STRIP DART
NAALALA KO minsang nag-iinuman kami ng tropa at batung-bato na sa mga kuwentuhang paulit-ulit lang ang topic — may nag-suggest na maglaro kami ng kakaibang laro:
STRIP DART.
Simple lang ang rules na on-the-spot lang pinagkasunduan ng lahat:
- Iinom muna ng isang basong beer ang taong titira sa dart board.
- Tapos, babato ng tig-dalawang darts.
- Ia-add ang total points ng dalawang throws.
- One turn bawat player.
- Ang pinakamababang score pagkatapos ng isang round ng batuhan ay dapat mag-aalis ng isang saplot na nakasuot sa katawan.
Ala-una ito ng madaling araw. Nasa labas kami ng isang bahay. Sa isang garahe sa tabi ng kalyeng madalas daanan ng mga tao. Dahil puro lasing na, walang paki na pumayag ang lahat. Mga walo kaming tipsy na kasali sa ka-istupiduhang ito.
Unang round: Unang bato ng darts, ‘yung mga mababa ang score, nagtanggalan na ng relo, singsing, kuwintas, cellphone at sapatos. Easy. Umalingawngaw ang tawanan at alaskahan sa katahimikan ng gabing iyun.
Round two: Next na inalis ng mga natalo ay t-shirts, medyas, sinturon. Ang tawanan ang napalitan ng halakhak.
Pangatlong round: Titira na ang unang biktima na may pinakamababang iskor. Delikado ang lagay niya dahil halos hubad na siya at nakapantalon na lang– kaya ‘pag mababa ulit ang score niya, pantalon na ang susunod na matatanggal. Tawanan sa excitement ang mga naghihintay sa tira niya. Inalaska na siya nang todo.
At mahirap nga ang maging bobo sa dart.
Pagtapos ng round na ‘yun, siya na naman ang pinakamababa ang puntos. Lagot.
“Hubad naaaa! Hahaha!” sigawan ang lahat ng may mataas na iskor. Parang naging beerhouse na may illegal boldshow ang garahe.
Susunod kaya si Low Scorer sa pinagkasunduan? Sa kanya nakasalalay ang tagumpay ng palaro. Kung aayaw siya, siguradong wala nang maghuhubad na susunod.
Ang kanyang last words: “’Ta**-ina n’yo– ‘pag hindi kayo sumunod, yari kayo sa akin!” sabay hubad ng kanyang kupas na jeans.
Halakhakan ang lahat sa pagkagulat!
Sumunod sa pinagkasunduan ang loko! Tahulan din ang mga aso sa labas na parang nakikitawa dahil sa hitsura ng kawawang talunan: Maluwag ang brief niya, tabatchoy, mabalahibo na parang pinaghalong Al Tantay at Apeng Daldal ang dating.
Round four and five: Ewan kung dahil ba sa sobrang alcohol, lahat ay wiling-wili na naghuhubaran. Naka-underwear na lang ang players by this time.
Maginaw na ang hangin. Nanginginig na ang ilan sa lamig pero tawanan pa rin. Alaskahan tungkol sa mga bilbil sa tiyan, mga hindi pantay-pantay na kulay ng balat dahil sa sinag ng araw, mga nakatagong galis at mga parte ng katawang maraming balahibo kahit hindi dapat.
Round six: May taong sumisigaw sa gate! “Tao poooo! Tao poooo!”
Si Mang Cando, isa sa pinakarespetadong lasenggo ng baranggay. Pagkatapos niyang mag-“Tao Po” bigla na lang siyang pumasok sa gate gaya nang nakagawian niya tuwing naghahanap siya ng libreng alak.
Akala ni Mang Cando mga kumpare niya ‘yung mga nag-iinuman. Tatagay sana siya.
Napatigil si Mang Cando. Napatigil din kami.
Nagkatitigan ang lahat at nagtatanong sa isip: “Paano na?”
Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Mang Cando sa nakita niya.
Hindi na kami nakapag-damit.
Apat na naka-brief.
At dalawang labas ang pwet.
Mga machong-lasing na nakangiti at nakatingin kay Mang Cando.
Hubad.
Puro kami lalaki.
“YAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” nagsisigaw siyang tumakbo palabas ng gate.
“Pu****-ina! Mga bakla! BAKLAAA!!! Patawarin kayooo!!!”
Malayo na siya dinig pa rin naming lahat ang kanyang takot na takot na pagsigaw.
Nabalitaan namin, mula noong gabing ‘yun, hindi na muling uminom ng alak si Mang Cando.
Hindi na rin kami … nag-darts.
Pero tuwing nakakasalubong namin si Mang Cando,
kinikindatan namin siya.
Sabay tawa.
(LjI0508)
MANNY PACQUIAO sings “IMAGINE”… could you imagine?!
IN this day and age, impossible things happening are quite possible.
“Black” Obama is now living in the White House.
Ninoy’s Noynoy got elected in the Philippines.
State Communism disappeared, individual terrorism appeared.
The most Perfect Tiger in the history of golf wasn’t as perfect as everybody thought.
A Time Traveler from the 21st Century was caught on film in Charlie Chaplin’s 1928 movie.
And now this:
MANNY PACQUIAO DOES A DUET WITH COMEDIAN WILL FERRELL!!!
Go, Manny!!!
PAC THEM ALL!
MAHILIG ka bang MAGHUBAD sa FACEBOOK?
KUNG sa tingin mo sexy ka… kaya ka nagpo-post ng bikini/underwear pictures mo sa facebook?
"I'll be popular after this!"
Panoorin mo ito:
AFTER mo’ng mapanood ‘yung video sa itaas, sa tingin mo makakalusot ka ‘pag tinanggal mo na ‘yung mga pa-sexy mong litrato sa facebook?
"Oh, NO! What have I done?!!"
Panoorin mo ito:
Remember, you will eventually GROW OLD and will probably have kids.
When I’m Alone I *bleep* Myself…
HERE’S my favorite song this week:
You know that I am called THE COUNT
Because I really love to *bleep*
Sometimes I sit and *bleep* all day
Sometimes I get carried away
**REFRAIN:
I *bleep* slowly, slowly, slowly getting faster
Once I start *bleep-ing* it’s very hard to stop
HEY!
Faster, faster, it is so exciting
I could *bleep* forever
*Bleep* until I drop– Hah!
1…2…3…4 — 1,2,3,4 — 1,2,3,4 —
1, 2… I love *bleep-ing* whatever the amount
Hah-hah!
1,2,3,4… Hey-yeh-yeh-yeh…. hey-yeh-yeh-yeh
1,2,3,4… 1,2– that’s the song of the Count
I *bleep* the spiders on the wall
I *bleep* the cobwebs on the hall
I *bleep* the candles on the shelf
When I’m alone I *bleep* Myself
Repeat **REFRAIN
(AND NOW FOR THE MELODY, CLICK THE VIDEO BELOW)
Tired of Waiting? … CLICK THIS INSTEAD.
LOVE LETTER
Dear Koya,
IT was jazz an ordinary day. The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw! Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie nya. Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako, nakipila na rin ako. Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng :
“Indaaayyyyy….”
Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now? “Dodong!” sigaw ko. Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be loud and proud.” Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the crowd.
“Kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open?” tanong nya.
“Bihira lang, Dodong. I’m just droppings by. Ethnic ang schedule ko eh” sabi ko. Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortez. He’s every woman’s dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat namin. Naging kami for a while then after that were not an item anymore.
“Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?” tanong ni Dodong. “I don’t mine,” sagot ko.
Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter. “What’s your odor sir?” sabi nung waiter kay Dodong. “Do you have porkshop?” tanong ni Dodong. “Yes sir” sabi nito. “Our porkshop with a resistance to the teeth of boast of our chef. Domestic careful selection of pork with little fat of female liking is used. The exquisite cooking which repeated trial and error and was completed. It also has healthy vegetables with salad feeling fully,” dagdag pa niya.
“And you mam?” sabay tingin naman sa akin. Hmmm.. Mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I’m cutting down on my carbon kaya pinigilan ko. “I’ll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh,” sagot ko.
Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is going too far. Besides, it’s a long, long, way to run. “Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I’m happily married” pagmamalaki ko. “Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn’t expect you still have more feelings than I expected. I don’t want you getting the way. Past is fast. Therefore, cause and defect.” dagdag ko pa. Tumahimik sya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na rin sya.
“I don’t care less!” sigaw ni Dodong.
Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To think it’s his other woman that caused our separation to part. Kinabahan na ako. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita ako ng security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong. “Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?” sabi ko sa mamang guard. “Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure.” sagot niya. “Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got lost in my eyes.” “Diretso lang.”sabi niya. “Then turn right anytime with care.” “Thanks for your corporation” sabi ko. Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala kanina ang pag-disappear nya. “Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you go, there you are!” pananakot nya.
Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world started falling afar. Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, it’s all over. I’m out of arm’s way. “Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you.?” bago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya “I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout but at first I didn’t give it a thought. Pero nang makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then I give it a thought. I know something is a missed.”
Prom then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn’t even sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga. Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa ngayon, open na kami sa isa’t isa at walang exhibitions.
I feel I’m on cloud line.
Same to you,
INDY
The WISDOM of UP Professors
FROM an antique e-mail. Still inspiring. Still very funny.
ON GRADES
“Oo, nagpapa-ulan ako ng Uno… baket? Aaanhin ko ba ’yun? ‘Di naman ako yayaman du’n.”
–Sir Atoy Navarro, Hist
Professor habang binubuksan ang isang box ng colored chalks:
“Ano ba naman ito?!” (sabay hagis sa table ng mga dark colored chalk)
Class: (Tahimik na nagmamasid)
Professor: “Class, sulatan n’yo ang manufacturer ng chalk na ito. Sabihin ninyong tanggalin na ang mga walang kuwentang kulay na ito: Brown, Green at Violet. Alam ba nilang hindi ito nakikita sa board? Convince them!”
Class: (Tahimik at nagulat)
Professor: “Sino man ang magsusulat +.25 sa Final Grade!”
Class: “Yahoooo!!!”
Isang Valentine’s Day:
“Ano ba ‘yan? Students ba kayo ng UP? Bakit ang bababa ng scores ninyo? Siguro wala kayong date ngayong Valentine’s kaya ganito kayo? Losers!!! When I was your age, I had a date. Hindi ba naapektuhan ng UP Fair euphoria ang grades ninyo? Parang hindi kayo masaya…” (sabay tapon ng quiz papers sa sahig). “I won’t record this. Go and find a date.” (sabay walk out ng classroom)
—Sir Doliente, BA.
Student: “Sir, nagbibigay po ba kayo ng partial points?”
Professor: “Hmmm… if I see partial wisdom.”
ON EXAMINATIONS
Professor to Class:
“I don’t give surprise long exams. All exams are announced. Kaya today I’m announcing, ‘Class, mag-e-exam tayo! NGAYON NA!’”
–Ma’am Chei
“Don’t take the Bar Exam and yourselves too seriously. Baka mabalitaan na lang naming, nag-o-oral summation kayo sa Luneta. O lumulutang-lutang sa Pasig River. Enjoy yourselves. Relax. At habang nag-re-relax kayo, read at least 15 hours a day. Mag-relax ka habang nag-babasa. Mag-relax ka habang nagme-memorize.”
“’Pag nananaba ka sa oras ng exams, ibig sabihin hindi ka papasa.”
–Anonymous Prof
“Kahit magpakamatay ka pa, ‘di mo masasagot ‘yang problem set na ‘yan—dahil wala ‘yang sagot. Hahahaha!”
“Mamatay na ang mangopya… at ang hindi maka-100—BOBO!”
–Hist Prof
Professor habang umuulan sa labas during a hard final exam:
“Ang lakas ng ulan. Ayos ‘yan, at least hindi halata ‘pag umiiyak.”
–Sir Agapito
ON STUDYING
Commenting on a thesis of a Senior Student:
“’Yang thesis mo… mamamatay ka! Mamamatay ka!!!”
–Dr. Llanes, UPM
Professor: “O, meron na ba sa inyong nakapunta sa pinakabagong Mall ng Metro Manila?”
Class: (Super-tahimik)
Professor: “Anoooo?! Puro na lang ba kayo aral? Aral lang kayo nang aral—wala kayong kapupuntahan sa kaaaral n’yo!”
In a class with one meeting left in the Term:
“Okay class, next week, we start the lecture proper.”
–Ma’am Vitriolo
Professor to Student:
“Running ka ba for Summa?—Mapapagod ka lang.”
Professor to Grad Student during a Thesis Defense: “Are you familiar with the book written by (name of the author)?”
Grad Student (kinakabahan): “Y-yes, Sir.”
Professor: “Okay. Ano ang kulay ng cover ng book na ‘yun?”
ON LOUSY STUDENTS
“Anong molars? You don’t say molars, because it’s an adjective! Do you say ‘Beautifuls’?”
–Ma’am Liao commenting on a student’s grammar
Professor to a freshman who would not stand up during recitation:
“Stand up, Miss — so that we might see the contours of your body. (Student stands) … Wow! Rape-able!”
“Sa mga taga-UP lang ako bilib, eh. Papasok sila sa Law School na hindi disoriented. Bilib ako sa study habits ng mga batang iyan. Some of them look like they eat kamote three times a day. Pero ang utak nila, hindi ututin!”
Professor to a noisy class:
“Bakit napakasaya ng klase n’yo?! Pwede bang maging sad naman kayo? 5 minutes of sadness—starting right now!”
Professor to a class na ayaw mag-recite:
“Wag kayong mahiya. You have nothing to lose but your face!”
–Geo11 Prof
“It’s okay to smoke in my class. As long as you don’t breathe it out.”
–Dr. Obsioma, Biodiversity
Professor to a student with braces:
“Ayan, hindi ka na makasagot. ‘Yung bakal sa ipin mo, naapektuhan na ‘yung pagsasalita mo.”
–Sir Tiamson, Span 11
After the first hour of a three hour lecture on Taxonomy:
“Class, gising pa ba kayo? Mukhang inaantok na kayo, ah. I understand… pati nga ako, inaantok na rin.”
–Dr. Gapud
Professor after giving a joke related to his lecture topic:
“’Yung mga hindi natawa sa joke ko, REPEATERS kayo ano? Narinig n’yo na kasi ‘yang joke na ‘yan. Sorry kayo. ‘Yan lang ang joke ko.”
ON BEING HUMAN
“The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala kayong kasaysayan lahat. ‘Pag may kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG KA LANG!”
– Dr. Recio
“Try everything once, except incest.”
–Sir U Eliserio during a Creative Writing Class
“Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube. Kaya kung gusto ninyong magka-anak ng asawa ninyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo habang gumagawa.”
–Ma’am Maggie, Zoo 10
“Yes, class—I AM GAY! I’m so gay I could show you my penis because it is but an accessory to my body.”
–Jean Navera, spcm 1
“Look at me. I’m 43 years old pero ang lakas-lakas ko pa. Kung walang gulay kakain ako ng damo. Kung walang tubig, mag-iipon na lang ako ng laway.”
“Birds of the same feather, FLOCK together… don’t forget the ‘L’”.
–SocSci Prof
ON RELATIONSHIPS
First day of Classes:
“Kung may boyfriend o girlfriend kayo na hindi taga-UP, hiwalayan n’yo na ngayon pa lang. Walang kapupuntahan ‘yang relasyon n’yo. Dahil hindi kayo magkakaintindihan. ‘Tapos ‘yung mga anak n’yo, magiging bobo. Gusto n’yo ba ‘yun?”
“And girls, ‘wag kayong kukuha ng boyfriend diro sa UP. Pare-pareho tayong mahirap dito. 80% of the child’s intelligence comes from the mother naman, eh. And guys, ‘wag kayong kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo pa rin ang mga anak n’yo.”
ON POWER
Professor : “Many people believe that we psychology professors can read minds… (Silence). Actually, we can.
Students: “Weh… sample…
Professor: “Right now, you think I’m bluffin.”
–Ma’am Chei Billedo, Psych
“Nu’ng freshie ako, atheist ako. Pero ‘pag nasa bahay, nagro-rosary kami ng nanay ko. Eh, kung magalit sa ‘kin ‘yun.”
–Socio 11 Professor
“Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English. So, when you’re here in my class, magsalita kayo ng English. Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda na ako, at ako ang teacher!”
Prof to a student asking if he can sit in:
“We only accept members of a certain minority group in this class. For example, gays are part of a minority group. Bakla ka ba? If you admit that you are, then I’ll let you sit in.”
–Prof. “Hail to the Chair”
“The more wisdom you obtain, the more you should shut your mouth. This is because the more you learn, the more you realize that there are even more things that you do not know. The true mark of an idiot is a loudmouth. The true mark of a wise man is humility.”
–PI100. Puta, Best Prof sa CAL
ON OTHERS
Professor commenting on other Universities:
“Class, kaya ang mahal ng bayad sa mga professors sa ibang school kasi ang bobobo ng mga estudyante du’n. I used to teach in XXXXX at lumuluha talaga ako ng dugo bago maintindihan ng mga students ‘yung mga sinasabi ko. Ang mahal nga ng bayad, magkakasakit ka naman sa panga sa kauulit ng lessons. ‘Wag na lang. Dito na lang ako sa UP, et least, nagkakaintindihan tayo, ‘di ba?”
–Dr. David
Student: “Sir, pwede po bang maki-sit in ‘yung friends ko?”
Professor: “From what school are they?”
Student: “St. Scho po.”
Professor: “Go ahead. So they’ll realize what they’re missing.”
“Class, Chinatown is not in China. And Ateneo De Manila University is not… a university.”
–Prof name withheld upon request
“Si Mirriam, crush ko ‘yun dati. Muntikan na kaming maging kami. Kaso nasiraan siya ng ulo kaya ‘yun iba ang napangasawa ko.”
–Old UP Prof.
“Bilib ka kay Alan Peter Cayetano? Eh, ang bababa ng grades nu’n?!
–Ex-Prof ni Alan
ON LEAVING
“When you graduate, then you begin to live!”
–Dr. Jimenez, Psych 118
“To tell you the truth, I don’t much. I only know enough to teach my classes.”
–UP Socio Prof
thank you kay http://bonggaboom.multiply.com/journal/item/35
at sa photo ng http://www.worldendeavors.com/main/programbrochure/programid/38
BULIMIA and ’80s VIDEOS
THERE’S this very funny YouTube idea that I’m sure will be copied by Michael V. and the Bubble Gang or be certified as an alternative to self induced vomitting:
Literal Versions of Classic Videos , started by Dusto McNeato of dustfilms.com and copied by a lot of YouTUBErs, like daSCOTTjr.
HOW TO:
1. Pick the corniest ’80s song (in the first case, Roderick Paulate’s perennial favorite)
2. Turn it into a videoke (mute the singer’s voice)
3. Replace lyrics with exact descriptions of what’s being shown on the video.
4. Laugh your ass off– while vomitting.
5. Click SAMPLES below.
Creepy RICK ASTLEY
A-HA! ha! ha! ha!
Lack of AIR SUPPLY
I can’t believe WE loved listening to this crap back in the day.
Considered today as CLASSIC CRAP.
Time to regurgitate.
photograb: http://www.inquisitr.com/33540/it-will-never-stop-rick-astley-vs-nine-inch-nails/video:
Pardon My TAGALOG
I WAS so pissed with a lot of people this past week that I’ve been doing different versions of cursing in all it’s cognitive, affective and psychomotor versions. Then it got me thinking that you can actually go through the whole dictionary of these curse words and feel better after saying all of them (of course while looking at the person you hate the most).
The best dirty words are the ones done in your own native language. I’m Pinoy so I think we have the funniest one’s that do not sound as offensive as their English translations.
If your not from my beloved Philippines you won’t understand a third of what you’re going to read from hereon, but then, this is for actually for you.
Memorize them and use them later in anyway you want and because hopefully no one will understand, just smile while you say it, then have a barrel of laughs as soon as the person you’re talking to turns his back.
Just make sure you’re not speaking to a Filipino.
We eat tongues for pulutan.
1. “Putang ina mo!” – is of course at the top of the list. It’s a reference to mothers, which is internationally recognized as the most offensive link you can give to your enemy to insult them. In English it means “Your mom’s a whore!” It has variations, meaning you shorten the phrase as much as you can: ‘Tang ina mo, ‘Tangna mo, ‘Na mo. ‘Mo!
2. “Anak ka ng puta!” – if your sworn enemy doesn’t budge with our No. 1, try this direct approach, literally meaning, “You’re the son / daughter of a whore,” or “You son / daughter of a bitch.” If that doesn’t work, be more precise: “Puta ka!” or “You bitch!”. Its variation: “Puta!” is self explanatory.
3. “Anak ka … ng pating… ng tupa.. ng tatay / teteng… ng nanay mo!”– For other choices, and if just want to sound cute while swearing, you can compare your enemy to being the son / daughter of … pating (shark), tupa (sheep), tatay / teteng (father), nanay (mother). You can also make your own “Anak ka ng… (blank)… mo,” variation by adding any animal or fantasy name. The more effective ones are of course the ones in Tagalog. Like “Anak ka ng Dwende!” (You son of a dwarf!)
3. “Tarantado ka!”- As far as I understand, the root word is “taranta” which in English means “being startled” or “reacted in a surprise / excited manner”. So if you’re a man, you’re “Tarantado”. If you’re a woman, you’re “Tarantada”. Yeah, I don’t really know what this one means. But it has that comfortable sliding of the tongue when you say it, that’s why most Pinoy like to say it. Variations: ‘Tado ka’ and ‘Tado’.
3. “Hudas! Barrabas! Hestas!” — made famous by the comedian Donya Delilah (Dely Atay-Atayan, yes it means kidney-kidneys!) referring to some infamous Biblical characters. It’s like cursing your enemy into eternal damnation in hell where I think these characters are still are. Not that effective for people who belong to sects and cults.
4. “Ngarat mo!” — in English this refers to fornicating. It’s best done with hand signals (four fingers down, except the middle finger). The root word (‘Ngarat’ came from ‘Burat’) is much funnier. It refers to the male genetalia.
5. “Tae mo!”– the English version (“Syet!… Sheyt!… Shoot!”) is a favorite among the young ones but it sounds dirtier in Tagalog. It means what it sounds like (or smell like). Poop. Defacate. Tae. It’s usually used to address a liar or if you don’t believe what a person is saying to you. Meaning the information he’s sharing is plain crap.
To recap: Look straight into your monitor and say to me: “Tae mo!”
Then I’ll answer: “Ngarat mo! Puta ka.”
Then you should say: “‘Tang na mo rin!”
Very Good.
Now you’re learning.
Wanna hear how it sounds like?
Pump up your speakers then click THIS if you’re 18 years old and above.
(Don’t say I didn’t warn you).
mickey photo from: http://spiiderweb.blogspot.com
BAKIT may KRISIS sa negosyo?
NAGBABAWAS ako ng emails na pinorward sa akin ng kung sinu-sino. Unti-unti kong ilalagay ang lahat dito sa “scannedthoughts” ‘yung mga ita-trash ko na.
‘Eka nga, “Reduce, Reuse and Recycle.”
This entry ay listahan ng mga entrepreneurial attempt ng ilan nating kababayan.
Listahan ng business names ng mga negosyong either sarado na ngayon o patuloy na nalulugi.
Obvious naman siguro ang dahilan:
1. A parlor in San Juan is named “Cut & Face”.
2. Wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: “Starduck”.
3. Fast food eatery in Nueva Ecija: “Violybee”
4. Internet cafe opened among squatters named “Cafe Pindot”.
5. In Manila , there’s a laundry named, “Summa Cum Laundry”.
6. Petshop in Ortigas: “Pussies and Bitches”.
7. A pet shop in Kamuning: “Pakita Mo Pet Mo”.
8. Bakery: “Bread Pit”.
9. Bank in Alabang: “Alabank”.
10. Restaurant in Pampanga named, “Mekeni Rogers”.
11. Restaurant in Pasig : “Johnnny’s Fried Chicken: The ‘Fried’ of Mrikina”.
12. A boxing gym: “Blow Jab”.
13. A tombstone maker in Antipolo: “Lito Lapida”.
14. A copy center in Sikatuna Village called “Pakopya ni Edgar”.
15. A beerhouse in Cavite called, “Chickpoint”.
16. Laundromat in Sikatuna: ” Star Wash : Attack of the Clothes”.
17. Internet cafe in Taguig named, “n@kopi@”.
18. Name of a kambingan, “Sa Goat Kita”.
19. A salon somewhere, “Curl Up And Dye”.
20. A lugawan in Sta. Maria, Bulacan: “Gee Congee”.
21. A water refilling station in Dapitan named “Wa-Thirst”.
22. A store selling feeds for chickens: “Robocock”.
23. Shoe repair in Marikina : “Dr. Shoe-Bago”.
24. Shoe repair store along Commonwealth, “SHOEPERMAN: we will HEEL you, save your SOLE, and even DYE for you”.
25. Petshop: “Petness First”
26. Flower shop: “Susan’s Roses”.
27. Taxicab: “Income Taxi”.
28. A 2nd hand watch store: “2nd Time Around”.
29. A squid stall in a wet market: “Pusit to the Limit”.
30. A shrimp store: “Hipon Coming Back”.
31. A gay lawyer’s extension office: ” Nota Republic “.
32. A ceiling installer: ” Kisame Street “.
33. A car repair shop: “Bangga ka ‘day?”
34. An aquatic pet store in Malolos: “Fish Be With You”.
35. A fishball cart named, “Poke-Poke”.
36. A beauty salon: “Saudia Hairlines”.
37. A bakery: “Anak Ng Tinapay”.
38. A resto along Mayon road in Manila : “May-Lisa Eatery”.
39. Laundry shop: “Wash Your Problem”.
40. This mobile massage business name isn’t funny, but
their slogan is: “Asian Mobile Massage Service: Massage only, God is watching”.
41. Ice cream parlor: “Dila Lang Ang Katapat”.
42. Chicharon store: “Chicha Hut”.
43. Neighborhood pizza store: “Pizza Hot”.
44. A fishball cart near UST: “Eat My Balls”.
45. A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: “Pinoy Big Barber”.
46. A Resto: “The Last Supper”.
47. A goto resto: “Goto Ko Pa!”
48. A peanut vendor’s cart with a funny name: “Mani ni Mama”.
49. A gym in Malolos: ” Gaymann Fitness Center “.
50. My brother’s party needs business: “Balloon-Balloonan”.
51. A Chinese restaurant in Pasig : “Lah-Fang”.
52. A store selling fresh chicken, owned by woman named Dina: “Dina Fresh Chicken”.
53. An actual bait and tackle shop in U.S. : “The Master Baiter”.
54. Panaderia: “Trimonay Bakeshop”.
55. Salon: “Hair Dot Comb”.
Dadagdagan ko na ng mga nakita ko kamakailan…
56. Carenderia sa QC: “Cooking ng Ina Mo!”
57. Lugawan sa Cabanatuan: “Hilton” (dahil ‘yung mga tindero HILa nila ‘yung kariTON)
58. Sastre sa Pasig: “James Tailor”
59. Manghuhula sa Quiapo: “Deep Truth”
60. Xerox shop sa Las Pinas: “Fax Me”
DISCLAIMER:
photo: Google Images
text and idea: Nos. 1-55, definitely NOT MINE. All the rest is original.
Mahilig ka ba sa PWET?
GUESSING game ito.
Guess mo kung kaninong pwet ito?
A. Action Star Ronnie Ricketts
B. ABS-CBN Newbie Gerald Anderson
C. GMA-7 Talent Dingdong Dantes
D. Anonymous Blogger Bob Ong
For the answer click THIS.
To play the rest of the game:
JUST CLICK ALL THE “NEXT” and “BACK” ARROWS on that page.
Have fun clicking. 🙂
GROCERY ng mga BALIW
(ely m.)– SA pagpasok ng 2010, maraming mga bagay na dapat nang ibahin, alisin at itapon kasama ng 2009.
Sa paborito naming grocery, sinadya kong kausapin ang may-ari upang bigyan siya ng suhestiyon tungkol sa ilang produkto na kanyang ibinebenta sa kanyang tindahan.
Sabi ko sa kanya, mas makakatulong kung iibahin, aalisin at itatapon na niya ang mga ito sa mula sa kanyang grocery dahil hindi ito nakakatulong sa pagpaparami ng kanyang mga kliyente.
Muntik na nga naming i-boycott ang kanyang tindahan dahil marami sa paninda niya ang nakakainsulto.
Ito ang ilan sa mga produktong sa tingin ko’y nararapan na niyang tantanan:
FIESTA POKPOK (breaded chicken)– Binatukan ako ng isa kong kaibigan nang iregalo ko ito sa kanya noong nakaraang Pasko. Nainsulto raw siya. Ano raw ba ang gusto kong palabasin. Nakalimutan ko kasing dati nga pala siyang Japayuki. Hangang ngayong Enero hindi pa kami nag-uusap.
GERY SALUUT (chocolates) — Hindi lang ang kaibigan kong Japayuki ang nagagalit sa akin ngayon, kundi lalo na ang bestfriend kong si Gery. Laking pagkakamali ko nga nang ito ang iniregalo ko sa kanya sa aming exchange gift last December dahil pagkatanggap na pagkatanggap niya nito, nagkaroon bigla ng epidemic ng Bird Flu sa baryo nila. Siya nga ang sinisisi ngayong nagdala ng virus sa liblib na lugar na ‘yun pagkatapos niyang ipamigay ang mga tsokolateng ito sa mga kapitbahay nila.
BIG SHEET (dried sea weeds)– Noong binili ko ito, tuwang-tuwa ako at masarap naman talaga siyang papakin. Nakatatlong pakete yata ako. Laking gulat ko na lang dahil pagkatapos noon, tatlong araw din akong sinumpong ng constipation– hindi nga ako matae. Bakit? Kasi hindi magkasya ang size ng ebs ko papalabas sa butas ng pwet ko. Importante talagang intindihin ang “title” ng bawat kinakain natin.
POO (chips) — Ito ang nakita kong solusyon sa aking constipation problems dahil sa pagkain ng “Big Sheet”. Isang linggo akong kumakain ng “Poo”, mula Pasko hanggang Bagong Taon. Epektib naman ang produktong ito. Mula nang kumain ako ng “Poo”, hindi ko na nga kinakailang umire tuwing ako ay magpu-“poo”. Kusa na siyang lumalabas. Parang bukas na gripo. Advice ko lang matapos ninyong kumain nito, bumili na rin kayo ng maraming Modess at Whisper at mahirap ngang pigilan ang “cycle” ‘pag nagsimula na siyang tumulo.
BAWAL (kainin) — AT LEAST, sa fish section ng grocery naging honest ang may-ari to advice us kung ano ang pwede at “BAWAL” kainin. Nilampasan ko na nga ang area na ito at naghanap na ako ng ibang mabibili.
BULL FROG — Wala kaming mabiling Chicken or Ham noong New Year’s Eve kaya ito na lang ang ti-nurbo namin. Masarap pala kumain ng palaka habang umiinom ng Kopi Luak. What is Kopi Luak? Click THIS.
TRANSMORPHERS 2 — Sino ba naman ang hindi nase-sexy-han kay Megan Fox? Si Megan nga lang ang dahilan kung bakit ko pinanood ang “Transformers”. At inabangan ko talaga ang pagpapalabas ng Transformers 2. Kaya nang makita ko ito, binili ko agad. Kaso, hindi na naman nga ako nagbasa ng label– ibang pelikula pala ito. After wasting two hours watching this piece of sheet waiting for Megan Fox to appear, noon ko lang naintindihan ang ibig sabihin ng tag line na nasa cover ng (pirated) Blu-Ray Disc na ito: “Even the most dedicated Bad Movie fans will have difficulty slogging through this one”. And worst– wala nga si Megan sa pelikula.
AIR CORPSE (t-shirt) — IREREGALO ko sana ito sa kaibigan naming kapitan sa US Air Force. Mabuti na lang may nakapansin sa diyaskeng spelling na itinatak sa t-shirt. Imaginin n’yo na lang, idedestino siya sa Middle East at nakasuot siya ng ganito?
SUMMER VACATION (tour package) — SINO nga ba naman ang hindi matutuwa sa regalong ganito: Isang Summer Vacation Tour Package going to Singapore? Okey na sana, kaso ang sama ng mensahe sa ibaba ng poster. Kayo ba magpapa-schedule pa sa “departed” date na naka-post on this summer trip? Bagay na bagay nga ang package tour na ito kung balak ninyong bilhin at isuot ‘yung AIR CORPSE t-shirt sa itaas. Hahaha!
J.CO’s J.PoPs “Has Born” ! — PAGLABAS namin sa Grocery ng mga Baliw, napadaan kami sa isa J.Co Doughnut Store. May bago pala silang produkto: ang “baby donuts”. Nang mabasa namin ang tag line sa display shelves nila, naengganyo na kaming bumili. Tamang-tama itong pansalubong sa bagong taon — dahil 2010 Has Born!
Happy New Year sa lahat ng readers ng scannedthoughts!
Let’s continue scannedthoughting each other in 2010!
IT’S so KORNY it’s FUNNY
STRAIGHT from my Yahoo inbox. Isang email na nakapagpasaya sa araw ko.
THE MARK OF…
MISTER: “Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si ZORRO!”
MISIS: “Eh, ako, sino?”
MISTER: “Ikaw si DACOS!”
MISIS: “Dacos? Sino ‘yun?”
MISTER: “DA COS of all my ZORROs!”
JOB INTERVIEW:
BOSS: “Ano ba’ng alam mo?”
APLIKANTE: “Ah, eh… alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis n’yo at kung saan nakatira ang kabit n’yo.”
BOSS: “Congratulations. Tanggap ka na!”
PROJECT
ANAK: “‘Tay, penge ng pera. May project kami, bibili ako ang ‘cocomban’.
TATAY: “Ano ka ba naman, anak. Hanggang ngayon ‘cocomban’ pa rin ang tawag mo.”
ANAK: “Ano po ba ang tama?”
TATAY: “Bomb paper.”
HEARING AID
LOLO PEDRO: “Galing ako sa doktor. Nakabili na ako ng hearing aid. Grabe! Ang linaw ngayon ng pandinig ko!”
LOLO JUAN: “Wow! Galing! Magkano ang bili mo sa hearing aid?”
LOLO PEDRO: “Kahapon lang!”
PUSA
MISIS: “Dear, iligaw mo nga itong pusa. Naka-sako na. Dalhin mo sa malayo.”
MISTER: “Okey, dear.”
(Pagkaraan ng anim na oras)
MISIS: “O, bakit ka ginabi? Nailigaw mo ba ‘yung pusa?”
MISTER: “Bwisit na pusang ‘yan! Kundi ko siya sinundan, ‘di na ko nakauwi.”
TATLONG TANGA, NAGSISIKSIKAN SA KAMA
TANGA No. 1: “Pare, ‘di tayo kasya. Bawas tayo ng isa. Sa lapag na lang matulog.”
(Bumaba si TANGA No. 2)
TANGA No. 3: ‘”Ayan pare. Maluwag na. Akyat ka na dito!”
PUZZLE
ELY: “Yahoo! Ang bilis kong nabuo ‘tong puzzle!”
JULIO: “Talaga? Gaano kabilis?”
ELY: “5 months!”
JULIO: “Ang tagal naman.”
ELY: “Matagal ba ‘yun? Eh, nakalagay nga rito sa kahon: ‘For 3 years and up!'”
KAPE
MISIS: “Ano ba’ng hinahanap mo riyan sa supot ng 3-in-1 coffee? Kanina ka pa silip nang silip diyan?”
MISTER: “Hinahanap ko ‘yung libreng asukal. Nakasulat kasi sa karton, ‘SUGAR FREE’!”
KABAYO
PROCOPIO: “Sobrang tabatsoy ng misis ko kaya gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang. Nag-horseback riding siya.”
JACK: “Ano’ng resulta?”
PROCOPIO: “Nabawasan ng sampung kilo ‘yung kabayo!”
(visuals courtesy of google images)
The FLYING HERMAPHRODITE
(Ely M.) PUNTA kami sa Bali Island ng Indonesia nu’ng July 2009. Alam na ng international community na maganda ang isla at puno ng “culture and tradition”. Ang nakakasorpresa ay ‘yung mga estatwa na nakakalat sa buong isla. May maliit. May malaki. Pero ang nakakagulat, marami sa kanila walang saplot (ahi-hi-hi!).
Sabi sa mga kuwento, bago sinakop ng mga taga-Netherlands ang Indonesia (same time na sinakop naman ang ‘Pinas ng mga Kastila), naka-topless din ang mga tao dito—gaya ng mga tao noon sa Banaue ng Baguio at mga tambay-kalye ngayon sa bawat kanto. At kung may “Barrel Man” nga ang Baguio, bagyo naman ang mga designs ng estatwa sa Bali. Medyo may pagka-wild.
Isa lang sa pinagtataka ko, mas maraming aring-lalaki ang naka-display sa mga estatwa nila at kokonti ang aring-babae. Ire-research ko nga kung bakit for later blogs.
In the meantime, here are some proof of what I’m talking about:
“HABA LA DILA” statue (above): Kuha ito sa Monkey Forest, called as such dahil nagkalat ang mga unggoy sa loob ng kagubatan. Think Subic’s monkey forest but times three ang dami ng mga tsonggo sa loob. Mahalay tignan but it is in fact a religious statue. Nakita ko ito sa labas ng isa sa mga Balinese temples doon kung saan nag-aalay ang mga tao ng pagkain sa “Monkey King”. Transgender ang motif pero naisip ko, ke babae o lalaki siya, ang sarap siguro niyang maging syota.
Sa Pilipinas ‘pag ganito kahaba ang dila mo, malamang habulin ka ng taongbayan dahil pagkakamalan kang manananggal na humihigop sa tiyan ng mga buntis mula sa bubong ng mga bahay.
“WATER-WATER LILY” SCULPTURE (above): Nakita ko ito sa pond ng Bebek Bengkil, isang restaurant doon famous for serving the best roasted duck in Bali. Perfect partner ang picture na ito ng “mananaggal photo” sa itaas. Hindi dahil sa refreshing ang foliage sa background kundi ‘yung nakakatuwang maliit na statue in the pond. Kung mahaba nga ang dila sa first picture, ito naman, mahaba ang…
Look closely…
Ito ba ay estatwa ng… (a) isang cobra na handang tukain ang isang lalaki, (b) security guard sa Bebek Bingkil hawak ang kanyang batuta, (c) hita ng paa sa aktong nagpa-fying kick, (d) malaking buntot na mali ang tubo?
“BREAST MILK IS STILL BEST FOR BABIES” SCULPTURE (below): ITO nakaka-amuse din. Kuha ko ito sa loob ng isang souvenir shop sa lugar na tinatawag nilang Ubud. Para siyang advertisement for a breastfeeding campaign. Sarap na sarap ‘yung baby sa masustansiyang boobs ng nanay niya.
Pero on secandthought… hindi naman mukhang bata ‘yung dumedede dahil halos magkasing-laki lang sila nung may-ari ng boobs. At hindi naman yata nakakandong sa babae ‘yung dumedede kundi naka-“scissors” ang legs nila. Nu’ng na-realise ko ito, napalitan ang aking pagka-amuse ng pagka-arouse.
Ang sarap sanang mag-imagine.
Kaso, nu’ng tumingala ako…
‘Eto ang nakita ko.
Ang diyosa ng mga bading…
THE FYING HERMAPHRODITE!
Nagtatakbo ako pabalik sa hotel sa takot.
Baka habulin niya ako at sibatin sa puwet.
How Will You Remember MICHAEL JACKSON?
(LJI)
LOVE him or hate him, he’s definitely led one very interesting life.
I just need to ask you this question:
If you think there are other words to describe MJ, feel free to comment.
CyberSex Anyone?
(LJI)
Ayon sa Wikipedia ang cybersex ay…
…Synonymous to “computer sex”, “internet sex” or “net sex”. It is a “virtual sex encounter” in which two or more persons connected remotely via a computer network send one another sexually explicit messages describing a sexual experience. It is a form of role-playing in which the participants pretend they are having actual sexual relations to arouse each other. Cybersex can be accomplished through the use of Usernames in a multiuser software environment, like YM, MSN, wordpress (i’m kidding!) or any internet website chatroom.
SEXAMPLE (translated from bash.org):
GalitnasiPedro: Hi, Lakambini. ASL?
Lakambini: 20 F Pasay. Kaw?
GalitnasiPedro: 22 M Makati. Private Message?
Lakambini: K
GalitnasiPedro: (in PM mode) What do you look like?
Lakambini: (in PM mode) 5’3” in height. Nakapula akong silk blouse ngayon, maong na mini-skirt at black high heels. 36-24-36 ang measurements ko sabi ng gym instructor ko. Ikaw?
GalitnasiPedro: I’m 6’2″. 280 pounds. Cute ako kaso I wear thick glasses. Naka-pajama ako ngayon at T-shirt na natapunan ng ketchup. Kumain kasi kami ng galunggong kani-kanina lang dinner. LOL
Lakambini: LOL. R u feelin hot? Wanna cyber?
GalitnasiPedro: Ah, OK
Lakambini: Isipin mo nasa bedroom tayo. May lovesong na tumutugtog sa CD player. Dim light kasi scented candles lang ang ilaw. I’m looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
GalitnasiPedro: Ambilis mo naman. Napalunok ako. Pinagpapawisan nang malamig.
Lakambini: I’m pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
GalitnasiPedro: Now I’m unbuttoning your blouse. Nanginginig ang mga braso ko.
Lakambini: I’m moaning softly.
GalitnasiPedro: Dahan-dahan kong inaalis ang malambot mong blouse.
Lakambini: I’m throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I’m rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
GalitnasiPedro: Napa-igwas ako dahil sa kiliti… Ay! napunit ko ang blouse mo. Sorry.
Lakambini: Ok lang. Mura lang naman ang bili ko diyan. Lmao.
GalitnasiPedro: Bayaran ko na lang.
Lakambini: Don’t worry about it. I’m wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder.
GalitnasiPedro: Ah, e… HIndi ko mabuksan ang bra mo. Mahigpit ang lock. May gunting ka ba dyan?
Lakambini: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I’m reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
GalitnasiPedro: How did you do that? Yumuko ako.. para pulutin ang bra mo sa sahig. Tinitignan ko kung paano mo nabuksan?
Lakambini: I’m arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
GalitnasiPedro: I’m dropping the bra. Now I’m licking your… you know, breasts. Hihi. They’re nice!
Lakambini: I’m running my fingers through your hair. Now I’m nibbling your ear.
GalitnasiPedro: I suddenly sneezed. Your breasts are now covered with spit and phlegm.
Lakambini: What?
GalitnasiPedro: I’m so sorry. Ganu’n kasi ako ‘pag nahahatsing.
Lakambini: I’m wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
GalitnasiPedro: I’m taking the wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop… puno nga talaga ito ng plema at dura. Eeww.
Lakambini: OK. I’m pulling your pajamas down and rubbing your hard tool.
GalitnasiPedro: Eeeeeeeeee!!!! Napatili ako. Malamig ang kamay mo!
Lakambini: I’m pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
GalitnasiPedro: I’m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you…umm… Wait… wait a minute.
Lakambini: What’s the matter?
GalitnasiPedro: I’ve got a pubic hair caught in my throat. Kaahhk! KaaahhKK!! << choking
Lakambini: Are you OK?
GalitnasiPedro: Kaaahhkk!! Khaaakh!! Ubo! Ubo! Cough! Cough!
Lakambini: Can I help?
GalitnasiPedro: Napatakbo ako sa kusina. Kailangan ko ng tubig. Kaaahhk!!! Saan mo nilalagay ‘yung mga baso n’yo?
Lakambini: ????
GalitnasiPedro: I’m drinking a glass of water. There, that’s better.
Lakambini: Come back to me, lover.
GalitnasiPedro: Teka, huhugasan ko muna ang baso. Nakakahiya naman.
Lakambini: I’m on the bed arching for you.
GalitnasiPedro: Pinupunasan ko muna ang baso at ibabalik sa cabinet. Baka magalit nanay mo. And now I’m walking back to the bedroom. TekA, I’m lost. Where’s the bedroom nga ulit?
Lakambini: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
GalitnasiPedro: I found it.
Lakambini: I’m tuggin’ off your pants. I’m moaning. I want you so badly.
GalitnasiPedro: Me too.
Lakambini: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
GalitnasiPedro: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. Dinidiinan mo ang salamin ko. It hurts.
Lakambini Why don’t you take off your glasses?
GalitnasiPedro: OK, but I can’t see very well without them. Oh, well. Hinubad ko ang salamin ko at inilagay sa side table.
Lakambini: I’m bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
GalitnasiPedro: Teka, teka.. iihi muna ako. Gumegewang-gewang akong nagmamadali papunta sa banyo. I can’t see well. Sa’n na nga ba salamin ko?
Lakambini: Hurry back, lover.
GalitnasiPedro: I find the bathroom and it’s dark. I’m feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Lakambini: I’m waiting eagerly for your return.
GalitnasiPedro: Madlim sa banyo. Hindi ko Makita ang ilaw. Ihing-ihi na ako! Ahhhh… ditto na lang… Oooops.
Lakambini: What’s the matter now?
GalitnasiPedro: Naihian ko ‘yung laundry hamper mo. Sorry ulit. HIndi ko napigil. Akala ko bowl.
Lakambini: Mmm, OK. Come on.
GalitnasiPedro: OK, now I’m going to put my…you know …Pedro…in your…you know…alam mo na.
Lakambini: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
GalitnasiPedro: I’m touching your smooth pwet. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I’m having a little trouble here.
Lakambini: I’m moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can’t stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
GalitnasiPedro: Teka… teka… lumambot.
Lakambini: What?!!!<< asar na
GalitnasiPedro: Lumambot si Pedro… ayaw nang tumayo…
Lakambini: I’m standing up and turning around; Nakakainsulto naman ‘yan.
GalitnasiPedro: I’m getting sad. Tumayo na ako sa kama. Kukunin ko ang salamin ko para tignan nang malapitan si Peds.
Lakambini: No, never mind. I’m getting dressed. I’m putting on my underwear. Now I’m putting on my wet nasty blouse na puno ng plema mo!
GalitnasiPedro: No wait! Kinakapa ko kung saan ko pinatong ang salamin ko… kapa… kap…Nasagi ko ang scented candles mo… natumba… papunta sa…
Lakambini: I’m buttoning my blouse. Nagbibihis na ako. Now I’m putting on my heels.
GalitnasiPedro: I’ve found my glasses. I’m putting them on. OH, NOOO! ‘Yung kandila… nasusunog ang kurtina ng kuwarto… Ahhhhh!!!! Suuunoooggg!!!.
Lakambini: Go to hell. Putangina mo! I’m logging off. Loser!!!
GalitnasiPedro: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo! Helllppp!!!! Nanaangkupooo!!!
LAKAMBINI HAS JUST SIGNED OUT
scanned thoughts 
