
GalitnasiPedro: Napatakbo ako sa kusina. Kailangan ko ng tubig. Kaaahhk!!! Saan mo nilalagay ‘yung mga baso n’yo?
Lakambini: ????
GalitnasiPedro: I’m drinking a glass of water. There, that’s better.
Lakambini: Come back to me, lover.
GalitnasiPedro: Teka, huhugasan ko muna ang baso. Nakakahiya naman.
Lakambini: I’m on the bed arching for you.
GalitnasiPedro: Pinupunasan ko muna ang baso at ibabalik sa cabinet. Baka magalit nanay mo. And now I’m walking back to the bedroom. TekA, I’m lost. Where’s the bedroom nga ulit?
Lakambini: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
GalitnasiPedro: I found it.
Lakambini: I’m tuggin’ off your pants. I’m moaning. I want you so badly.
GalitnasiPedro: Me too.
Lakambini: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
GalitnasiPedro: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. Dinidiinan mo ang salamin ko. It hurts.
Lakambini Why don’t you take off your glasses?
GalitnasiPedro: OK, but I can’t see very well without them. Oh, well. Hinubad ko ang salamin ko at inilagay sa side table.
Lakambini: I’m bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
GalitnasiPedro: Teka, teka.. iihi muna ako. Gumegewang-gewang akong nagmamadali papunta sa banyo. I can’t see well. Sa’n na nga ba salamin ko?
Lakambini: Hurry back, lover.
GalitnasiPedro: I find the bathroom and it’s dark. I’m feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Lakambini: I’m waiting eagerly for your return.
GalitnasiPedro: Madlim sa banyo. Hindi ko Makita ang ilaw. Ihing-ihi na ako! Ahhhh… ditto na lang… Oooops.
Lakambini: What’s the matter now?
GalitnasiPedro: Naihian ko ‘yung laundry hamper mo. Sorry ulit. HIndi ko napigil. Akala ko bowl.
Lakambini: Mmm, OK. Come on.
GalitnasiPedro: OK, now I’m going to put my…you know …Pedro…in your…you know…alam mo na.
Lakambini: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
GalitnasiPedro: I’m touching your smooth pwet. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I’m having a little trouble here.
Lakambini: I’m moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can’t stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
GalitnasiPedro: Teka… teka… lumambot.
Lakambini: What?!!!<< asar na
GalitnasiPedro: Lumambot si Pedro… ayaw nang tumayo…
Lakambini: I’m standing up and turning around; Nakakainsulto naman ‘yan.
GalitnasiPedro: I’m getting sad. Tumayo na ako sa kama. Kukunin ko ang salamin ko para tignan nang malapitan si Peds.
Lakambini: No, never mind. I’m getting dressed. I’m putting on my underwear. Now I’m putting on my wet nasty blouse na puno ng plema mo!
GalitnasiPedro: No wait! Kinakapa ko kung saan ko pinatong ang salamin ko… kapa… kap…Nasagi ko ang scented candles mo… natumba… papunta sa…
Lakambini: I’m buttoning my blouse. Nagbibihis na ako. Now I’m putting on my heels.
GalitnasiPedro: I’ve found my glasses. I’m putting them on. OH, NOOO! ‘Yung kandila… nasusunog ang kurtina ng kuwarto… Ahhhhh!!!! Suuunoooggg!!!.
Lakambini: Go to hell. Putangina mo! I’m logging off. Loser!!!
GalitnasiPedro: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo! Helllppp!!!! Nanaangkupooo!!!
LAKAMBINI HAS JUST SIGNED OUT
scanned thoughts 