Growing Up with ROBOTS
BEFORE Megan Fox and the Transformers, there were the Mecha Robots from Japan. The seeds of this cartoon genre was planted in 1977 when manga artist Go Nagai created Mazinger Z.
The anime version was shown in Japan from 1972 to 1974. After its local run, it steadily spread throughout Asia (1979) and Europe (1980) and finally, the USA (1985) as “Tranzor Z”.
In the Philippines, we were quite ahead af the West in our exposure to Japanese anime. The Mecha Robots, a different one everyday, was shown every afternoon in GMA-7 right after coming home from grade school’s afternoon session (the “pang-hapon”); just before the top-rated soap opera “Ana Lisa” (with its Roberta Flack theme “If Ever I See You Again“).
Here’s every Filipino child’s TV schedule in 1979:
In September 1980, then President Ferdinand Marcos removed them from TV for “excessive violence”.
In the streets, Martial Law was raging.
Just maybe, he thought “excessive violence” in real life was enough.
(LJI)
STRIP DART
NAALALA KO minsang nag-iinuman kami ng tropa at batung-bato na sa mga kuwentuhang paulit-ulit lang ang topic — may nag-suggest na maglaro kami ng kakaibang laro:
STRIP DART.
Simple lang ang rules na on-the-spot lang pinagkasunduan ng lahat:
- Iinom muna ng isang basong beer ang taong titira sa dart board.
- Tapos, babato ng tig-dalawang darts.
- Ia-add ang total points ng dalawang throws.
- One turn bawat player.
- Ang pinakamababang score pagkatapos ng isang round ng batuhan ay dapat mag-aalis ng isang saplot na nakasuot sa katawan.
Ala-una ito ng madaling araw. Nasa labas kami ng isang bahay. Sa isang garahe sa tabi ng kalyeng madalas daanan ng mga tao. Dahil puro lasing na, walang paki na pumayag ang lahat. Mga walo kaming tipsy na kasali sa ka-istupiduhang ito.
Unang round: Unang bato ng darts, ‘yung mga mababa ang score, nagtanggalan na ng relo, singsing, kuwintas, cellphone at sapatos. Easy. Umalingawngaw ang tawanan at alaskahan sa katahimikan ng gabing iyun.
Round two: Next na inalis ng mga natalo ay t-shirts, medyas, sinturon. Ang tawanan ang napalitan ng halakhak.
Pangatlong round: Titira na ang unang biktima na may pinakamababang iskor. Delikado ang lagay niya dahil halos hubad na siya at nakapantalon na lang– kaya ‘pag mababa ulit ang score niya, pantalon na ang susunod na matatanggal. Tawanan sa excitement ang mga naghihintay sa tira niya. Inalaska na siya nang todo.
At mahirap nga ang maging bobo sa dart.
Pagtapos ng round na ‘yun, siya na naman ang pinakamababa ang puntos. Lagot.
“Hubad naaaa! Hahaha!” sigawan ang lahat ng may mataas na iskor. Parang naging beerhouse na may illegal boldshow ang garahe.
Susunod kaya si Low Scorer sa pinagkasunduan? Sa kanya nakasalalay ang tagumpay ng palaro. Kung aayaw siya, siguradong wala nang maghuhubad na susunod.
Ang kanyang last words: “’Ta**-ina n’yo– ‘pag hindi kayo sumunod, yari kayo sa akin!” sabay hubad ng kanyang kupas na jeans.
Halakhakan ang lahat sa pagkagulat!
Sumunod sa pinagkasunduan ang loko! Tahulan din ang mga aso sa labas na parang nakikitawa dahil sa hitsura ng kawawang talunan: Maluwag ang brief niya, tabatchoy, mabalahibo na parang pinaghalong Al Tantay at Apeng Daldal ang dating.
Round four and five: Ewan kung dahil ba sa sobrang alcohol, lahat ay wiling-wili na naghuhubaran. Naka-underwear na lang ang players by this time.
Maginaw na ang hangin. Nanginginig na ang ilan sa lamig pero tawanan pa rin. Alaskahan tungkol sa mga bilbil sa tiyan, mga hindi pantay-pantay na kulay ng balat dahil sa sinag ng araw, mga nakatagong galis at mga parte ng katawang maraming balahibo kahit hindi dapat.
Round six: May taong sumisigaw sa gate! “Tao poooo! Tao poooo!”
Si Mang Cando, isa sa pinakarespetadong lasenggo ng baranggay. Pagkatapos niyang mag-“Tao Po” bigla na lang siyang pumasok sa gate gaya nang nakagawian niya tuwing naghahanap siya ng libreng alak.
Akala ni Mang Cando mga kumpare niya ‘yung mga nag-iinuman. Tatagay sana siya.
Napatigil si Mang Cando. Napatigil din kami.
Nagkatitigan ang lahat at nagtatanong sa isip: “Paano na?”
Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Mang Cando sa nakita niya.
Hindi na kami nakapag-damit.
Apat na naka-brief.
At dalawang labas ang pwet.
Mga machong-lasing na nakangiti at nakatingin kay Mang Cando.
Hubad.
Puro kami lalaki.
“YAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” nagsisigaw siyang tumakbo palabas ng gate.
“Pu****-ina! Mga bakla! BAKLAAA!!! Patawarin kayooo!!!”
Malayo na siya dinig pa rin naming lahat ang kanyang takot na takot na pagsigaw.
Nabalitaan namin, mula noong gabing ‘yun, hindi na muling uminom ng alak si Mang Cando.
Hindi na rin kami … nag-darts.
Pero tuwing nakakasalubong namin si Mang Cando,
kinikindatan namin siya.
Sabay tawa.
(LjI0508)
MANNY PACQUIAO sings “IMAGINE”… could you imagine?!
IN this day and age, impossible things happening are quite possible.
“Black” Obama is now living in the White House.
Ninoy’s Noynoy got elected in the Philippines.
State Communism disappeared, individual terrorism appeared.
The most Perfect Tiger in the history of golf wasn’t as perfect as everybody thought.
A Time Traveler from the 21st Century was caught on film in Charlie Chaplin’s 1928 movie.
And now this:
MANNY PACQUIAO DOES A DUET WITH COMEDIAN WILL FERRELL!!!
Go, Manny!!!
PAC THEM ALL!
When I’m Alone I *bleep* Myself…
HERE’S my favorite song this week:
You know that I am called THE COUNT
Because I really love to *bleep*
Sometimes I sit and *bleep* all day
Sometimes I get carried away
**REFRAIN:
I *bleep* slowly, slowly, slowly getting faster
Once I start *bleep-ing* it’s very hard to stop
HEY!
Faster, faster, it is so exciting
I could *bleep* forever
*Bleep* until I drop– Hah!
1…2…3…4 — 1,2,3,4 — 1,2,3,4 —
1, 2… I love *bleep-ing* whatever the amount
Hah-hah!
1,2,3,4… Hey-yeh-yeh-yeh…. hey-yeh-yeh-yeh
1,2,3,4… 1,2– that’s the song of the Count
I *bleep* the spiders on the wall
I *bleep* the cobwebs on the hall
I *bleep* the candles on the shelf
When I’m alone I *bleep* Myself
Repeat **REFRAIN
(AND NOW FOR THE MELODY, CLICK THE VIDEO BELOW)
Tired of Waiting? … CLICK THIS INSTEAD.
HOW TO Appreciate… a RAINBOW
SOMETIMES when you feel
that the world is not a good place to be
with all its complicated problems
and all your own problems
all mixed up with everyone else’s,
we are reminded that
there is always joy in the simplest of things.
That at the end of the day
the only thing that matters is
trusting that there is Someone in charge
who will take care of all our worries
and make everything alright.
CLICK THE VIDEO BELOW
and see what real happiness is all about 🙂
(Video’s loading too slow? CLICK>> THIS)
“Whenever I bring clouds over the earth
and a rainbow appears in the clouds,
I will remember my covenant between me and you
and all living creatures of every kind.
Never again will the waters become
a flood to destroy all life.”
(Genesis 9:15-16)
The WISDOM of UP Professors
FROM an antique e-mail. Still inspiring. Still very funny.
ON GRADES
“Oo, nagpapa-ulan ako ng Uno… baket? Aaanhin ko ba ’yun? ‘Di naman ako yayaman du’n.”
–Sir Atoy Navarro, Hist
Professor habang binubuksan ang isang box ng colored chalks:
“Ano ba naman ito?!” (sabay hagis sa table ng mga dark colored chalk)
Class: (Tahimik na nagmamasid)
Professor: “Class, sulatan n’yo ang manufacturer ng chalk na ito. Sabihin ninyong tanggalin na ang mga walang kuwentang kulay na ito: Brown, Green at Violet. Alam ba nilang hindi ito nakikita sa board? Convince them!”
Class: (Tahimik at nagulat)
Professor: “Sino man ang magsusulat +.25 sa Final Grade!”
Class: “Yahoooo!!!”
Isang Valentine’s Day:
“Ano ba ‘yan? Students ba kayo ng UP? Bakit ang bababa ng scores ninyo? Siguro wala kayong date ngayong Valentine’s kaya ganito kayo? Losers!!! When I was your age, I had a date. Hindi ba naapektuhan ng UP Fair euphoria ang grades ninyo? Parang hindi kayo masaya…” (sabay tapon ng quiz papers sa sahig). “I won’t record this. Go and find a date.” (sabay walk out ng classroom)
—Sir Doliente, BA.
Student: “Sir, nagbibigay po ba kayo ng partial points?”
Professor: “Hmmm… if I see partial wisdom.”
ON EXAMINATIONS
Professor to Class:
“I don’t give surprise long exams. All exams are announced. Kaya today I’m announcing, ‘Class, mag-e-exam tayo! NGAYON NA!’”
–Ma’am Chei
“Don’t take the Bar Exam and yourselves too seriously. Baka mabalitaan na lang naming, nag-o-oral summation kayo sa Luneta. O lumulutang-lutang sa Pasig River. Enjoy yourselves. Relax. At habang nag-re-relax kayo, read at least 15 hours a day. Mag-relax ka habang nag-babasa. Mag-relax ka habang nagme-memorize.”
“’Pag nananaba ka sa oras ng exams, ibig sabihin hindi ka papasa.”
–Anonymous Prof
“Kahit magpakamatay ka pa, ‘di mo masasagot ‘yang problem set na ‘yan—dahil wala ‘yang sagot. Hahahaha!”
“Mamatay na ang mangopya… at ang hindi maka-100—BOBO!”
–Hist Prof
Professor habang umuulan sa labas during a hard final exam:
“Ang lakas ng ulan. Ayos ‘yan, at least hindi halata ‘pag umiiyak.”
–Sir Agapito
ON STUDYING
Commenting on a thesis of a Senior Student:
“’Yang thesis mo… mamamatay ka! Mamamatay ka!!!”
–Dr. Llanes, UPM
Professor: “O, meron na ba sa inyong nakapunta sa pinakabagong Mall ng Metro Manila?”
Class: (Super-tahimik)
Professor: “Anoooo?! Puro na lang ba kayo aral? Aral lang kayo nang aral—wala kayong kapupuntahan sa kaaaral n’yo!”
In a class with one meeting left in the Term:
“Okay class, next week, we start the lecture proper.”
–Ma’am Vitriolo
Professor to Student:
“Running ka ba for Summa?—Mapapagod ka lang.”
Professor to Grad Student during a Thesis Defense: “Are you familiar with the book written by (name of the author)?”
Grad Student (kinakabahan): “Y-yes, Sir.”
Professor: “Okay. Ano ang kulay ng cover ng book na ‘yun?”
ON LOUSY STUDENTS
“Anong molars? You don’t say molars, because it’s an adjective! Do you say ‘Beautifuls’?”
–Ma’am Liao commenting on a student’s grammar
Professor to a freshman who would not stand up during recitation:
“Stand up, Miss — so that we might see the contours of your body. (Student stands) … Wow! Rape-able!”
“Sa mga taga-UP lang ako bilib, eh. Papasok sila sa Law School na hindi disoriented. Bilib ako sa study habits ng mga batang iyan. Some of them look like they eat kamote three times a day. Pero ang utak nila, hindi ututin!”
Professor to a noisy class:
“Bakit napakasaya ng klase n’yo?! Pwede bang maging sad naman kayo? 5 minutes of sadness—starting right now!”
Professor to a class na ayaw mag-recite:
“Wag kayong mahiya. You have nothing to lose but your face!”
–Geo11 Prof
“It’s okay to smoke in my class. As long as you don’t breathe it out.”
–Dr. Obsioma, Biodiversity
Professor to a student with braces:
“Ayan, hindi ka na makasagot. ‘Yung bakal sa ipin mo, naapektuhan na ‘yung pagsasalita mo.”
–Sir Tiamson, Span 11
After the first hour of a three hour lecture on Taxonomy:
“Class, gising pa ba kayo? Mukhang inaantok na kayo, ah. I understand… pati nga ako, inaantok na rin.”
–Dr. Gapud
Professor after giving a joke related to his lecture topic:
“’Yung mga hindi natawa sa joke ko, REPEATERS kayo ano? Narinig n’yo na kasi ‘yang joke na ‘yan. Sorry kayo. ‘Yan lang ang joke ko.”
ON BEING HUMAN
“The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala kayong kasaysayan lahat. ‘Pag may kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG KA LANG!”
– Dr. Recio
“Try everything once, except incest.”
–Sir U Eliserio during a Creative Writing Class
“Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube. Kaya kung gusto ninyong magka-anak ng asawa ninyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo habang gumagawa.”
–Ma’am Maggie, Zoo 10
“Yes, class—I AM GAY! I’m so gay I could show you my penis because it is but an accessory to my body.”
–Jean Navera, spcm 1
“Look at me. I’m 43 years old pero ang lakas-lakas ko pa. Kung walang gulay kakain ako ng damo. Kung walang tubig, mag-iipon na lang ako ng laway.”
“Birds of the same feather, FLOCK together… don’t forget the ‘L’”.
–SocSci Prof
ON RELATIONSHIPS
First day of Classes:
“Kung may boyfriend o girlfriend kayo na hindi taga-UP, hiwalayan n’yo na ngayon pa lang. Walang kapupuntahan ‘yang relasyon n’yo. Dahil hindi kayo magkakaintindihan. ‘Tapos ‘yung mga anak n’yo, magiging bobo. Gusto n’yo ba ‘yun?”
“And girls, ‘wag kayong kukuha ng boyfriend diro sa UP. Pare-pareho tayong mahirap dito. 80% of the child’s intelligence comes from the mother naman, eh. And guys, ‘wag kayong kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo pa rin ang mga anak n’yo.”
ON POWER
Professor : “Many people believe that we psychology professors can read minds… (Silence). Actually, we can.
Students: “Weh… sample…
Professor: “Right now, you think I’m bluffin.”
–Ma’am Chei Billedo, Psych
“Nu’ng freshie ako, atheist ako. Pero ‘pag nasa bahay, nagro-rosary kami ng nanay ko. Eh, kung magalit sa ‘kin ‘yun.”
–Socio 11 Professor
“Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English. So, when you’re here in my class, magsalita kayo ng English. Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda na ako, at ako ang teacher!”
Prof to a student asking if he can sit in:
“We only accept members of a certain minority group in this class. For example, gays are part of a minority group. Bakla ka ba? If you admit that you are, then I’ll let you sit in.”
–Prof. “Hail to the Chair”
“The more wisdom you obtain, the more you should shut your mouth. This is because the more you learn, the more you realize that there are even more things that you do not know. The true mark of an idiot is a loudmouth. The true mark of a wise man is humility.”
–PI100. Puta, Best Prof sa CAL
ON OTHERS
Professor commenting on other Universities:
“Class, kaya ang mahal ng bayad sa mga professors sa ibang school kasi ang bobobo ng mga estudyante du’n. I used to teach in XXXXX at lumuluha talaga ako ng dugo bago maintindihan ng mga students ‘yung mga sinasabi ko. Ang mahal nga ng bayad, magkakasakit ka naman sa panga sa kauulit ng lessons. ‘Wag na lang. Dito na lang ako sa UP, et least, nagkakaintindihan tayo, ‘di ba?”
–Dr. David
Student: “Sir, pwede po bang maki-sit in ‘yung friends ko?”
Professor: “From what school are they?”
Student: “St. Scho po.”
Professor: “Go ahead. So they’ll realize what they’re missing.”
“Class, Chinatown is not in China. And Ateneo De Manila University is not… a university.”
–Prof name withheld upon request
“Si Mirriam, crush ko ‘yun dati. Muntikan na kaming maging kami. Kaso nasiraan siya ng ulo kaya ‘yun iba ang napangasawa ko.”
–Old UP Prof.
“Bilib ka kay Alan Peter Cayetano? Eh, ang bababa ng grades nu’n?!
–Ex-Prof ni Alan
ON LEAVING
“When you graduate, then you begin to live!”
–Dr. Jimenez, Psych 118
“To tell you the truth, I don’t much. I only know enough to teach my classes.”
–UP Socio Prof