Where is Pinoy Pride? I’ll tell you where…

SOMEONE named Tess Underwood uploaded a question in “Yahoo! Answers” that’s very demeaning to Filipinos. Here’s a copy:

Here’s the actual page: CLICK THIS.

The problem with this entry is that if you Google “Pinoy Pride”, it comes out as the second item in the Google search list (right after the Pinoy Pride Network site).

This negative opinion has become the second reference material for Pinoy Pride searches on line.

Which is quite unfair to all Filipinos and the Philippines.

I got so pissed, I wanted to give my Yahoo answer but the page has closed.

Tess has accepted and gave a high rating to an answer that affirms her distorted beliefs (you can see it there).

So, I’ve decided to post my answer, my scanned thoughts, here.

I am proud to be a Filipino and I will try to answer ALL her opinions one by one to enlighten her on what being a Filipino is really about:

Opinion 1: Filipinos always brag to be part Chinese, part American, part Dutch, part Korean, part Japanese, part Spanish. I have yet to meet one that says they are proud to be….Filipino.

My answer: If you know about the rich history of the Filipinos, you would not even ask this question. Filipinos are part African, Indonesian, Malaysian, Chinese, Spanish, American, Japanese, Arab, Korean, Australian and European.

The original “Filipinos” were the dark-skinned Negritos who walked all the way from Africa when the Pangaea continent still existed (we still have some of these ethnic Filipinos in Subic; you also see them in Manila during Christmas). Next to come were the Indones (from Indonesia) who brought their culture and language to our land, that’s why we have a lot of similar customs and traditions with them (our ancient handwriting, a lot of Filipino words, the the musical instruments angklung and gamelan). Last were the Malays (from Malaysia) who brought the Muslim religion to Southern Philippines. Later the Chinese traders came, who passed in our islands to trade with the Indones and Malays. When we were colonized by Spain, they gave our islands the collective name “Islas Filipinas” and the island natives were called “Filipino” after King Philip of Spain. That’s why Rizal—who is Filipino—is also half-Chinese.

So, even before the Spaniards came in the 1500s, we have been a rich mixture of different races; that’s what makes us different. That’s why we are also one of the most beautiful races in the world. That’s why the Westerners, the Arabs and other Asian countries fall in love with our Pinay beauties, court them and later marry them for keeps. That’s also why we have the Fil-American-Arab-European-Korean-Japanese children who are all products of post WW II inter-racial marriages brought about by war/ tourism/business/jobs abroad.

Remember, these are very open-minded foreigners who have chosen to marry Pinays against the accepted norms of their own societies. So, it’s a sacrifice for both husband and wife; it’s also a bit confusing for us, the products of these unions. However,  we have to be proud of this fact—that being Filipino is being part of another race– that we were able to survive all those challenges in our history to produce a racial breed that is culturally, beautifully, intellectually, creatively mixed and diverse.

Only Nazis would strictly tolerate a society of pure breeds. And you should know how that idea ended.

Read up:  http://philippines-timeline.com/spanish.htm

Opinion 2: 100% of the ‘famous Filipino’ actors and models, are only 1/4th Filipino.

My answer: This is a baseless generalization. You need to give specific names of these “famous Filipinos” before you insinuate that your statements are factual. What is true in the context of Philippine show business today is that a lot of these “famous actors and models” use the term Filipino because they are trying to work in the Philippines as actors and models or would want to get a fan base in the Philippines. If they present themselves as foreigners, they might not get hired, because by then the Department of Foreign Affairs would require them a work permit which will cost them and their employers a lot of money. Certainly the common Pinoy Fan wouldn’t want to idolize them for being too-Hollywood. So, it’s not about Pinoy Pride; it’s more about show-Business. I guess if you think they don’t deserve to be called Filipinos, the best way for you to handle your personal baggage against them is to boycott whatever products or programmes they endorse. Otherwise just let them earn a living.

Here’s a better list of certified “famous Filipino” celebrities:

http://www.famousfilipino.com/content/view/263/138/

Opinion 3: All the products in the Philippines say “export quality”. That means it’s so good, it’s good for foreigners. Shouldn’t it say ‘Pinoy quality’?

My answer: If you are going to talk about products from the Philippines from a business perspective and you would want to successfully market that product internationally, the term “export quality” would be the best description. You need to use words that everybody in the world would understand so that they would buy your product. Also remember, most of these exports are produced and marketed in a free market system that involves plenty of sharing of ideas, raw materials and investments from our partner countries, so why should Pinoys take all the credit? You should think globally if you’re selling to a global market.

From  http://www.philexport.ph/philippines-economy

“The Philippines exports continue with its upward trend throughout 2012. While US and Japan have remained the country’s two largest export markets, China and ASEAN countries have grown in importance. Other key markets include Hong Kong, Germany, Netherlands, South Korea, France and India.”

Opinion 4: Almost all of the products have Japanese, Chinese, English, or Korean writing. Giving the impression that these products are exported. With the exception of San Miguel products, Philippines products ARE NOT exported. It is mere faux Japanese, and faux Chinese.

My answer: If these are “faux Japanese and faux Chinese”, then the manufacturers have just wasted a large amount of their printing budget. Do you think any businessman would spend for something that will not have any purpose? In advertising, the more text and colour you put in the label design the more production cost you incur. I think you should be happy when you see foreign words in the items you consume because it means you have been being given an opportunity to taste what the rest of the world are having. These are authentic products for export—usually they are production overruns (sobra). So, some of them end up in the local markets even if they’re not supposed to.

From http://www.foodexport.org/Resources/CountryProfileDetail.cfm?ItemNumber=1030

“The Philippines is fast becoming a regional staging area for foreign food manufacturers that seek to penetrate the lucrative East and South East Asian market for processed products. This country has been identified for the ability of its workforce to manufacture high quality, differentiated or niche-market, and high valued products using both domestic and duty-free imported raw materials.”

Opinion 5: Courtship, Filipino style: If Filipinos had pride, then why do the girls here scream and beg to be with any foreigner who happens to walk down the street? Why does everyone here offer their niece, daughter, sister, grand daughter, etc. for marriage to a total stranger, so long as he is foreign? Even if the girl is a teenager, and the foreigner is a 200 kilo, 73 year old in a wheelchair? Why do people offer their children for sex, as young as 5?

My answer: If you’re talking about prostitution and sex trade, why are you focussing only on Filipinos? This “system” is legal in 50% of all countries in the world. It is even illegal in the Philippines! Do not generalize that everyone in the Philippines does it. If you’re talking about our 101,833,938 Filipino citizens nationwide, how much of that number do you think “scream and beg to be with any foreigner who happens to walk down the street”?

Prostitution—the oldest profession in the world– is a common story in all countries where poverty is very high and strict traditions are followed. It’s even worst in Eastern Europe (with their economy going to the dumps). It’s been happening in the Arab world, Africa, India, Japan and China for centuries (with their arranged marriages to privileged men in exchange for land and cattle). Even the crack addicts in the United States are doing the same thing (most of the time they don’t even get married—they just sell sex, later to buy drugs). It’s not the country, its poverty. And there are a lot of poor people all over the world, not only in the Philippines, if no one has told you yet.

Read up:

http://prostitution.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=000772#afghanistan

Opinion 6: If they have pride, then why do they charge dishonest prices at the wet market?

My answer: It’s not dishonest. It’s called price mark-ups. In the business of selling, you need capital to buy or create your product. To be able to make a profit out of that product you need to sell it at a price that is more than your capital. Some prices are intentionally high at wet markets because it’s also a common practice to haggle with the customer to come up with an acceptable price for both the vendor and the buyer. And yes, like all your previous assumptions, it does not only happen in the Philippines. If you think, its way overpriced, then go to the nearest police station or barangay hall or a DTI Office and have the vendor arrested.

Watch one man’s experience in Bali, INDONESIA:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLTfyjUk3mQ

Opinion 7: Where is the pride, when, if a foreigner goes out in public, everyone smiles, points, stares, and shouts at them. Tries to pawn off stolen goods, or over-priced goods. Or yells rude, inappropriate things?

My answer: Clearly you’ve never been to New York City, USA where illegal vendors, who are also irritating to the public is a big problem:

Click this source>> http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20120608/soho/city-should-overhaul-complex-street-vendor-laws-police-say

Or INDIA, where everyone in the market place “smiles, points, stares, and shouts…tries to pawn off stolen goods, or over-priced goods. Or yells rude, inappropriate things”.

Click this proof >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDBoyX17QBM

Again—Not only in the Philippines!!!

Opinion 8: Finally, If the Philippine is so great, then why is it everyone’s dream to get out, and move to another country? The Philippines is a tiny nation, yet 50,000, FIFTY THOUSAND, migrate to the USA alone, PER YEAR. That’s just one nation. Let alone Australia, UK, Japan, etc. 2,500 Filipinos migrate out of their country-PER DAY. That’s over a MILLION per yer. If the Philippines is the best place on Earth, why leave?

My answer: Where did you get this stupid information? 50,000 people a year?! How? The Philippines is not even on the global list of countries with the highest migration rate. In Qatar, only 10% of their citizens are staying in their country to work. 90% of the Qataris are staying out of their country. Does that mean they don’t like being in their country?

Click this source:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_net_migration_rate

Do you know why were not on the list? It’s actually very hard for Filipinos to leave the country with all the paperwork alone (legal or otherwise), not to mention the enormous cost.  Migrating is very expensive. And do you know how hard it is for Filipinos to change citizenship abroad? If you speak to all the Filipinos who are now abroad, if given a choice, they would rather come back and die old in the Philippines. But why do the eager ones leave? It’s because we get higher salaries abroad. Why, because we Filipinos have a highly regarded international reputation as very hardworking, loyal and intelligent. We leave to work and get paid well, but surely we will be back home again.

Opinion 9: There. Only a few things to look at. I’m not racist, nor political. I just think it would be better if Filipinos said “okay, this place sucks, but…..”. Instead of making it seem like the paradise that it’s not.

I am really quite curious about this. ‘Pinoy Pride’ is something in-yo-face every day here, but where is it REALLY? Any constructive feedback? Salamat po!

My answer: If indeed you are Filipino (as you claim to be), and you love your country (as you seem to insinuate) then you should be proud of your country and your countrymen. We should always say WE ARE PROUD OF THE PHILIPPINES because in the end, even if you say “it sucks” it’s the only country we have. It’s the only home for the Filipinos. It’s the only paradise for Proud Filipinos.

Truth be told, you will never feel totally accepted anywhere else in the world except in your own country. You will never be treated as an equal by another race in their own country. Ask anyone who have been abroad.

Sad to say– you are racist, political and very ignorant.

But it’s not too late.

I hope I have helped you change your mind set about your country and your countrymen.

If I haven’t, then shame on you.

And everyone else who agree with you.
MABUHAY ANG PILIPINAS!

MABUHAY ANG MGA PILIPINO!

(aLJI, June 2012)

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Hunyo 15, 2012. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . KUPAL nation, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. Mag-iwan ng puna.

HOW TO Appreciate… a RAINBOW

SOMETIMES when you feel

that the world is not a good place to be

with all its complicated problems

and all your own problems

all mixed up with everyone else’s,

we are reminded that

there is always joy in the simplest of things.

That at the end of the day

the only thing that matters is

trusting that there is Someone in charge

who will take care of all our worries

and make everything alright.

CLICK THE VIDEO BELOW

and see what real happiness is all about 🙂

(Video’s loading too slow? CLICK>> THIS)

Whenever I bring clouds over the earth

and a rainbow appears in the clouds,

I will remember my covenant between me and you

and all living creatures of every kind.

Never again will the waters become

a flood to destroy all life.”

(Genesis 9:15-16)

Agosto 28, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Pilosopo PHILOSOPHY, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 4 mga puna.

Who came first Batman or Superman?

by aLjI– IF you’re wondering who can turn comic books into movies faster than a speeding bullet, I’ll say the Filipinos can.

After stumbling into Dennis Villegas’ and Andrew Leavold’s websites, I’ve come to the conclusion that the Philippines is quicker on the draw… or was quicker.

 The ‘50s up to the ‘70s seemed quite an exciting period in Philippine cinema based on these posters and “komiks” both bloggers have posted on their sites– proof that back in the day when copyright infringement was more blurry than it is today; Philippine cinema and the Komikbook industry had quite an impressive output of plagiarized superheroes.

Here are some samples in a blog we’ll call:

 WHO CAME FIRST…?

1.  “IRON MAN: The Movie “or “CAPTAIN BARBELL Kontra CAPTAIN BAKAL” Da Pelikula?!

Iron Man first appeared in Tales of Suspense, published by Marvel Comics in 1963.

“Iron Man: The Movie” starring Robert Downey, Jr was released in 2008 .

“Captain Barbell Kontra Captain Bakal” (obviously, “Captain Bakal” was the Iron Man of the Philippines) starring Willie Sotelo as “Captain Barbell” and  Carlos Padilla, Jr. as “Dario”  was shown in 1965…

 …43 years before Downey’s blockbuster film.

 2. “LITTLE MERMAID” or “DYESEBEL”?!

“Little Mermaid” is an original Hans Christian Anderson tale published in 1837 .

There have been a lot of versions in both films and TV shows. The most famous today is, of course, the Disney cartoon “Little Mermaid” which was shown in 1989.

The Philippine movie version starred Jaime Dela Rosa and Edna Luna as “Dyesebel”, a dead-on copy of the Little Mermaid. It was shown in 1953…

…a full 36 years prior to the famed Disney version.

 3. “BATMAN” or “ALYAS BATMAN AT ROBIN”?!

 After the success of Adam West’s “Batman” TV series, they turned it into a full-length film creatively called… “Batman”, and was released in 1966.

The movie follow-up came a bit late via Tim Burton’s … hold your breath…“Batman”, starring Michael Keaton in 1989.

The Philippines had its own movie version featuring Bob Soler and Lou Salvador, Jr. in “Alyas Batman at Robin” and was released in 1965…

…one year before the Adam West-movie and

24 years before Tim Burton’s.

“Holy cajoney, Batman!”

 4.  “CATWOMAN” or “PUSSYCAT”?!

Speaking of Batman, one of his arch nemesis or ex-girl friends (depending on which storyline you believe) had a solo production in “Catwoman” with the scorching Halle Berry playing the . But as hot as Halle was, the critics and audiences gave it the cold shoulder and it flopped back in 2004.

Not so with its Philippine version titled “Pussycat”. It starred the equally hot Divina Valencia (of the classic “Divina Valencia, Estella Suarez, nagbu-burles.. song) and was released in 1969…

…35 years before Halle’s unimpressive movie. “Pussy-cat” was a certified hit in ’69 right on that memorable summer of free love and free pussy, if you know what I mean.

 5.  MR. FANTASTIC in the “FANTASTIC FOUR” or “LASTIKMAN”?!

Marvel superhero Reed Richards (a.k.a  “Mr. Fantastic”) of the Fantastic Four is an exact copy of DC Comic’s “Plastic Man”. Why do I say this? Well, just look:

 

The thing is Plastic Man came out in the comics on August 1941, while Marvel’s version called Mr. Fantastic appeared 20 years after on November 1961.

Go figure.

Anyway, Mr. Fantastic was brought to the movie screens only in 2005 in “Fantastic Four” played by Ioan Gruffudd. Maybe because the technology to show Mr. Fantastic’s power to extend various parts of his body (hmmm…?) were not available yet, the Hollywood version was a bit late.

 Movie special effects were not a problem in the Philippines back in 1965 when Von Serna (Snooky’s dad!) appeared as “Lastik Man”—Yes! pLastic Man, without the “P”– 40 years before Hollywood’s Mr. Fantastic.

 Anak ng P , talaga!

If you think that was strange, how about this mash-up:

 6.  “THE SPIRIT” + THE QUESTION + MR. A

+ ROSARCH of the “Watchmen” + “SPIDERMAN”

= “CAPTAIN GAGAMBA”?!

The Spirit created by the great Will Eisner first appeared as a newspaper insert in 1940.

Hollywood turned it into a movie in 2008, written and directed by another great artist: Frank Miller (300 and Sin City).

 The Question (below) and Mr. A (below The Question) appeared in 1967 although in different comicbooks: The Question in Blue Beetle #1 while Mr. A in Witzend # 3.

These comic book heroes, both created by Steve Ditko, clearly play up the Q and A reference: “Question and Answer”. Get it?

Alan Moore created Rorschach (below) for the comic book series The Watchmen in 1986 and admittedly says that Rorschach was based on Ditko’s The Question.  

The Watchmen was shown in 2009 to rave reviews (there’s Rorschach in the middle).

Spiderman was the creation of Stan Lee and Steve Ditko (again!) and was first seen on Amazing Fantasy # 15 in August 1962.

Then in 2002, Sam Raimi directed the movie“Spider-Man” starring Tobey Maguire.

And then it got weird-err:

 Just a year after Spider-Man’s comic book debut, out comes the movie “Bakas Ng Gagamba”! It featured Bernard Bonnin (Charlene Gonzales-Muhlach’s father) in 1963.

 

This Pinoy superhero is an obvious combination of The Spirit, The Question, Mr. A (note: the fedora hat) and yes, Spider-Man (place Spidey’s chest on Gagamba’s face and you’ll get the picture).

Now if the US version starring Tobey Maguire had sequels, the Philippine version had more:

Part 2: “PALOS KONTRA GAGAMBA” (1963)

Part 3: “ANG LIHIM NG GAGAMBA” (1963)

Part 4: “GAGAMBA AT SI SCORPIO” (1969)

Spider-Man 4, also known as “Spider-Man Reboot” will be out in theaters on 2012—almost 50 years after “Gagamba at si Scorpio”.

7.    “PHANTOM” or “ALYAS PHANTOM”?!

While writing this part, I suddenly noticed the frequent use of the words “Alyas” and “Captain” in most of these old Filipino films.  I guess the words “Alyas” and “Captain” it makes it seem like it’s the original without claiming to be the original. Pretty smart, huh?

Anyway, here’s another Alyas-movie–  “Alyas Phantom”!

The comic book character the Phantom was created by Lee Falk in 1936.

“Alyas Phantom”, the Filipino film was shown in 1966, a mere 30 years after, starring Bob Soler and Nova Villa (the comedienne) as his leading lady.

It was such a hit, another version came out in 1974 where the Phantom became a transvestite of  some sort, with gay icon Vilma Santos as its star called “Phantom Lady”.

The Hollywood version came early this time (thank goodness!) in 1943 with a 15-part movie-serial starring Tom Tyler and Jeanne Bates. But the Phantom-movie everyone remembers today was the one starring Billy Zane in 1996 called “The Phantom”.

You do remember Billy, right?

Stop shaking your head.

 8.     “SUPERGIRL” or “SUPERGIRL”?!

First of all, Supergirl has never been Superman’s girl friend. She’s actually his cousin. In 1959 Kara Zor-El appeared in Action Comics #252 wearing the same Superman costume after crashing on earth from Planet Krypton.

Fourteen years later, by some Kryptonian miracle, Supergirl appeared in the Philippines as the actress Pinky Montilla in a movie with the same title: “Supergirl” in 1973.

 In 1984, 11 years after the Philippine version, Hollywood came up with “Supergirl”  starring Helen Slater. According to Wikipedia “It failed to impress critics and audiences”.

 Both movies were not as super as they expected.

 9.    “SUPERMAN the Movie” or “ZOOM, ZOOM, SUPERMAN”?!

The most famous Superman movie version was, of course, the 1978 film “Superman” starring Christopher Reeve. This movie came out 40 years after Superman first appeared inside the pages of Action Comics # 1 created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster in 1938!

If you think Hollywood had one over the quick Filipino filmmakers of the ‘70s, think again.

In 1973, a full five years before Chris Reeve donned the red cape as “Superman” , a Filipino version called “Zoom, Zoom, Superman!” broke all Philippine box-office records existing at that time.

It starred Ariel Ureta (I guess, the top matinee idol that time?) and he had the best directors of Philippine cinema directing this three-in-one Ariel Ureta treat (like, one was not enough): Elwood Perez, Joey Gosiengfiao and National Artist for Cinema Ishmael Bernal.

Can Brian Singer beat Ishma, the National Artist? Guess not.

10.    “POPEYE” or “POPEYE ATBP”?!

Proof that Ariel Ureta was quite a box-office draw in the ‘70s, the same producers quickly came up with a follow-up just months after in 1973 called “Popeye Atbp”, directed by the same directors. Talk about striking while the iron is hot.

Popeye is the world’s most famous sailor-man, created by E.C. Segar as a newspaper comic strip in 1919. So, the Philippine movie version was late by about 54 years.

How late was Hollywood this time? About 61 years late!

In 1980, Robert Altman directed Robin Williams in the live-action-sing-along-film Popeye. It was Robin’s first movie and Popeye’s last.

Hollywood didn’t even attempt a sequel.

SOURCES:

Andrew Leavold

Dennis Villegas

Wikipedia.com

Google Images

Marvel Comics

DC Comics

Warner Brothers

Mayo 6, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . tribal TRIVIA, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 5 mga puna.

“Age” by Larry Miller

(by ely m.) WHILE digging into some more email trash that’s been clogging my yahoo account (been doing this for a couple of months now– I’m sure you’ve noticed if you’re a regular “scannedthoughtero”), I came across this classic philosophical chainmail disguised as internet goobledigook. The thing is, this one actually makes a lot of sense.

And having all the time in the world, I Googled for more info about it: about George Carlin mainly, because it was attributed to this late, great standup comic. Turns out, Carlin was not the author of this standup classic. It was actually Larry Miller.

We all know who George Carlin is (yes, he’s the ponytailed  “Rufus”  in “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure“).

But who the hell is Larry Miller?

He’s the gay guy from “Princess Diaries 1 and 2“– the one who did the makeover for hottie Anne Hattaway.

So, this blog will help hopefully in setting the record straight: That Larry Miller is THE MAN!

And George Carlin had a totally diferent take on “Ageing”.

Here’s the whole Classic Email:

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?

If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. ‘How old are you?’

‘I’m four and A HALF!’

You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

‘How old are you?’

 ‘I’m GONNA be 16!’

You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life ! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony.

“You BECOME 21. Yesss!!! “

But then you

TURN 30.

Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21

 You TURN 30

then you’re PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away.

Before you know it,

you REACH 50

and your dreams are gone.

 But wait!!!

 You MAKE it to 60.

 You didn’t think you would!

  So you

BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

 You’ve built up so much speed

 that you HIT 70!

 After that it’s a day-by-day thing;

you HIT Wednesday!

 You GET INTO your 80’s

and every day is a complete cycle;

you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn’t end there.

Into the 90s, you start going backwards;

‘I WAS JUST 92.’

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.

‘How old are you?’

‘I’m 100 AND A HALF!’

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

(Here’s the actual video of Larry doing this bit.)

Here’s George Carlin’s:

And here’s the source that definitely prove where the confusion started:

Case closed.

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Abril 19, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Pilosopo PHILOSOPHY, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 4 mga puna.

The 12 Apostles: Skinned, Stoned, Sawed, Burned and Beheaded

(LjI) AS we remember the Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ this Holy Week, have you ever wondered what happened to the 12 Apostles after Jesus died on the cross? We all know that the Romans and the powerful Jewish leaders in Jerusalem were all looking for them for being guilty “by association”.

This source tells us that the Apostles (except, of course, Judas Iscariot) “… locate a ship and sailed away” to another city, leaving Jerusalem for fear of being arrested. They only came back to Jerusalem– after all the excitement and controversy quieted down– during Pentecost (originally a Jewish festival celebrating grain harvest and commemorating Moses receiving the Ten Commandments). But, according to Acts 2:1:4, while the Apostles gathered for the feast:

“…Suddenly there was a noise from heaven like the sound of a mighty wind. It filled the house where they were meeting. Then they saw what looked like fiery tongues moving in all directions, and a tongue came and settled on each person there. The Holy Spirit took control of everyone, and they began speaking whatever languages the Spirit let them speak.”

That’s how they received the Holy Spirit—and soon after, they courageously left their hiding place and started preaching and performing miracles, in the name of Jesus Christ, right in the streets of Jerusalem and in different languages!

Try to imagine the simplest, most quiet and easily intimidated man you know (most of the Apostles were fishermen, remember) suddenly speaking out like the smartest university professor you admire or a veteran politician on a reelection campaign trail—and you’ll get the idea on how miraculous this was.

During that time according to this source, “many religious Jews from every country in the world were living in Jerusalem … they were hearing everything in their own languages.”

The noise and activity attracted a huge crowd and the Apostle Peter preached a sermon to the crowd with great effectiveness that “On that day about three thousand believed his message and were baptised…” (Acts 2:41) establishing a solid and unstoppable Christian group in Jerusalem.

And as Jesus asked of them in Mark 16:14:

“Go yea into all the world and preach the good news to every creature.”

SO THEY DID.

But where did they go?

What did they do?

And what happened to them?

Let us use Da Vinci’s “Last Supper” (photo above) as our starting point:

Bartholomew (skinned alive and beheaded)—Preached the Gospel in Mesopotamia (Iraq), Persia (Iran), Turkey, Armenia and India. He was skinned alive and beheaded at Derbent (Azerbaijan, near Russia) on the Caspian Sea by order of a local king after a majority of the people of Derbent converted to Christianity. Some of Bartholomew’s skin and bones are still kept in The Basilica of St. Bartholomew in Rome, a part of his skull is in Frankfurt, Germany and an arm is venerated at the Canterbury Cathedral in England.

James, the Lesser (stoned and clubbed-to-death)—Believed to have preached in Damascus (Syria) and acknowledged as the first bishop of the Christians in Jerusalem (Israel). Historians say he was sentenced to be stoned-to-death by the Jews for challenging Jewish Laws and for convincing some of members of the Jewish community to convert to Christianity. James died when during the stoning, one person from the crowd approached him and bashed his head with a fullers club (a piece of wood used for bashing-washing clothes). He was buried on the spot where he died, somewhere in Jerusalem.

Andrew (crucified upside down on an X-shaped cross)—Preached in Georgia (Russia), Istanbul (Turkey), Macedonia and finally Greece. There in Patros, Greece, the Governor Aegiatis was angered by the apostle’s preaching and the conversion of his own family to Christianity. He ordered Andrew to renounce his faith in front of a tribunal. When Andrew resisted, the governor ordered that Andrew be crucified. He was tied upside down to an X-shaped cross with thick, tight ropes but Andrew kept preaching to spectators. He was able to convince many to accept Christianity just before he died after suffering for three days. Parts of his remains are in Constantinople (Turkey), Scotland (United Kingdom), but his skull is kept in Patras to this day.

Judas Iscariot (suicide, death by hanging)—Best known as the apostle who betrayed the Lord by divulging His location, leading to His arrest and persecution. He received 30 pieces of silver from Jewish priests for the information he gave. Prior to this, Judas served as the treasurer of the 12 Apostles; in charge of keeping the group’s budget/money. Sources could not agree on how he died. There are three accepted versions: (1) he committed suicide by hanging himself to a tree, (2) he accidentally fell on a field– head first (3) he was crushed by a passing chariot (4) he was stoned-to-death by the other 11 Apostles. But all four agree that “his bowels gushed out” (Ewwww!) on all four accounts. Authors and scholars also agree that his guilt was a major part of the cause of his death.

Peter (crucified upside down)—Recognized as the head of the original Christian community in Jerusalem (Israel), he left the city when King Herod Agrippa I started to persecute all Christians in Jerusalem and ordered the beheading of the Apostle James (the Great) . After escaping from Jerusalem, Peter preached in Judea (originally Palestine) and in Antioch (Syria) where he is historically considered as the first patriarch (bishop) of the Orthodox Church. After staying in Antioch for some time, Peter went to Rome and converted thousands into Christianity. The emperor at the time, Nero, did not like the idea of Romans becoming Christians and used the new members of the group for his amusement (e.g. feeding them to lions or wild dogs, and then burning them at stake in Rome’s coliseum—yes, the tourist spot– if they do not renounce their faith). Peter was one of the most prominent victims of this persecution. He was captured and crucified upside-down at his own request, because he said he was not worthy to be crucified the same way as our Lord. St. Peter’s body lies below the altar of St. Peter’s Basilica at the Vatican City, in Rome.

John (thrown into boiling oil, but survived)—For most of his labours, John was with Peter in Jerusalem up until the persecution of Herod Agrippa I. During this period, scholars agree that Johh escaped and preached for sometime in Asia Minor (an area around Turkey). Years later, scholars have traced that he went to Rome where it was believed he was persecuted with other Christians and was thrown into a cauldron of boiling oil—he miraculously survived. The Roman emperor at the time, Dominitian, decided after the incident to banish John to the island of Patmos (in Greece). When Dominitian died, John went back to Ephesus (in Turkey) where he spent the rest of his days. He died a very old man, the only Apostle to do so.

Thomas (impaled by a spear)—Called by most Christians as the “Doubting Thomas” for disbelieving the Lord’s Resurrection. But after his doubts were erased by touching Jesus’ wounds, he became a fearless preacher of the Gospel and builder of churches. He was the only Apostle who witnessed the Assumption of Mary and the one of the first Apostles who preached outside the boundaries of the vast Roman Empire (out of Europe). He preached in Babylon (present day Iraq) and established its first Christian church. Then he went to Persia (Iran) and travelled as far as China and India. He was martyred in Mylapore, India when a local king named Masdai condemned Thomas to death. The Apostle angered the Brahmins (high ranked priests/scholars who served as the king’s advisers) who thought Christianity disrespected India’s Caste System. Thomas was brought to a nearby mountain and was stabbed-to-death with a spear. He is believed to be buried around the suburb of Madras, in India.

James, the Great (beheaded)—Brother of the Apostle John. He decided to preached the Gospel in Iberia (around Spain) and be the first to build a Christian foundation in the area. But according to some scholars, the Virgin Mary appeared to James and told him to return to Judea (around Israel) to help the other Apostles. He was captured and condemned to die by Herod the Agrippa 1 to please Jewish leaders who were furious at the rapid growth of the Church. James’ chief accuser was later convinced that the Apostle was indeed blessed by the Lord, he himself requested to be beheaded with James. After this, James’ body was brought back to Spain by his disciples and was buried in the area where the cathedral of Santiago de Compostela is located, which is now considered as a major religious site.

Phillip (crucified)—Preached in Greece, Syria and in Turkey (in the cities of Galatia, Phrygia and Hierapolis). Philip partnered with Bartholomew in his missions. Like all Apostles, Philip became an exceptional speaker. According to sources “Through his miraculous healing and preaching, Philip converted the wife of the Preconsul of the city” of Hierapolis. Of course, this event angered the Preconsul and ordered that both Philip and Bartholomew be tortured and crucified upside down. While on the cross, Philip continued to preach and he was able to convince the crowd and the Preconsul to release Bartholomew, while insisting that he (Philip) remained crucified. Bartholomew was released but Philip died on the cross and was later buried somewhere within the city.

Matthew (burned-to-death?)—Was a rich tax collector and the most educated among the Apostles. Christian tradition says he preached in Ethiopia (in Africa), Judea (Israel today), Macedonia, Syria and Parthia (northeast Iran). Bible scholars have different versions on how he died. Some say he was either killed with a sword in Parthia or he died a natural death in Ethiopia. The most interesting and dramatic story appeared here, where it says Matthew came to a city (unnamed) and was able to convert the family of the local king to Christianity. This angered the king and ordered his soldiers to capture Matthew. In front of a huge crowd, they nailed him unto a bed, covered his whole body with paper, oil, brimstone, asphalt and brushwood and then they set him ablaze. Matthew was able to endure the torture while praising and preaching, but eventually died “a happy death”. Everyone who touched the burnt bed after was miraculously healed and converted into Christianity, including the king who asked for forgiveness and became a staunch Christian believer.

Jude Thaddeus (sawed or axed to death?)—the Patron Saint of Desperate Cases and Lost Causes was a farmer before becoming an Apostle. He was a partner of Simon the Zealot and together they preached and converted non-believers in Judea (Israel), Persia (Iran), Samaria (Israel), Idumaea (near Jordan), Syria, Mesopotamia (Iran) and Libya. It is also widely believed that Jude travelled and preached in Beirut, Lebanon. He also helped Bartholomew in bringing Christianity to Armenia. The cause of his death in unclear because of the existence of two versions: (1) He was crucified in Edessa, Turkey; (2) He was clubbed-to-death and his body was either sawed or axed in pieces after (together with Simon the Zealot). Some sources say he was buried either in Northern Persia or the most accepted version that his remains are buried in a crypt at St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome.

Simon the Zealot (sawed or axed-to-death?)—Before becoming an apostle, Simon was a member of the “Zealots”, a political movement rebelling against the Roman occupation of Jerusalem. Identified by some as the second Bishop of Jerusalem after James the Lesser (who was beheaded). He’s also believed to have preached in the Middle East, North Africa, Egypt, Mauritania and even Britain. His martyrdom is being debated by scholars and historians who claim Simon might have been crucified by the Romans in Lincolnshire, Britain, crucified in Samaria (Israel) after a failed revolt or sawed-to-death in Suanir, Persia with Jude Thaddeus.

Sources:

http://www.biblepath.com/peter.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/12_apostles#The_Twelve_Apostles
http://www.damascusfriends.org/Revelation/Revelation04.htm
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/01117a.htm
http://books.google.com/
 http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/newtestament/section5.rhtml

Marso 29, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . tribal TRIVIA, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 15 mga puna.

BULIMIA and ’80s VIDEOS

 THERE’S this very funny YouTube idea that I’m sure will be copied by Michael V. and the Bubble Gang or be certified as an alternative to self induced vomitting:

Literal Versions of Classic Videos , started by Dusto McNeato of  dustfilms.com and copied by a lot of YouTUBErs, like daSCOTTjr.

HOW TO:
1. Pick the corniest ’80s song (in the first case, Roderick Paulate’s perennial favorite)
2. Turn it into a videoke (mute the singer’s voice)
3. Replace lyrics with exact descriptions of what’s being shown on the video.
4. Laugh your ass off– while vomitting.
5. Click SAMPLES below. 

Creepy RICK ASTLEY

A-HA! ha! ha! ha!

Lack of AIR SUPPLY

I can’t believe WE loved listening to this crap back in the day.

Considered today as CLASSIC CRAP.

Time to regurgitate.

photograb: http://www.inquisitr.com/33540/it-will-never-stop-rick-astley-vs-nine-inch-nails/video:

Marso 25, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . TIMEtravel, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 4 mga puna.

Pardon My TAGALOG

I WAS so pissed with a lot of people this past week that I’ve been doing different versions of cursing in all it’s cognitive, affective and psychomotor versions. Then it got me thinking that you can actually go through the whole dictionary of these curse words and feel better after saying all of them (of course while looking at the person you hate the most).

The best dirty words are the ones done in your own native language. I’m Pinoy so I think we have the funniest one’s that do not sound as offensive as their English translations.

If your not from my beloved Philippines you won’t understand a third of what you’re going to read from hereon, but then,  this is for actually for you.

Memorize them and use them later in anyway you want and because hopefully no one will understand, just smile while you say it, then have a barrel of laughs as soon as the person you’re talking to turns his back. 

Just make sure you’re not speaking to a Filipino.

We eat tongues for pulutan.

1. “Putang ina mo!” is of course at the top of the list. It’s a reference to mothers, which is internationally recognized as the most offensive link you can give to your enemy to insult them. In English it means “Your mom’s a whore!” It has variations, meaning you shorten the phrase as much as you can: ‘Tang ina mo, ‘Tangna mo, ‘Na mo. ‘Mo!

2. “Anak ka ng puta!” if your sworn enemy doesn’t budge with our No. 1, try this direct approach, literally meaning, “You’re the son / daughter of a whore,” or “You son / daughter of a bitch.” If that doesn’t work, be more precise: “Puta ka!” or “You bitch!”. Its variation: “Puta!” is self explanatory.

3. “Anak ka … ng pating… ng tupa..  ng tatay / teteng… ng nanay mo!”– For other choices, and if just want to sound cute while swearing, you can compare your enemy to being the son / daughter of … pating (shark), tupa (sheep), tatay / teteng (father), nanay (mother). You can also make your own “Anak ka ng… (blank)… mo,” variation by adding any animal or fantasy name. The more effective ones are of course the ones in Tagalog. Like “Anak ka ng Dwende!” (You son of a dwarf!)

3. “Tarantado ka!”- As far as I understand, the root word is “taranta” which in English means “being startled” or “reacted in a surprise / excited manner”. So if you’re a man, you’re “Tarantado”. If you’re a woman, you’re “Tarantada”. Yeah, I don’t really know what this one means. But it has that comfortable sliding of the tongue when you say it, that’s why most Pinoy like to say it. Variations: ‘Tado ka’ and ‘Tado’.

3. “Hudas! Barrabas! Hestas!” — made famous by the comedian Donya Delilah (Dely Atay-Atayan, yes it means kidney-kidneys!) referring to some infamous Biblical characters. It’s like cursing your enemy into eternal damnation in hell where I think these characters are still are. Not that effective for people who belong to sects and cults.

4. “Ngarat mo!” in English this refers to fornicating. It’s best done with hand signals (four fingers down, except the middle finger). The root word (‘Ngarat’ came from ‘Burat’) is much funnier. It refers to the male genetalia.

5. “Tae mo!”– the English version (“Syet!… Sheyt!… Shoot!”) is a favorite among the young ones but it sounds dirtier in Tagalog. It means what it sounds like (or smell like). Poop. Defacate. Tae. It’s usually used to address a liar or if you don’t believe what a person is saying to you. Meaning the information he’s sharing is plain crap.

To recap: Look straight into your monitor and say to me: “Tae mo!”

               Then I’ll answer: “Ngarat mo! Puta ka.”

               Then you should say: “‘Tang na mo rin!”

               Very Good.

               Now you’re learning.

Wanna hear how it sounds like?

Pump up your speakers then click THIS if you’re 18 years old and above.

 (Don’t say I didn’t warn you).

mickey photo from: http://spiiderweb.blogspot.com

Marso 18, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . I THOUGHT utot, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 3 mga puna.

Top 5 Deadliest Food

SOME smart-ass once said that  “Everything that’s delicious is bad for you”. Well, maybe he’s right.

I got this email recently that’s quite alarming because an expert named Dr. Adams (a vegan, I think) is saying that some of the most accessible food around cause cancer. Basically, what it means is that Fast Food Restaurants are actually as dangerous as Iraq and Afganistan as locations go. The difference is that, they kill you slowly and take your money at the same time.

Kevin Smith will not like this list of “Top 5 Deadliest Food” anyway you look at it:

1. Hot dogs
Because they are high in nitrates, the Cancer Prevention Coalition advises that children eat no more than 12 hot dogs a month. If you can’t live without hot dogs, buy those made without sodium nitrate.

2. Processed meats and bacon
Also high in the same sodium nitrates found in hot dogs, bacon, and other processed meats raise the risk of heart disease. The saturated fat in bacon also contributes to cancer.

3. Doughnuts
Doughnuts are cancer-causing double trouble. First, they are made with white flour, sugar, and hydrogenated oils, then fried at high temperatures. Doughnuts, says Adams , may be the worst food you can possibly eat to raise your risk of cancer.
 

4. French fries
Like doughnuts, French fries are made with hydrogenated oils and then fried at high temperatures. They also contain cancer- causing acryl amides which occur during the frying process. They should be called cancer fries, not French fries, said Adams .
 
 
5. Chips, crackers, and cookies
All are usually made with white flour and sugar. Even the ones whose labels claim to be free of trans-fats generally contain small amounts of trans-fats.

Starting Monday, I’ll be eating grass.

photos: Google Images

Marso 13, 2010. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , . tribal TRIVIA, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 5 mga puna.

PHOTOSHOP vs. PORNO

priscilla

I’VE always wanted to be a collector but I couldn’t decide what to collect.

I do have a criteria:

Should be cheap. 

Should be something I like.

Should be worth more than what I paid for in the future (at least to some ignorant fool).

I wanted to collect comicbooks at first (I just love ’em covers) but they are so expensive. Plus you meet these collectors who look at you like “Who the hell are you trying to ask for X-Men No. 1? You don’t even look like you can afford it!”

 Well, they’re right. I did look like the ignorant fool. Good thing they didn’t like me, though. At least it prevented me from being a member of a society of men who cling on to pre-adolescent obsessions. So, I moved on to a more mature preoccupation: Adult Magazines.

 It’s definitely a toss up between Hefner’s Playboy or Flynt’s Hustler. Both get my tick mark for being “something that I like” and might be “worth more than what I paid for in the future.” But just like having a mistress from a whorehouse, maintaining this kind of erotica collection will be hard to sustain financially. They’re like hot coal in your pants, burning a hole in your pocket at first, then giving your thigh a third degree.

 Living in a third-world country sometimes limits your choices to third-rate materials. Yes, compared to the first two, FHM isn’t really scorching hot. But it’s still warm enough for those cold, rainy nights. And when I started my old collection, around the first months of 2000 AD, believe it or not, back then it had a retail price of 100 pesos (roughly 2 USD before the recession)– unbelievably cheap like your friendly neighborhood pokpok. FHM didn’t burn my pocket but filled its corners with something else. Like an old Van Morrison song, it filled my heart with gladness and took away all my sadness. Because like it or not, being an FHM subscriber meant I am now officially a collector. (Hah!)

I enjoyed being a collector. Nothing beats getting your freshly printed, plastic covered copy every month before mere mortals who buy their copy from the newsstands. I enjoyed the freebies you get in between the pages, like beer coasters, bookmarkers, and once, even a CD of Patricia Javier’s first and last attempt to get a singing career going.

I enjoyed reading all the informative articles it provided, the friendly banter between the editor Eric Ramos, FHM’s intelligent readers (like me, I assumed) and the people who think publishing a magazine like this is a big slap to Filipino values. At least, I thought, a little spanking will help some of us remember that we did have some. Values, I mean.

I also enjoyed the ladies of FHM. I’d be an obvious fag if I didn’t mention this. It’s really like having a different girlfriend every month. A girlfriend who’s a 10, but willing to take her clothes off just to please lil’-ol’-loser-me.

My relationship with my FHM girlfriends (coupled by my sudden fascination with anything Nivea) went on, and on and on… until.

I noticed something peculiar: All my girlfriends in between the pages of my one and only collection are missing their… nipples?!

I couldn’t believe it myself. But then, if a girl’s chest is covered only with an actual fisherman’s fishing net, logic says there should be a prune or two showing in between the strands somewhere–yet, there was none!

A picture of a model in dripping wet t-shirt should at least have a shadow of a black sago, right? Wrong. The sago, nor its shadow is disappointingly not there. I’m no expert in CG but I’ll know a photoshop layer- masking trick if I see one.

Like what my Science teachers have taught me… I therefore conclude that the nipples have been erased! (Duh?)

To support this hypotheses, I started scanning the rest of my collection and discovered that the missing nipples mystery started only in the last quarter issues of FHM 2000. Meaning, the first batch were yummier than the last batch which tasted a bit stale if you ask me.

That’s when I decided I had to stop collecting repressed versions of my fantasies. Who would want a censored version of a supposed attempt at erotic art. It definitely violated FHM press freedom, the models’ freedom of expression, and of course, my human rights. Also, my human lefts. For there were times I did use both right and left.

The December 2000 ish was the last time I held an FHM mag. I wanted to write to Eric Ramos to tell him the jig was up. But he resigned before I got to writing a scathing letter. I think he was as principled as I am that a man’s magazine has got to do what a man’s magazine should do: tickle our funny bone and boner. To this single act of courage against the powers that be, I salute Eric Ramos for blazing the trail and starting a revolution in men’s magazine.

The FHM year 2000 started with a bang with Eric and ended up with a ffttt with a wannabe. The fire blazed, fizzled and then it was gone too soon.

My FHM January to December 2000 collection of nipple-less models has now started its own collection of… dust.

It looks cheap.

I don’t like it anymore.

 And you might see it on Ebay next week. (aLjI08)

Nobyembre 13, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . LOVE or kamunduhan, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. 4 mga puna.

TATTOO or FALSE

CB026533

(by ely m.) I also call this entry: “It’s easier to write in English as long as you don’t care about grammar and spelling.”

I HAVE always wanted a tattoo.

When I was 24, I planned to get one to match my Eddie Vedder hair (yes, it was the ‘90s).

But then I also needed an office job, so the hair had to go and without that as an accessory, getting a tattoo would have been pointless.

I was either going to be a rocker for the rest of my life or just be my geeky old self.  

That was 16 years ago today and I have remained a geek.

But I haven’t scratched out “get a tattoo” from my “to-do-list”.

To celebrate my 40th summer, I’ve decided that this is definitely the year.

I was on my way to the tattoo shop when I had this awful toothache.

It was aching like mad; I had to change my plan and went straight to the dentist.

She said I have an infracted tooth that’s pushing against my gums causing this terrible ache.

She said I need tooth extractions—that’s extraction with an “s”—meaning more than one.

If I remember correctly I only have two gum teeth left. So, they both had to go.

How the hell am I going to chew now?

She said she will make for me some dentures.

Or, if I was against that idea, I can  just keep my infected tooth and wait for my cheeks to swell.

That totally isn’t cool.

So, choices: A cool tattoo on my arm or an aching bloated face?

Suddenly, I was back in the ‘90s.

I had tears in my eyes when I said, “Make me some dentures… please.”

She made some molds of my teeth using this green plaster and told me my new dentures will be ready in a couple of days.

“This really is not cool,” I told her while shaking my head in disbelief.

“There’s a way to make it cool,” she answered.

“Put some water and ice in a glass…

“And dip your dentures in it overnight…

That will make it cooler…

“Happy birthday, old man.”

(photo from castlerockdental.com)

Nobyembre 7, 2009. Mga kataga , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . I THOUGHT utot, WTF is GRAMMAR?!. Mag-iwan ng puna.